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JAFFREY, N.H. – A 20-year-old moron is in a bit of trouble after he got caught, on camera no less, blowing snot into two police officer’s coffee.

Detective Hileman and Lt. Choate thought it was odd that Christopher Hildreth went to the back to make their coffee when they stopped into Dunkin’s Donuts in June as he’d never done that when he served them coffee on previous occasions.

Feeling paranoid, as I’m sure most cops do when being served food, they watched Hildreth with the help of a store-front video monitor that shows a view of the back room. Both officers said they watched as Hildreth fill their drinks, and then add snot to both cups.

They didn’t say a word to Hildreth when he returned with their drinks, but contacted the manager and reviewed the surveillance tapes with her. The tapes clearly showed Hildreth making a couple of Boogerlattes and he was immediately fired.

He was also charged with two misdemeanor counts of attempted assault.

I gotta commend those two police officers.…

HARRISBURG, Pa. – A father is in jail after police say he played a little too rough with his 4-month-old son.

Police say 38-year-old Terrance McMullen was playing around with his son, tossing him in the air. Unfortunately, one throw had the boy’s head meeting a metal door frame and his skull cracked like an egg.

Most of us are aware that when a baby’s head, traveling at a high velocity, is intercepted by a hard surface, that it may be a good idea to have them checked out. Like, by  a doctor or something. But McMullen had a better idea.

McMullen simply put the screaming infant in a bedroom then closed the door behind him. It wasn’t until the boy’s mother and grandmother heard him crying, that he was rushed to the hospital suffering from a fractured skull and bleeding on the brain.

McMullen was arrested and charged with aggravated assault.

“We don’t know what is more surprising about this,” police would probably say if they liked to tell racist jokes.…

Los Angeles, CA – Natasha Hubbard, 36, of Los Angeles woman was arrested after allegedly grabbing a baby from its stroller and slamming him against a truck.

Lt. Paul Vernon of the Los Angeles Police Department said that Hubbard approached the baby, his mother, Adriana Miranda, 29, and his aunt on a city street.  Witnesses reportedly saw Hubbard unbelt the child from the stroller, swing him over her head and slam him into the metal rail of a truck in view of his mother and aunt.

The two women struggled with Hubbard to get the baby back.  Hubbard allegedly fought back, trying to get the child.  The mother and her sister ran to a nearby store for protection but were turned away by the store owner.  Asshole.

Hubbard then, reportedly, fled.

Witnesses directed officers to Hubbard who apprehended her.  Hubbard was placed in jail facing charges of assault and battery. She reportedly later told detectives that she was trying to break the 4-month-old’s arm so she could eat it.  Her bail was set at $30,000.…

ATLANTA, GA - A McDonald’s manager has been fired after punching a customer who came into the store with her two autistic children and a service dog.

Jennifer Schwenker was in the store with her twins and the dog when she was approached by Tiffany Denise Allen, an off-duty manager, who told her she could not have the dog in the restaurant.

Schwenker explained to Allen that Barkley (heh) was a service dog and was allowed in public places by federal law. She even offered to show Allen her permit for the dog. But as surveillance footage shows, Allen wasn’t interested and followed Schwenker around the store berating her.

When Schwenker begins leaving the store, she drops her drink on the floor and splashes Allen. You cannot see if the drop was on purpose or not, but either way, Allen gets PISSED. I think I see her yelling “Tiffany Angry! Tiffany Smash!” as her co-workers try to hold her back. Allen breaks free and charges after Schwenker where, off camera in the parking lot, she punches Schwenker in the face.…

Serial Butt Slasher Suspected In Five Attacks

July 27, 2011 at 5:36 am by  

Fairfax, VA — Police believe the man in the surveillance photo to the left is responsible for a rash of butt slashings that have occurred in retail stores across the county over the past six months.

Of the five reported attacks, three have occurred at the Fair Oaks Mall. The first incident happened on Valentine’s Day near the indoor entrance to the Champps Restaurant, and another was reported on May 16 in the Ann Taylor store. Two more incidents, one at H&M in Tyson’s Corner, and another at Marshalls in the Greenbriar Shopping Center, were reported in June.

Police say the alleged slasher distracts his intended victim, women in their teens or early 20’s, before slicing her booty with a box cutter or razor.

In the latest incident, an 18-year-old woman was browsing the racks at a Forever XXI store inside the Fair Oaks mall when she noticed a man behind her bending down to pick up clothes that had fallen off the rack. Just moments later, she felt the sting.…

Woman Accused Of Biting Off Man’s Eyebrow

July 26, 2011 at 5:03 am by  

STOCKTON, Calif. – We have had a lot of stories about people biting things off of other people here at D’D. Multiple stories of people biting off penises, tongues, ears, eyeballs, tits, cheeks, noses, nipples, lips..we have over 50 stories in the biting category alone. But today I think we have a new one. A California woman has been accused of biting off a man’s eyebrow.

Raymond Luna said he was trying to help his 16-year-old daughter who was being tagged teamed by a mother and her 20-year-old daughter in the parking lot of the apartments where they live.

That’s when Luna says the woman’s daughter jumped on him and bit off his eyebrow. “She jumped [on me],” he said. “She bit down on me. She actually hugged me and bit down, spit it out.”

Luna says they were unable to find the missing flesh (in the  video he informs the news crew they may be walking on it) and he will need reconstructive surgery because doctors couldn’t sew up the wound.…

Plantation, FL — Rhonda Hollander, 47, a female traffic judge from Florida has been accused of following a man into a courthouse bathroom and photographing him with her cellphone while he was taking care of business at a urinal.

According to the arrest report, a man named Willie Jackson Jr. was preparing to use a urinal in the courthouse bathroom when Hollander allegedly photographed him. Police say she then snapped a keepsake of another man as he entered the bathroom. When Broward Sheriff’s Deputy Darlene Harden approached and questioned Hollander shortly after, Hollander admitted taking a picture of Willie but refused to turn over her phone. Her point, reportedly, was that it was a public restroom and, hence, she was not violating any laws by taking a picture of Jackson’s private – errr… I mean public – parts. Brilliant defense, counselor.

The arrest report went on to describe Deputy Harden then escorting both Hollander and Jackson to an office in the courthouse. Hollander continued to take pictures during this time. Understandably annoyed, Deputy Harden pointed her finger at Hollander and ordered her to stop.…

Bridgeport, CT — Juliette Dunn, 29, was arrested last month after witnesses at a local park flagged down a couple of officers to complain that a mother was forcing alcohol on her children at the playground.

Dunn and her companion, 33-year-old Lisa Jefferson, were spotted sitting in the grass near the playground with two young children next to them. As officers approached the gruesome twosome, they noticed an empty 40-ounce bottle of Steel Reserve beer on the ground beside Dunn’s 4-year-old son. A baby bottle laying next to Dunn’s 10-month-old daughter contained a dark liquid that smelled like booze.

Witnesses reportedly told police they watched as Dunn handed the 40 to her son and demanded that he chug-a-lug. Afterwards, witnesses said, she called the boy an alcoholic.

The children were taken to the hospital where it was determined they both had alcohol in their system. While being examined, the 4-year-old reportedly told a social worker he “likes Natural Ice beer and Budweiser, but doesn’t like the taste of Dog Bite.” The infant also tested positive for cocaine.…

Galveston, TX -- 20 year-old Austin Jones was arrested Monday after a violent outburst directed at a baby.

Tasers, bath salts, Walmart… these are a few of our favorite things.

The 11 month-old, sitting in a shopping cart pushed by her 24 year-old mother, was just minding her own damn baby business (you know… sucking thumbs, making unintelligible mouth-noises and plotting an inconvenient time to crap in her diaper) when Jones walked through the entrance behind them.

Detective Michelle Sollenberger of the Galveston Police said, “As he approached, he was yelling and screaming at them about the baby. He grabbed the bed of her shopping cart the child was sitting in and started pulling and shaking the shopping cart. The mother kept it from completely flipping over on the child. The little girl had red marks on her legs from the shaking.”

As it happened, two retired police officers where nearby. After calling dispatch, they tried to detain him themselves, but he resisted (and continued to do so) as officers arrived.…

Chouteau, OK — Just days after Casey Anthony was acquitted, an Oklahoma woman claims a “crazed” Shireen Nalley assaulted her because of her supposed resemblance to the much hated “Tot Mom.”

26-year-old Sammay Blackwell claims she was working the cash register at Fiesta Mart on July 8th when Nalley entered the store. Nalley, who Blackwell says looked “strange” and “very suspicious,” paid for a tank of gas, said something along the lines of, “Hey, you look like Casey Anthony,” and left the store.

When Blackwell’s shift ended a short time later, shit got weird….

“I began to back out and looked and I could tell she [Nalley] was staring directly at me; I could almost see the whites of her eyes,” said Blackwell. “I proceeded to pull out of the parking lot, and she was right behind me.”

Blackwell said she had made it a few miles down the road when Nalley suddenly and intentionally rear ended her. Blackwell turned off the street and into a parking lot in an attempt to get away from the crazy lady in the grocery getter, only to be rewarded with another hit to her vehicle.…

Brunswick, GA - Three people have been arrested following a hair appointment that became a hostage situation.  Sheesh…  again?!?

According to the Glynn County Police Department, late Saturday a 39-year-old man drove a 16-year-old girl to an apartment complex to get her hair done.  Jalescia Hawkins, 19, was the stylist.  The man’s identity was not released.

When the man returned to give the 16-year-old girl a ride back home, the girl reportedly asked for $20 to pay for the hair appointment.  The man refused.  According to police, in response, Hawkins’ boyfriend, Marquise Timms (pictured), 19, pulled the man’s 7-year-old son out of the rear seat of the car and held a gun to the boy’s head while again asking for the $20.

Meh.  We’ve all had a hair appointment like that.

The victim gave Timms the $20 which prompted Timms to then throw the child to the pavement, causing minor injuries.

Jalescia Hawkins

A mother who lived in the apartment complex ran outside to see what was going on.  While outside, Timms, Hawkins and the 16-year-old ran into her apartment.  …

GLENDALE, CA - Police have arrested a woman who used her SUV to hit her ex-boyfriend twice in a grocery store parking lot all because he insulted her mother.

It happened on Saturday in the parking lot of a Smart & Final in full view of other shoppers. Tangik Khodaverdian, 25, allegedly drove her SUV into the lot and pinned her ex-boyfriend to the brick wall he was sitting on.

As she was driving off, her ex was able to get back on his feet and use his cell phone to snap a picture of her license plate. Khodaverdian witnessed this, put her vehicle into reverse and then struck the 32-year-old man a second time before driving off.

The man suffered non-life-threatening injuries to his leg and back and was taken to the hospital. Khodaverdian was arrested at her home later that day.

She told police she didn’t pin her ex to a wall, she merely parked in front of him after he insulted her mother. She did admit to reversing into him, but says she only did so because she saw him trying to get her tag number and she was afraid of him.…

Garden Grove, CA – We had a lean day yesterday, but here’s a story to make up for it. A woman in California has been arrested, charged with cutting off her husband’s penis then tossing it in a garbage disposal.

Officers were called to a home by 48-year-old Catherine Kieu Becker. Inside they found her 51-year-old husband tied to a bed bleeding and missing his dick.

Becker told them she had drugged her husband then tied him to the bed. When he began waking up, she used a knife to cut off his penis. Not done, she then put it in the garbage disposal and turned it on. She went on to tell police that she and her husband were going through a divorce and that he deserved it.

The poor guy was taken UCI Medical Center, where he underwent emergency surgery. I’m not sure if they were able to re-attach his dick or not, but trust me when I say that if he is like most men, it doesn’t matter if it’s a non-functioning lump of flesh that looks like a wad of chewed bubble-gum — he’d still rather have it attached to his body than gone completely.…

New Castle, DE - A man is facing multiple charges after what can only be described as a string of failure.

33 year-old Clint Greene had a bad weekend. Not only did his electric razor severely malfunction, but a series of bad decisions he made Saturday led to his arrest. Let’s play a little game of ‘count the fails’, shall we?

Greene had an argument around 5am with a 36 year-old female relative. He threw a temper tantrum, rampaging through the house and damaging furniture, televisions and even a computer. He roughed up the victim physically, resulting in a minor injury to the woman’s shoulder.

Not satisfied, Greene grabbed a handgun from a bedroom and actually fired a shot off in the home. Fail #1 occurs when the victim knocks the firearm from Greene’s hand (likely he had become distracted by a reflective surface and couldn’t help but admire his awesome facial hair) and kicked it under the living room couch. Now you have no gun and you look silly.

After pulling that little Chuck Norris move, the woman fled to a neighbor’s house to call 911.…

Gurnee, IL - Ainsley Ball, 22, was arrested for allegedly stabbing an apartment-mate in the back of the head.  This after she reportedly refused to have sex with him.  That’ll make her come around.

According to police, an officer heard a loud scream as she got in her squad car to begin her shift Wednesday morning – appearing to have come from a nearby apartment complex.  Investigating, the officer reportedly then saw the woman on an apartment balcony with what appeared to be blood on her shoulder.

The woman told the officer that Ball had been sleeping upstairs in her apartment.  Just before the incident, he had woken her up and requested sex.  According to Gurnee Police Cmdr. Jay Patrick, when she turned him down, Ball allegedly stabbed her in the back of the head with a kitchen knife.

When the woman felt blood, she grabbed the knife and began struggling with Ball, police said.  Ball ran from the apartment before police arrived.  Police found him shortly after in a wooded area nearby – presumably cornered by animals in search of nesting materials.  …

Hypoluxo, FL – According to police, Jeffery Waites, 57, threw a butter knife at his wife during an argument. The knife reportedly entered her skull through the left side of her nose. As horrible as this sounds, it is worth noting that – at any carnival in the U.S. – a throw such as this would earn him a stuffed animal. Not one of those medium-sized ones, either.  …a large one.

Waites reportedly called 911 requesting emergency medical assistance for his wife. During the call, Waites told dispatchers that he had a fight with his wife and threw a butter knife at her. According to the Lantana Police arrest report, Waites noted during the call that the knife was ‘now stuck in her head.’

When police arrived, they found the woman lying on the floor and bleeding from her head. She told reponding officers that the knife had just “come out.” Despite this, police and rescue personnel insisted on pursuing the matter.

According to the report, she was taken to a local medical center and was considered to be in good condition.…

Wayne City, IL — Roughly four hours after allegedly beating and choking  his new wife so badly she had to be placed in a coma, an Illinois man was found dead.

35 year-old Charla Baker was married to 41 year-old Rodney Baker for less than a week before he allegedly choked her unconscious Wednesday morning. Her children woke up to the sound of her screams for help and witnessed Rodney fleeing out the front door. When police arrived, Mrs. Baker was found unresponsive and bleeding from the nose and mouth. They stated she also sustained a head injury.

She was brought by ambulance to the hospital where doctors place her in a medically-induced coma. Rodney’s body was found shortly after 8am by two farm workers, hanging from the steps of a grain bin, which is probably some farm-type apparatus I can’t be bothered to look up. Said Wayne County Coroner Jimmy Taylor, “It appeared that he hanged himself in a hurried fashion very shortly after the incident… he first tried to use some clothing to make a rope, then found a piece of rope from a fishing net in the tool box of his truck.” Yikes.…

St. Charles, IL — Lawrence E. Adamczyk, 47, was taken into custody after allegedly exposing himself at a suburban Chicago fitness club and touching other men inappropriately.

St. Charles police reported that they were called to the X-Sport fitness club at about 3PM Monday for a battery complaint. According to police, when they arrived they found that Adamczyk had been taken into custody by an off-duty police officer who was working out at the club and witnessed Smirky-boy’s questionable behavior.

Three male patrons of the facility reportedly told police that they were approached and inappropriately touched by Adamczyk while they were either working out or playing basketball. Adamczyk also exposed himself while walking around the facility, St. Charles Police spokesman Paul McCurtain said.

“It was a continuous act,” McCurtain added.

Adamczyk was charged with three counts of battery and one count of public indecency, all Class A misdemeanors. He was released on bond pending a hearing on July 21.…