EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND – I don’t know what’s going on in Edinburgh at the moment, but in all my time trawling the sordid mass we call the internet, never have I regretted clicking on a link as much as I did when I discovered this story. Francis Murphy, 26, wasn’t best pleased that his girlfriend of 10 years dumped him for another man, so turned up at their home, attacked the man and then tried to gouge out her eye with his thumb and fingers. The victim, 27-year-old Natalie Farrell, passed out when Murphy started choking her. When she woke up, her eyeball was hanging by the optic nerve, resting on her cheek. He used a metal coat hanger to do the deed. This not being revolting or damaging enough for Murphy, he ripped off the eyeball and chucked it out the window, where a neighbor later found it laying in the street. The Judge who sentenced him told Murphy, “You were convicted of crimes which are almost medieval in their barbarity, which would make any right thinking person recoil in horror. ” Recoil? I had to leave my desk after reading the story and I’m hardly what you would describe as “right-thinking.”  Murphy reckons he remembers nothing of it. I reckon he’s a savage nutcase who deserves far more than the 12 years in jail he’s been sentenced.

Tampa, FL – What the hell is it with all the fire here on the Dreamin’ Demon lately? It seems like Morbid just posted a story about a cowardly asshole setting fire to his significant other and here we are with yet another one. Demonites, meet Christopher Hanney. Authorities report that on November 17, after the two argued, Hanney allegedly attacked his estranged wife, Audrey Mabrey – first clubbing her in the head with a hammer before dousing her with lighter fluid and lighting a match. Witnesses report seeing Audrey run from her home, engulfed in flames, to the safety of a neighbor’s house. Audrey, a 26-year-old mother of two very young children, is now hospitalized in critical condition with burns to over 80% of her body. When police arrived on scene, Hanney, 44, was found in the backyard, suffering from burn wounds as well. He was released from the hospital the following day and taken into custody. Hanney, a former New York police officer, is being held without bail on charges of attempted murder in the first-degree. 

Audrey Mabrey

This isn’t the first instance of domestic violence in the couple’s marriage – a domestic violence report was filed on the 20th of October and a warrant was issued. In that incident, Audrey reported that Hanney had gotten violent with her and had tried to rape her. The case was never prosecuted because Audrey gave conflicting reports about the incident. She told friends and family that she was scared of Hanney, but stated that she couldn’t afford to leave him. The two continued to live in the same home, but shared separate bedrooms.

Audrey’s parents are doing what they can to raise enough money to travel from Texas to Florida to be with their daughter and care for their grandchildren. A trust fund has been set up for the Audrey and her kids – those interested can go to any Bank of America and tell them you want to donate to the Audrey Mabrey and Children fund.

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Anchorage, AK – Ugh. I don’t even know where to start with this one. We have a couple of fucktards – Jonathan Miller and Stephen Dilley II, a 5-year-old boy left in their care, and a “redneck flamethrower.” Taking that into consideration, you just know this won’t end well. Last Friday, the boy’s mother left him in the care of Miller and Dilley for the weekend. Miller is the woman’s current boyfriend – Dilley is the woman’s ex-boyfriend and father to one of her five children – and though the woman has a restraining order against him, Dilley lives in a trailer on the property and helps her with her brood. According to the arrest affidavit, Miller told officers that he’s been trying to “toughen the boy up” and the best way to do that is to “scare the shit out of them when they don’t see it coming.” Last Friday evening, Dilley grabbed a can of starter fluid and an lighter and asked Miller, “You know what would be funny?” Miller must have been thinking along the same lines because he responded, “You know how much trouble I could get in for this?” Then he called for the child. When the little boy opened the door, Miller let him have it. 

Miller told investigators the fireball aimed at the child’s head only lasted about half a second – long enough for the shit-for-brain buffoons to realize the child’s head was on fire. The asshats put the flames out with their hands and tended to the child’s burns. Dilley told investigators he didn’t think the flame would reach that far. See, that’s your problem, Dilley, you didn’t think – that would require at least a couple of brain cells. Did they seek medical help? Of course not – they’re fucking retards. Well, mom returned home late Sunday night. After noticing that her child had been lit up and was in pain, certainly she would seek medical attention, right? Wrong. She did, however, seek medical attention for herself after overdosing on bi-polar meds that same night. The boy’s injuries were left untreated until he showed up for school Monday morning. The child, who suffered second-degree burns to the left side of his face, nose, eyelid, and ear, told investigators he had not been in trouble and described the incident as a “practical joke gone wrong.” Yeah, all 5-year-olds can grasp the whole concept of a joke gone wrong. The child was treated at the emergency room and released to relatives.

Miller, 29, and Dilley, 32, both denied having been drunk at the time of the incident, in fact, it was, according to them, a “very sober day.” The jackasses are each charged with two counts of third-degree assault and a count of reckless endangerment. Assholes…

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Hertfordshire, England – More glassing from England! On March 21st, Jennifer Wilson, 20, was dancing on a raised floor in a Watford, Herts nightclub when Ashleigh Holliman, 22, slammed a pint glass into her face. Holliman was able to leave the scene and no one was able, or willing, to identify her. But Wilson recognized one of her friends from Facebook. She then went through all 200 of that man’s friends until she found a picture of Holliman. She then obtained her address and turned the info over to police who were not able to locate her at the address. So Wilson went back to Facebook and found Holliman’s employment. Using this new info, police arrested Holliman at her job. She admitted to the attack and on November 10, she was ordered to pay £2,400 compensation and sentenced to 120 hours of community service.   “I’m just a receptionist in a tanning salon but I ended up doing the detective work for them,’  said Wilson who was left with an inch long scar under her eye. “Maybe I’m in the wrong job.”

Jennifer Wilson and injury, Ashleigh Holliman

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas – I’m posting this story purely for the cringe-inducing ouch factor of it. Seventeen-year-old Federico Garcia of Corpus Christi was arrested and charged with aggravated assault causing serious bodily injury after he beat another teen with a nail-studded board. 17-year-old John Hernandez suffered 26 puncture wounds to the torso, abdomen, chest and back. He was discovered when someone passing by “heard what he thought was a cat crying in the bushes.” You know a motherfucker is hurting when they are making a noise like a crying cat. I think the most painful thing I was ever beaten with was some kind of switch. I was in a fight and had this kid pinned. He was covering his face, so I was hitting him in the head so hard my hands hurt. But his little brother snuck up behind me and swung at the back of my head with a switch-like whip-thing. It wrapped tight around my head right on my upper-lip. The little prick yanked backwards shearing the skin off my nose. That was a pain that kept on giving.

Rochester, New York – Jessica Ortero, 31, and Alicia Cotto, 23, are accused of fighting over a man they both dated outside School 8 yesterday morning. The two women were at the school dropping off their kids when the argument started. Ortero allegedly pulled out a knife and cut Cotto in the face and neck. Cotto was able to retrieve the knife and then cut Ortero in the lower back. The school was put on lockdown after Ortero ran into the school looking for medical help and some students feared she had a gun. She was taken into custody and faces felony charges of assault in the second degree and aggravated criminal contempt for violating a court order to stay away from Cotto. 

Jessica Ortero

Muskegon — A male security guard busted two women stealing from a Wal-Mart on Halloween night. They were detained at the door after trying to get away with $45 in stolen merchandise that included curtains and makeup. The two women, Marilyn Cole, 35, and Rashieka L. Stewart, 23, were not going down without a fight, so they broke free and ran to their vehicle in the parking lot – the guard in pursuit. Stewart made it into the driver’s seat, but the guard was blocking the open passenger entry so that Stewart could not get in. The persistent Stewart then head-butted the guard, knocking him into the car. The 230 pound Stewart then sat on the guard as they drove away. The guard was able to get his phone and call 911, but not before Stewart pissed on him. If this act was on purpose or not has not been reported. They ended up across the street in another parking lot where they let the guard go, but would not get out themselves until forced to by police at gunpoint. Both ladies were charged with one count of unarmed robbery. Cole, on parole for a bank robbery, was charged as a second-time habitual offender.

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Tampa, Florida – A Greek Orthodox priest, Alexios Marakis, 29, was visiting St. Nicholas Greek Cathedral in Tarpon Spings. He was in Tampa to visit a fellow priest but got lost downtown. So he pulled into an apartment complex and approached a young man to ask for directions. Sadly, he asked a complete tool named Jasen D. Bruce – a Marine reservist. Instead of directions, Marakis got Bruce’s tire iron upside his head. Bruce then chased Marakis for three blocks while Bruce called 911 saying that he was trying to apprehend a terrorist. When police arrived on the scene they say Bruce told them he heard the man say “Allahu Akbar” and then added “That’s what they say before they blow you up.” Classic. When he was informed that the man he had beaten was a priest, Bruce started crying. Jasen Bruce was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

A dumb model, and a bad boy? Jesus, I think I can hear all you ladies shifting in your seats

But this isn’t the first time Bruce has attacked someone. He was arrested for attacking a tow truck driver in 2007 on Halloween night. Bruce pled no contest to battery charges against tow truck driver Steve Allen after Allen attempted to tow Bruce’s Jaguar he had illegally parked next to a gym. “They were all yelling and all of a sudden (Bruce) comes running across the bed (of the truck) with both hands and hits me in the chest,” Allen said. “It hurt. Probably the hardest I’ve been hurt in my life.”

The priest suffered cuts and bruises and stated that after being hit and running away, he fell. When Bruce caught up to him, Bruce hit him again. Marakis is upset about the incident mainly “because he doesn’t want the ministry to be scandalized.”

But what kills me about Bruce is all the different reasons why he beat this man. Granted, Marakis doesn’t speak English well, sported a beard and was wearing a robe – but Bruce has added so much to his version that he is making Marakis look like a cartoon villain. He is stating that he thought Marakis was trying to rob him, that Marakis was going to blow him up and now he is stating that the priest grabbed his genitals.

Check out this video that includes some of Bruce’s modeling shots (feel free to look up the sites they mention) and listen to his lawyer who will probably hate immediately. In the full four minute statement, Jeff Brown referred to Marakis as a “bearded attacker” six times and used Bruce’s military rank 17 times. Bruce has never been deployed overseas, btw.

Now after watching that video, I have a couple of questions. First, could Bruce look any more retarded?

Duhhh, which way did he go, George? Which way did he go?

And second, who in the fuck is that SMOKING brunette we catch a glimpse of? Holy shit she looked fantastic. They caught a bit of her ass in that video and I had to pause it and rub one out real quick.

Upper Darby, Philadelphia – Be warned, the video after the jump is brutal. It shows Rhashad Carlton, 25, and his mother, Bonita, 45, involved in some type of altercation outside of a West Darby bar. While it does not show the events that lead up to the physical assault, it plainly shows Carlton stomping on the face of an unidentified yet clearly unconscious man. Over and over and over again. Ending the stomping with a flurry of punches. No telling how long this may have gone on had a cop not come from the police station across the street and threatened to tase both mother and son. The reason for the assault?  “Mom was disrespected inside the bar,” said Michael J. Chitwood, superintendent of police. He said the victim did not know the attackers. Mother and son were charged with with aggravated assault and disorderly conduct, but attempted homicide charges are expected for Rashad Carlton. Bonita has been released on bail, her son is being held in the Delaware County prison. The victim was taken to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania and was treated for blood on the brain, fractures to bones in his neck and face, and numerous cuts to his face.

Pretty rough, huh? Carlton has a past criminal history including aggravated assault. No one in the bar is giving up any info one what actually happened inside, the bartender, who sounds like she came right out of Stephen Seagal movie being questioned about a patron he wants to talk to, said that “nobody here saw nothing that night. I wasn’t here.” What does superintendent of police think about the establishment? Chitwood called the bar “a cesspool and a pit.” You can check here to see some video of Bonita offering an apology that it went as far as it did, but that the victim is not innocent in all of it.

MOUNT VERNON, New York - I have no idea how I missed this horrific story. But I did. Calls started coming into 911 stating that a naked woman was walking down the street screaming. Some witnesses thought that she had a doll with her. As it turns out, the doll was her 5-month-old son. In front of bystanders, she raised the baby over her head and slammed him into the sidewalk in front of St. Ursula’s Roman Catholic Church. Twice. One witnessed said that she  tossed the baby into the street like he was a football. When police arrived, a Good Samaritan had already wrestled the infant away and handed him to Mount Vernon Police Commissioner, David Chong. He was rushed to Mount Vernon Hospital, and later transferred to the Westchester Medical Center trauma unit where he is still in critical condition. Brown was charged with first-degree assault and endangering the welfare of a child. She is currently in Valhalla’s county jail and on a suicide watch.

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SPOKANE, Washington – Caroline Francis was sitting at a light after leaving the YMCA last week when a large van with three men pulled up beside her and asked her to roll down her window. The passenger began asking for directions to a particular street. She tried giving them instructions, but started getting suspicious when they kept asking her questions. Their true intent became apparent when the light turned green. That’s when the passenger leaned out of his window and poured a 20-ounce bottle full of piss in her face. “I know this is really gross but I thought it was water and then I could smell it and it was all over me and I was freaking out shaking,” Caroline said. “It got all over me, in my eye, in my mouth, all over my car.” Um. GAG.

The guy doing the pouring almost seems like some type of character out of a Charles Bronson Death Wish movie based on Carolyn’s description. “He leaned out the window and threw it at me, and then came out even farther so that his waist was out the window and he just had to get every last drop on my face and he had the meanest look on his face, I won’t forget that look it was so malicious,” she said. I’m imagining him twirling his mustache in satisfaction like Snidely Whiplash as they sped off.

Too add insult to injury, she cannot get the car cleaned as car wash companies treat urine as a bio-hazard. It’s easy to crack jokes about what happened, but I think how unfunny and cowardly this action was is best described by Carolyn herself when she wrote to the three morons in the Cheers and Jeers section of The Inlander. It read:

To the 3 imbecilic, high school aged white males in a white van at the light on Boone & Lincoln Tues. night around 7:30 PM who thought it would be funny to have me roll down my window & ask me for directions but then proceed to throw urine in my face: It is because of people like you that society has stopped being nice to each other. I know that you will get what is coming to you some day, but how about paying me back for having to get my car detailed in order to get the stench of your urine out of it? How about paying mind to the fact that while you drove off thinking you were the worlds funniest people I was left shaking & sputtering your bodily fluids out of my mouth, wiping it out of my eyes, worried I had gotten a disease. How about listening to my phone call as I reported you to the police, tears rolling down my cheeks because I would never, ever harm or hurt people, and was only trying to be nice and help you out. How about talking to my fiance and friends! and family and apologizing to them, since they had to hear me scared and alarmed, livid and hating what had happened to me, feeling absolutely disgusting, all from you putting me through something so wretched. I wish I was not so shocked when it happened and that I would have had my wits about me to copy down your license plate number. I abhor you and can’t wait until that day comes that you get a good licking from this world. If anyone out there knows who these guys might be, call crime check and report them, they don’t deserve to get away with this.

I like Carolyn, though. She seems to have a pretty good sense of humor after having piss from strangers poured in her mouth. It could have been worse. “It could have been poop,” she said.

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Miller County, MO – Meet Aaron Fisher, admitted baby raper. All hot and bothered after watching a porno last Wednesday, this monster decided to work out his sexual frustration on his 5-month-old baby girl. That baby girl is now listed in critical condition at the hospital, suffering from internal bleeding, a fractured skull, and several broken bones. According to court documents, the child showed signs of both physical and sexual abuse. He not only raped the child, he beat the shit out of her. In a statement given to the Miller County Sheriff’s Department on Oct. 29, Aaron described, in detail, exactly what he had done to the child. This guy needs to be lobotomized with a rusty spoon – asap. It is reported that Aaron, along with the mother of the infant and a 2-year-old child, were living in his mother’s home. His mother, however, recently fled the home and the state after Aaron allegedly assaulted her. OMFG. Why is this deranged pile of human excrement still breathing? Aaron Michael Fisher, 21, is being held without bond on two counts of sodomy. The infant and her 2-year-old sibling have been placed in protective custody while the investigation continues.

Aaron Fisher

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Langley, British Columbia – To the men in Langley – might I suggest adding a protective cup to your daily wardrobe? Seems there is a psycho bitch running loose up there who may find enjoyment in random peter punting. Anthony Clark, 22, was walking around Langley last month, just minding his own business, when a strange woman on the street approached him and kicked him in the nads. Just like that. Poor guy didn’t realize the severity of the blow to the acorns until later that night when he “noticed something was missing.” The demented stranger kicked him hard enough to send one of the crown jewels straight up into his abdomen. Clark visited a specialist in the hopes that the beloved bollock could be coaxed out of his gut to continue life in it’s rightful spot. No such luck.

Those ain't jellybeans...

See that picture? Those are prosthetic testes – Clark lost a nut in the attack and will require a prosthetic replacement. For Christmas this year, Anthony Clark gets a new nut. Nice. The news isn’t all bad, I guess – “My doctors say I will still be able to have children,” Clark said. “But at 22 that’s not something I want a stranger, this woman, to decide.”

Embarrassed by the whole incident, Clark waited for nearly four weeks before going to police. Come to find out, Clark isn’t the woman’s only victim – though there hasn’t been any other official reports of ball bashing, police believe there are at least four other victims. The assailant is described as a Caucasian woman, in her late teens or early 20s, between 5′5″ and 5′7″, about 130 pounds with a slim build, and brown hair. “I just want to know what her problem is,” Clark said. “People like her shouldn’t be on the streets.” Indeed, Anthony. Indeed.

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Clayton County, Georgia A couple of teachers have found themselves in a bit of hot water.  I guess it’s not such a good idea to post a love letter to your boyfriend’s Facebook when he works in the same building as you…along with his girlfriend. But that’s what happened at Rex Mill Middle School. Ebony sent her man a letter, it was intercepted by Chaka, and all hell broke loose in the hallway Monday during school. They yelled, smacks were thrown about, and the 7th and 8th graders in that school got a quick lesson from their family and consumer science teacher on the fine art of expressing one’s self. The school authorities were not enthused and once the officers were brought in, the brawling teachers were promptly arrested.

What was the letter that set Cobb off? “I am in love with you. I am tired of being your every blue moon[expletive].” I just love fill in the expletives! It stretches my imagination. Cobb, who claims she’s pregnant with Mr. Prince Charming’s baby is reported to have posted a rather “tumultuous” message as well. Monday – hallway – it was ON.

The fight spilled into a classroom and as Cobb stormed off she claimed she was going to post that letter on the blackboard. Oh no she didn’t. And you know…if these two educators were going to go at it, they might as well go for broke. They didn’t disappoint. Cobb was pulled into a classroom by the assistant principal, filled with students, in hopes it would calm her ass down. Didn’t work. Cobb, a language arts teacher, was schooling those kids correctly and Smith came back in to the classroom swinging. This is what the children remembered when interviewed by the police: “[Expletive], you don’t want none of this” and “get the [expletive] off me”. I know they’re teachers but I’m guessing the fill-in word here would be “fuck” each and every time. It just flows nicely.

Ebony Smith was charged with simple assault and disorderly conduct. Chaka Kahn Cobb was charged with disorderly conduct. Both women were released on their own recognizance.

Don’t you know some of those students tried to go home practicing their new vocabulary. “But Mom, our teacher taught us that today in class”.

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SAVANNAH, Georgia – 22-year-old Scott Allen Elder and 24-year-old Brian Matison got into a series of escalating arguments over the phone and through text messages all because of a misdialed number. These exchanges led to the pair deciding to meet in an CVS parking lot at 2:30 a.m Tuesday to settle their differences. This meeting of the minds ended with Matison being taken to the hospital in serious condition after Elder shot him. As for Elder, he ended up with a damaged vehicle and a trip to Chatham County jail on a felony aggravated assault charge. Police are calling the incident senseless. “We don’t know what the circumstances are. What we do know is that it was just a mistaken phone call. The two men did not know each other prior to that and they allowed a text conversation to escalate to physical violence,” says SCMPD Spokesperson Veda Nichols.

Scott Elder

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