One-Month-Old Baby Hospitalized After Having Most Of Face Eaten By Pet FerretsKathleen Densmore Charged After Her Elderly Uncle Found Dead Weighing Only 50 PoundsJustin Colby Accused Of Trying To Abort Girlfriend's Baby With A Dodge ChargerNicholas Stewart Sold Fake Booze Made From His Urine and FecesMatthew Fischer, 16, Disemboweled Classmate After Victim Sent Snapchat To His GirlfriendMichael Foster Arrested After Assaulting Concealed Weapons Permit Holder Inside WalmartCynthia Anderson Accused Of Drowning Puppy In Airport Toilet Because She Couldn't Bring It On PlaneDavid Vanzo Took His Dead Mother To Bank To Take Cash From Her AccountAngela Woodworth Arrested After Four Kids Jump Out Of Her Car And Report Her Drunk DrivingThree People Arrested In Death Of 3-Year-Old Owen Collins, Whose Badly Burned Body Was Found In Woods

Dallas, TX — If you are the gentleman responsible for assaulting a woman with a frozen armadillo last month, police would like to have a word with you. So would I….

The assault apparently occurred at a Dallas apartment complex late last month after the suspect and victim argued of the price of the dead, frozen critter. According to police, at some point during the haggling, the suspect tossed the carcass at the woman – twice – hitting her in the leg and then in the chest.

The man reportedly fled after the incident, leaving the victim bruised and presumably carcassless. If and when he’s caught, police say he could be charged with assault.

Why all the violence over the deceased ‘dillo? The woman apparently wanted to dine on the overgrown roly poly. That leaves me with a few questions….

Up until this very moment, I had no friggin’ clue people actually consumed armadillos. (Call me unworldy, but the most exotic thing I’ve ever had in my mouth was attached to a French dude named Franck).…

YELM, Wash. — A couple have gotten themselves into some trouble after doling out a rather unorthodox form of punishment on to their 16-year-old daughter after she went to a party without permission.

After her father, 38-year-old Fremon Seay, picked the teen up from what he called a “crack house,” he brought her home and whipped her legs with a switch while he sat on her back. Feeling that this punishment wasn’t adequate, Seay came up with a radical form of punishment — a sword fight.

Seay, being one of those “Renaissance fighters” who dress up in medieval garb and participates in mock sword fights, figured out a way to discipline his daughter and get in some training at the same time.

He suited up in medieval armor then made the girl do the same, handing her a wooden sword. Then, from 2 to 4 a.m. Sunday, he forced the girl to duel him in the front yard until “she could no longer stand from exhaustion.”

When the fight was over and Seay declared victory, he reportedly apologized to his daughter when he saw the extensive bruises she had suffered to her face, torso and legs, telling her that he did not mean for things to go that far. …

Greenwich Village, NY — We’ve seen our fair share of McDonald’s beat-downs here at the Dreamin’ Demon, but this one has a bit of a twist to it. In this particular case, a male employee is accused of assaulting two female customers with some sort of metal rod after they verbally and physically assaulted him.

It all started at about 12:30 Thursday morning. The two women were fixin’ to pay for their order with a $50 bill. The male employee in question, 31-year-old Rayon McIntosh, told the women he needed to scan their bill for authenticity before giving them their food. This apparently displeased them. The women, identified as Denise Darbeau and Rachel Edwards, both 24, can be heard swearing at McIntosh, saying, “Do something about it, pussy.” And as is evident in the attached video, Darbeau leans over the counter and slaps McIntosh across the face. McIntosh then retreats into the back of the restaurant.

At that point, Darbeau vaults over the counter while her buddy walks around the side to confront McIntosh.…

Lanham, MD – Antoinette Starks, 55, was arrested Tuesday morning in the parking lot of the local Target after she allegedly stabbed a female shopper who was loading purchases into her car.  When police arrived, they found the victim in the parking lot with multiple stab wounds. Starks was also in the parking lot. She was said to be holding knives that she had stolen earlier from a nearby store.

Police said Starks ignored their requests to drop the knives and continued walking through the parking lot. She was promptly tazed and taken into custody.

Police said Starks – a schizophrenic who, among other things, suffers from a paranoid fear of white people – had recently been released from a psychiatric facility into a group home. This after Administrative Law Judge Una M. Perez declared that Starks has been free of symptoms of her mental disorder since at least May 2007. Citing a doctor’s opinion, Perez – along with her recommendation of a group home – ordered that Starks take her medications as prescribed, not possess weapons, and ‘abide by other conditions.’

Hmmm… I wonder how she did on abiding by those other conditions…

Interestingly, Starks had been placed in the psychatric facility in the first place after chasing – and then stabbing – two women at the Nordstrom in the Westfield Montgomery Mall in 2005.…

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – The founder and lead guitar player of a band you’ve probably never heard of is currently in the hospital after his bass player punched him into a coma.

Aleister Wild had finished their set at Union Station Lounge in Colorado Springs Saturday morning when the bass player, Michael Sorden, became enraged at Ernest Munoz, the band’s lead singer, for refusing to help him load his equipment.

“I told him ‘Forget you’ and he came at me, but I thought he was just going to yell in my face,” said Munoz, who’s been with the band for only a few months. “And he just swung and punched me so hard that I fell to the ground.”

Terry Span

He says it was at that point band founder, Terry Span, intervened and tried to calm Sorden down. It didn’t work out quite the way he expected.

“The next thing I know, I see Mike hitting him and Terry falls down like dead weight,” Munoz said. “Blood spattered on my arms and I knew there was something really serious about this.”

Munoz was right.…

Wedding Date Road Trip Ends In Murder-Suicide

October 13, 2011 at 3:03 am by  

Gothenburg, NE – On September 17, a couple traveling to a wedding with the woman’s young son had an interruption in their plans when the man, Jason Eugene Melledy, 39, stopped the vehicle to beat the woman on the side of the road and then go kill himself. She would later die from her injuries.

Michelle Stella, 42, and her 8-year old son were with her boyfriend, Melledy, and had been traveling from the Denver area to a wedding in the Gothenburg area. Stella’s son told police that, around midnight, the couple got into a verbal argument. Melledy then stopped the car and pulled Stella out of the car and began beating her.

The boy told officers Melledy was hitting his mother in the face and head with his fists. During this, Stella was able to tell her son to run away. The boy ran to a nearby ditch and hid. He then flagged down officers and led them to his mother. She was found lying in the west bound lane of the highway with severe facial and head injuries.…

West Ruthland, VT – A Vermont woman has been accused of trying to season the brains of her step-father with a pair of heavy-duty salt and pepper shakers.

Police responding to a domestic call found a man in a home bleeding from his head. He told them his step-daughter, 31-year-old Darcy Sanderson-Day, had assaulted him after he denied her entry into her deceased mothers’ house.

After she ignored him and walked in to swipe some smokes off a table, he escorted her out and locked the door behind her. He told police she was able to get back inside after she threw an ashtray through the glass kitchen door.

Once back inside the home she allegedly began kicking his ass, hitting him in the head with her fists and a set of salt and pepper shakers. These weren’t cutesy salt and pepper shakers, but rather the large ones made out of wood with metal tops.

Sanderson-Day was arrested at her home and charged with unlawful trespassing in an occupied residence and a misdemeanor charge of domestic assault and unlawful mischief.…

Rochester, NY — Pedro Cordero is facing charges after police say he punished his 7-year-old daughter by holding her hands over an electric stove element and siccing the family dog on her.

Police say Cordero held both of the child’s hands over the burning element, causing second-degree burns, before sticking her in a room with the family dog and ordering the critter to attack. So, on top of the burns, the kid was left with bruising and dog bites, too. Nice.

The douche reportedly failed to seek medical treatment for the child. Police say the kid’s grandma finally stepped in and had the kid seen at the hospital…several days later. Cordero was then booked on charges of assault and child endangerment.

News10 reporter Berkeley Brean stopped by the family’s residence earlier this week and interviewed the kiddos’ mom. Here’s what she had to say about the allegations against her husband:

Brean: Anything you want to say on his behalf?
Carmen Cordero: Yes, he’s innocent.
Brean: He’s accused of taking the child’s hands and holding them on the stove.

CLOVER, SC – Police have arrested a substitute teacher at Clover Middle School, accusing her of assaulting one of her students.

A resource officer at the school was approached by students on Friday between classes who informed him they had witnessed a substitute teacher assault a 13-year-old student during class.

The officer tracked down the alleged victim who said that he “threw a pen into a trash can [and 49-year-old Elizabeth Robinson] became enraged with anger” and then punched him in the face with her fist.

When Robinson was questioned, she admitted that she had gotten angry after the student misbehaved and that she had slapped him in the face with an open hand. She denied using a closed fist.

Robinson was then escorted from the classroom by the school’s resource officer and school officials and is currently facing simple assault and battery.

Of course I cannot condone a teacher slapping or punching a 13-year-old in the face for misbehaving, but it isn’t like I don’t understand why she may have lost it.…

Carlsbad, NM — Benito Apolinar, 36, recently pleaded not guilty to one charge of battery after police accused him of slugging his wife because she failed to “like” his Facebook status update.

Benito, recently separated from his wife of 15 years, apparently posted a status update last week about it being the anniversary of his mother’s death. And, as one would expect, many of his friends stopped by to express their condolences and “like” his depressing as fcuk comment. The fanatical ones will “like” anydamnthing, won’t they?

Anyway, Benito grew angry when he realized his wife neglected to get all clicky with the like button. Whether she left the obligatory “Awwwwww…I’m so sorry *kiss/hug/rimjob*” comment is unknown at this point.

When the displeased and inebriated Benito arrived at the wife’s home on Monday to drop off their children, an argument over the woman’s apparent lack of compassion ensued.

“That’s amazing everyone ‘likes’ my status but you, you’re my wife,” he allegedly told her. “You should be the first one to ‘like’ my status.”

The woman told police Benito then pulled her hair – pussy move – and punched her in the cheek.…

Michigan Woman Severely Beaten Then Set On Fire

October 10, 2011 at 4:04 pm by  

WYOMING, Mich. - Police need help finding out who brutally beat a woman before setting her on fire.

Lori A. Lee, 38, was found on Sunday morning knocking on doors looking for help. Not only had she been so severely beaten that her face was unrecognizable, but police say whoever was responsible also set Lee on fire.

Police think that she had been left for dead, but somehow Lee managed to make her way to a home and ask for help.  She’s currently in the hospital in serious condition with severe head trauma, an eye injury and burns over one-third of her body.

Because of being under heavy sedation, she has not been able to communicate with police and tell them what happened. Lee, who lives a transient lifestyle while looking for work, was only  identified by her fingerprints.

“We haven’t seen something as insidious and gruesome as this. That’s a whole different type of criminal element who would do something like this to a human being,” said Wyoming police Chief James Carmody .…

ARBUTUS, Md. – Police have arrested a woman in connection to the bleach attack that occurred in the aisles of a Maryland Walmart on Saturday morning.

Theresa Monique Jefferson, 33, got into an argument with her baby’s daddy’s new girlfriend and followed her into a Walmart where she assaulted the woman.

Once Jefferson had the victim on the ground, she began grabbing bleach and ammonia products off the shelves and pouring the liquids on top of the other woman.

Aside from it sucking to have any of the two chemicals poured on you, both of them together is even worse, creating toxic fumes that sent a handful of customers and employees to the hospital.

After police, firefighters and hazardous materials crews arrived at the store, they made the decision to evacuate it and keep it that way until the mess could be cleaned up.

Fire officials said 19 people had to be taken to the hospital for treatment, including one suffering from a serious eye injury. Jefferson was arrested and charged with charged with first- and second-degree assault, theft under $100 and malicious destruction of property.…

Indianapolis, IN — Alice Howe, 48, is facing multiple charges after a 68-year-old woman she was “caring” for was found gagged and bound in duct tape.

Police were called to the apartment Howe shared with the victim after neighbors called to complain about the banging coming from inside the residence. Upon entry, police found the victim on a mattress in the middle of a dark room.

“She was immobile. She could not move. She was bound by her feet and hands,” said Indianapolis police spokesman Officer Anthony Schneider. “She couldn’t yell or scream because her mouth was bound also.”

Police say the woman had been banging on the wall for hours trying to get someone’s attention. They believe she had been bound for more than 22 hours.

The victim told police Howe lived with her as a caretaker. And when she wasn’t caretaking, Howe was apparently prostituting herself and indulging in a little crack smoking, which, the victim said, made her mean and abusive. Not only was Howe the woman’s supposed caretaker, living in her home rent free, she was also the sole beneficiary on the woman’s life insurance policy and had power of attorney over all of the victim’s financial matters.…

Eastleigh, England - Virtually an entire family has been convicted for the attempted murder of their wealthy 89-year-old English patriarch. Apparently not willing to merely wait for their inheritence, the brainiacs sought assistance from Google for ways to kill the elderly gentleman. This, and other details, were heard during their court hearings.

The gentleman’s 16-year-old-grandaughter, her 14-year-old sister and 49-year-old mother, reportedly scoured internet for ways to kill the elderly man – along with a 19-year-old grandson and his 17-year-old girlfriend – using cryptic Google searches like “the easiest way to kill an old person”, “can you kill someone with a punch?”, “dangerous drugs for the elderly”, and the completely mysterious “if you hit someone across the back of the head with a brick will they die?”

The court heard that their first attempts – throwing bricks through his window and cutting the fuel line on his car to make it explode – failed. Investigators concluded that they then devised plans to physically attack man – who suffers from dementia – using bricks in plastic bags in an attempt to scare him to death.…

Sante Fe, NM — Derrick Manuel, the bloody guy to the left, was brutally beaten by three men earlier this week after he accidentally hit a 5-year-old girl that darted in front of his vehicle in a grocery store parking lot.

As is apparent in the attached surveillance video, the car in which the child was riding stops in the middle of the parking lot. The girl jumps out, runs behind the vehicle and straight into the path of Manuel’s truck. When Manuel attempted to climb out of his truck to check on the child, three of the kiddos relatives jumped him.

“At one point, I was going to pass out,” said 49-year-old Manuel. “They were hitting my face, they were hitting me, hitting me.”

Both Manuel and the child were taken to the hospital for treatment and later released. No word on the girl’s injuries, but authorities said they were minor. Manuel suffered cuts, swelling and contusions to his face during the rumble, which police say had to be broken up by witnesses.…

LOUISVILLE, Ky. —  I was wondering when we would start getting our annual haunted house stories and  24-year-old Jessica K. Bottoms gets the honors of being the first. Her drunk ass got arrested after she punched an actor in a haunted house attraction.

According to arrest records, shortly after midnight Friday, Bottoms was drunk at the Haunted Hotel when she punched one of the employees and was observed by police grabbing on other attraction workers.

She was told to leave but she decided to eschew logic, like most drunks do, and became combative. She continued fighting with police even after she was restrained and arrested.

Bottoms was placed in jail on preliminary charges of misdemeanor charges of alcohol intoxication, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. While I find nothing quite as aggravating as a belligerent drunk chick, at least she wasn’t a drunk cop.

Anyone else have any memorable experiences at a haunted house attraction? I never got scared at them as much as I got aggravated at people jumping out at me.…

Elyria, OH — Matthew Rudisill, 24, was arrested and charged with domestic violence Friday after his girlfriend accused him of shoving snake poop in her mouth during an argument.

The 21-year-old victim reportedly told police Rudisill called her early Friday and stated that he was going to “mess up her room.” The victim returned home to check on her belongings, finding them unmessed and intact. When she turned around to leave the home, Rudisill blocked her exit by standing in the doorway. The victim told police that at that point, she grabbed a coral snake from it’s tank and threatened to let it loose if Rudisill didn’t allow her to leave. And that’s when sh*t got nasty…..

Rudisill apparently grabbed the poisonous snake by the tail, milked it of it’s poo and proceeded to shove his hand in the girlfriend’s mouth, causing her to gag. Rudisill then returned the snake to it’s tank, stood nose-to-nose with his girlfriend and told her to go ahead and hit him. Heh…he wouldn’t have had to tell me twice.…

ELYRIA, Ohio — I’m sometimes aggravated by the person whose job it is to stand at the front of the door and check receipts, but it takes all of 30 seconds max to simply hold out my receipt and smile as they pretend to check it against my items. It’s not like they find the stuff I crammed in my pockets.

But one woman in Ohio, 49-year-old Toni Duncan, took things way too far back in March when a 71-year-old Walmart greeter asked to see her receipt as she was leaving the store. Already unhappy that customer service would not help her with another matter, Duncan became verbally abusive towards Alger Burchell and started yelling racial slurs at him. Witnesses say she hit him with her shopping cart before grabbing him by the throat.

Another employee intervened at which time Duncan went back to the customer service counter and threatened to punch an employee in the face. She then bragged to her pregnant daughter who was in the store with her, 23-year-old Ashley Jackson, that she had just “choked a cracker.”

Not content with letting her mother act like a jackass, Jackson would join in by threatening to blow up the store three times while also telling Burchell that  once her boyfriend found about the incident, he wouldn’t be alive to finish his shift.…