Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Teen With Pre-existing Health Issues Dies Inside Haunted House AttractionKonrad Peters Accused Of Throwing Dildos At Young GirlsGenoveva Nunez-Figueroa Charged After Getting Stuck In Chimney Of Man She Met OnlineMom Gave Kid Away To Heroin User To Live Life Of Normal Teenager Jonnie Boggess Accused Of Having 'Gentle Sexual Intercourse' With PigletMan Goes To Hospital After Chewing On Rat's Head Found In Golden Corral ChiliBoy, 9, Has Arm Ripped Off After Trying To Feed Bear At Zoo

Police: Man Brings Baby To Bar, Starts Two Fights

September 29, 2011 at 6:09 am by  

Tampa, FL — Kristopher Mills is facing numerous charges after police say he entered a bar with his 9-month-old child and proceeded to start two separate fights.

According to police, Mills entered Shenaniganz Bar with the child Sunday evening, approached a male patron and pulled his hair. Wait…what? Baby or no baby, that’s a real pussy move. I guess he must have left his purse in the car…

Anyway, the hair tuggin’ led to some sort of fight, which I imagine was nothing more than a couple of bitch slaps and a few girlish screams.

When the first fight (?) concluded, Mills reportedly handed the child to a friend in the bar and confronted a second man, striking him with his fists. No word on whether anyone lost any hair or suffered any broken nails during that confrontation.

At some point during all this rumblin’, Mills managed to toss back about six beers. Fortunately, the police arrived before Mills could take off with the infant in his car.

The little spitfire wasn’t quite done – when the arresting officer placed him under arrest, Mills reportedly struck him.…

Louisville, KY — Police have arrested 79-year-old James Handy after they say he attacked his neighbor with a cup of coffee for “staring at him.”

Handy apparently approached said neighbor’s car as he was pulling out of his driveway last week, and splashed coffee on the man through an open window. When the victim exited the vehicle and asked Handy what was up, police say Handy busted him upside the head with his coffee cup and proceeded to cut the man’s left arm with the mug’s broken handle.

When police asked Handy why he attacked the man, he reportedly told them that, “he owed it to him” and that the victim “was staring at him.” And, by golly, he’d do it again if he caught that neighbor eyein’ him just one more time.

Handy has been booked on charges of second-degree assault.

I feel ya, Mr. Handy, I really do….I get to feeling all homicidal just knowing that my neighbors are breathing. But to waste a perfectly good cup of coffee?…

East Naples, FL — Ian Stuart Wood, 50, was taken into custody over the weekend after police say he attacked his wife during a rather heated game of Yahtzee. And you know what? I can’t believe I just used the words “heated” and “Yahtzee” in the same damn sentence.

According to police, Wood and the wife were playing the popular (?) dice game Saturday evening when an argument broke out. The wife, hoping to cool off a bit, attempted to leave the residence. At that point, police say, Wood pushed her to the floor.

Once he had her down, Wood reportedly pushed his knee into her back and placed his hand over her mouth, ordering her to cease and desist with the screaming. The woman told police Wood then rolled her over and started getting all chokey…chokey to the point she couldn’t breathe.

The woman somehow manged to escape to a neighbor’s home to call police.

When police arrived on scene, they found several broken dishes and an extremely belligerent and argumentative Wood.…

Mother Accused Of Stabbing Sleeping Daughter

September 23, 2011 at 2:09 am by  

Conroe, TX — A 13-year-old girl was hospitalized with multiple stab wounds early Thursday morning after her mother reportedly got all kinds of stabby in the middle of the night.

According to police, Dequita Hoefling entered her daughter’s room at about 1:00 that morning and proceeded to stab her several times in the neck and back as she slept. Deputies said the girl was able to run to a bedroom to wake up her father for help. He then rushed her to the hospital.

“You can only imagine what was going through the mind of this father as he’s carrying his 13-year-old daughter into an emergency room with multiple stab wounds,” said Lt. Dan Norris.

After questioning dad at the hospital, officers were dispatched to the home where they arrested Hoefling without incident. So far, the motive behind the alleged attack is unknown.

Hoefling, 40, is behind bars on a $500,000 bond, charged with aggravated assault. The teen is listed in critical condition, but is expected to survive.

Woman Arrested in Daughter’s Stabbing: MyFoxHOUSTON.com…

Holiday, FL — Police say a 10-year-old boy intervened in a fight between his mom and her boyfriend Sunday by grabbing a shovel and knocking the boyfriend upside the head with it.

The kid apparently watched as 46-year-old Dennis Sullivan pushed his mother around, hitting and head-butting her, eventually knocking her on her ass. As the kid was helping his mother off the floor, she told him beat feet out of the house and away from Sullivan.

The kid headed out to the garage to grab his bike, but as he was leaving, he could hear Sullivan hitting his mother, so he grabbed a shovel instead.

Sullivan reportedly stormed out of the house, screaming and cussing at the child. The douche even made fun of the kid’s dad, who had just recently passed away. The big, dumb bully then charged at the kid, and the kid swung. After making contact with Sullivan’s face, the boy dropped the shovel and ran to his grandfather’s house across the street. He later told police he just wanted to scare Sullivan so he’d stop hitting his mother.…

Deerfield, OH — Charles Patrick Clark, 42, is being held in the Warren County jail after responding poorly when the person who offered him a place to stay expressed displeasure at Clark’s reported desire to turn the person’s property into a functioning methamphetamine lab. The nerve of some people.

According to the Warren County Sheriff’s Office, Clark and the property owner and victim, Gary Moore, Jr., began arguing about 3PM Saturday. Neighbors were reported as saying it started when Moore came home and found the chemicals in his home. Witnesses reportedly said Moore was angry that Clark was cooking illegal methamphetamine on his property.

“He let them stay there a couple days, then he comes home and finds out what they were doing and said, ‘Get out,'” a neighbor said.

Clark, in a response clearly honed from years of participation in secondary school and collegiate speech and debate, allegedly rammed Moore’s vehicle with his own, threatened Moore with a knife, and then threw an unknown caustic chemical – presumably from the meth manufacturing process – in Moore’s face.…

Belleview, FL — Linda Vaughn is facing multiple charges after a friend complained to police that Vaughn held her against her will last week, attempted to light her hair on fire, and, among other things, make her lick a wound on her arm. No, really, I’m not kidding.

According to the 34-year-old victim, the hilarity began shortly after she arrived at Vaughn’s residence Wednesday morning. The victim told police Vaughn put the moves on her, and when she turned her down, Vaughn jacked her cash, ID cards, debit cards and other related documents.

The alleged victim then went on to say that Vaughn threatened her with a stick and refused to let her leave the residence. In addition, Vaughn reportedly burned the woman’s right wrist with a cigarette, cut her wrist with a butter knife and attempted to light her hair on fire. The victim also accused Vaughn of punching, kicking and stepping on her.

While all this was going on, Vaughn reportedly continued to make sexual advances. The victim told police that she continued to deny Vaughn, and because she wouldn’t play along, Vaughn forced her to lick a wound on her arm, claiming afterwards that she had AIDS.…

NORTH KINGSTOWN, R.I. – I swear I thought we posted about this woman on our front page, but a search only shows a forum post by Dakota Valkyrie. Anyway, opening statements began on Friday for Kimberly Fry, the 38-year-old woman accused of murdering her 8-year-old daughter for not taking a bath.

Camden Fry was last seen alive by her father as he left for a hockey game back in August 2009 as she sat on the couch watching television with her mother. Later that evening, he would get a call from Fry stating that she was having problems getting their daughter to take a bath.

The next morning, Camden’s father would find her dead body in her bed and call 911. When officers arrived at the home, Fry told them that her daughter had fallen in the shower and that she had pulled her out and placed her in bed. Hours later, Fry was admitted to the intensive care unit.

While at the hospital, she admitted to an employee that she had killed her daughter.…

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. – Is it really Monday already? Give me a bit to clear the cobwebs out ma’ brain and I’ll get some stories posted for us to comment on. I’m gonna start with a 12-year-old who has been accused of choking out a fellow student inside a classroom.

An 11-year-old and a 12-year-old were arguing in a classroom at Nova Middle School last week when the older boy wrapped his hands around the 11-year-old’s neck, lifted him out of his chair and choked him until he was unconscious.

A witness said the boy choked the victim “until he dropped.”

The victim was taken to Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital and released on Thursday while the 12-year old was taken to a Juvenile Detention Center and is facing battery charges. He was later released into the custody of his parents.

There was a teacher in the classroom at the time of the incident, but reportedly they were not aware anything was going on between the two boys until they turned and saw the victim on the floor.…

Long Island, NY – Here is my second story today involving a grown woman fighting with a teen girl, and the second one this week involving a woman egging on a fight between her daughter and another girl.

Daphne Melin, a 32-year-old mother of three who takes perfect pictures for news sites to use, was arrested after a video emerged of her egging on a fight between two 12-year-olds before attacking another 12-year-old who tried to stop the fight.

Reportedly, the fight was the result of Melin’s daughter being cyber-bullied on Facebook. She told reporters that after exhausting all her options in attempts to have it stopped, she took matters into her own hands and arranged a fight between her daughter and the alleged bully outside of William Floyd Elementary School.

Some reports say that one of the girls seen in the video is Melin’s daughter while others say it is a girl standing in for her daughter. Another report says that it is Melin’s daughter fighting a girl standing in for the alleged bully — echoing another story we posted this year.…

FT. LAUDERDALE, FL – I’ve got two stories this morning involving adult women fighting with teenagers, starting with one from last week involving 23-year-old Cynthia Haynes, accused of boarding a school bus and punching two students.

A little earlier, Haynes’ 11-year-old sister had walked home and told her she had gotten into a fight with another 11-year-old girl at a bus stop.

Haynes and her little sister then got into a car and began driving around looking for the school bus. Once they found it, the 11-year-old entered the bus and began fighting with the 11-year-old she had fought with at the bus stop.

Reportedly enraged, Haynes decided to intervene and boarded the bus, storming past the driver.

During her intervention, Haynes slapped the 11-year-old fighting with her sister, then drags a 14-year-old girl down the center aisle of the bus by her hair. Neither of the two victims were seriously injured but did have some scratches on their faces.

Haynes was arrested and charged with  two counts of child abuse and burglary with assault or battery, and one count of conspiracy to interfere with the education process.…

Portage, IN — Police were called by motorists on an Indiana highway who reported seeing a naked woman running along the roadway while being chased by man in a car. Court documents filed by prosecutors described callers saying that the woman was “running for her life.” With a rope trailing her that was still tied around one ankle, she was able to duck into a liquor store. The man in the car, Martin Jonassen, 55, of Elwood, Kansas, reportedly followed her inside.

The clerk in the liquor store described the woman pleading for help and holding on to a set of cooler doors while Jonassen – coming in just seconds after here – grabbed her by the waist and pulled her away. He reportedly took the woman out of the store and threw her into his car.

The police account says that a police officer in the area responded and – seeing Jonassen leaving in his vehicle – blocked Jonassen’s car between the liquor store building and her cruiser. The officer approached the car with her gun drawn, police said, and ordered Jonassen out.…

San Diego, CA – Police have arrested a man they say stabbed a younger man in the chest for refusing to have sex with him.

Two men, ages 57 and 28, were in the back of a pickup truck equipped with a camper shell Sunday night.

The older gentlemen demonstrated how frustrated he was regarding the younger man’s refusal to have sex with him by stabbing the younger man in the chest with a knife.

The victim was able to get out of the truck and was found a couple blocks away. He was taken to the hospital to treat his non-life-threatening chest wound.

Police went back to the truck and found the accused sitting inside naked and armed with a knife. After he attempted to stab a police dog, the man barricaded himself inside the truck and began touching himself in front of officers.

“He had a knife in his hand. He also apparently had a chest wound somewhere in the chest or upper abdominal area and he was threatening to hurt himself and was also demanding that officers kill him,” Lt.…

Portland, OR — Olan Ladd was arrested late last week after police say he intentionally scalded his girlfriend’s toddler daughter.

The incident reportedly occurred early Wednesday morning. Ladd, who was caring for the child at the time, initially told police he “accidentally” spilled boiling water on the child’s feet. When mom arrived home that morning, she discovered the kid’s boiled tootsies and rushed her to the emergency room. The girl, just three months shy of her second birthday, was admitted with second-degree burns to both feet.

Questioned further, Ladd reportedly accepted responsibility for the child’s injuries, telling police he “messed up.”

According to police, the girl woke up at about 3:00 that morning. She wasn’t fussy, wasn’t crying, hadn’t wet the bed…she was just up. Ladd, apparently “frustrated with life,” decided to take that frustration out on the kid. He told police he “picked her up, turned on the water faucet and held her feet under the running hot water.” Court documents say Ladd told police the child was screaming in pain, trying to get away.…

Columbus, OH — Police have arrested a a teen after he allegedly used a knife to slit the throat of another student during a school assembly.

The incident happened Thursday morning during a Freshman assembly at West High School. It is during this assembly witnesses say Marco Solis pulled a knife out of his pocket and cut the throat of 14-year-old Tyquan Green-Tucker who was sitting in front of him.

The victim was able to walk out of the assembly and towards the nurse’s office. The nurse deemed his injury as a critical one and paramedics were called, along with the Columbus police.

Tucker was rushed to rushed to Nationwide Children’s Hospital where he immediately underwent surgery. He is still there today, listed in fair condition.

Solis was caught and charged with one count of felonious assault and one count of possession of a dangerous weapon. No word on what prompted the attack, but Solis’ mother hinted that her son was being bullied.

“He said, ‘Mom, if I go there, they’re going to beat me up and they’re going to do stuff to me, so please don’t take me there.’,” she told reporters.…

St. Petersburg, Florida – Sometimes I come across a story that really doesn’t need me to do much past writing the title. This is definitely one of those stories.

An elderly man fell asleep in his electric wheelchair outside of a vacant Hooter’s when 22-year-old Josephine Smith jumped on top of him and began biting him.

I’m a vampire, I am going to eat you,” she informed the startled man as she began ripping flesh from his lips, face and arms with her teeth.

Milton Ellis, 69, told police he had met Smith at a neighboring shopping center. The pair decided to hang out together at the former Hooters while Smith waited for someone to come pick her up.

Ellis ended up falling asleep in his wheelchair, only to be awakened by Smith’s claims of being a blood-sucking creature of the night and her attempt to eat him.

In the arrest report, the officer states that Ellis had several bites to his arm that had removed the top layer of skin.…

Lubbock, TX — A man claiming to have the devil living inside of him was arrested this week after police say he attacked an officer of the law with a serrated spatula. And I gotta call bs right off the bat, everyone knows the devil prefers chopsticks.

Officer Bryan Schwartner responded to The Center at Overton Park Tuesday afternoon after receiving a report of a man acting strangely and threatening random people. Schwartner and his partner spotted 20-year-old Kabir Isola on a balcony at the complex and attempted to speak with him.

According to police, when the officers made contact with Isola, the man unexpectedly attacked. After hitting Schwartner with a large, serrated BBQ spatula, Isola reportedly tried to gouge the man’s eyes out. Police say he then began choking Schwartner, rendering him unconscious, and attempted to toss him off the 4th floor balcony. Another officer was able to detain Isola, who claimed the devil was inside him.

Schwartner was transported to the hospital with multiple contusions and lacerations and was later released.…

Man Arrested After Stabbing Child With Chopsticks

September 8, 2011 at 4:01 am by  

Springfield, MA — Vo Duc Au, 31, was arrested Tuesday after police say he attacked a 12-year-old boy with a pair of chopsticks.

According to the young victim, he was just sitting there doing his homework when Au raced down the stairs and started getting all stabby. The kid was poked on the left forearm and bicep, and was left with a 1″ laceration. Au! Bet that hurt. HARR!

When the boy’s father tried to intervene, Au reportedly attempted to stab the man in the face. Fortunately, the man was able to disarm Au before anyone lost an eye.

No idea who Au is in relation to the child and father, just know that he may be a little off. Police say he was shaking and uncooperative at the scene.

Au has been charged with two counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. The child was treated at the scene.

Chopsticks, huh? I do believe my sporkin’ days are over. Lord knows I can’t eat with the damn things….…