Sacramento, CA – A 31-year-old woman wants to quit smoking so badly, she allegedly bitch-slapped a Sacramento County sheriff’s deputy earlier this week so she could go to jail, where smoking isn’t allowed. Makes perfect fucking sense.
According to the deputy involved, Matt Campoy, he was just minding his own business when he exited the main entrance of the main jail at the end of his watch Tuesday. The area outside the jail is apparently populated with people waiting around to see jailbirds and inmates recently released from custody, so Campoy didn’t think much of it when a woman stepped into his path.
“I stepped the left, she stepped to my left,” said Campoy. “I stepped to the right, she stepped to my right. I stepped to the left again and she suddenly stepped into me and slapped my face.”
Stunned, Campoy grabbed the woman’s hands and put her into a control hold and led her into the jail lobby. When he released the hold and placed her on a bench, she slapped his arm, he said.…Continue Reading
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – We just reported on the Florida father accused of slapping and spitting on his son’s alleged bully, now we have a father out of Colorado who has been accused of pepper spraying a group of teens who may have bullied his son.
Police say that on Sunday afternoon, the unidentified man pulled up next to four 13-year-old boys then sprayed them with pepper spray before driving away. Reportedly, this attack was in retaliation for the boys possibly physically assaulting his 8-year-old son.
Police said the man’s son claims he was assaulted by the kids in the apartment complex playground, and that they had tried to steal his skateboard. When he informed his father, the man jumped in his car and caught up with the boys a few blocks away and gave them the business.
Police have interviewed the father and plan on seeing if the teens can identify him from a photo lineup. The man has not been charged at this time, but authorities are considering he be charged with misdemeanor child abuse.…Continue Reading
Chicago, IL – A 14-year-old boy was pepper sprayed and robbed after he arranged a sexual encounter with 22-year-old Dareka Brooks.
On Wednesday, the teen had the house to himself and decided this was a perfect time to hire himself a prostitute. So he went online and used a website often frequented for people trying to setup sexual encounters, and met Brooks.
After agreeing to the terms of their meeting, Brooks showed up at his home and instructed the teen to go to the bedroom and take off his pants. Once the teen was nekkid, Brooks entered the room and slaughtered the kid’s boner by allegedly pepper spraying him in the face.
She then made off with an iPad, a jar full of money, and the teen’s piggybank. The teen called police to report the robbery and gave them the description of Brooks’ car. Police were able to locate Brooks at a local motel after she turned on the iPad. The stolen items were recovered and returned to the teen.
Dareka Brooks was arrested and has been charged with one count of armed robbery.…Continue Reading
HOMOSASSA, FL – Citrus County deputies arrested 55-year-old Burt Conrady after they say he beat his mentally challenged girlfriend in the head and face with some frozen meat.
The victim told police that Conrady got angry after she took the wrong meat out of the refrigerator. He had clearly requested ham croquettes but she pulled out ham steak and pork chops.
Enraged over her inability to follow directions, Conrady allegedly began beating his girlfriend with the frozen meat. Police say Conrady denied striking his girlfriend, but noted she had swelling on her cheek.
Burt Conrady was arrested and charged with abuse of an elderly person or disable adult.
Not surprisingly, this isn’t the first story we have reported on involving a Floridian beating on an elderly, disabled mate with some meat.
Back in 2009, Elsie Egan was accused of hitting her terminally ill boyfriend in the head and face with a 10-16 oz. slab of raw steak because he wanted a dinner roll instead of the sliced bread she’d offered.…Continue Reading
Santa Monica, CA – Police are asking for the public’s help in identifying a man they believe is responsible for disfiguring a young Marine on February, 22, 2013, at the Zanzibar nightclub in Santa Monica.
Just before midnight, the Marine was on a crowded dance floor when he was sucker punched in the face by a man who has yet to be identified. The assault was reportedly unprovoked and left the man unconscious for ten to fifteen minutes.
According to police, the blow was so brutal that it moved his nose across his face. He would end up having titanium plates inserted into his face, as well as permanent nerve damage.
The Marine’s attacker was able to leave the club before police arrived, but the doorman described a “mountain of a man” leaving the club in a hurry with his girlfriend. No one in the club knew who the man was, describing him as Caucasian or Hispanic, at least 6 feet tall, 230 to 270 lbs, with a shaved head, a mustache and goatee, and wearing a black and white striped shirt.…Continue Reading
Chicago, IL – Alexius Keys, 20, showed how happy she was that her ex-boyfriend had moved on after their failed relationship by turning the man’s new girlfriend into a screaming speed bump.
According to reports, the incident happened last Thursday after Keys saw her former boyfriend driving around with his new girlfriend and intentionally rear-ended their vehicle.
Once the couple got out of the car, Assistant State’s Attorney Anthony Gattuso said Keys drove in reverse across a lawn and struck the new girl. Keys ended up running the woman over and dragging her several feet under the vehicle.
The woman suffered a broken arm, back fractures, a bruised lung, rib fractures and had a layer of skin scraped from her lower back and buttocks.
Alexius Keys was arrested on an attempted murder charge, and was ordered held in lieu of $750,000 bail.
During her bail hearing, Keys collapsed, then was taken out of court while shouting, “I love y’all!” and “forgive me!” to her family.…Continue Reading
Palatine, IL – Three teenage girls have been arrested and charged in connection with the assault of a 12-year-old boy with a ketchup bottle during a home invasion and robbery.
Last Wednesday night, a teenage girl went to the door of the boy’s apartment and claimed to be a friend of his sister. When the boy told the girl his sister was not home, the girl left.
The same girl returned 10 minutes later accompanied by three other teenage girls and asked to use the bathroom. The boy let them in the apartment and after he turned his back, one of the girls hit him in the back an empty glass ketchup bottle.
According to police, two of the girls then went into the kitchen and bedrooms, stealing $50, jewelry and two cell phones before leaving the apartment. Police were called after the boy’s sister returned home to find her brother injured.
He was taken to the hospital with multiple, non-life-threatening cuts, police said. The boy’s sister was able to identify the girls as former friends.…Continue Reading
On Tuesday morning, 22-year-old Luis Soltero walked into a Tempe Police Department substation, handed an officer his ID card and Kasper’s driver’s license, then said: “My girlfriend is there and she is dead, and I am not going to tell you anything more without an attorney,”‘ according to the court papers.
He then stated he felt dizzy after spending 12 hours in his running car inside a storage space. While he was taken to the hospital, police went to the home he shared with Kasper to verify his claims. After forcing open the door, they found Kasper dead in a blood-splattered bathroom.
According to court documents, the 19-year-old’s decaying body was in a bathtub covered with blankets and a yoga mat, with coffee grounds and baking soda sprinkled on top. Her ankles and hands were bound, and her head was covered with a plastic bag.…Continue Reading
GAINESVILLE, FL - Michael Silecchia, a University of Florida student, was arrested early Monday after he stripped naked in front of police and claimed to be under the influence of LSD. He later resisted arrest and struck a female officer for good measure.
Police arrested Michael Silecchia, 19, on charges of resisting arrest and battery on an officer and medical personnel, according to a Gainesville Police department arrest report. Police say the Saturday incident began at around 1:25 a.m. when Silecchia started running through the Campus Club apartments naked, acting suspiciously and making random statements.
Police responding to the call told Silecchia several times to dress himself, but he refused, claiming that he was God, and throwing in that he was straight – you know, in case any male officers were overwhelmed by his charm and good looks. This was followed by Silecchia begging cops not to cut off his penis, before the indecisive tripper changed his mind and demanded that they cut it off.
Talk about a bad trip.
When police attempted to restrain him, a struggle ensued, the report says.…Continue Reading
ST. JOSEPH, MO - A 16-year-old Central High School student was charged in juvenile court with third degree assault, after taking a piss in a coffee pot used by school faculty.
The incident happened in March, when some teachers who drank the coffee reported that the coffee tasted funny.
“A report was made that it tasted like chemical or cleaner – I’m not sure what the word was,” said St. Joseph Superintendent of Schools Dr. Melody Smith. “There seemed like this personal coffee pot in a storage room, that the coffee tasted strange.”
An internal investigation was launched that included reviewing footage, frame by frame, from a hidden surveillance camera in the faculty room. Three weeks later, school staff were finally able to find the 16-year-old student responsible for tainting the coffee, and exactly what they’d tainted it with.
After notifying police, the teen was arrested and charged with third degree assault. If he’s convicted in juvenile court, he’s facing anywhere from probation, to being removed from his home and placed in a residential facility.…Continue Reading
Laquavia Wallace, 22, was taken into custody earlier this week after police say she violently yanked her ex-boyfriend’s penis during a dispute over their relationship.
According to the police report, Wallace was at the victim’s home Tuesday, picking up the offspring they share, when she mentioned that she was was interested in resuming their relationship.
The victim, Antonio Williams, wasn’t having it — he reportedly told Wallace that he wasn’t interested in a relationship at this time. And with that, Wallace allegedly grabbed a handful of dick and began pulling and yanking, causing pain and quite possibly a few tears.
Wallace was arrested for misdemeanor battery and booked into the Manatee County jail. Bail has not yet been set.…Continue Reading
Garden Grove, CA – Back in 2011, we reported on 51-year-old Catherine Kieu, the woman who cut off her husband’s penis with a kitchen knife, then ran the thing through a garbage disposal.
Now that she is on trial , more details have been released on what happened that day. The couple had filed for divorce but were still living together, and the prosecution told the court that Kieu was jealous that her husband had started seeing an ex-girlfriend. So, on July 11 2011, Kieu decided to get back at her husband.
First she laced his dinner Ambien. After eating the meal, the man felt groggy and went to bed. When he woke up, still feeling groggy, he found that Kieu had tied him up with rope. Unable to do anything, he watched in helpless horror as Kieu pulled down his shorts and used a 10-inch kitchen knife to slice off his penis with on swipe.
“I felt a very sharp pain and she had cut my penis off and then threw it on the carpet next to the bed,” the man testified in court.…Continue Reading
Columbus, GA – A 15-year-old with severe anger management issues got so angry with his parents for making him do chores instead of looking up a Bible verse, that he shot them both.
The incident happened on Friday, but started the day before when Kristi Lynn and Randal Askevich told their son to stop what he was doing and to complete a household chore.
The teen had been tasked with taking an old bed comforter to Goodwill, but the teen had his own, personal agenda at the top of his to-do list.
He was trying to do the Lord’s work and locate a Bible verse for a girl who had told him she wanted to be “saved.” (I really hope it was this one, as it is one of my favorites)
After much nagging, the teen finally did as he was instructed, but he was pissed. He stewed over it the rest of the day and into the next day while at school. He finally came to the conclusion that his only option was to shoot both of his parents.…Continue Reading
Long Beach, CA - Raymond Clark, 38, has been arrested after being accused of setting a 63-year-old man on fire in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven.
According to reports, Clark is known in the neighborhood and was seen begging for change in the parking lot of the convenience store moments before he allegedly doused the victim, who was sitting in his vehicle, with a flammable liquid and setting him on fire.
“He’s always outside the 7-Eleven asking for money and smoking cigarettes,” said an unidentified man.
A customer inside the store said that he happened to look up and see Clark ”walking on a mission” toward the Toyota 4-Runner the victim was sitting in, and throw what looked like a bottle into the vehicle.
“It was crazy,” he said. “The vehicle went up in flames immediately, just totally engulfed. It was all flames. It became so hot in 7-Eleven that I moved towards the back of the store because I thought the windows were going to blow.”
The victim stumbled out of his vehicle while witnesses tried using fire extinguishers to put out the flames that had engulfed the victim’s vehicle and had spread to the car parked beside it. The man suffered severe burns to his upper torso and was transported to the hospital where he is listed in critical condition.…Continue Reading
According to the police report, Samantha Malson and her boyfriend, Lars Hansen, had been celebrating his 26th birthday that evening — shit got hostile shortly after Hansen accused Malson of drinkin’ up all the liquor in the house.
Malson told police she left the house and went to cool off in her car. Hansen reportedly texted her from inside the house, inviting her back in on one condition: that she not “go crazy.” Yeah, cause crazy bitches follow orders.
Once back inside, all was copacetic. For a minute….
The couple began listening to the tune and Hansen began singing along. Because, how could you not? This displeased Malson. She told police she requested that Hansen STFU already – about 25 times.
“He just annoyed me,” she said. “So I pushed him.”
She went on to say that after pushing him a few times, she grabbed him by the throat.…Continue Reading
PHILADELPHIA, PA – Police have accused 24-year-old Ashley Delvalle of pretending to be a nurse at Saint Christopher’s Hospital for Children and molesting a little boy.
Police responded to the hospital after being notified that Delvalle went into several patients’ rooms telling the parents that she was a nurse, and she would be performing physical examinations.
According to authorities, Delvalle was at the hospital because her own child was a patient. While there, she allegedly molested the boy who was in the bed next to her child. The boy’s mother told police that Delvalle claimed to be a nurse and got permission to examine the boy for bedbugs.
Ashley Delvalle was arrested in the emergency room at the hospital and has been charged with indecent assault of a minor and impersonating the holder of a professional license. Her bail has been set at $50,000.
St. Christopher’s Hospital issued a statement:
“When we were informed by the patient’s mother of the alleged assault, we immediately notified the Philadelphia Police Department and Philadelphia Department of Human Services.…Continue Reading
Sante Fe, NM – Back in February, we reported on 27-year-old Daniel Anaya, the Dillard’s shoe salesman accused of attacking his ex-girlfriend and trying to chew off her big toe. He’s now been arrested again, charged with doing the exact same thing.
Anaya first made the news after he broke into his ex girlfriend’s apartment, held her down and proceeded to take bites out of her toenail and toe flesh with “a blank look on his face.” Anaya was facing charges of burglary, false imprisonment, interference with communications and aggravated battery against a household member.
That case was was dismissed because a witness or prosecutor didn’t show up to court. I’m going to go out on a limb and bet that the ex-girlfriend didn’t show up, and that she is now regretting that decision.
After filing a restraining order against Anaya, the victim moved from Santa Fe to Albuquerque. This did little to deter Anaya, who tracked her down and walked into the woman’s residence on April 1st. His ex informed him that he he needed to get out and that he was violating a restraining order.…Continue Reading
According to the police report, one woman pushed a child aside so her own child could get their hands on one of Lucifer’s brightly colored testicles. The mother of the child who was cast aside confronted the other mom and the two began fighting.
Other people at the egg hunt had to separate the women three or four times before they finally disengaged. By time police arrived on the scene, only one mother was there. She was sporting a bloody nose, but refused to press charges against her attacker.
I’m tempted to contact the police officer who responded to the scene and see if he’d like to write for the site. Officer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee used four terrible, egg- related puns inside the following report:
“Police were called to the Woodland Park Zoo on Sunday after an Easter egg hunt turned rotten (groan).
The hard-boiled tale began around 1 pm, when one woman reportedly pushed a child aside as her own child was scrambling toward some brightly colored eggs.
The shoving sparked a confrontation between the first woman (the supposed shover) and the second child’s mother, who began fighting and had to be separated three or four times.…Continue Reading
Wagoner County, OK – Police have arrested 18-year-old Tori Wheeler after they say she played an April Fool’s prank on her boyfriend before cutting his throat.
On April 1st, Wheeler decided to play a prank on her boyfriend, Derek Bauer, by telling him she was pregnant. Bauer did not take the news very well and became agitated at the thought of fathering a child with Wheeler.
Wheeler then became angry at her boyfriend’s negative response and responded by pulling out a knife and threatening Bauer with it. Wheeler later told police that the “threatening upset boyfriend with a knife” was also part of her hilarious April Fool’s prank
Bauer didn’t find any of this funny at all and threatened to call police on Wheeler. That’s when Wheeler lost her goddamn marbles and attacked Bauer, cutting his throat with the knife and biting him twice.
After calling police to report Wheeler, Bauer was taken to the hospital for non-life-threatening injuries and later released. For her prank, Tori Wheeler was taken to jail on a charge of assault with a deadly weapon.…Continue Reading
EGG HARBOR TWP., NJ – Police in New Jersey have accused Amy Ochetto of intentionally setting her home on fire while her 12-year-old daughter was still inside.
Sometime around 12:24 a.m. Tuesday, police and fire crews responded to a house fire call on Windwood Drive in the Cardiff section of the township. They would find Ochetto’s home on fire and helped get the woman’s daughter out of the home without injury, along with 41-year-old Yeser Bekete.
The Cardiff and Bargaintown fire companies were able to extinguish the blaze and later determined that the fire had been intentionally set. Detectives got involved and would accuse Amy Ochetto of using a flammable liquid to intentionally set the fire while her daughter and Bekete were still inside the house.
Ochetto was arrested and charged with aggravated arson, two counts of aggravated assault, and endangering the welfare of a child. She is being held on $100,000 cash bail. Police have not revealed why they believe Ochetto set fire to the house.
Some have wondered why Ochetto was not charged with attempted murder if she set the fire knowing there were occupants in the house.…Continue Reading