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Man Arrested After Stabbing Child With Chopsticks

September 8, 2011 at 4:01 am by  

Springfield, MA — Vo Duc Au, 31, was arrested Tuesday after police say he attacked a 12-year-old boy with a pair of chopsticks.

According to the young victim, he was just sitting there doing his homework when Au raced down the stairs and started getting all stabby. The kid was poked on the left forearm and bicep, and was left with a 1″ laceration. Au! Bet that hurt. HARR!

When the boy’s father tried to intervene, Au reportedly attempted to stab the man in the face. Fortunately, the man was able to disarm Au before anyone lost an eye.

No idea who Au is in relation to the child and father, just know that he may be a little off. Police say he was shaking and uncooperative at the scene.

Au has been charged with two counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. The child was treated at the scene.

Chopsticks, huh? I do believe my sporkin’ days are over. Lord knows I can’t eat with the damn things….…

Police: Serial Butt Slasher Identified

September 8, 2011 at 3:41 am by  

Fairfax, VA — You guys remember the serial butt slasher, don’t ya? We first learned of his twisted antics back in July, after he was accused of randomly slashing the asses of female shoppers in retail stores across Fairfax county. Well, it appears as if the sicko slasher has been identified.

According to a recent press release, Fairfax County Police have identified Johnny Guillen Pimentel, 40, as a suspect in at least one of the six assaults that occurred over the summer.

Detectives have obtained a warrant for Pimentel’s arrest in the alleged assaults, but believe he has left the area.

Police believe Pimentel may be driving a blue, 2003 Honda Civic, Virginia license plate number KLX2689. Police are asking that anyone with information on his whereabouts contact the Fairfax County Police Department at 703-691-2131 or contact Crime Solvers by phone at 1-866-411-TIPS/8477.

Charges against Pimentel will be determined at the conclusion of the investigation.

Montrose, PA –  A Pennsylvania woman resorted to shooting her 36 year-old son in the chest after he allegedly, and completely, lost his shit.

It all started just after midnight on Monday. Police responded to a domestic disturbance and removed 36 year-old Shane Hazlett from his family’s home, telling him not to return. Hazlett went to a friend’s house and, apparently unsatisfied with what had transpired so far, took to facebook with harassment and threats.

There’s very little information on what the initial spat was about, but what happened after Hazlett left the keyboard and ventured back out into the real world makes for one hell of a tale.

Hitching a ride with a friend, Hazlett returned to the house and threatened to kill his family members. Likely stemming from a desire to not be killed, they closed and locked the front door. Hazlett reportedly used a fire extinguisher to smash the front door open and unlock it.

Once inside, Hazlett pulled an Olivia Newton-John and  decided to get physical.…

Arvada, CO – Angela Martin, a Colorado mother, has been charged for allegedly handcuffing her 14-year-old daughter after an early morning fight last Sunday about Facebook.

The dispute reportedly began after the teen’s parents arrived home at about 2AM. Police reports document Martin’s claim that her daughter posted the words “vagina, vagina, vagina” as her Facebook status. When her daughter’s status displayed in her news feed – presumably, on her phone – she asked her daughter to remove the status.

Martin claims her daughter refused to delete the status or hand over her account password.  Judging on this alone, Martin’s daughter’s position in the teenager’s union appears secure.

“I tried to take her computer, we got in a scuffle. I realized that there was no way that I was going to be able to control her. I handcuffed her and I came back upstairs to call the police. And when I went downstairs she was gone, she had ran to a neighbors in her handcuffs. But no, I don’t beat my children, so hopefully that doesn’t come out that way,” Martin reportedly said.…

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Police have arrested a woman after they say she struck a girl riding her bicycle and then fled the scene.

Police say 47-year-old Andrea D. Miller hit a little girl riding her bike shortly before 1 p.m. Saturday. Witnesses say the impact was so strong, Miller’s rear driver’s side tire blew out and the girl “was thrown from the bicycle and suffered multiple injuries.”

Since this story is posted here, and you’ve already read the title, you already know that Miller did not stop and render aid to the girl she just hit. Even with witnesses yelling at her to stop, Miller fled the scene, “showing complete indifference to the value of [the] human life of [the] victim.”.

Luckily, one of the witnesses was able to give police a description of Miller, her vehicle and the vehicle’s registration number.

Police would arrest her after she’s located a few hours later and charge her with wanton endangerment, driving without an operator’s license, failure to render aid and leaving the scene of an accident.…

PALM BAY, Fla. — More Dumbass Dad news, this time out of Florida — where everything is 47% more retarded.

Not to be upstaged by the Arizona dad who refereed an unfair fight between his sons and another teen while threatening the crowd with a handgun, 35-year-old Gary Johnson has been charged with refereeing a fight between his son and another teen, then beating the teen after his son loses the fight.

Police say Johnson’s son and a 16-year-old were involved in a dispute and he had agreed to referee a fight between the two to make sure it was a fair fight. Video shows Johnson’s son eventually quitting the fight and walking away.

Johnson and the winning teen then go face-to-face with Johnson asking the boy if he wants to get knocked the f*ck out. The teen doesn’t back down and tells Johnson he would like to see that, right before Johnson punches him in the face and knocks him to the ground.


While the teen lies in the fetal position and covers his head, Johnson moves the boy’s hands and rains down a series of hammer blows to the teen’s face.…

Gilbert, AZ — Police have arrested a man after they say he refereed a fight between his two sons and another boy while using a handgun to keep the crowd from stopping the fight.

Police say Gabriel Alberto Conde, 33, went with his two sons, ages 14 and 17, to a local park so that the younger boy could fight another 14-year-old boy.

When Conde’s son began to lose the fight, he instructed the older sibling to help his brother. While the two teens held the other boy on the ground, repeatedly kicking him in the head and breaking his jaw, Conde allegedly kept the crowd at bay by threatening them with a .45 handgun.

When police arrived at Conde’s home later, he refused to come outside until after police surrounded his residence and ordered him out using a loudspeaker.

Conde was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, threatening and intimidating, disorderly conduct with a deadly weapon and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. His two sons are facing charges of aggravated assault and disorderly conduct.…

LONGMONT, Colo. — A 15-year-old is currently spending some time in a juvenile detention facility after police say he stabbed his dad during an argument over the teen’s chores.

Police say that the teen’s father was angry over the boy not taking out the trash (yakety yak) and responded by taking away the teen’s cell phone (don’t talk back). The teen responded by retrieving an ax and using it to hack into his parent’s bedroom door.

The boy’s father was able to get him in a bear hug, but that did not prevent his son from using a knife to stab him six times in the back. The boy’s mother was eventually able to disarm him while the dad was taken to the hospital and treated for minor wounds.

The 15-year-old, who already has a criminal history, faces charges of felony menacing, first degree assault, reckless endangerment and criminal mischief.

One of my kids is the same age as this boy, but had he done what this kid did, the headline would have read something like “Man’s Shoe Removed From Son’s Ass” or “Teen Missing.”

Sorry for the lame picture.…

ROWAN COUNTY, NC — An assistant coach is facing some legal troubles after he allegedly choked a student, fought with a parent and then got his ass tased multiple times by police.

It all started on Thursday evening after football practice at Rowan County middle school. Jared Gallagher, a 40-year-old assistant football coach,  was walking to the locker room when he pulled a 12-year-old boy aside and allegedly started hitting and choking the boy.

When told to stop by Douglas Pruitt, the school’s coach, Gallagher reportedly began attacking the coach and even put the man’s arm behind his back when he attempted to call 911.

At this point, a concerned parent got involved and began fighting with Gallagher, distracting him long enough for Pruitt to call police.

When police arrived at the scene and approached Gallagher, he allegedly asked the deputies, “Are we going to do this?”

Ignoring repeated demands to put his hands behind his back, one of the officers tased him. Gallagher reportedly removed the prongs from his skin and was subsequently tased a second time in the back.…

Emerson, NJ — The happy lookin’ lady to the left is 58-year-old Dr. Sylvia Lee. She’s being featured today for allegedly jabbing her 13-year-old adopted daughter with a screwdriver nearly 100 times because the kid failed to wash her dog’s clothes properly.

In what authorities are calling a “planned attack,” the crazy lady apparently armed herself with a flathead screwdriver on July 3 and commenced to pokin’ on the kid. The kid ran and called police from a former caretaker’s home.

When police arrived, the teen was found to be sportin’ numerous scrapes, bruises and puncture wounds on different parts of her body, including her butt and legs. Lee apparently jabbed the kid through her clothing, so while there was some broken skin and a little bleeding, none of the injuries were serious enough to require hospitalization.

Lee was arrested on the spot and hauled into the cop shop where she admitted to the bizarre attack. She told police she got all poky because the girl failed to wash the “doggie clothes” and a “doggie towel” in the correct order. …

Bradenton, FL — Police have arrested a man after they say he beat the crap out of a guy dropping his kid off at school.

The assault stemmed from both men both acting like jackasses as they drove down a residential street with a posted speed limit of 30mph.

John Lee, 50, was  driving 35 mph on his way to drop his 10-year-old son off at school when John Sabin, 45, allegedly began tailgating him.

Sabin was not happy with the speed at which Lee was driving and attempted to pass him on the two lane road. Kind of assholish, sure, but not nearly as bad as what Lee did next. He sped up every time Sabin tried to pass.

I’ve had idiots pull this same shit on me and I’ll never understand it. Sometimes I think the person feels you are taking a swipe at their manhood or something. In that regard, I understand why Sabin got super pissed. But man, he took things way too far.

Lee says when he pulled into the school parking lot, Sabin followed behind him, got out of his car and began yelling at him.…

Liverpool, UK – Two men squared off outside of a late night club in Liverpool.  The disagreement:  a girl.

This was not a typical bar fight, though.  This time – after one of the men got the upper hand – he reportedly administered a beatdown that was described as “barbaric.”  There isn’t much doubt, either.  The whole thing was recorded on a security camera mounted on the front of the club.

According to police, Laurence Richard McGinn, 28, confronted an unidentified 31-year-old victim outside a popular nightspot, Funkybox, at 6:20am on Saturday – just after the club closed.  Liverpool licensing officer PC Stuart Moore described the fight like this:

The footage shows a fight between two males.  The victim and the assailant could be seen brawling in the street. Both males fall to the floor and there’s a struggle.  A second male appears to be protecting the people [fighting] to make sure the fight continues and the assailant starts reigning blows [on the victim].

There are nine consecutive punches while he lies on the floor.

MARIETTA, GA — Last fall, a jury convicted 15-year-old James Glover of aggravated assault and robbery in the beating of 94-year-old Paul Smallwood. On Monday, Judge Steven Schuster sentenced Glover to 20 years behind bars.

Police arrested Glover and an 11-year-old boy after they say the pair followed Smallwood, a World War II veteran, into his apartment and then beat the man with a rock, stealing his wallet, $27, cell phone and watch.

The pair were arrested within days of the crime and the 11-year-old would go on to admit his guilt. He would received a two year probation sentence and testify against Glover in the trial.

Glover’s attorneys insisted his client wasn’t the one involved in the attack, but the jury did not believe him. After being found guilty, Glover’s lawyer asked for a sentence of five years, one year for the time he has already served plus two years of house arrest and two more years of probation. The judge did not grant him his wish.

“Paul Smallwood, at your age, couple years older, was defending this country in World War II.…

Fredericksburg, VA – Daryl Haynes, 31, got himself in a bit of trouble after deciding to take a piss in the corner of a yard this past week. Seems innocent enough…

It all began at about 10:50AM on Thursday when – according to a police spokesperson – an off-duty Fredericksburg Police Deputy observed Haynes urinating in the back corner of a neighbor’s yard.

The deputy, Officer Billy Reyes, said that he had just finished mowing his lawn and, at first, decided to ignore the public urination. Then he reportedly saw Haynes shaking his penis while talking loudly to some people across the street from him. Not good. The deputy said that Haynes behavior upset him, in part, because “there are children in the neighborhood.”

Officer Reyes said he confronted the Haynes. Haynes – clearly an expert at diffusing awkward situations – responded by swearing at Reyes and threatening bodily harm. Officer Reyes then reportedly informed Haynes he was a law enforcement officer. Haynes responded by throwing several unlanded punches at Officer Reyes.…

Naperville, IL – Alexander Georg, 27, was jailed on $1.5 million bond after – according to prosecutors – he attacked his mother so severely with a butcher knife that the handle broke off.  The attack was reportedly his answer to her offer to make him a sandwich.

Georg is reported to live with his 52-year-old mother in an apartment on Naperville’s northeast side.  Published reports said Georg’s mother had brought him home earlier in the day from a ‘mental and emotional health care facility’ where he had undergone treatment for nearly two weeks.

Police say that, after he arrived home, his mother offered to make him a sandwich, and he ‘grabbed the knife, chased her out to the driveway and pinned her down and stabbed her repeatedly.’

Neighbors described the woman’s screams as “bone-chilling,” prompting them to call the police.  When police arrived, Georg’s mother was said to be standing across the street covered in blood.  Georg was standing in the driveway of the residence and was arrested without resisting.…

KENNER, La. — Good news never lasts long around here. Police have arrested a man after they say he got so aggravated with his 3-month-old baby, that he slammed the infant against a wall, likely causing permanent neurological defects.

Tyler Jonathan Eastgate, 22,  said he found his son found his son in his room having trouble breathing, seizing and losing consciousness.

But doctor’s determined the infant’s injuries were the result of blunt force trauma from having been thrown down and contacted police.

The baby had bleeding on the brain, bruises to his cheek, chin and chest, as well as several scratches and bruises to his neck in the shape of a hand.

Presented with this information, Eastgate finally admitted to police that while babysitting his son, he lost it when the boy would not stop crying.

First he threw the baby against the wall, causing him to strike his head. Not surprisingly, since babies usually don’t like being thrown into hard surfaces, the boy cried even more. So Eastgate said he struck his son in the face before throwing him into his crib, causing the boy to hit his head a second time.…

Galveston TX – Police arrested a  man who broke into the apartment of a woman he did not know, wearing only his boxer shorts, in an attempt to quell his vampiric blood-thirst by biting her neck.

The incident occurred Saturday. Lyle Monroe Bensley, actually 19, kicked in the door of a woman’s apartment in the wee hours of the morning. Clad only is his undies, Bensley began biting the woman’s neck and hitting her.

At one point during the feeding assault, Bensley dragged her into the hallway. It was here that she managed to escape and hop into a car driven by her neighbor.

Bensley took to running after the car, apparently hitting it as it sped off. When police arrived, they followed the hissing and growling sounds they heard in the parking lot. This led them to Bensley, who was, well… hissing and growling.

The police did eventually catch him, but they were forced to endure quite a bit of nonsense before they did so. Before the arrest, Nosferatu Bensley scaled two fences.…

New Branford, CT — Candace Kiley was taken into custody early this week in connection with an alleged assault that took place at a birthday party on the 23rd of  last month. Little Miss Insecure is accused of man-handling a 12-year-old girl she believed was checking out her man.

According to police,  it all started when Kiley’s 30-year-old boyfriend spilled a drink in the kitchen. The pre-teen, a friend of Kiley’s younger sister, was in the kitchen to grab some ice when she happened to glance at the older man as he was mopping up. It was then, police say, that Kiley accused the kid of looking at her boyfriend, saying that she had “been looking at him all day.” Kiley then reportedly grabbed a handful of the girl’s hair and threw her to the floor.

The kid sustained a head injury when her head bounced off the floor, and then suffered an asthma attack. Police say family members heard the commotion and put a stop to the assault.…