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Langhorne, PA – Police have charged John Hardy, 45, of suburban Philadelphia after he allegedly attempted to snatch a 3-year-old out of the back of the car of a woman whom he did not know. This after an apparent road rage incident. …and before he reportedly got naked. If you are near a dry erase board, uncap a marker and try to keep up…

According to a probable cause affidavit, a Pennsylvania mother-of-three told police she was driving with her children – ages 3, 8 and 15 – when a white pickup truck cut her off several times. The woman reported that she drove into a shopping center where she maneuvered her car behind the pickup in an effort get a photo of the truck’s license plate using her cell phone.

According to court documents, when the driver of the pickup truck – Hardy – saw her take the picture, he ‘became agitated’ and blocked her car behind a vacant store. Hardy then reportedly got out of his truck and screamed profanities and threats while approaching her car.…

Cincinnati, OH  — An Ohio man is facing robbery and assault charges after robbing one man of his cell phone and stabbing another in both of his eyes.

Police say that after Eugene Dase punched one man and took his phone, he put Robert Sandford in the hospital after stabbing him multiple times in the eyes.

Police say Dase used a steak knife to stab the poor man’s left eye, then used a television antenna to stab him in his right eye. Sandford was taken to the hospital where he was listed in critical condition.

While in court Monday, Dase cursed at the judge and laughed at his potentially lengthy prison stay.

Dase: “How about I just plead guilty right now?”
Judge Bouchard: “You’re not going to see the light of day for a long time.”
Eugene Dase: “Do you think I give a (expletive)? You think I care?”
Judge Bouchard: “Yeah, I think you’re going to care in about 15 years when you haven’t seen the light of day.”

Not a real shocker, but Dase has prior convictions for assault and has a history alcohol problems.…

Tampa, FL — A man working as a neighborhood salesman for Secure Watch, an authorized dealer for ADT security systems, has been charged with raping a potential client.

Police say that last Friday, 19-year-old Rashad Hales knocked on a woman’s door in hopes of selling her a new security system. The woman informed Hales that her boyfriend handled those types of things and he was currently at a neighbor’s home.

Hales left, but returned a short time later and told the woman he had spoken with her boyfriend and he had said it was ok for them to sign up for a new security system. Not believing Hales, the woman tried to shut the door, but Hales forced his way into the woman’s home.

Once inside, Hales began beating and strangling the victim with his hands and an electrical cord before taking her into a back bedroom where he raped her. Throughout the entire assault, Hales repeatedly told the woman he should kill her.

The woman convinced Hales that she wouldn’t tell anyone what had happened, and Hales left with the woman’s cell phone.…

St. Charles, MO – Police have charged four men for the alleged kidnapping, beating, and torture of a 22-year-old man over a $520 debt. Just think what you could buy with that!

Brothers, Jeffrey Charles Wasser, 24, and Curtis Louis Wasser, 31, are said to have come to the victim’s residence late in the evening December 20 and to have forced him into an SUV. Once inside the front seat of the vehicle, the men bound the alleged victim – their cousin – with duct tape. The brothers then reportedly drove the victim to their residence while followed in a separate car by another local named Ryan Joseph Koenig, 24, and Christopher C. Lujan, 22. of Midland, Texas.

According to court documents, the victim was forced inside the residence, where he said the men bound him with even more duct tape and ‘threw him down the steps to the basement.’ Once in the suspects’ basement, the victim reported being beaten with the butt of a gun and tortured with ‘some sort of circular device with needles protruding from it.’ While this was going on, Jeffrey Wasser was reportedly demanding that the victim pay them $520 – the price the victim got for a shotgun he sold for Jeffrey Wasser and, presumably, never paid.…

Woman Charged With Punching Elderly Walmart Greeter

December 28, 2011 at 8:26 am by  

BATAVIA, NY — A woman was arrested on Christmas Eve after police say she punched a 70-year-old Walmart greeter in the face after the employee asked to see her receipt.

According to reports, 26-year-old Jacquetta Simmons and her male companion were leaving the store on Christmas Eve after having purchased some items at the electronics section located in the back of the store.

When Grace Suozzi asked to check her receipts against the items she was carrying out, Simmons punched the elderly woman, knocking her to the ground and fracturing the bones in the side of her face.

Simmons and her friend fled to the parking lot but other employees and customers quickly surrounded their car and prevented them from leaving until police showed up.

Simmons was arrested and charged with two counts of second-degree assault, and released later on $40,000 bond. She’ll be back in court January 23. State Police Trooper Tracy Patterson said Simmons had receipts for everything in her bags.

Suozzi was taken to the hospital and released from the hospital on Christmas Day.…

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – An Oklahoma purse snatcher picked the wrong person to rob the other day after his victim chased his fatass down and got their purse back.

A woman was in the checkout lane of a Family Dollar when she noticed a large black man standing at the entrance watching her intensely. Most white women are already suspicious of black men staring at them in fear of being raped, but this particular guy was being so unnerving that even one of the employees asked if he needed help.

The man stated he was simply waiting on someone to bring him some money but this explanation did little to alleviate the woman’s suspicions, especially when the man followed her outside of the store and into the parking lot. It was after the woman got her 2-year-old daughter in the car and placed her purse on the passenger seat that the man pulled a gun and demanded her purse.

After he reached over and grabbed it, his fat ass began waddling away.…

Washington, PA — Harry Hibbs Jr., 51, was jailed on Christmas Eve after police accused him of trying to shoot his wife’s face off during an argument about her “excessive Facebook use.”

When police arrived at the couple’s trailer Saturday evening, they found Anna Hibbs bleeding from a gash on her forehead. She informed the responding officer that while she was holding her 2-year-old daughter, her husband shoved her to the ground and popped her in the head with the gun.

When she tried to get back on her feet, Harry reportedly pointed the gun at her and pulled the trigger. Fortunately, the gun jammed.

Harry was transported to the pokey and charged with attempted murder, reckless endangerment and assault. Bail has been set at $500,000.

Anna reportedly received five stitches to the forehead and made it back home in time to tend to her crops.…

Woman Upset About 2012 Stabs Mother In Face

December 23, 2011 at 11:41 am by  

King County, WA — 43 year-old Sabelita L. Hawkins has been charged with first-degree assault after a History Channel special about the Mayan prophecy, heralding the end of days, sent her careening away from sanity.

Hawkins, upon learning of the bad news, allegedly made statements about killing herself. “Get me a gun… I’m ready to die…” No one did, and Hawkins continued acting with the mental stability of a bowl of Cookie Crisp. When she began squeezing a 2 year-old child, people intervened. Her mother was awoken during the commotion and she attempted to restrain her.

It was during this physical struggle that Hawkins reportedly grabbed an 8-inch bread knife and stuck it in mommy a few times. The woman suffered multiple stab wounds during the incident. She sustained a punctured lung and was also stabbed through the cheek once. Someone finally tackled Hawkins and keep her from perforating anyone else until the police arrived, at which point things got even funnier.

Hawkins was babbling nonsense about “people wearing black and purple” and someone named ‘Darell’.…

Peterborough, UK – Kevin Breedon, 34, had a bad night. Just after 2AM on October 30, UK police reportedly found the drunken Breedon waving an 18-inch machete at his fiancée and her 17-year-old son outside his home. It was not reported why.

For their safety, one of the responding officers immediately got the woman and her son into the back of his patrol car. According to court documents, Breedon responded by striking the vehicle repeatedly with the machete in a ‘frenzy of blows’ as the officer tried to drive away. The officer was able to drive away in an effort to get the subjects of Breedon’s ire to a local police station.

Court documents described that, after the patrol car had left, Breedon got into the woman’s Ford Focus to pursue them. In the chaos, though, Breedon had lost track of which patrol car his fiancée and her son were in and began pursuing the wrong police car.

Pursuing a police car…  Hmmm…

In court, prosecutors described Breedon chasing the police car driven by Pc Barry Gray through the streets of the town of St.…

Park Rdg, IL — A man got his face beat to a pulp after he refused to let go of a police officer’s groin.

Police were called to Dominick’s Finer Foods last week on a report of a possible shoplifter. When they arrived at the store they witnessed 44-year-old Frank Slowik running from an employee.

The responding officers gave chase and wrestled Slowik to the ground. While he was being restrained, Slowik decided this was a great oppurtunity to steal a handful of cock meat and proceeded grab one of the arresting officer’s groin.

When Slowik refused to let go of the officer’s lunchbox, his eyeballs were magically turned into freshly f*cked assholes by the officer’s fists, who also proceeded to turn one side of Slowik’s face fifteen shades of purple.

Slowik eventually let go of his prize and was placed in jail in lieu of $50,000 bail on charges of retail theft, aggravated battery to a police officer and resisting arrest. Police would find $1,000 of stolen seafood and meat in Slowik’s vehicle.…

Wall, NJ — One of our readers read my comment on our Facebook Page about digging up some news for today and sent me a few links, including this story out of New Jersey where two youths filmed themselves beating a homeless man for the lulz.

The video, which you can watch below, shows 20-year-old Taylor Giresi and an unidentified 17-year-old boy filming themselves assaulting David Ivins, a homeless man, in a wooded area near the Jersey shore.

Be sure to watch the video and laugh as the young man pushes the disheveled Ivins to the ground, kicks him in the face and punches him. Barely contain your glee as the two steal Ivin’s bicycle.

“No, I need my bike!” he yells after his smiling attackers who respond with a bit of holiday cheer.

“Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or whatever the (expletive) you are,” the cameraman yells. Guffaw!

But the comedy doesn’t end there. Try to contain your fits of laughter as the young man sarcastically apologizes to Ivins, who is bleeding, and gives the poor guy a hug before kneeing him in the stomach and a flying kick to the head.…

Lakeland, FL — A sixth-grade geography teacher at Lakeland Highlands Middle School has been charged with battery after she threw her food through the driv-thru window of a Florida McDonald’s.

According to the arrest report, 39-year-old Simone Paolercio was upset with her $20 McDonald’s order Saturday morning. She wasn’t happy with two of the hash browns she had received and was demanding a refund.

When the manager refused to refund Paolercio her money, video captures Paolercio as she hurls a bag of food back through the window, hitting an employee in the face and chest. She then proceeds to place a seemingly never-ending supply of McDonald’s breakfast items on the window sill, which fall to the floor.

She takes off before police arrive, but they eventually catch up to Paolercio at her home where she would first deny ever throwing any food at the McDonald’s worker. But unlike the manager, she couldn’t argue with the surveillance footage and was arrested on a charge of battery. She has since been released and is awaiting a trial date.…

LAKEVILLE, Minn. – A father in Minnesota was charged with assault after he allegedly punched his son in the face after his son’s team lost a basketball game.

Witnesses described seeing 52-year-old Steven O. Wilson hold his eighth-grade son down and then punch him in the face outside the gym at Lakeville South High School where the boy’s team had just lost a game in a youth basketball tournament.

Other parents stepped in and separated Wilson from his son, who they say never raised a hand towards his dad. Police soon arrived and after talking with everyone involved,  arrested Wilson and charged him with fifth-degree domestic assault.

He spent the night in jail and was released on Sunday after posting his $10,000 bail. If convicted, Wilson could get up to 90 days in jail. But some feel that isn’t enough. The Eagan Athletic Association, as well as other parents, want Wilson banned from all future games. Some have expressed concerns for the boy.

“It breaks your heart,” said Tara Falteysek. “I can’t imagine how that young boy feels, that dad would do that to him — and in front of friends.”

An eight-grade coach echoed the same sentiments some of you have probably already started typing.…

PORTLAND, OR — A 33-year-old man was arrested outside a Toys ‘R’ Us in Oregon after he allegedly assaulted some shoppers with a toy lightsaber before fighting with police in the parking lot.

Someone in the Jantzen Beach Toys R Us called 911 last night to report a man swinging a toy lightsaber at other customers in the store. By time police arrived, the man had already assaulted several people with a lightsaber and was now in the parking lot continuing to act crazy.

Still wielding the blue lightsaber, the man refused to listen to police commands and continued swinging the toy at them while yelling incoherently. One officer used a Taser on the man, but the device didn’t work. A second used his Taser and made contact, but like a boss, the man swung the lightsaber and broke one of the wires free.

Police finally said “f*ck it” and apprehended the man the old fashioned way by tackling him and pinning him to the ground. He was treated by medics at the scene and will face criminal charges after his much needed mental evaluation.…

LOUISVILLE, KY. — Some of you may remember a story I posted last year regarding Carl Berry, a 43-year-old man undergoing cancer treatment who was ruthlessly beaten by some teens outside a Kentucky dollar store.

Berry was taken to the hospital and fell into a coma after having surgery performed on his damaged eye. Berry never regained consciousness and has remained in a vegetative state until this past Friday, when it was reported that he had died.

For those of you unfamiliar with this story, Berry and his girlfriend were at a General Dollar store when Berry, sick from chemotherapy treatments, decided to go wait in the car. Outside in the parking lot, he was beaten senseless by 16-year-old Michac Jones and a 14-year-old. One witness stated Berry called the teens a racial slur, but his fiancee, and other witnesses at the scene, say that wasn’t true.

Whatever the reason, the beating put Berry into the coma he’d been in for the last 18 months. In August of this year, Jones, who’d already been charged with rape and sexual assault in an unrelated case at the time of the incident, pleaded guilty to first degree assault.…

Colonie, NY – A man that suffered a heart attack after a struggle with police after pulling a nutty inside a gym had PCP and steroids in his system, according to reports.

A toxicology report found the drugs inside the 235 pound, 6 foot tall body of 32 year-old Chad Brothers. The drugs are blamed for the state of ‘excited delirium‘ that led to his death. Based on my medical expertise, I’d say that it looks something like this.

Early on October 31st, Brothers was at the gym ‘lifting zing ups and putting zem down’ when he lost his goddamn mind. During the super-sized temper tantrum, Brothers apparently toppled weights, started winging dumbbells and punched another patron.

Police, attempting to subdue the man-beast, employed tasers several times with little effect. It even appears that Brothers may have tased himself during the confrontation. Whether or not that was intentional is unknown, but let’s all give him a big ‘Like a Boss!‘ and a round of applause anyway and pretend it was.…

Belleville, IL — A couple of siblings are facing domestic battery charges after police say they tag teamed their mother and delivered a beat down because the woman threw out their beer.

Police responded to the family’s home on November 22, where they made contact with pair’s 42-year-old mother. The woman, bloodied, swollen and bruised, told deputies the proverbial shit hit the fan soon after she threw out several cans of Bud Light she had found in her refrigerator. She tossed the beer, she said, because her daughter, 20-year-old Brittany Ferguson, was not of legal drinking age. This apparently angered Brittany and her brother, 18-year-old Lindell Ferguson, and the two jumped their mother and an unidentified 47-year-old male who also lived in the home.

Neither adult suffered serious injuries, and neither required hospitalization.

Brittany and Lindell fled the scene shortly after the beating, but were arrested five days later. Both remain behind bars in lieu of $10,000 bail.

Should’a kept the beer and tossed the kids……

Palm Springs, CA — A 67-year-old woman was taken into custody over the weekend after police say she tried to snip off her hubby’s willy with a pair of scissors.

Police responded to the couple’s home Saturday evening after receiving a call from the “distressed” 62-year-old man. When they arrived, they found the man suffering from lacerations to his genital area. The man reportedly told police his wife of 32 years tried to sever his penis with a pair of large scissors…scissors that police say resembled poultry shears. Ouch.

Fortunately for him, she did not succeed. The man was taken to a local hospital for treatment. The injuries were deemed non-life threatening and he was soon released.

Police say the alleged snippin’ may have been the result of a long-standing marital dispute.

Virginia Valdez has been charged with mayhem, assault with a deadly weapon and felony domestic violence. She was released Sunday on $100,000 bond.