Tampa, FL –– Our Facebook Page is fubar, our mobile theme is currently deactivated and people are getting script errors… it’s not a great way to start my Thanksgiving holiday.
So in an effort to keep my stress levels on an even keel, I’m just going to write some stories featuring people having worse days than myself, starting with a man who picked the wrong motorist to road rage on and got an ice pick to the head as a result.
It all happened on Monday morning when 62-year-old Alcisviades Polanco reportedly cut off 20-year-old Wathson Adelson (pictured) while driving down Manhattan Avenue.
Rightfully pissed, Adelson let his road rage get the better of him and sped around Polanco, got in front of him, and then slammed on his brakes. Adelson, standing at 6-foot-3 and weighing 260-pounds, got out of his car and walked back towards Polanco, who was a few inches shorter and a hundred pounds lighter than Adelson.
The two got into an argument that turned physical and ended when Polanco stabbed Adelson in the head with an ice pick he had retrieved from his car. …
Louisville, KY — Monique Jeffries, 39, is being held on charges of assault and intimidating a witness after police say she knocked out a couple of her daughter’s teeth during an argument over food stamps.
Police haven’t gone into details about the actual argument, but say Jeffries became “enraged” when her daughter, Debra Brown, opened her bedroom door. At that point, she allegedly used a curling iron to burn Brown’s arm several times as she reached for the phone to call police.
Jeffries is also accused of punching Brown in the face several times, knocking out two of her teeth. No word on Brown’s condition or age.
Jeffries reportedly left the apartment before police arrived, but was picked up and taken into custody a short time later.…
Robert Markwardt, 18, and his 15-year-old girlfriend broke up after he found out she had cheated on him with 19-year-old Jordan Lass. But Markwardt couldn’t let things go, unable to handle the thought of Lass putting his beef in his ex-jailbait’s taco.
Fueled by stupidity and jealousy, Markwardt told multiple people he was going to beat Lass’ ass with a samurai sword. He followed through with this threat after finding out Lass had spent the night with his ex and was currently at her house.
Equipped with his sword, Markwardt walked into his ex’s house uninvited then went upstairs to her room where he found his rival sleeping in her bed. Ever the pussy, Markwardt took advantage of the situation and proceeded to whack Lass with the sword multiple times. Luckily Lass woke up during the first set of blows so the majority of his injuries were to the arm he held up to block the ones that followed.…
West Lafayette, IN — Jonathan Noe, 19, is facing a couple felony charges after police say he beat his girlfriend stupid with a Shake Weight dumbbell earlier this month.
When police arrived at the girlfriend’s home on November 9, she reportedly told them Noe showed up at her place after a party and indicated how unhappy he was with her. He then proceeded to show her how unhappy he was by knocking her around, kicking her, choking her and beating her senseless with the Shake Weight.
Police say both of the woman’s eyes were swollen shut, her mouth was swollen enough to make speaking difficult, and four of her teeth were knocked loose and pushed back toward her throat. Medical documents reveal the woman suffered from a subdural hematoma to the head, a fracture of the right orbital bone, a broken nose, multiple contusions, extensive facial injuries, a concussion, loss of consciousness and blowout fracture of facial bones.
Damn…those Shake Weights are every bit as vicious as they are retarded!
An intoxicated Noe was arrested at his apartment and charged with battery, strangulation and invasion of privacy.…
Indianapolis, IN — Police say 21-year-old Christopher Russell could lose an eye after another man caught him canoodlin’ his live-in girlfriend and beat him with a baseball bat and glass candle holder.
Investigators have determined that Russell was tonguing 57-year-old Kenneth Nash’s girlfriend early Thursday morning when Nash arrived home. Upon seeing the two swappin’ spit on his couch, Nash reportedly armed himself with a baseball bat and started swinging. At some point during the beatin’, Nash may have switched to a glass candle holder. Different weapon – same message.
Police say Russell ran from the home with Nash on his heels, bat in hand. Nash apparently ran from the scene. At this point, no one has been arrested.
When police made contact with Russell, he said he didn’t want to talk about the incident, he just wanted some medical assistance. Russell reportedly has a skull fracture or two, and police say he may lose his right eye.
cheatin’ ho girlfriend, Catherine Dunaway, was not injured in the assault.…
Police said they received a call at 7:45 p.m. Wednesday about a fight in progress and arrived to find the girl bleeding from the mouth. Police soon learned the girl and Daye had been arguing when Daye reportedly grabbed her by the back of the head, pulled her head to his and chomped into her lip. The missing chunk of mouth meat was recovered and transported to the hospital with the girl. No word yet on her condition.
Police had no details about why the two were fighting.
Daye was charged with assault on a female and assault inflicting serious injury. He was placed in the Alamance County jail on a $250,000 bond.…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Officials say a woman angry about her daughter being bullied on Facebook, walked into her kid’s middle school and struck a student before instructing her daughter to fight.
The incident happened Tuesday morning at Lockhart Middle School where 30-year-old Leslie Thomas allegedly entered and struck a student near the cafeteria. She then told her daughter to fight the other girl, preventing others from stopping the brawl once it started, even striking another child in the process.
Thomas was arrested on charges of that included child abuse and battery. Her children have been removed from her and placed in the care of relatives. In the video attached to the link above, a reporter asks Thomas if she struck a child but you can’t hear her response because of a really long beep.
This isn’t the first bullying story we have posted where a mother encourages her daughter to fight while also getting in a few licks of their own. Daphne Melin, Chesica White, and Latena Fitzgerald are just a few mothers who, like Thomas, were frustrated over bullying and tried stopping it in the dumbest ways imaginable.…
Rockwell, NC — Don’t ya just hate it when you get all sh*tfaced, break into someone’s home, eat their cookies and fall asleep in their bed and the homeowner and the cops are all up in your face trying to kill your buzz with their questions and handcuffs? What? Don’t act like it’s never happened to you….
Anyway, 26-year-old Ashley Haithcock, my new BFF, knows what I’m talking about…she found herself in a similar situation Friday evening.
Police received a call from one Martha Birtch at about 10:00 Friday night. Birtch told police she had returned home to find her sliding glass door open and broken cookie jar in the kitchen. When she entered her home, she heard a woman’s voice coming from the direction of her bedroom. The voice belonged to Haithcock – she had apparently fallen asleep in Birtch’s bed after consuming the woman’s cookies.
Roused from her drunken slumber, an unhappy Haithcock apparently argued with Birtch and her daughter, and at some point, assaulted the younger Birtch.
She still had a bit of that piss and vinegar in her system when police arrived – she reportedly kicked three deputies when they attempted to speak to her.…
Fort Myers, FL — Elijah Paul Love, 24, was arrested Saturday after police say he violently attacked his girlfriend in the parking lot of the Lee County Courthouse when she arrived to pick him up from jail. Because, you know, nothing says, “Thanks for the ride, babe!” quite like an ass kickin’.
Autumn Livingston, Love’s live-in girlfriend of five whole months, told police the recently released Love just “went crazy” after the two argued in the parking lot.
First, she said, Love threw her keys across the lot. When she exited the vehicle to retrieve them, Love allegedly grabbed her by the back of the neck and slammed her into the car. Love, with a cast on his arm, then reportedly proceeded to get all choky – putting the woman in a headlock and using his cast to take her breath away. Love’s a bitch, eh?
After a quick jab to Love’s nuts, the woman was able to break free and make a run for it. She ran toward the courthouse entrance and Love took off running across the street.…
Winnepeg, Canada – Two Canadian men arrested for torturing a man in an effort to get his bank card PIN have pleaded guilty during jury selection. In doing so, Harvey Maytwayashing and James Beardy, both 48, will avoid trial. It may have been an interesting one.
Maytwayashing and Beardy were among six people arrested in January 2006. Crown attorney Brian Wilford said the 59-year-old victim had been drinking at a bar where he met Clara Dorion and her daughter Melanie Azure-Cook. Wilford said the man bought them drinks and gave them money for drugs and later accepted an invitation to Dorion’s home. When they arrived, the victim was grabbed by the women’s accomplices, stripped naked, and robbed of his bank card.
The man reportedly gave them a PIN number. The man’s attackers then attempted to use the bank card at a nearby gas station, only to find the man had given them a bogus PIN. They returned and, according to the court, the torture began.
It was reported that the attackers made repeated attempts to extract the money – and repeated attempts to extract the PIN.…
Rogersville, TN — Erica Francis Wilson, 21, and Jesse Elijah Brooks, 32, were both jailed Tuesday after an argument over their relationship status got all violent and stabby. Wilson was apparently tired of being Brooks’ “booty call.”
The kissin’ cousins were reportedly tanked on Everclear Tuesday evening when Brooks got all touchy-feely with Wilson, his first cousin. Apparently fed up with being nothing more than a piece of ass, Wilson started in with the whole, “I want a relationship” whine. Brooks, obviously one of those desperado types, apparently got all punchy shortly after the word “relationship” left Wilson’s lips.
According to police, after being knocked to the floor and punched in the face, Wilson grabbed a pair of scissors off a nearby table. When Brooks attacked again, she “cut him,” leaving a puncture wound on his neck and lacerations on his neck, face, arms and back.
Brooks later refused to give a statement to police, telling officers he didn’t want to press charges, he just wanted Wilson to leave.…
Admittedly, some of the details are vague as the victim isn’t talking to the press, but what is being reported is that an unidentified 18-year-old met 21-year-old Rebecca Chandler online and travelled by bus from Arizona to Milwaukee in order to meet her in person.
Once at the Chandler’s apartment, the teen told police he spent two days tied up while getting cut, slashed and stabbed. After escaping and alerting authorities, he was taken to the hospital where doctor’s say he had more than 300 wounds covering his body.
Chandler was arrested at the apartment where police say they found a pool of blood and blood stains on the banisters and walls. They also discovered a number of occult related items, including one of my personal favorites, The Necromantic Ritual Book.
I found the golem making operations quite useful and the section titled “Necrophilia in the Necromantic Rite” ensured I never had to read my kids another bedtime story.…
Marathon, FL — According to a media release from the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office, a 2-month-old baby was cut on the forehead Monday as one woman attacked another in a fight over two slices of bread.
Around 7:00 Monday evening, police say 18-year-old Kenneshia Thurman knocked on her neighbor’s door and asked to borrow a couple slices of bread. When the neighbor, Justin Rodgers and his guest, Desanta Carey, refused to hand it over, she pitched a hellacious fit.
Rodgers and Carey tried to close the door, but Thurman wouldn’t budge. After a little pushin’ and shovin’, the couple managed to close the door, shutting Thurman out.
Police say Thurman then walked back to her own apartment, grabbed a knife and returned to Rodgers’ apartment. After forcing her way in, Thurman started swinging the knife in an attempt to stab Carey. She missed. She did, however, make contact with Carey’s infant, leaving a small cut on the kid’s head. The injury was minor and treated at the scene, but still…that’s just rude.…
Naples, FL — At first glance, one might think that 22-year-old Jorge Silva would be damn lucky to convince one woman to sleep with him – hint: eyebrows – so to think he totally blew his chance at baggin’ two women at once, well…that’s Dreamin’ Demon material.
Silva was booked on battery charges Sunday after he reportedly got all kinds of violent before the planned ménage à trois with his wife and another woman even made it to second base.
Silva’s wife told deputies that her husband “freaked out” and started hitting her when the three of them began kissing. The wife said she and the other woman then beat feet into the bedroom and locked the door behind them. Silva reportedly managed to bust through the flimsy ass door and proceeded to pummel his wife. At one point, police say Silva picked up a television and swung it at the wife “like a bat.” After hitting her with the televison a couple of times, Silva dropped it on her. He then reportedly armed himself with another television and threw it at her.…
PECOS, N.M. — Two teenage boys have been suspended from school and are facing multiple criminal charges after their bullying of an 8-year-old cousin was caught on a school bus surveillance camera.
In the video, the two 14-year-old boys can be seen spitting into the kid’s mouth on two occasions, giving him several wedgies, sitting on his head and pushing him between the seats. The bus driver didn’t initially view any of the bullying, which reportedly lasted 20 minutes, because the victim was too short for him to see and all three involved were sitting at the back of the bus.
The driver reported the incident to the school principal after reviewing the surveillance footage, who then notified police. The victim said he did not report his cousins’ bullying because he thought he would get into trouble. He found out how wrong he was when the two teens were charged with battery, assault, harassment and criminal sexual contact of a minor.
You can watch the some of the video here and to be honest I don’t know what is more disturbing; the bullying that was captured on camera, or reporter Liz McKernan’s shirt.…
Aaron Hostetler, 21, was booked on domestic battery charges Thursday for allegedly roughing-up his girlfriend after she thwarted his half-assed suicide attempt.
According to the arrest affidavit, Hostetler, reportedly despondent over an imminent break-up with the girlfriend, did his best to make it appear as if he wanted to die by swallowing a handful of pills. The girlfriend, presumably assuming said pills were sleeping pills, attempted to intervene. For her effort, Hostetler allegedly “slammed” her and pushed her to the ground.
The damn drama queen later told deputies the “sleeping pills” were actually Flintstone Chewable Vitamins. Yabba-Dabba Dumbass.
Charged with one count of misdemeanor domestic battery, Hostetler posted $4,250 bond and was released. He’s due back in court on December 6.…
Los Altos, CA — In what prosecutors are describing as a “carefully plotted” attempt to kill her estranged husband, 50-year-old Laura Jean Wenke, dressed in coveralls, rubber boots and bubble wrap, approached the man from behind and proceeded to get stabby.
According to police, wacky Wenke showed up at the couple’s business, identified as Wenke Construction, at about 7:00 p.m. on September 15. I don’t know how she managed to sneak up on the man, but
squeak sneak she did. Police say she hit him once in the ribs with a stun gun and stabbed him multiple times in the neck and chest as he sat at his computer.
The man somehow survived the sneak attack and notified police – officers found him bleeding outside the business. He was taken to Stanford Hospital in critical condition and released a week later.
Wenke, for all of her “careful” planning, apparently failed to draw up an escape plan…she was apprehended inside the building, her bubble wrap outfit streaked with blood.
Why all the hatred?…
Yeadon, PA — Police say four men who orchestrated an armed heist of a 13-year old’s meatball sandwich are now in custody. As a result, meatball sandwich brokers worldwide – who are often the target of organized meatball sandwich theft rings – are breathing a collective sigh of relief.
According to court documents, on Saturday night, the young man had just bought a meatball sandwich at a nearby deli. While on his way home, two men – possibly aware that the teen would be transporting a meatball sandwich – exited a black Ford Expedition and approached him.
One of the men, later identified as Rashawn Ameer Mallory, 21, (pictured) displayed a black revolver. The probable-cause affidavit quotes Mallory as telling the teen, “Whatever you do, don’t move,” and then adding, “If you do anything, I’ll cap you.” A second assailant, later identified as Ernest Wellington Barnett, 22, went through the teens pockets. Police say that the suspects established that – other than the meatball sandwich – the teen had nothing of value.…