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Oklahoma, OK — Remember the group of douchebags accused of brutally beating a developmentally disabled teen and tattooing the word “Rapest” on the forehead? Yeah, well, they’ve been sentenced.

Forgetful? Click impaired? Let me refresh your memory….

Richard Dellert, Zachary Provence, Kimberly Vergara and Lorena Hodges were accused of viciously beating 18-year old Stetson Johnson with a baseball bat last April, tasing his manjigglies, tattooing “I like little boys” on his chest and “Rapest” on his forehead. Why? Because one of the douchettes told her friends Johnson tried to rape her. Johnson denied it, and according to Capt. Jody Suit, spokesman for the Del City Police Department, there was zero evidence to support the woman’s accusations.

To me it’s bullying,” Suit was quoted as saying in May. “The guy has the mentality of a fifth-grader.”

Johnson spent nearly a week in the hospital, three of those days in ICU, for treatment of a fractured skull, broken nose and other wounds sustained in the beating. He later had the tat on his forehead covered with a barcode, but hopes to be rid of the whole damn thing when money allows.…

Clifton Heights, PA — A 63-year-old woman is accused of beating her 9-year-old grandson and turning a hose on him because he ate too much bacon for breakfast Tuesday morning.

According to the criminal complaint, the boy apparently ate a few too many slices of bacon for breakfast that morning, leaving other family members baconless. This obviously irked the child’s grandmother, Marilee Kolynych, and she ragged on the boy for the remainder of the day.

Kolynych’s anger grew and grew throughout the long, hot, baconless day, and at about 9:00 that evening, she flipped her shit.

Witnesses told police Kolynych chased the little oinker out of the house and into the front yard, eventually pinning him to the ground. Once the kid was down, she reportedly began beating on his legs and spraying his face “at close range” with a water hose.

The kid, who neighbors say was kicking, squirming and screaming the whole time, broke free and beat feet across the street to call his mother. His mother, who was in the basement and oblivious to the scene playing out in front of the neighbors, exited her mother’s home and separated her mother and her son, putting an end to the entire embarrassing debacle.…

Boynton Beach, FL — The gorgeous creature to the left, 58-year-old Jonathan Steinberg, was arrested Monday after he allegedly set his tenant on fire because the man was late with the rent.

According to police, Steinberg and the victim were arguing over the rent money Monday when the other man ordered Steinberg out of the room. Steinberg did leave, but returned a short time later with a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

As the argument progressed, Steinberg reportedly poured the alcohol on the victim’s boxer shorts. At some point during the scuffle, police say Steinberg grabbed a screwdriver and lacerated the victim’s back – just moments later, he set the man’s shorts on fire.

The victim got nekkid real quick and was later treated for “minor to moderate” burns and released from the hospital.

Steinberg, a registered sex offender, was arrested and charged with aggravated battery. He’s being held on $30,000 bail and has been ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation.

The attached video has absolutely nothing to do with this story, but it makes me giggle.…

Naples, FL — Kelly Gresham, a rough 43, is back behind bars after allegedly shooting her boyfriend’s pregnant pit bull following a heated argument.

According to police, Gresham was hanging out at the bar with a couple friends Sunday evening when she began fighting with her boyfriend. When the argument escalated, the group exited the bar and headed for Gresham’s place.

The screaming and bickering continued on the drive home, with Gresham delivering several well placed punches to her boyfriend’s face.

Once the group arrived at their destination, witnesses say Gresham asked, “You wanna hear something funny?” before disappearing into the bedroom. Just moments later, several shots rang out and the boyfriend’s pregnant pup was no more.

When police arrived on scene, they found a dead pit bull in the front yard, a .380 caliber magazine, bullets, and one bullet casing as well as a plastic bag containing a wet bathing suit, a bloody towel, a bullet, and fecal matter. No firearm was recovered. Curious….

Gresham was booked on charges of animal cruelty, shooting a firearm indoors, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, and battery.…

Montgomery County, KS — Michael D. Keck, 33, faces many charges after the Montgomery County, Kansas sheriff says Keck attacked his ex-girlfriend, kidnapped her, and injected her with methamphetamine.

In a news release from the Sheriff’s office, Sheriff Robert Dierks says his office was first called to a domestic disturbance on the morning of June 26th. The release said an investigation showed Keck broke into the home of his ex-girlfriend, struck her in the head several times, and then forced her into his vehicle to take her to his home. The news release also described Keck injecting the woman with meth and injuring her with a knife during the struggle.

At Keck’s residence, officers reportedly found evidence of drug use and manufacturing as well as evidence of assault.

Keck was charged with criminal damage to property, aggravated burglary, domestic battery, aggravated kidnapping, aggravated assault, possession of methamphetamine, possession of drug paraphernalia, and attempted manufacture of a controlled substance.

The woman was transported to a local hospital where she was treated and released.…

Roswell, GA — Lorraine Grant, 41, is behind bars after police say she beat, burned and sexually assaulted her 3-year-old granddaughter.

It is my understanding that Grant, the girl’s paternal grandmother, brought the child back with her after visiting the child’s family in California. She was to keep the girl for a few weeks. A “few weeks” somehow turned into a couple of months. The child’s mother finally flew to Atlanta last Friday to pick up the girl after Grant, her mother-in-law, refused to return the child and stopped returning her phone calls.

After the toddler was back in her custody, mom noticed numerous burns, bruises and abrasions on the child’s body and had her seen in the emergency room. Investigators said the girl had what appeared to be burns all over her body, and X-rays revealed two broken ribs that already started to heal. It also appeared as if the child had been sexually assaulted.

Grant turned herself in Monday and was promptly booked on charges of cruelty to children, aggravated battery, sexual battery and aggravated assault.…

Delaware, OH — You read it right: a woman was arrested and faces several charges after she squirted officers responding to a domestic dispute with breast milk.

30 year-old Stephanie Robinette had a little too much to drink at a wedding this past weekend. An argument between her and her husband resulted in her giving the fella a few good whacks before running to her car, which she locked herself in.

When police arrived, Robinette was apparently uncooperative with them. They eventually were left with no choice but to force her out of the vehicle, at which point she whipped out a tit and hosed them with unpasteurized whole. To be fair, she did warn them right beforehand, stating that she was in fact a breast feeding mother. Whether or not police perceived that as an actual threat is unclear.

Robinette, after entering a not guilty plea to the charges of domestic violence, assault, obstructing official business, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct, was released on her own recognizance. She informed the court that alcoholism runs in her family and that she will be seeking help.…

Gwinnett County, GA — Gwinnett County Police say Roger Thomas Dean, 37, held his grandmother, Lois Brownlee, against her will inside her home and physically assaulted her for three days after she returned home without cigarettes.

“She was out for the day. He [was mad that he] didn’t know where she was at and also that she didn’t provide him with some cigarettes,” Cpl. Ed Ritter of the Gwinnett County PD said.

According to police, when Dean first confronted Brownlee about the cigarettes, he yelled at her while pulling her hair.

Brownlee then told Dean and his girlfriend she did not want them to move their stuff into her home – which they were apparently in the process of doing. When he refused to listen, she threatened to call police. Dean reportedly told her if she tried to call police again he would “fix you the way you have never been fixed before” while twisting her previously injured hand and wrist.

During the ordeal, Brownlee told a group of her grandson’s friends that they were not welcome in her house.…

Jacksonville, FL — Andrew Michael Gomez, 20, was sentenced to two consecutive life terms for murdering his life-long friend Tiffany Sue Cecconi, 18, and her 18-month-old daughter, Kaylani. This story was written up on D’D shortly after it happened. The account described the killing as “puzzling.” It still is.

Gomez and Cecconi had been friends since kindergarten and sometimes referred to themselves as cousins. Court testimony described Cecconi helping Gomez as he tried to fit in at school. Cecconi’s mother, Linda Sykes, described Gomez as being ‘like a son.’

“Tiffany loved Andrew but he murdered her,” Sykes said to the judge.

In July 2009, Gomez, Cecconi, and her daughter went to a subdivision community pool. They were the only ones there. Investigators say Gomez and Cecconi got into a fight while Gomez was holding Kaylani in the water. Jacksonville Police Sgt. Mark Romano said the two did not appear to have any problems before that moment.

The account, provided largely by Gomez, describes Cecconi entering the water to retrieve her daughter from Gomez and instead being forced to fight Gomez while the 18-month-old was cast aside.…

St. Petersburg, FL — Lucas James, 23, was taken into custody Wednesday in connection with the alleged assault of a woman with a beer bottle earlier this month.

According to police, the victim was walking with a friend on June 12, when they were confronted by a shirtless James (rawr). Reportedly unprovoked, James blurted out, among other obscenities, “Whore!” This displeased the women and they scolded James about his potty mouth. At that point, police say James spit beer in their faces and cracked one of them upside the head with a beer bottle before running away.

And he would’a got away with it, too, if it weren’t for that damn production crew filming a rap video nearby…

James apparently ran into the alley where the video was being filmed and stuck his face right into the lens before fleeing again. Sigh…all beauty, no brains.

The production crew turned the video over to police, who released it to the media Wednesday morning. With the public’s help, police were able to track James down just hours later.…

Joliet, IL — An unidentified 44-year-old man called police early Friday morning to report that he had been jumped by a couple of “booty-call ninjas.”

It all started when the man called his ex-girlfriend and asked her to come over and ride the baloney pony just like old times. He should have known something was up when she agreed…..

The ex-girlfriend, 29-year-old Katherine Casarez, texted the victim a short time later and told him to meet her in a nearby alley. Obviously thinking with the smaller of his two heads, the man obliged.

As the victim was walking towards the woman’s vehicle, a screaming masked man appeared out of nowhere and started swinging a pair of nunchuks, landing a direct hit on the victim’s head. At that point, Casarez grabbed her own set of nunchuks from her vehicle and started beaning the man as well.

When police arrived on scene, they found the man “drenched in blood.” Also found at the scene were two throwing stars – one of them was embedded in a telephone pole.…

Elkton, MD — For those of you who missed it, Ethan Adam Younce, 22, was convicted for the drug-user-equivalent of dumpster diving. He went looking for drugs in the rectum of a friend using a old-style straight blade razor. This was done without his friend’s consent. To add insult to injury – quite literally – no drugs were found.

The particulars according to police and court documents are this… About 4AM one morning a bunch of people are at a party in the living room of a local house. One man has passed out. Younce and two others at the party believe that the man passed out has either drug money or drugs shoved up his ass. The assailants later put a value on the stash at about $50.

Fifty-bucks?!? Hell yeah… it’s time to do some digging!

Younce and his convicted accomplices, Eric Edward Allen, 27, and Maurice Helton, 18, wake the man. By “wake” I mean, of course, “beat.” Allen and Helton reportedly punched and kicked the victim while Younce repeatedly demanded money.…

Beaver, PA – Gary M. Steineman, 49, was arrested by Independence Township police reportedly urinating on the sleeping son of his house guests.

Tim and Kimberly Tustin and their juvenile son were staying with Steineman, described as a ‘family friend,’ in his mobile home  according to a police report.  Early on the morning of June 5, the boy said he awoke to find Steineman “standing over him, urinating on the boy’s face, ear, neck and down his body,” the report said.

Police became involved when, around 11am, Sgt. Lance Malobabich was driving through the mobile home park and heard yelling and screaming from Steineman’s lot.  He reportedly found the Tustins and their son outside the residence with their belongings and pets.  They told police that Steineman had thrown them out, along with all of their possessions.

Steineman is charged with simple assault, indecent exposure, open lewdness and harassment. His preliminary hearing is tentatively scheduled for July 7.

I may be jaded – you know what I mean – but the one thing that I found odd in this is the “Steineman had thrown them out” thing.  …

St Petersburg, FL — A 39- year old woman has been arrested on multiple charges, including her third DUI, after a rather bizarre rampage.

Christine King decided to take her two daughters, aged 5 and 12, to the pier with their 11 year-old friend. Before they left, though, Christine reportedly indulged in a little of the old boxed wine, which is always a precursor to disaster here at the DD. Not to be outdone by herself, King bought a pack of smokes and two Mike’s Hard Lemonades upon arrival at the pier. For those of you who don’t know, Mike’s is second in classiness only to boxed wine.

Things started getting weird at the pier. The 11 year-old would later state that King took a leak off the pier shortly after they arrived. The whole bunch piled back into the minivan and headed out. King apparently got a little mad at her kids. An argument took place that resulted in King smacking the 11 year-old, which as you remember is not her kid to be slapping around.…

Spring Hill, FL — Matthew Emerson Penix, 32, was jailed Wednesday night after he allegedly threw a knife at his fiancée during an argument. More impressive than his skills at debate are his aim. He cut her ear with that knife throw. Damn.

The Hernando County Sheriff’s Department responded at approximately 7 p.m. to Penix’s home. There, the victim told them that Penix had thrown a knife at her head and called her a “skank,” according to an arrest affidavit.

Deputies said Penix admitted to throwing the knife at his fiancée, but ‘didn’t mean to hurt her.’ Penix added that he threw the knife because the victim “would not leave him alone,” according to investigators.

Penix was charged with domestic battery and transported to the Hernando County Jail where he is being held without bond.…

Seattle, WA Jennifer Kolone, 29, was arrested last month after she apparently attempted to turn her boyfriend’s manjigglies into finger puppets.

Police were called to the couple’s home in the early morning hours of May 24, where they found the 40-year-old victim nekkid and bleeding. The man told police he and Kolone had been arguing when she lost her shit and grabbed hold of his jewels and gave ’em a squeeze.

“Once Jennifer let go (he) felt as if he had urinated himself,” Seattle Detective Pilar Curtis told the court. “When he looked down at his groin area he saw blood.”

Kolone then did what any batshit psycho twunt would do…she calmed down and began cleaning the house as if nothing had happened.

According to investigators, the injury was a “W” shaped wound that required several stitches, surgical glue and a “sling” to close. And though the medical records describe the injury as a knife wound, it doesn’t appear as if an actual knife was involved in the attack.…

Louisville, KY — Anton Malone was taken into custody over the weekend after after police said he forced another man to perform oral sex on him at gunpoint before shooting him twice in the leg.

According to police, the victim was forced to perform oral sex on Malone under threat of bodily harm behind the Jefferson Community & Technical College building late Friday night. After being sucked off for a bit, police say Malone attempted to sodomize the victim. Apparently unsuccessful in that endeavor, Malone then allegedly demanded another hummer…this time to completion. The victim, still under the gun, obliged.

Malone, obviously the Wham-Bam-F*ck-You-Man type, then reportedly fired two shots into the victim’s left leg. So much for the afterglow…

Malone, 19, is now set to receive all the head he can handle – he’s been charged with three counts of first-degree sodomy and one count of second-degree assault. Malone is also facing robbery charges from a separate incident – police say he stole a wallet from another man earlier that day and fired a round in the man’s general direction.…

Louisville, KY — Hope you people aren’t sick to death of all the bath salt stories yet, cause I have another one coming your way in 3…2…1

Police were called out to a Kroger grocery store earlier this month after receiving a report of a man damaging merchandise and chuggin’ hand sanitizer inside the store.

When police arrived on scene, they found 28-year-old Bahad Mahmoud in the parking lot of a nearby Walgreen’s, yelling at passers-by. After an officer identified himself and asked Mahmoud to kindly stop with the freakish behavior, Mahmoud reportedly took off running. The officer was then forced to deploy his Taser and Mahmoud went down.

As paramedics attempted to examine the agitated Mahmoud, police say he spit in one officer’s face. Surprisingly enough, that didn’t earn him the beat down he truly deserved.

Once he was treated and released from the hospital, Mahmoud was booked into jail on charges of assault, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. Police have reason to believe dude was under the influence of bath salts at the time of the incident.…