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St. Petersburg, FL — Lucas James, 23, was taken into custody Wednesday in connection with the alleged assault of a woman with a beer bottle earlier this month.

According to police, the victim was walking with a friend on June 12, when they were confronted by a shirtless James (rawr). Reportedly unprovoked, James blurted out, among other obscenities, “Whore!” This displeased the women and they scolded James about his potty mouth. At that point, police say James spit beer in their faces and cracked one of them upside the head with a beer bottle before running away.

And he would’a got away with it, too, if it weren’t for that damn production crew filming a rap video nearby…

James apparently ran into the alley where the video was being filmed and stuck his face right into the lens before fleeing again. Sigh…all beauty, no brains.

The production crew turned the video over to police, who released it to the media Wednesday morning. With the public’s help, police were able to track James down just hours later.…

Joliet, IL — An unidentified 44-year-old man called police early Friday morning to report that he had been jumped by a couple of “booty-call ninjas.”

It all started when the man called his ex-girlfriend and asked her to come over and ride the baloney pony just like old times. He should have known something was up when she agreed…..

The ex-girlfriend, 29-year-old Katherine Casarez, texted the victim a short time later and told him to meet her in a nearby alley. Obviously thinking with the smaller of his two heads, the man obliged.

As the victim was walking towards the woman’s vehicle, a screaming masked man appeared out of nowhere and started swinging a pair of nunchuks, landing a direct hit on the victim’s head. At that point, Casarez grabbed her own set of nunchuks from her vehicle and started beaning the man as well.

When police arrived on scene, they found the man “drenched in blood.” Also found at the scene were two throwing stars – one of them was embedded in a telephone pole.…

Elkton, MD — For those of you who missed it, Ethan Adam Younce, 22, was convicted for the drug-user-equivalent of dumpster diving. He went looking for drugs in the rectum of a friend using a old-style straight blade razor. This was done without his friend’s consent. To add insult to injury – quite literally – no drugs were found.

The particulars according to police and court documents are this… About 4AM one morning a bunch of people are at a party in the living room of a local house. One man has passed out. Younce and two others at the party believe that the man passed out has either drug money or drugs shoved up his ass. The assailants later put a value on the stash at about $50.

Fifty-bucks?!? Hell yeah… it’s time to do some digging!

Younce and his convicted accomplices, Eric Edward Allen, 27, and Maurice Helton, 18, wake the man. By “wake” I mean, of course, “beat.” Allen and Helton reportedly punched and kicked the victim while Younce repeatedly demanded money.…

Beaver, PA – Gary M. Steineman, 49, was arrested by Independence Township police reportedly urinating on the sleeping son of his house guests.

Tim and Kimberly Tustin and their juvenile son were staying with Steineman, described as a ‘family friend,’ in his mobile home  according to a police report.  Early on the morning of June 5, the boy said he awoke to find Steineman “standing over him, urinating on the boy’s face, ear, neck and down his body,” the report said.

Police became involved when, around 11am, Sgt. Lance Malobabich was driving through the mobile home park and heard yelling and screaming from Steineman’s lot.  He reportedly found the Tustins and their son outside the residence with their belongings and pets.  They told police that Steineman had thrown them out, along with all of their possessions.

Steineman is charged with simple assault, indecent exposure, open lewdness and harassment. His preliminary hearing is tentatively scheduled for July 7.

I may be jaded – you know what I mean – but the one thing that I found odd in this is the “Steineman had thrown them out” thing.  …

St Petersburg, FL — A 39- year old woman has been arrested on multiple charges, including her third DUI, after a rather bizarre rampage.

Christine King decided to take her two daughters, aged 5 and 12, to the pier with their 11 year-old friend. Before they left, though, Christine reportedly indulged in a little of the old boxed wine, which is always a precursor to disaster here at the DD. Not to be outdone by herself, King bought a pack of smokes and two Mike’s Hard Lemonades upon arrival at the pier. For those of you who don’t know, Mike’s is second in classiness only to boxed wine.

Things started getting weird at the pier. The 11 year-old would later state that King took a leak off the pier shortly after they arrived. The whole bunch piled back into the minivan and headed out. King apparently got a little mad at her kids. An argument took place that resulted in King smacking the 11 year-old, which as you remember is not her kid to be slapping around.…

Spring Hill, FL — Matthew Emerson Penix, 32, was jailed Wednesday night after he allegedly threw a knife at his fiancée during an argument. More impressive than his skills at debate are his aim. He cut her ear with that knife throw. Damn.

The Hernando County Sheriff’s Department responded at approximately 7 p.m. to Penix’s home. There, the victim told them that Penix had thrown a knife at her head and called her a “skank,” according to an arrest affidavit.

Deputies said Penix admitted to throwing the knife at his fiancée, but ‘didn’t mean to hurt her.’ Penix added that he threw the knife because the victim “would not leave him alone,” according to investigators.

Penix was charged with domestic battery and transported to the Hernando County Jail where he is being held without bond.…

Seattle, WA Jennifer Kolone, 29, was arrested last month after she apparently attempted to turn her boyfriend’s manjigglies into finger puppets.

Police were called to the couple’s home in the early morning hours of May 24, where they found the 40-year-old victim nekkid and bleeding. The man told police he and Kolone had been arguing when she lost her shit and grabbed hold of his jewels and gave ’em a squeeze.

“Once Jennifer let go (he) felt as if he had urinated himself,” Seattle Detective Pilar Curtis told the court. “When he looked down at his groin area he saw blood.”

Kolone then did what any batshit psycho twunt would do…she calmed down and began cleaning the house as if nothing had happened.

According to investigators, the injury was a “W” shaped wound that required several stitches, surgical glue and a “sling” to close. And though the medical records describe the injury as a knife wound, it doesn’t appear as if an actual knife was involved in the attack.…

Louisville, KY — Anton Malone was taken into custody over the weekend after after police said he forced another man to perform oral sex on him at gunpoint before shooting him twice in the leg.

According to police, the victim was forced to perform oral sex on Malone under threat of bodily harm behind the Jefferson Community & Technical College building late Friday night. After being sucked off for a bit, police say Malone attempted to sodomize the victim. Apparently unsuccessful in that endeavor, Malone then allegedly demanded another hummer…this time to completion. The victim, still under the gun, obliged.

Malone, obviously the Wham-Bam-F*ck-You-Man type, then reportedly fired two shots into the victim’s left leg. So much for the afterglow…

Malone, 19, is now set to receive all the head he can handle – he’s been charged with three counts of first-degree sodomy and one count of second-degree assault. Malone is also facing robbery charges from a separate incident – police say he stole a wallet from another man earlier that day and fired a round in the man’s general direction.…

Louisville, KY — Hope you people aren’t sick to death of all the bath salt stories yet, cause I have another one coming your way in 3…2…1

Police were called out to a Kroger grocery store earlier this month after receiving a report of a man damaging merchandise and chuggin’ hand sanitizer inside the store.

When police arrived on scene, they found 28-year-old Bahad Mahmoud in the parking lot of a nearby Walgreen’s, yelling at passers-by. After an officer identified himself and asked Mahmoud to kindly stop with the freakish behavior, Mahmoud reportedly took off running. The officer was then forced to deploy his Taser and Mahmoud went down.

As paramedics attempted to examine the agitated Mahmoud, police say he spit in one officer’s face. Surprisingly enough, that didn’t earn him the beat down he truly deserved.

Once he was treated and released from the hospital, Mahmoud was booked into jail on charges of assault, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Police have reason to believe dude was under the influence of bath salts at the time of the incident.…

Portsmouth, VA — A 14-year-old student at Cradock Middle has been charged with beating his bus driver.

While Reena Mulder was filling in on a bus route the other afternoon, she says some of the students in the back of the bus were being disruptive and becoming mouthy, but it wasn’t until the third stop that she was able to enjoy a couple free knuckle sandwiches courtesy of a pissed off student.

“They were cursing at me, standing up. I kind of rolled through the stop a little bit, and, when I stopped, the students that were standing kind of stumbled forward as they were exiting the bus,” recalled Mulder.

One of these students was not happy about this at all, and threatened Mulder as he was getting off the bus. “You white [expletive],” Mulder recalls him saying. “You made me hit my face. I’m gonna -F- yours up.” And then he did with a couple of punches to her face.

Mulder was punched so hard, her teeth were knocked back into the roof of her mouth.…

Cleveland, OH — A man was arrested Friday after police allege he shot an 11-year-old girl for playing on his front lawn.

On Friday night, a few kids were playing around a parked car that belonged to 55-year-old Charles DuBose. He claims he yelled out to the kids to stop playing around his car. When the 10 and 11 year old girls did not listen, DuBose grabbed his gun and fired a shot at them. The bullet struck Ivhan’e Merritt and grazed her liver.

Shamarra Hall, 10, told reporters that DuBose became upset when one of the children walked across a part of his lawn and another bumped into his car. “We started running and then that’s when my friend Ivhan`e goes ‘I got shot, I got shot,’ and we thought she was playing until she fell.”

Merritt was taken to MetroHealth Medical Center where she is being treated for her injuries and is currently in stable condition. She is reportedly expected to be released from the hospital soon. “Everything else is fine, she’s doing fine, she’s up walking, talking,” Aquadea Merritt said.…

Wampum, PA — Police said that a man stealing scrap metal from a neighbor led to a fight during which a bulldozer was used.

Police said the incident began after Joseph Franer, 52, learned that some of the scrap metal and machine parts he had been accumulating behind his mother’s Wampum home were missing.  A ‘trail of scraps’ led him to the house of neighbor Leslie Dallas, 59 (pictured).

According to police, Franer saw his stolen items in Dallas’ yard. Dallas was reportedly in the process of dismantling some of those items with a power saw.

The subsequent confrontation included Franer throwing both a hammer and the power saw at Dallas with the saw hitting Dallas on the foot. The white Franer reportedly yelled racial slurs at Dallas, who is black.  Franer then broke the windshield and front passenger window of Dallas’ conversion van with a pipe.

“I thought he had gone through his rage. Oh, no! Then he went over and got the bulldozer.” said Dallas.

Interestingly, before returning with the dozer, Franer called police and yelled that he was going to shoot someone.  …

Watertown, NY. — An 18-year-old woman had a few charges brought against her after she allegedly stabbed a man early Saturday morning.

The encounter between Kenna Rae Williams and her ex-boyfriend, Corey R. Smith, turned violent around 3 am Saturday morning, when she revealed a butcher’s knife and turned on her boyfriend outside of his home. She stabbed the victim twice in his back and cut his hand in the process. An ambulance was called for the man, but his condition is unknown.

And it seems she wasn’t just trying to wing him. She allegedly stated, “I’m going to kill you,” during the incident, police said. Williams’ little stint earned her a few charges, including charges of second-degree assault,  second-degree menacing and criminal possession of a weapon. She is being held on $5,000 cash bail.

Although the article states she has no previous record, a quick Google search reveals she is no stranger to police . I’m not going to list all of the articles that came up on this chick (I found two cases from this year alone), but she was charged back in 2009 with second-degree harassment, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.…

East St. Louis, IL – Ashley Alford was awarded $95 million  federal jury in Illinois in response to her sexual harassment claims that described a ‘campaign’ of harrassment by her boss, Richard Moore, while working at the rent-to-own furniture and household items chain, Aaron’s.

Alford was 20 when she was hired in 2005 at the store in Fairview Heights, Illinois. She left in 2006.

Alford will receive $15 million in compensatory damages and $80 million in punitive damages if the judgement is upheld.  The jury spent three days deliberating the actions of Moore and responses by Aaron’s.

Deliberating what you ask…

  • Moore allegedly began by pinching Alford and making inappropriate comments.
  • Moore allegedly escalated to intentional, unauthorized groping of ‘chest and buttocks.’
  • Moore allegedly began referring to Alford by pet names, such as “Trix.”
  • Moore allegedly sought ‘sexual favours in return for her continued employment, her ability to leave for lunch or take a longer lunch hour and her ability to take a vacation.’
  • Alford testified that Moore gave her unsought gifts for which he demanded ‘sucky-sucky.’
  • During one incident, Moore allegedly grabbed her by her ponytail, unzipped his trousers, pulled her head back and hit her in the head with his penis.

SARASOTA, FL — Police have arrested a priest during an undercover investigation into indecent activities being reported on Caspersen Beach.

The Sarasota Sheriff’s Office says during their investigation on Tuesday, Father Bernard Chojnacki groped an undercover detective and exposed himself. The 36-year-old then stated his desire to perform a sexual act before getting his ass arrested and charged with Exposure of Sexual Organs and Battery. Which, to be honest, I thought was a chapter out of the Catholic Priest Indoctrination Manual.

Choknacki was appointed the position of Parochial Vicar of St. Charles Borromeo Parish in Port Charlotte back in 2009. The Diocese of Venice placed Chojnacki on administrative leave “until the situation comes to some sort of resolution” and released the following statement in an attempt alleviate anyone’s fears that he worked with children at the church:

The charges against Father Chojnacki are unsettling. This is a sad time for the both the Parish and the Diocese, and matters of this nature are taken very seriously. Father Chojnacki’s principal assignment was as Parochial Vicar to St.

FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Police said Nathan Engle, 24, died on Monday after he was punched in the face by 24-year-old Terance Dejuan Wilson at about 1:40 a.m. Saturday.

Engle’s uncle was with him when it happened and says there was no confrontation between his nephew and Wilson – his nephew just happened to walk between Wilson and another man. When he did, Wilson turned and delivered a sucker punch to Engle’s face causing him to fall and strike his head on the pavement.

Engle, the father of three children, would last two days before dying from blunt force head injuries. Wilson was initially charged with assault, but the charges will more than likely be upgraded now that the coroner has determined Engle’s death was a homicide.

Wilson is no stranger to police, having past convictions for harassment, false imprisonment, assault, resisting arrest and vandalism. If convicted for Engle’s death, this will be Wilson’s fourth stint in prison. He served one year for check forgery in 2007, one year for attempted escape in 2006, and two years for attempted robbery in 2003.…

Allentown, PA — The bloated-lookin’ beast to the left is 24-year-old Brandon Bishop – he’s been accused of beating the snot out of his fiancee’s 2-year-old daughter because he thought the child was a “princess” and he wanted to “toughen her up.”

According to the criminal complaint, Bishop and the fiancee, Candace Watts, moved into an apartment together on March 7 – over the next three months, Bishop repeatedly and viciously beat the child as her mother stood by and did jack shit.

Police say Bishop punched the child in the face, head, back, stomach, legs and crotch. They say he choked the child and suffocated her by covering her mouth with his meaty paws anywhere from 30 seconds to a full minute. He hit her in the head with a metal spoon and picked her up by her hair and dropped her to the concrete.

When the child was interviewed by the Lehigh County Children and Youth Services on May 20th, she was reportedly missing clumps of hair, had numerous bruises and was walking with a limp.…

Memphis, TN — Police arrested a man and charged him with aggravated assault after he allegedly used a gun to threaten the host of a child’s birthday party because his children didn’t get any cake or ice cream.

Joseph Hayes, 48, became upset and yelled at the woman because “Y’all didn’t save my kids no damn ice cream and cake.” Not content with mere words, Hayes solidified his status as a jackass by traveling back to his apartment and returning to threaten her with what appeared to be a handgun.

According to the woman’s report, Hayes came back to the party and approached the woman. He lifted up his shirt, showing what appeared to be a handgun tucked in his waistband and uttered this completely justified and reasonable statement: “I ain’t scared to go to jail, just take care of my kids.”

Of course Hayes was arrested at his apartment a short time after the woman called 911 to state she had been threatened and was in fear for her life.…