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Peterborough, UK – Kevin Breedon, 34, had a bad night. Just after 2AM on October 30, UK police reportedly found the drunken Breedon waving an 18-inch machete at his fiancée and her 17-year-old son outside his home. It was not reported why.

For their safety, one of the responding officers immediately got the woman and her son into the back of his patrol car. According to court documents, Breedon responded by striking the vehicle repeatedly with the machete in a ‘frenzy of blows’ as the officer tried to drive away. The officer was able to drive away in an effort to get the subjects of Breedon’s ire to a local police station.

Court documents described that, after the patrol car had left, Breedon got into the woman’s Ford Focus to pursue them. In the chaos, though, Breedon had lost track of which patrol car his fiancée and her son were in and began pursuing the wrong police car.

Pursuing a police car…  Hmmm…

In court, prosecutors described Breedon chasing the police car driven by Pc Barry Gray through the streets of the town of St.…

Park Rdg, IL — A man got his face beat to a pulp after he refused to let go of a police officer’s groin.

Police were called to Dominick’s Finer Foods last week on a report of a possible shoplifter. When they arrived at the store they witnessed 44-year-old Frank Slowik running from an employee.

The responding officers gave chase and wrestled Slowik to the ground. While he was being restrained, Slowik decided this was a great oppurtunity to steal a handful of cock meat and proceeded grab one of the arresting officer’s groin.

When Slowik refused to let go of the officer’s lunchbox, his eyeballs were magically turned into freshly f*cked assholes by the officer’s fists, who also proceeded to turn one side of Slowik’s face fifteen shades of purple.

Slowik eventually let go of his prize and was placed in jail in lieu of $50,000 bail on charges of retail theft, aggravated battery to a police officer and resisting arrest. Police would find $1,000 of stolen seafood and meat in Slowik’s vehicle.…

Wall, NJ — One of our readers read my comment on our Facebook Page about digging up some news for today and sent me a few links, including this story out of New Jersey where two youths filmed themselves beating a homeless man for the lulz.

The video, which you can watch below, shows 20-year-old Taylor Giresi and an unidentified 17-year-old boy filming themselves assaulting David Ivins, a homeless man, in a wooded area near the Jersey shore.

Be sure to watch the video and laugh as the young man pushes the disheveled Ivins to the ground, kicks him in the face and punches him. Barely contain your glee as the two steal Ivin’s bicycle.

“No, I need my bike!” he yells after his smiling attackers who respond with a bit of holiday cheer.

“Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or whatever the (expletive) you are,” the cameraman yells. Guffaw!

But the comedy doesn’t end there. Try to contain your fits of laughter as the young man sarcastically apologizes to Ivins, who is bleeding, and gives the poor guy a hug before kneeing him in the stomach and a flying kick to the head.…

Lakeland, FL — A sixth-grade geography teacher at Lakeland Highlands Middle School has been charged with battery after she threw her food through the driv-thru window of a Florida McDonald’s.

According to the arrest report, 39-year-old Simone Paolercio was upset with her $20 McDonald’s order Saturday morning. She wasn’t happy with two of the hash browns she had received and was demanding a refund.

When the manager refused to refund Paolercio her money, video captures Paolercio as she hurls a bag of food back through the window, hitting an employee in the face and chest. She then proceeds to place a seemingly never-ending supply of McDonald’s breakfast items on the window sill, which fall to the floor.

She takes off before police arrive, but they eventually catch up to Paolercio at her home where she would first deny ever throwing any food at the McDonald’s worker. But unlike the manager, she couldn’t argue with the surveillance footage and was arrested on a charge of battery. She has since been released and is awaiting a trial date.…

LAKEVILLE, Minn. – A father in Minnesota was charged with assault after he allegedly punched his son in the face after his son’s team lost a basketball game.

Witnesses described seeing 52-year-old Steven O. Wilson hold his eighth-grade son down and then punch him in the face outside the gym at Lakeville South High School where the boy’s team had just lost a game in a youth basketball tournament.

Other parents stepped in and separated Wilson from his son, who they say never raised a hand towards his dad. Police soon arrived and after talking with everyone involved,  arrested Wilson and charged him with fifth-degree domestic assault.

He spent the night in jail and was released on Sunday after posting his $10,000 bail. If convicted, Wilson could get up to 90 days in jail. But some feel that isn’t enough. The Eagan Athletic Association, as well as other parents, want Wilson banned from all future games. Some have expressed concerns for the boy.

“It breaks your heart,” said Tara Falteysek. “I can’t imagine how that young boy feels, that dad would do that to him — and in front of friends.”

An eight-grade coach echoed the same sentiments some of you have probably already started typing.…

PORTLAND, OR — A 33-year-old man was arrested outside a Toys ‘R’ Us in Oregon after he allegedly assaulted some shoppers with a toy lightsaber before fighting with police in the parking lot.

Someone in the Jantzen Beach Toys R Us called 911 last night to report a man swinging a toy lightsaber at other customers in the store. By time police arrived, the man had already assaulted several people with a lightsaber and was now in the parking lot continuing to act crazy.

Still wielding the blue lightsaber, the man refused to listen to police commands and continued swinging the toy at them while yelling incoherently. One officer used a Taser on the man, but the device didn’t work. A second used his Taser and made contact, but like a boss, the man swung the lightsaber and broke one of the wires free.

Police finally said “f*ck it” and apprehended the man the old fashioned way by tackling him and pinning him to the ground. He was treated by medics at the scene and will face criminal charges after his much needed mental evaluation.…

LOUISVILLE, KY. — Some of you may remember a story I posted last year regarding Carl Berry, a 43-year-old man undergoing cancer treatment who was ruthlessly beaten by some teens outside a Kentucky dollar store.

Berry was taken to the hospital and fell into a coma after having surgery performed on his damaged eye. Berry never regained consciousness and has remained in a vegetative state until this past Friday, when it was reported that he had died.

For those of you unfamiliar with this story, Berry and his girlfriend were at a General Dollar store when Berry, sick from chemotherapy treatments, decided to go wait in the car. Outside in the parking lot, he was beaten senseless by 16-year-old Michac Jones and a 14-year-old. One witness stated Berry called the teens a racial slur, but his fiancee, and other witnesses at the scene, say that wasn’t true.

Whatever the reason, the beating put Berry into the coma he’d been in for the last 18 months. In August of this year, Jones, who’d already been charged with rape and sexual assault in an unrelated case at the time of the incident, pleaded guilty to first degree assault.…

Colonie, NY – A man that suffered a heart attack after a struggle with police after pulling a nutty inside a gym had PCP and steroids in his system, according to reports.

A toxicology report found the drugs inside the 235 pound, 6 foot tall body of 32 year-old Chad Brothers. The drugs are blamed for the state of ‘excited delirium‘ that led to his death. Based on my medical expertise, I’d say that it looks something like this.

Early on October 31st, Brothers was at the gym ‘lifting zing ups and putting zem down’ when he lost his goddamn mind. During the super-sized temper tantrum, Brothers apparently toppled weights, started winging dumbbells and punched another patron.

Police, attempting to subdue the man-beast, employed tasers several times with little effect. It even appears that Brothers may have tased himself during the confrontation. Whether or not that was intentional is unknown, but let’s all give him a big ‘Like a Boss!‘ and a round of applause anyway and pretend it was.…

Belleville, IL — A couple of siblings are facing domestic battery charges after police say they tag teamed their mother and delivered a beat down because the woman threw out their beer.

Police responded to the family’s home on November 22, where they made contact with pair’s 42-year-old mother. The woman, bloodied, swollen and bruised, told deputies the proverbial shit hit the fan soon after she threw out several cans of Bud Light she had found in her refrigerator. She tossed the beer, she said, because her daughter, 20-year-old Brittany Ferguson, was not of legal drinking age. This apparently angered Brittany and her brother, 18-year-old Lindell Ferguson, and the two jumped their mother and an unidentified 47-year-old male who also lived in the home.

Neither adult suffered serious injuries, and neither required hospitalization.

Brittany and Lindell fled the scene shortly after the beating, but were arrested five days later. Both remain behind bars in lieu of $10,000 bail.

Should’a kept the beer and tossed the kids……

Palm Springs, CA — A 67-year-old woman was taken into custody over the weekend after police say she tried to snip off her hubby’s willy with a pair of scissors.

Police responded to the couple’s home Saturday evening after receiving a call from the “distressed” 62-year-old man. When they arrived, they found the man suffering from lacerations to his genital area. The man reportedly told police his wife of 32 years tried to sever his penis with a pair of large scissors…scissors that police say resembled poultry shears. Ouch.

Fortunately for him, she did not succeed. The man was taken to a local hospital for treatment. The injuries were deemed non-life threatening and he was soon released.

Police say the alleged snippin’ may have been the result of a long-standing marital dispute.

Virginia Valdez has been charged with mayhem, assault with a deadly weapon and felony domestic violence. She was released Sunday on $100,000 bond.

Woman Attacked With Knife At Grocery Store

December 5, 2011 at 5:03 am by  

Des Moines, IA — A woman is recovering from minor stab wounds to the cheek and shoulder after apparently being attacked by a random crazy lady inside Linn’s Super Market over the weekend.

The victim, Glenna Hays, told police she and a couple of family members were inside the store Saturday evening, just talking amongst themselves, when they were rudely interrupted by the alleged crazy lady, 33-year-old Alyssa Wright.

According to one of Hays’ family members, Wright eyeballed the trio as they were conversing and asked, “Are you talking to me?

No word on whether Wright delivered the line with the correct inflection…

When the trio informed Wright that, no, they were not talking to her, she allegedly jumped Hays.

At some point during the beat down, Wright apparently pulled a knife and got to stabbin’. Fortunately, Hays’ relatives were able to pry the crazy lady off before any body parts were severed. Hays was able to transport herself to the hospital for treatment.

The store manager followed Wright out of the store and flagged down a passing police officer.…

Greenwich Village, NY — Back in October, Jaded posted a story about Rayon McIntosh, the 31-year-old McDonald’s cashier caught on video beating two female customers after they jumped the counter and attacked him. Yesterday, a grand jury dismissed all charges against him.

The incident happened one morning when Rachel Edwards and Denise Darbeau, both 24, tried to pay for their food with a $50 bill. The pair became irate when McIntosh told the women he needed to scan their bill for authenticity before he could give them their food. During the argument that followed, Darbeau leans over the counter and slaps McIntosh across the face.

The two women then make their way behind the counter to continue their confrontation with McIntosh, but he introduces the women to his little friend — a metal rod. McIntosh starts swinging for the fences and both women go down faster than your teen daughter on her date to the prom. By time it’s over both women are writhing on the greasy floor, one with a fractured skull, wondering what year it is.…

Washington, DC — Stop me if you’ve heard this one before….

Guy meets girl. Girl and guy meet for drinks and nookie. Girl tells guy she gave him AIDS. Guy shoots girl in head. Girl says, “Daaamn! Just kiddin’!”

According to authorities, that’s basically what happened between 49-year-old Lloyd Wilkins and his girlfriend on the evening of April 23, 2011. The two had hooked up that evening, and after a few drinks, ended up swapping spit and other bodily fluids. After the lovin’ was over, Wilkins’ girlfriend apparently said something along the lines of, “Oh, snap! You got the AIDS!”

Wilkins responded by walking into his bedroom and retrieving a 12-gauge, single-shot shotgun from his closet. He pointed it in the general direction of the woman’s head. The gun went off, striking the jokester in the brain space. No word on whether he jokingly replied, “Oh, snap! You got the dain bramage!”

Wilkins then called 911 to report that he shot someone. At the same time, the woman called a friend to take her to the hospital. …

Police: Man Burned Kitten To Death In Charcoal Grill

November 30, 2011 at 3:27 am by  

Georgetown, SC — Chance Godwin Adams, 24, is facing multiple charges after police say he threatened his mother with a shotgun and used a charcoal grill to burn a kitten to death last Saturday.

From what Adams’ mother told police, he apparently had some sort of psychotic episode the evening before and tore up her house, cornering her with a shotgun at one point.

On Saturday, Adams reportedly entered the woman’s bedroom with a handgun in the waistband of his pants. The woman told police she feared for her life, and while Adams was distracted, presumably by something shiny, she made a run for it and called police from a neighbor’s house.

Responding deputies soon found Adams wandering down the road a short distance away from the home. He was wearing “odd-matching” clothing and a pair of ski goggles, police said. A pat down revealed a pistol holster in his waistband and shotgun parts in his sock. He was placed under arrest.

When officers returned to the home in search of weapons, they found a semi-automatic in the kitchen, but no sign of the missing pistol or the rest of the shotgun.…

Marathon, FL –Maykel Borges, 32, was jailed on assault charges late last week after allegedly swinging a hatchet at a neighbor who refused to give him beer.

Witnesses told police Borges had been walking through the Trailerama mobile-home park all day Friday asking residents for beer. He was reportedly given several beers throughout the day, but when his kind neighbors had had enough and told him to go away, Borges got pissy. He left, but soon returned with hatchet in hand.

Borges apparently began arguing with people in the park upon his return, and at one point allegedly swung the hatchet at one man, cutting him on the side with it. Borges then dropped the weapon and ran.

Borges was arrested at his trailer Friday night, charged with aggravated assault and aggravated battery and booked into jail. Bond was set at $175,000.

The victim was treated at the hospital and released.

I’d spork my neighbor for an ice cold Arrogant Bastard Ale right about now. Just kiddin’…my neighbors drink Hamm’s.…

Bethlehem, PA — A 27-year-old man is facing multiple charges after police say he tried to abduct a woman at gunpoint earlier this week.

According to police, Michael Arce approached the woman, identified as 42-year-old Sarah Brenner, as she was jogging Wednesday afternoon. Brenner told police Arce stepped in front of her and said, “I want to ask you something.” She said she got scared and tried to go around him, but Arce pulled out a gun and grabbed her arm.

Brenner reported that when she screamed for help, Arce said, “Don’t make a fuss or I will kill you.” She said he then put her in the back seat of his BMW and hit the child-safety lock as he got into the front seat.

It was right about then that Arce’s wife, Ana Arce, pulled up next to his vehicle and questioned him about the woman in the back seat. Arce reportedly told his wife that he was simply giving Brenner a ride, police said, and unlocked the back door to let Brenner out.…

Man Accused Of Severing Relative’s Hand With Sword

November 25, 2011 at 5:15 pm by  

Flagstaff, AZ — Dustin Banbury, 21, was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder and aggravated assault Tuesday after police say he chopped off a relative’s hand with a Samurai-type sword.

Deputies responding to a 911 call about a critically injured man arrived at the victim’s home just before 11 p.m. and found the 33-year-old victim inside the residence with a severed right hand, numerous slash wounds to his torso and a deep laceration on his forehead. A blood covered sword was found in the man’s bedroom.

Police allege Banbury and the unidentified victim were in the trailer together when the victim fell asleep. Banbury reportedly exited the trailer as the victim slept, walked to his own trailer and, for whatever reason, retrieved the sword. When he returned, sh*t got bloody.

Banbury was taken into custody at the scene and is being held without bond. The victim was flown to Flagstaff Medical Center, where he is listed in stable condition.

The motive behind the alleged attack is still unknown.

First thought when I read the headline: “Damn!…

Black Friday Shopper Pepper Sprays Rivals At Walmart

November 25, 2011 at 4:00 pm by  

Los Angeles, CA — Now that the turkey has settled, and because you couldn’t pay me to set foot in a retail store today, I figured I’d get a couple stories posted before slipping back into a food coma.

In what officials are calling “shopping rage,” an unidentified woman, trying to get her grubby paws on more sale items, sprayed as many as 20 other shoppers with pepper spray at the Walmart in Porter Ranch late Thursday night.

According to police Sgt. Jose Valle, store employees had brought out a crate of discounted Xbox 360s, and as the crowd waited for the unwrapping, the woman began spraying people “in order to get an advantage.”

Ten people were slightly injured by the pepper spray and 10 others suffered minor bumps and bruises in the chaos, Valle said. They were treated at the scene.

“People could have gotten trampled,” said Valle. “Good thing there were no small kids.”

The woman apparently used the spray tactic in other areas of the store as well, but no other injuries have been reported.…