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Pennsylvania — Police have charged a man for assaulting a child and the child’s mother after he got hit with a water balloon.

According to reports, after a 9-year-old boy hit 33-year-old Joe Mongeon with a water balloon, Mongeon laughed and said, “Good one, kid!”

With his shirt soaked and water dripping from his face, Mongeon called a time out and the two sat side-by-side on the sidewalk. As they each enjoyed a Coke and let the sun dry them off, the pair laughed together as they watched other kids continuing the water fight.

Later, when the boy was much older, this would be one of those pleasant, simple memories that stick around for no particular reason, usually recalled on warm, summer days while playing similar games with his two sons.

As they dodged in and out of a sprinkler while trying, half-heartedly, not to get hit by the water from the hose he was wielding, it would bring him back to that day with Mongeon and the water balloons, reminding him of a simpler time in his life when things seemed full of a innocence and wonder that he had long outgrown.…

Myrtle Beach, SC – Crystal Brown, 38, was charged with aggravated assault Sunday morning for allegedly stabbing a man twice in the head after he’d asked her if she’d have sex with him.  Police arrived at the victim’s house after one of his relatives called to report the incident.

I’ve always believed directly asking a woman if she’d have sex with me to be a dicey proposition at best, at least whenever an exchange of currency would likely be deemed an insult.  Perhaps I’m not suave and/or debonair enough to pull that type of thing off, or maybe the correct phrasing has never quite occurred to me.  It apparently hadn’t occurred to the victim either, at least as far as Ms. Brown is concerned.

Upon processing the victim’s suggestion, Brown reportedly got pretty pissed off, possibly because she’d only known the victim for a few days.  She allegedly began yelling and walking toward the victim’s kitchen.  He followed, telling her she could leave if she wanted to do so; an ill-advised choice, as it turns out. …

Gastonia, NC — I know there are a ton of updates going on regarding Luka Magnotta and the Miami face-eater, but a woman was arrested Sunday afternoon after she got into an argument with a man over groceries and began beating him with her prosthetic leg.

Police say the unnamed woman showed up at the home of 29-year-old Charles Talbert to confront him about continually harassing her, over the last two days, about going to the grocery store.

An argument ensued that got so heated that the woman reportedly leaped out of her wheelchair and struck Talbert in the face and chest. Not content with just beating him with her fists, the woman removed her prosthetic leg and began beating Talbert with that as well.

Talbert wasn’t seriously injured in the attack, but he reported that his cellphone and glasses suffered an estimated $300 in damages. The woman didn’t fare as well and was taken to the hospital after witnesses at the scene pulled her off Talbert and inadvertently pulled  her dialysis tube from her neck.…

Scott County, MN – We all have our bad days, but I’m a firm believer in the theory that douchebags tend to have more of them than most.  With that, I present to you Billy Jack Melton, 34, a Georgia man who got the wise idea to attend his girlfriend’s son’s 6th grade choir concert very drunk…and idiotic.

At some point, Melton stepped onto the stage to record the performance and was promptly asked by school staff and Principal John Jacobson to leave.  Melton apparently agreed to exit the building, but became belligerent once outside, taking his shirt off and challenging Jacobson to a fight.  Unfortunately, the principal didn’t seem to be altogether interested in tousling with a drunken, half-naked, retarded hick.

Melton then reportedly hopped into his car, with his girlfriend and her son inside, and attempted to drive away.  However, upon noticing that a police officer was observing his flawless demonstration of high-level ass-hattery, he jumped into the passenger seat.  It was then that the officer requested Billy Jack’s exit from the vehicle. …

White Plains, NY – Lawrence Bottone, 54, of Norwalk, CT, who was indicted last year on numerous counts of assault, unlawful imprisonment, and criminal impersonation, pleaded guilty yesterday.  There were 50 charges in all, which had him facing decades in the prison.  His plea bargain will likely find him looking at roughly 10 years.  He has been held on $250,000 bail since his arrest in May 2011.

Bottone previously served four years in prison for torturing young black and Hispanic men in Connecticut where he was a school teacher. He was sentenced on child pornography and assault charges after he was videotaped abusing his students in a tutoring program.

Bottone, using the pseudonym “Dr. Hunter” and posing as a professor, was accused of recruiting young men for supposed overseas spy work and torturing them throughout a fallacious training program.  He would frequent local malls and Westchester Community College looking for his targets.  In fact, he was such a fixture at the college that the security staff believed him to be part of the faculty.…

Jersey City, NJ – Patrick Horner, 49, was arrested Monday morning after a physical altercation with a 47-year-old man in Journal Square.  Firefighters who witnessed the fight held the two until police arrived.

According to the victim, when the two men happened upon each other, Horner issued a Muslim greeting.  I’m going to assume, perhaps wrongly, that the victim is Muslim and that Horner, based solely upon his name, is not.  The victim ignored the greeting because he says he knows Horner, but does not care for him.  I’m quite disappointed that the words “hate crime” appear nowhere in the source article, but maybe it doesn’t apply to Muslims or something since they’re all terrorists anyway.

It was then that Horner allegedly became argumentative, lifting his shirt to reveal a spray-painted plastic gun that he must have wanted the victim to believe was real.  It was tucked into his waistband right next to a…wait for it…colostomy bag.  Now that’s gangsta, yo.

Horner then allegedly removed the gun and used it to beat the victim, who probably didn’t realize that the colostomy bag was, by far, the more intimidating weapon on hand.  …

Hackensack, NJ – Police responded to a call on Sunday that a man, Wayne Carter, 43, had barricaded himself inside his home and was threatening to hurt himself.  Officers were able to break into the room inside which Carter had blocked the door with furniture.

As officers approached Carter, who was reportedly wielding a 12-inch knife in the corner, they ordered him to drop the knife, but he refused.  It was at that point that the man apparently began stabbing himself repeatedly in the neck, legs, and abdomen.

According to reports, Carter then took an aggressive stance, yelling at the officers, and threatening them with the knife.  Pepper spray was used to little effect, judging from reports that he then began cutting off pieces of his own flesh and intestines and hurling them at officers.

The cops then retreated and called in the SWAT team, who were able to subdue the man and bring him to a local hospital, partially disemboweled, where he remains in critical condition after emergency surgery.…

Miami, FL – A naked homeless man identified as 31-year-old Rudy Eugene was shot and killed by police on Saturday while reportedly eating another naked man’s face and attempting to gouge out his eyeballs on MacArthur Causeway in downtown Miami.  It turned out to be his last meal; not what I probably would have chosen, but to each his own.

Rumors are swirling about what might have precipitated the attack, ranging from cocaine psychosis to LSD to “bath salts” to the start of the long-anticipated zombie apocalypse.  As a devotee of Occam’s Razor, I’m going with a fundamental and tragic misunderstanding of the game of ice hockey and the concept of the face-off, but only time might tell.

Currently, the only witness to come forward regarding the attack is Larry Vega, a bicyclist who was riding on the causeway that connects downtown Miami to Miami Beach.  “The guy was, like, tearing him to pieces with his mouth, so I told him, ‘Get off!’ ” Vega said. “The guy just kept eating the other guy away, like, ripping his skin.”  Telling the man to “get off” proved woefully ineffective, apparently, so Vega flagged down a Miami police officer who proved to be more potent in the effort to stop Eugene from noshing on the other man’s mug.…

Syracuse, NY — Aaron Hickman, 20, is facing charges of assault and child endangerment, after reportedly admitting to pouring bleach in his nephews’ milk after an argument with the boys’ parents.

Hickman, an apparent mooch, told police he and his brother had argued about Hickman’s lack of financial contributions to the household in the month and a half he had been staying there.

In his statement to police, Hickman claimed his brother and the mother of the two boys called him names and accused him of being “slow and stupid.”

Hickman apparently decided he had had enough of their bad-mouthin’ and decided to move out. Before he did, though, he went and proved ’em right….

“There was a bleach bottle in the kitchen,” Hickman told police. “I took the bleach and I poured it into a milk container that was in the refrigerator.”

In addition to fouling the milk, Hickman also admitted to pouring bleach into a bottle of mouthwash in the couple’s bathroom.

After drinking the spiked milk on Thursday, the boys, ages 1 and 3, became violently ill with severe vomiting and diarrhea.…

Athens, GA — I normally wouldn’t post a shoplifting story, but because this woman has a fantabulous mugshot and a “shopping list” to die for, I figured I’d give it a go.

Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling – the 340-pound, 26-year-old woman was recently busted with a bag of pilfered goodies outside an Athens Piggly Wiggly supermarket.

According to the charging documents, another customer inside the store informed employees that she had witnessed Appling concealing numerous grocery items in a canvas bag as she perused the aisles.

When Appling approached the cash register and placed just one item on the belt, the employee questioned her about the other items allegedly concealed in her bag. And with that, Appling made a mad dash for the exit.

Employee Johnathon Orr was right on her heels, though, and when he attempted to stop the heifer from leaving the premises, he was rewarded with a dose of pepper spray to the face. When that didn’t take Orr down, Appling reportedly delivered a right hook and a loogie.…

Dupont, PA – Tiffany Ann Horner, 33, was arraigned on Thursday at Wilkes-Barre Central Court on charges that she attempted to disarm a police officer who was investigating a disturbance outside Bobby O’s restaurant on May 11th.

Police arrived at her residence following a call to police about the unusual goings-on at the aforementioned restaurant.  No word on what that disturbance was, but I’m betting it was something good based solely on subsequent acts performed by the inimitable Ms. Horner.

When police arrived, they say she immediately began taunting them, which I’ve found is always the best way to ensure that everything is going to work out a-okay.  The verbal taunting wasn’t enough for Ms. Horner, apparently, because she then reportedly proceeded to strip completely naked and drop a growler right on the floor.  I’m guessing the officers were kind of okay with all this, but Ms. Horner’s a firecracker, people, and she crossed the line by allegedly attempting to throw her bakery-fresh fecal matter at them.  Personally, I think she’s probably a nice girl with a slightly unhealthy GG Allin obsession; or maybe she’s just in touch with her inner German.…

Everett, WA — An unidentified woman of unknown age was arrested last weekend after apparently losing what was left of her mind and attacking police outside of a Seattle bar. No, that’s not what earned her a spot here at the Demon, sillies. The fact that she was half-nekkid and sportin’ duct taped boobies is what did it.

According to authorities, the woman was hanging out at a bar Saturday evening, when she started strippin’ off her clothes and placing strips of hot pink duct tape on her upper body. This didn’t go over very well with the bartender, ’cause he ordered her out of the establishment. Silly bartender! Crazy bitches don’t like being ordered around!

Police say the woman grabbed hold of the bartender’s apparently flimsy arm, causing some sort of injury. After that, the crazy lady reportedly attacked another woman in the bar, clawing and scratching the woman’s face and eyes. (I can only assume the other chick was poking fun at the crazy lady’s well-planned and carefully crafted outfit… sooo, she deserved it).…

Everett, WA — The looker to the left is 25-year-old Ambrosia Riche  – she’s been accused of jumping into a random car and gettin’ all kinds of stabby on the dumbfounded driver, leaving him dazed, confused and holey.

According to witnesses, Riche had been seen wandering up and down the street just moments before the bizarre attack, trying to get into several cars. At one point, witnesses say, she jumped on the hood of a passing vehicle but the driver managed to safely “shake her off.”

Along came our victim, Richard Lynn…

Lynn told police he was slowing down at a stop sign when Riche lunged through an open rear window and attacked, stabbing him numerous times in the head, chest and arm.

Lynn was able to scramble out of the vehicle, but Riche was right on his heels, stabbing away.

Poor dude suffered six stab wounds to the back of his head and two to his chest and arm before he was able to disarm the crazy lady. Bystanders rushed to his aid, and Riche was left standing in the intersection, ranting unintelligibly.…

TINLEY PARK, IL – Multiple people were injured and several arrested after a group of militant anti-racists stormed a family restaurant on Saturday, and attacked a group of white supremacists.

The group of 18 attackers, dressed in black and sporting masks, assaulted roughly a dozen alleged white supremacists with steel batons and hammers inside the Ashford House restaurant, causing around $15,000 in damages and sending several people to the hospital.

“The other group marched into the restaurant, all were in hooded sweatshirts,” restaurant owner, Mike Winston, told msnbc.com. “Each had a chair leg, baton or a bat. They came in and went straight to a table of white guys and whoever stood up or got in the way, they got walloped.”

Mayor Ed Zabrocki has reviewed the surveillance footage and says the attack was a real riot.

“The whole thing took about 90 seconds to transpire,” Mayor Ed Zabrocki stated. “You see tables moving into view, food spilling on the floor. You see them marching out and you see some of the waiters taking swings at them.”

The victims in the incident are members of the European Heritage Association, which is linked to the extreme “white pride” organizations White News Now and Stormfront.…

Seattle, WA — A man has been charged with a felony after he lost his temper with some unruly kids inside a movie theater last month, and allegedly knocked a tooth out of a 10-year-old boy’s head.

The incident happened back in April during a showing of TITANIC 3D at an AMC Theater where 21-year-old Yong Hyun Kim was trying to get laid enjoying Cameron’s classic with his girlfriend. Also in the theater was a 10-year-old boy and his mother, along with several of the boy’s friends.

The group of kids were reportedly being obnoxious during the showing, talking loudly during the movie and throwing popcorn — some of which landed on Kim. According to Kim’s statement to police, he confronted the group only to have them laugh at him and then continued to be obnoxious pricks.

Reaching his last straw, Kim reportedly stepped over a row of seats and confronted the 10-year-old and his friends again.

“You know what, I paid a lot of money to see this movie,” Kim allegedly said while still wearing his 3D glasses.…

WINDSOR, Va — Police in Virginia have arrested four adults after a 15-year-old girl was tied to a tree then assaulted with eggs and beer. I always thought this was how people in Virginia took their weekly bath, but was surprised to find out that even in Virginia, this is illegal.

The incident happened back in April at the Big Bear Campground but Social Services, accompanied by police, went to interview the family after someone called to report the incident.

The teen was at the home when they arrived and learned that she had been tied to a tree with ratchet straps and had been assaulted with eggs and beer by her own family and neighbors.

According to a criminal complaint, 47-year-old Randel L. Miller put eggs in the girl’s shirt and shoved her against the tree, cracking the eggs. 48-year-old Loretta L. Miller poured two bottles of beer over the teen. The Millers are the teen’s legal guardians.

One of the Miller’s neighbors, 46-year-old Margaret J. Allen, admitted to spraying the teen in the face with a hose.…

Memphis, TN — Sometimes, as in this case, I post an article simply because of one line in the original article that I can’t help but find hilarious. Unfortunately, this article is regarding a fairly violent domestic assault out of Memphis.

Police say 30-year-old Angelus Gwynn and his girlfriend, 34-year-old Lakisha Cash, got into an argument over a car that led to Gwynn wrapping a tow chain around Cash’s neck and choking her until she passed out.

One neighbor who lives two doors down heard what happened when she got home,”They said she was literally on the ground. We had kids all out here and they thought she was dead. She was laying in the middle of the ground. They thought she was dead.”

Another neighbor who witnessed the events told police that, and here is the line I mentioned earlier, while Cash lay unconscious on the ground, Gwynn bounced a basketball off her head while he drank a beer.

Trust me when I say I do not find domestic abuse funny.…

BELLEVUE, Ohio – Police in Ohio have arrested a woman for assault for spitting blood on a nurse and a police officer after her arrest for drunk driving.

Police responding to a home on a call of a domestic  dispute early Thursday morning would find a man there with a mark under his eye. He informed them that he had been struck by 27-year-old Tiffany Pocock. Officers would also found a mini van with its driver’s side door ajar and a bottle of whiskey sitting in the center console with a third of it missing.

The missing third was found nearby, inside an intoxicated Pocock who was placed under arrest for OVI. That’s when she began fighting with officers and attempted to injure herself. An attempt she was quite successful at, judging by her mugshot.

First she started by repeatedly ramming her head into the police car door as she was being helped into it. Then, once inside the car, she began ranting about missing an appointment later that morning and started banging her face against the patrol car’s safety divider.…