Mom, Stepmom Accused Of Assaulting Son's Alleged Bullies In School CafeteriaGirl, 12, Tried Killing Her Mother With Bleach Because She Took Her Cell PhoneDynel Lane Accused Of Cutting Baby Out Of Pregnant Woman's Womb After Luring Victim With Craigslist AdCharges Dropped Against Man Who Tricked Woman Into Drinking His SpermCaleb Barnes Accused Of Stabbing His 14-Year-Old Girlfriend's Mother To DeathDeasia Watkins Arrested After Decapitating Her Three-Month-Old DaughterBoy, 15, Stabbed 52-Year-Old Man To Death Because He Accidentally Spilled Coffee Outside McDonald'sBoy, 12, Accused Of Fatally Shooting His 13-year-old FriendStephen Woytack Killed By Falling Headstone While Decorating Family GraveThree Juveniles In Custody After Man Murdered While Walking His Dog

Naples, FL — At first glance, one might think that 22-year-old Jorge Silva would be damn lucky to convince one woman to sleep with him – hint: eyebrows – so to think he totally blew his chance at baggin’ two women at once, well…that’s Dreamin’ Demon material.

Silva was booked on battery charges Sunday after he reportedly got all kinds of violent before the planned ménage à trois with his wife and another woman even made it to second base.

Silva’s wife told deputies that her husband “freaked out” and started hitting her when the three of them began kissing. The wife said she and the other woman then beat feet into the bedroom and locked the door behind them. Silva reportedly managed to bust through the flimsy ass door and proceeded to pummel his wife. At one point, police say Silva picked up a television and swung it at the wife “like a bat.” After hitting her with the televison a couple of times, Silva dropped it on her. He then reportedly armed himself with another television and threw it at her.…

PECOS, N.M. – Two teenage boys have been suspended from school and are facing multiple criminal charges after their bullying of an 8-year-old cousin was caught on a school bus surveillance camera.

In the video, the two 14-year-old boys can be seen spitting into the kid’s mouth on two occasions, giving him several wedgies, sitting on his head and pushing him between the seats. The bus driver didn’t initially view any of the bullying, which reportedly lasted 20 minutes, because the victim was too short for him to see and all three involved were sitting at the back of the bus.

The driver reported the incident to the school principal after reviewing the surveillance footage, who then notified police. The victim said he did not report his cousins’ bullying because he thought he would get into trouble. He found out how wrong he was when the two teens were charged with battery, assault, harassment and criminal sexual contact of a minor.

You can watch the some of the video here and to be honest I don’t know what is more disturbing; the bullying that was captured on camera, or reporter Liz McKernan’s shirt.…

Manatee County, FL — Before you even ask, no, I did not manipulate the mugshot to the left….his neck really is that long.

Aaron Hostetler, 21, was booked on domestic battery charges Thursday for allegedly roughing-up his girlfriend after she thwarted his half-assed suicide attempt.

According to the arrest affidavit, Hostetler, reportedly despondent over an imminent break-up with the girlfriend, did his best to make it appear as if he wanted to die by swallowing a handful of pills. The girlfriend, presumably assuming said pills were sleeping pills, attempted to intervene. For her effort, Hostetler allegedly “slammed” her and pushed her to the ground.

The damn drama queen later told deputies the “sleeping pills” were actually Flintstone Chewable Vitamins. Yabba-Dabba Dumbass.

Charged with one count of misdemeanor domestic battery, Hostetler posted $4,250 bond and was released. He’s due back in court on December 6.…

Los Altos, CA — In what prosecutors are describing as a “carefully plotted” attempt to kill her estranged husband, 50-year-old Laura Jean Wenke, dressed in coveralls, rubber boots and bubble wrap, approached the man from behind and proceeded to get stabby.

According to police, wacky Wenke showed up at the couple’s business, identified as Wenke Construction, at about 7:00 p.m. on September 15. I don’t know how she managed to sneak up on the man, but squeak sneak she did. Police say she hit him once in the ribs with a stun gun and stabbed him multiple times in the neck and chest as he sat at his computer.

The man somehow survived the sneak attack and notified police – officers found him bleeding outside the business. He was taken to Stanford Hospital in critical condition and released a week later.

Wenke, for all of her “careful” planning, apparently failed to draw up an escape plan…she was apprehended inside the building, her bubble wrap outfit streaked with blood.

Why all the hatred?…

Yeadon, PA — Police say four men who orchestrated an armed heist of a 13-year old’s meatball sandwich are now in custody. As a result, meatball sandwich brokers worldwide – who are often the target of organized meatball sandwich theft rings – are breathing a collective sigh of relief.

According to court documents, on Saturday night, the young man had just bought a meatball sandwich at a nearby deli. While on his way home, two men – possibly aware that the teen would be transporting a meatball sandwich – exited a black Ford Expedition and approached him.

One of the men, later identified as Rashawn Ameer Mallory, 21, (pictured) displayed a black revolver. The probable-cause affidavit quotes Mallory as telling the teen, “Whatever you do, don’t move,” and then adding, “If you do anything, I’ll cap you.” A second assailant, later identified as Ernest Wellington Barnett, 22, went through the teens pockets. Police say that the suspects established that – other than the meatball sandwich – the teen had nothing of value.…

Bonita Springs, FL - A man in Florida is in jail facing battery charges for allegedly beating up his girlfriend after she woke him up playing with a sex toy in bed.

Police were called to the home of 53-year-old Jeffery Bowers where they found his girlfriend in the front yard sporting a swollen eye and bruises on her arm. She told police that Bowers had kicked her in the face, dragged her through the home and locked her out of the house.

Bowers’ side of the story was a little different. He said he had brought his girlfriend over so she could make him something to eat. Later that night he was awakened by the sound of his girlfriend playing with a sex toy. He asked her to stop so he could sleep and then asked her to retrieve his cigarettes off the front porch. When she walked outside to get them, he locked the door behind her.

I’m not excusing the guy if he did indeed beat this woman, but I have to admit that bringing a girl over to fix dinner, then having sex with her before locking her out of the house sounds a lot like a Morbid date night.…

Man Injured In Halloween Chainsaw Attack

November 2, 2011 at 5:48 am by  

Salt Lake City, UT — A 48-year-old man escorting a woman and her 2-year-old daughter while trick-or-treating Monday night was injured in what police believe was a random chainsaw attack carried out by a man in a multi-colored mask.

Very few details at this time, but based on what the woman told police, the chainsaw carrying masked man approached the trio at about 10:00 p.m. As the victim raised his arm to fend off the attack, the saw made contact with his forearm, causing a deep gash.

According to Salt Lake City Police Det. Cary Wichmann, judging by the injury to the man’s arm, it appears as if the saw was running, but without the chain.

“Similar to what is used at haunted houses to give people a scare,” he said. “Even without a chain, the saw can injure.”

Police were unable to get much of a suspect description – in addition to a language barrier and a very frightened and freaked-out woman, the victim was already under sedation at the hospital by the time the authorities were even notified.…

Rapid City, SD – David Spencer, 54, from Kent in the UK, was arrested Monday after an employee in a South Dakota shopping mall complained that his attempt to sell her a sex fetish paddle went too far. Well… just a little too far.

RCPD spokesperson Tarah Heupel reported that the female employee of Northern Lights Art said Spencer came into the store Saturday and tried to sell her a sex fetish paddle for $10. She reportedly refused. The complaint then described Spencer offering to let the employee spank him for $1 – highlighting, of course, the low cost of living in South Dakota. The victim told police she let Spencer smack her ass once with the paddle, but – according to the criminal complaint – Spencer allegedly spanked her a second time without her permission.

The employee did not report the incident to police until she spotted Spencer in the mall again on Monday. She then called mall security, who, in turn, called police.  During the investigation, Spencer told police he was, essentially, funding his travels through the US one fetish paddle and/or spank at a time.…

Chicago, IL — Tim Snyder, 36, has been accused of stabbing a man with a corkscrew after he broke into two separate apartments in search of beer early Saturday morning.

Snyder reportedly forced his way into the first apartment at about 4:00 a.m., demanded beer and began rummaging through the refrigerator. Empty handed and angry, police say Snyder punched the apartment’s occupant before exiting the home and continuing with his quest.

Just moments later, Snyder entered another apartment in the building where he was immediately confronted by a male resident. The two scrapped for a bit before Snyder armed himself with a corkscrew and stabbed the man in the back. Other residents in the apartment were able to hold Snyder until police arrived. The guy who got corkscrewed ended up with about 22 stitches.

He apparently hadn’t calmed down any in the time it took for the police to get there. Snyder reportedly threatened one of the arresting officers, telling him, “I live in the district. I’m going to kill your ass – you can’t lock me up forever.” He then asked the officer if he wanted some AIDS and spat on him.…

Woman Arrested In Potato Salad Rage

October 30, 2011 at 4:21 am by  

Palm Coast, FL — The delightful-lookin’ chickie to the left is 45-year-old Karen Henry – she’s here today because she reportedly threatened to get all stabby after her elderly father denied her a helping of his potato salad.

According to police, Henry pitched the vicious fit last week after her 80-year-old father told her she couldn’t have any of his potato salad. Enraged, Henry began throwing items around the house. She then allegedly grabbed a large kitchen knife and threatened the man, waving it in his general direction several times. Police said the man grabbed a kitchen chair and fended his daughter off long enough to call 911. Fortunately, the man was not injured. Physically, that is. Can you imagine that woman coming at you with a friggin’ butcher knife? That would be enough to give me nightmares for a month.

Henry was placed under arrest and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. As she was being transported to the pokey, she complained of abdominal pains and was taken to the hospital for an examination.…

San Mateo, CA – Vittorio Vincent Valdez, 27, is clearly in need of the type of guidance that only Demonites can provide. This after the Half Moon Bay, California man punched his 82-year-old grandmother in the face several times, according to police. Please do not let him down.

San Mateo prosecutors allege that at approximately 11:30PM on Sept. 24, Valdez’ grandmother was driving him from Palo Alto to Half Moon Bay in her car because he has a suspended license. According to reports, Valdez grew angry at the slow speed at which she was driving and pushed down his grandmother’s right leg to accelerate the vehicle. District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said that the woman became frightened woman and tried pulling into a Shell gas station for help. Valdez then reportedly ‘yanked her from the driver’s seat and threw her into the passenger side.’ Prosecutors allege that Valdez then punched her in the face several times and kept her inside when she tried to exit.

A witness at a nearby 7-Eleven called 911.…

Oxford, MA — A man who allegedly threatened to abduct a 13-year-old girl he had been stalking was arrested at his home Monday after a brief scuffle with police.

According to authorities, 38-year-old Kelly Hoose placed a call to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children Thursday and told the person on the other end of the line that he had been stalking the girl, admitting that he had been following her school bus on and off for three months. Hoose reportedly said he loved the “curly-haired” teen, wanted to kiss her and planned to take her to his house. Police say he then gave the operator his full name, address and license plate number.

The agency immediately contacted Massachusetts State Police. Surveillance was placed at school bus stops on Friday and police began tailing Hoose. When he spotted the tail on Monday, Hoose allegedly rammed a police cruiser and sped off. After a brief pursuit, Hoose was arrested at his home. But not before he attempted to arm himself with a knife.…

Cheat At Monopoly? That’s A Stabbin’

October 28, 2011 at 1:57 am by  

Santa Fe, NM — Laura Chavez, 60, was taken into custody early Wednesday morning for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend during an intense game of Monopoly.

According to police, the two had been playing Monopoly with Chavez’s 10-year-old grandson before the alleged poking occurred. The boy told police the couple began arguing because his grandma believed her boyfriend was cheating at the game. Though police have yet to specify how he was cheating, my guess is that he either palmed Boardwalk and Park Place, or was pilfering 100’s from the bank.

Fortunately, the boy didn’t witness any of the ensuing bloodshed…the real violence started after he was sent to bed.

After the grandkiddo was tucked in for the night, it was on. Chavez allegedly knocked the boyfriend upside the skull with a glass bottle. Police say she then grabbed hold of a butcher knife and proceeded to repeatedly stab the 48-year-old man, causing injuries to the top of his head, neck, left eyebrow and right wrist area.

When police arrived, Chavez mentioned that her boyfriend had pushed her and she asked him to leave her apartment.…

MESA, AZ - Police say that a burglar and his victim got into a scuffle that ended with the victim losing a portion of his ear and a burglar losing his pants.

When Manuel Corrales and his wife returned home Friday afternoon, they encountered 23-year-old Joshua Kyle Randall in their bedroom rifling through their things.

Corrales and Randall got into a physical confrontation while Corrales’ wife called 911. When she returned to help her husband, Randall grabbed her by the hair and threatened to harm her if Corrales did not let go of him.

She would break free and run screaming to the neighbors for help. After hitting Corrales multiple times with a brass candlestick holder and a piece of a broken sink, Randall would bite off a chunk of Corrales’ ear. Randall would finally get out of Corrales’ grip and run out of the house. But not without leaving some things behind.

“I grabbed him with my legs and he ran out of the room with his boxers on,” said Corrales.…

BAKER, LA – A teacher in Louisiana lost it the other day and is now in jail after reportedly choking a 6-year-old student.

The incident happened on the campus playground of an unnamed school where a 6-year-old girl was doing something that really got under 65-year-old Mildred Russ’ skin and had her losing any semblance of patience or control.

First she wrapped her legs around the girl to keep her from moving then tied the girl’s sweater around her neck, squeezing it every time she tried. Russ finally dragged the girl to the principal’s office, pulling her out of her shoes in the process.

For her actions, Russ was arrested on a charge of cruelty to a juvenile and booked into the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison. I know some will come in here and back this teacher in some fashion, citing disrespectful kids, lack of parenting, etc, etc. But I don’t choke disrespectful kids in the grocery store or in my neighborhood, whether they deserved it or not. If I ever do, I would deserve to be in jail just like Mrs.…

Chandler, AZ — Martin Soto, 43, is facing an assault charge after admitting to police that he licked a woman’s injured knee after she took a tumble in a parking lot last week.

According to the charging documents, the victim was walking to her car after work at the Intel plant Thursday when she tripped and fell, scraping her left knee. While she was on the ground, three men drove up in a golf cart. After helping her to her feet and making sure she was not seriously injured, two of the men left. Soto stuck around and followed the woman to her vehicle.

Soto reportedly told the woman he felt obligated to inform the plant’s medical crew of the injury and asked if he could look at her knee to determine if such a call should be made. Thinking nothing of it, the woman rolled up the leg of her pants and exposed her boo-boo, at which point Soto leaned down and gave said boo-boo a good lickin’.

The woman told police she “freaked” and immediately pushed her pant leg down.…

Newcastle, Australia – According to police, Richard McDonald, 25, suspected his girlfriend was having an affair with her boss when she started spending more time at her new job. The girlfriend decided to leave McDonald in early March. She arranged a moving party, of sorts, to get her out of the home they shared. McDonald reportedly made it clear to the woman and her boss that her boss was not welcome. Despite this, her boss arrived to help with the move.

On the day of the move, it was reported that the woman and another woman were struggling with a television when McDonald and another man approached to take over. As the women set the TV down, the woman’s boss came over and said, “Two women struggling with a TV and you won’t even help them, you fucking weirdo.”

The boss, picking up the TV, then reportedly added “Does it take two pussies to pick up a TV?”

Clearly not amused, McDonald reportedly went upstairs, retrieved a speargun, came back downstairs and went outside in search of the boss. …

Dallas, TX — If you are the gentleman responsible for assaulting a woman with a frozen armadillo last month, police would like to have a word with you. So would I….

The assault apparently occurred at a Dallas apartment complex late last month after the suspect and victim argued of the price of the dead, frozen critter. According to police, at some point during the haggling, the suspect tossed the carcass at the woman – twice – hitting her in the leg and then in the chest.

The man reportedly fled after the incident, leaving the victim bruised and presumably carcassless. If and when he’s caught, police say he could be charged with assault.

Why all the violence over the deceased ‘dillo? The woman apparently wanted to dine on the overgrown roly poly. That leaves me with a few questions….

Up until this very moment, I had no friggin’ clue people actually consumed armadillos. (Call me unworldy, but the most exotic thing I’ve ever had in my mouth was attached to a French dude named Franck).…