Florida Man With Mop On Head Arrested For "Terrifying" His NeighborsPolice Say Accused Child Predator Kept Rape Shrine In His TrailerEric Pritsch Allegedly Hit A Woman With A Dildo After She Criticized His "Performance"Woman Arrested For Live Streaming Rape Of Her 4-Year-Old SonMan Accused Of Raping Young Boy While Dressed In Animal CostumeHuman Doodle Pad Back In Police Custody For Failing To Report After Prison ReleaseChild Dead After Mom Kicked Her In Stomach For Not Brushing TeethElderly Woman Accused Of Beating Her Boyfriend To Death With A BatSubstitute Teacher Claims His Tongue Accidentally Fell Into First Graders' MouthsFight Over Juice Box Leads To A Stabbin'

Washington, DC — Stop me if you’ve heard this one before….

Guy meets girl. Girl and guy meet for drinks and nookie. Girl tells guy she gave him AIDS. Guy shoots girl in head. Girl says, “Daaamn! Just kiddin’!”

According to authorities, that’s basically what happened between 49-year-old Lloyd Wilkins and his girlfriend on the evening of April 23, 2011. The two had hooked up that evening, and after a few drinks, ended up swapping spit and other bodily fluids. After the lovin’ was over, Wilkins’ girlfriend apparently said something along the lines of, “Oh, snap! You got the AIDS!”

Wilkins responded by walking into his bedroom and retrieving a 12-gauge, single-shot shotgun from his closet. He pointed it in the general direction of the woman’s head. The gun went off, striking the jokester in the brain space. No word on whether he jokingly replied, “Oh, snap! You got the dain bramage!”

Wilkins then called 911 to report that he shot someone. At the same time, the woman called a friend to take her to the hospital. …

Georgetown, SC — Chance Godwin Adams, 24, is facing multiple charges after police say he threatened his mother with a shotgun and used a charcoal grill to burn a kitten to death last Saturday.

From what Adams’ mother told police, he apparently had some sort of psychotic episode the evening before and tore up her house, cornering her with a shotgun at one point.

On Saturday, Adams reportedly entered the woman’s bedroom with a handgun in the waistband of his pants. The woman told police she feared for her life, and while Adams was distracted, presumably by something shiny, she made a run for it and called police from a neighbor’s house.

Responding deputies soon found Adams wandering down the road a short distance away from the home. He was wearing “odd-matching” clothing and a pair of ski goggles, police said. A pat down revealed a pistol holster in his waistband and shotgun parts in his sock. He was placed under arrest.

When officers returned to the home in search of weapons, they found a semi-automatic in the kitchen, but no sign of the missing pistol or the rest of the shotgun.…

Marathon, FL –Maykel Borges, 32, was jailed on assault charges late last week after allegedly swinging a hatchet at a neighbor who refused to give him beer.

Witnesses told police Borges had been walking through the Trailerama mobile-home park all day Friday asking residents for beer. He was reportedly given several beers throughout the day, but when his kind neighbors had had enough and told him to go away, Borges got pissy. He left, but soon returned with hatchet in hand.

Borges apparently began arguing with people in the park upon his return, and at one point allegedly swung the hatchet at one man, cutting him on the side with it. Borges then dropped the weapon and ran.

Borges was arrested at his trailer Friday night, charged with aggravated assault and aggravated battery and booked into jail. Bond was set at $175,000.

The victim was treated at the hospital and released.

I’d spork my neighbor for an ice cold Arrogant Bastard Ale right about now. Just kiddin’…my neighbors drink Hamm’s.…

Bethlehem, PA — A 27-year-old man is facing multiple charges after police say he tried to abduct a woman at gunpoint earlier this week.

According to police, Michael Arce approached the woman, identified as 42-year-old Sarah Brenner, as she was jogging Wednesday afternoon. Brenner told police Arce stepped in front of her and said, “I want to ask you something.” She said she got scared and tried to go around him, but Arce pulled out a gun and grabbed her arm.

Brenner reported that when she screamed for help, Arce said, “Don’t make a fuss or I will kill you.” She said he then put her in the back seat of his BMW and hit the child-safety lock as he got into the front seat.

It was right about then that Arce’s wife, Ana Arce, pulled up next to his vehicle and questioned him about the woman in the back seat. Arce reportedly told his wife that he was simply giving Brenner a ride, police said, and unlocked the back door to let Brenner out.…

Flagstaff, AZ — Dustin Banbury, 21, was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder and aggravated assault Tuesday after police say he chopped off a relative’s hand with a Samurai-type sword.

Deputies responding to a 911 call about a critically injured man arrived at the victim’s home just before 11 p.m. and found the 33-year-old victim inside the residence with a severed right hand, numerous slash wounds to his torso and a deep laceration on his forehead. A blood covered sword was found in the man’s bedroom.

Police allege Banbury and the unidentified victim were in the trailer together when the victim fell asleep. Banbury reportedly exited the trailer as the victim slept, walked to his own trailer and, for whatever reason, retrieved the sword. When he returned, sh*t got bloody.

Banbury was taken into custody at the scene and is being held without bond. The victim was flown to Flagstaff Medical Center, where he is listed in stable condition.

The motive behind the alleged attack is still unknown.

First thought when I read the headline: “Damn!…

Los Angeles, CA — Now that the turkey has settled, and because you couldn’t pay me to set foot in a retail store today, I figured I’d get a couple stories posted before slipping back into a food coma.

In what officials are calling “shopping rage,” an unidentified woman, trying to get her grubby paws on more sale items, sprayed as many as 20 other shoppers with pepper spray at the Walmart in Porter Ranch late Thursday night.

According to police Sgt. Jose Valle, store employees had brought out a crate of discounted Xbox 360s, and as the crowd waited for the unwrapping, the woman began spraying people “in order to get an advantage.”

Ten people were slightly injured by the pepper spray and 10 others suffered minor bumps and bruises in the chaos, Valle said. They were treated at the scene.

“People could have gotten trampled,” said Valle. “Good thing there were no small kids.”

The woman apparently used the spray tactic in other areas of the store as well, but no other injuries have been reported.…

Man Charged After Attacking Woman With A Chainsaw

November 23, 2011 at 10:27 am by  

Crystal River, FL — Jeffrey Clayton Bonney, 51, is facing felony charges after allegedly beating a woman and attacking her with a chainsaw over the weekend.

Deputies were called after witnesses heard screaming and yelling coming from inside the residence Saturday. When police arrived at the home, they found the woman bleeding profusely from a cut on her arm. Her nose was swollen and her right eye had been dotted. She reportedly told police she had fallen and cut herself on a lamp. When the officers asked to speak to Bonney, he hauled ass out the back door and into the woods.

In the living room, about 8 inches away from a large puddle of blood, officers found a chainsaw with what appeared to be human hair on it. I guess the “broken lamp” story didn’t fly…

Questioned again, the victim told police the gash in her arm stemmed from her attempt to protect her face when Bonney swung a chainsaw at her. She was transported to the hospital, where it took a few sutures and about 40 staples to close the wound.…

Bellingham, WA — High-fives and major kudos to the 10-year-old boy police say defended his mother from an intoxicated and violent tenant by shooting him in the face with a BB gun as many as four times.

According to the victim, 45-year-old Paul Newman, shown here in an undated mugshot from a previous arrest, arrived home drunk and angry early Tuesday morning and found his room in disarray. Believing the woman may have had something to do with the mess, Newman reportedly kicked in her bedroom door and began choking her.

The commotion woke the woman’s son, Kobe Sturgeon. He told police that when he entered his mom’s bedroom, he saw the man “holding her down.” So he grabbed a board and whacked Newman with it before running back into his bedroom. Newman, thinking the kid left the house, ran outside after him. Mom was close on his heels and locked the door behind him.

Police say Newman then attempted to get back into the home through an unlocked window. As the victim was trying to close and lock the window, Newman reached in a grabbed her arm, threatening to kill her and her son.…

Tampa, FL –– Our Facebook Page is fubar, our mobile theme is currently deactivated and people are getting script errors… it’s not a great way to start my Thanksgiving holiday.

So in an effort to keep my stress levels on an even keel, I’m just going to write some stories featuring people having worse days than myself, starting with a man who picked the wrong motorist to road rage on and got an ice pick to the head as a result.

It all happened on Monday morning when 62-year-old Alcisviades Polanco reportedly cut off 20-year-old Wathson Adelson (pictured) while driving down Manhattan Avenue.

Rightfully pissed, Adelson let his road rage get the better of him and sped around Polanco, got in front of him, and then slammed on his brakes. Adelson, standing at 6-foot-3 and weighing 260-pounds, got out of his car and walked back towards Polanco, who was a few inches shorter and a hundred pounds lighter than Adelson.

The two got into an argument that turned physical and ended when Polanco stabbed Adelson in the head with an ice pick he had retrieved from his car. …

Louisville, KY — Monique Jeffries, 39, is being held on charges of assault and intimidating a witness after police say she knocked out a couple of her daughter’s teeth during an argument over food stamps.

Police haven’t gone into details about the actual argument, but say Jeffries became “enraged” when her daughter, Debra Brown, opened her bedroom door. At that point, she allegedly used a curling iron to burn Brown’s arm several times as she reached for the phone to call police.

Jeffries is also accused of punching Brown in the face several times, knocking out two of her teeth. No word on Brown’s condition or age.

Jeffries reportedly left the apartment before police arrived, but was picked up and taken into custody a short time later.…

Jealous Teen Attacked Rival With Samurai Sword

November 21, 2011 at 12:41 pm by  

Jefferson, WI — A teen in Wisconsin is facing some serious charges after he lost his head over his 15-year-old girlfriend’s cheating, and attacked her new boyfriend with a samurai sword.

Robert Markwardt, 18, and his 15-year-old girlfriend broke up after he found out she had cheated on him with 19-year-old Jordan Lass. But Markwardt couldn’t let things go, unable to handle the thought of Lass putting his beef in his ex-jailbait’s taco.

Fueled by stupidity and jealousy, Markwardt told multiple people he was going to beat Lass’ ass with a samurai sword. He followed through with this threat after finding out Lass had spent the night with his ex and was currently at her house.

Equipped with his sword, Markwardt walked into his ex’s house uninvited then went upstairs to her room where he found his rival sleeping in her bed. Ever the pussy, Markwardt took advantage of the situation and proceeded to whack Lass with the sword multiple times. Luckily Lass woke up during the first set of blows so the majority of his injuries were to the arm he held up to block the ones that followed.…

West Lafayette, IN — Jonathan Noe, 19, is facing a couple felony charges after police say he beat his girlfriend stupid with a Shake Weight dumbbell earlier this month.

When police arrived at the girlfriend’s home on November 9, she reportedly told them Noe showed up at her place after a party and indicated how unhappy he was with her. He then proceeded to show her how unhappy he was by knocking her around, kicking her, choking her and beating her senseless with the Shake Weight.

Police say both of the woman’s eyes were swollen shut, her mouth was swollen enough to make speaking difficult, and four of her teeth were knocked loose and pushed back toward her throat. Medical documents reveal the woman suffered from a subdural hematoma to the head, a fracture of the right orbital bone, a broken nose, multiple contusions, extensive facial injuries, a concussion, loss of consciousness and blowout fracture of facial bones.

Damn…those Shake Weights are every bit as vicious as they are retarded!

An intoxicated Noe was arrested at his apartment and charged with battery, strangulation and invasion of privacy.…

Indianapolis, IN — Police say 21-year-old Christopher Russell could lose an eye after another man caught him canoodlin’ his live-in girlfriend and beat him with a baseball bat and glass candle holder.

Investigators have determined that Russell was tonguing 57-year-old Kenneth Nash’s girlfriend early Thursday morning when Nash arrived home. Upon seeing the two swappin’ spit on his couch, Nash reportedly armed himself with a baseball bat and started swinging. At some point during the beatin’, Nash may have switched to a glass candle holder. Different weapon – same message.

Police say Russell ran from the home with Nash on his heels, bat in hand. Nash apparently ran from the scene. At this point, no one has been arrested.

When police made contact with Russell, he said he didn’t want to talk about the incident, he just wanted some medical assistance. Russell reportedly has a skull fracture or two, and police say he may lose his right eye.

The cheatin’ ho girlfriend, Catherine Dunaway, was not injured in the assault.…

Graham, NC — Devin Rashai Daye, 18, was charged with assault Wednesday after he allegedly bit off a large portion of his 14-year-old girlfriend’s bottom lip.

Police said they received a call at 7:45 p.m. Wednesday about a fight in progress and arrived to find the girl bleeding from the mouth. Police soon learned the girl and Daye had been arguing when Daye reportedly grabbed her by the back of the head, pulled her head to his and chomped into her lip. The missing chunk of mouth meat was recovered and transported to the hospital with the girl. No word yet on her condition.

Police had no details about why the two were fighting.

Daye was charged with assault on a female and assault inflicting serious injury. He was placed in the Alamance County jail on a $250,000 bond.…

ORLANDO, Fla. — Officials say a woman angry about her daughter being bullied on Facebook, walked into her kid’s middle school and struck a student before instructing her daughter to fight.

The incident happened Tuesday morning at Lockhart Middle School where 30-year-old Leslie Thomas allegedly entered and struck a student near the cafeteria. She then told her daughter to fight the other girl, preventing others from stopping the brawl once it started, even striking another child in the process.

Thomas was arrested on charges of that included child abuse and battery. Her children have been removed from her and placed in the care of relatives. In the video attached to the link above, a reporter asks Thomas if she struck a child but you can’t hear her response because of a really long beep.

This isn’t the first bullying story we have posted where a mother encourages her daughter to fight while also getting in a few licks of their own. Daphne Melin, Chesica White, and Latena Fitzgerald are just a few mothers who, like Thomas, were frustrated over bullying and tried stopping it in the dumbest ways imaginable.…

Rockwell, NC — Don’t ya just hate it when you get all sh*tfaced, break into someone’s home, eat their cookies and fall asleep in their bed and the homeowner and the cops are all up in your face trying to kill your buzz with their questions and handcuffs? What? Don’t act like it’s never happened to you….

Anyway, 26-year-old Ashley Haithcock, my new BFF, knows what I’m talking about…she found herself in a similar situation Friday evening.

Police received a call from one Martha Birtch at about 10:00 Friday night. Birtch told police she had returned home to find her sliding glass door open and broken cookie jar in the kitchen. When she entered her home, she heard a woman’s voice coming from the direction of her bedroom. The voice belonged to Haithcock – she had apparently fallen asleep in Birtch’s bed after consuming the woman’s cookies.

Roused from her drunken slumber, an unhappy Haithcock apparently argued with Birtch and her daughter, and at some point, assaulted the younger Birtch.

She still had a bit of that piss and vinegar in her system when police arrived – she reportedly kicked three deputies when they attempted to speak to her.…

Fort Myers, FL — Elijah Paul Love, 24, was arrested Saturday after police say he violently attacked his girlfriend in the parking lot of the Lee County Courthouse when she arrived to pick him up from jail. Because, you know, nothing says, “Thanks for the ride, babe!” quite like an ass kickin’.

Autumn Livingston, Love’s live-in girlfriend of five whole months, told police the recently released Love just “went crazy” after the two argued in the parking lot.

First, she said, Love threw her keys across the lot. When she exited the vehicle to retrieve them, Love allegedly grabbed her by the back of the neck and slammed her into the car. Love, with a cast on his arm, then reportedly proceeded to get all choky – putting the woman in a headlock and using his cast to take her breath away. Love’s a bitch, eh?

After a quick jab to Love’s nuts, the woman was able to break free and make a run for it. She ran toward the courthouse entrance and Love took off running across the street.…

Winnepeg, Canada – Two Canadian men arrested for torturing a man in an effort to get his bank card PIN have pleaded guilty during jury selection. In doing so, Harvey Maytwayashing and James Beardy, both 48, will avoid trial. It may have been an interesting one.

Maytwayashing and Beardy were among six people arrested in January 2006. Crown attorney Brian Wilford said the 59-year-old victim had been drinking at a bar where he met Clara Dorion and her daughter Melanie Azure-Cook. Wilford said the man bought them drinks and gave them money for drugs and later accepted an invitation to Dorion’s home. When they arrived, the victim was grabbed by the women’s accomplices, stripped naked, and robbed of his bank card.

The man reportedly gave them a PIN number. The man’s attackers then attempted to use the bank card at a nearby gas station, only to find the man had given them a bogus PIN. They returned and, according to the court, the torture began.

It was reported that the attackers made repeated attempts to extract the money – and repeated attempts to extract the PIN.…