Ruckersville, VA — Not much info on this one yet, but police have apparently taken a 5-year-old boy into custody after the kid injured two children and one adult with an “edged weapon” in what neighbors are calling a dispute over a juice box.
Deputies responded to a Ruckersville mobile home park Monday afternoon to find the three suffering from non-life threatening stab wounds.
“I’ve heard of juveniles throwing temper tantrums, but I’ve never heard of anything like this before,” said Greene County Sheriff Steve Smith.
At least one victim is related to the child, but authorities have not revealed which one or the nature of that relationship. Nor have they confirmed whether the alleged stabbing occurred over a juice box.
The child was still in police custody Monday evening and is said to be undergoing some sort of evaluation.
It apparently went a little something like this….
An unidentified man and his wife were arguing Saturday when the husband reportedly picked up the family cat and hurled it at his wife. The agile woman ducked and the cat went flying out an open window.
The victim just happened to be strolling down the sidewalk right about then, and took a direct hit to the brain space by the falling feline. She was left with a fractured skull.
The cat did not survive the landing. At this point, it is unclear whether the alleged feline flinger will face any charges.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to catch the last Greyhound Bus directly to hell ’cause I totally snortgiggled at the visual.…Continue Reading
Los Angeles, CA — And now, from the “You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up” file, we have a woman out of LA who apparently offered herself up in exchange for some of those chewy, spongy, mystery meat filled nuggets McDonald’s likes to pass off as actual food.
The woman, Khadijah Baseer, was apparently doing her ho stroll through the McDonald’s parking lot Wednesday evening, when she began opening customers’ car doors at the drive-thru window.
Once Baseer had the occupants attention, she allegedly made the sex-for-McNuggets offer. One witness reported Baseer’s alleged proposition to police, and she was taken into custody on suspicion of prostitution.
Hunger isn’t a laughing matter, people. Nookie for McNuggets, though…that sh*t is hilarious.…Continue Reading
Azusa, CA – Fernando Porras, 43, is facing a charge of attempted murder after police say he tried to kill his wife by spiking her Rice Krispies with Goof Off – The ultimate stain remover for even the toughest messes!
Azusa police said the 51-year-old woman started chowin’ down Thursday morning and soon noticed her normally tasteless cereal now tasted and smelled a bit funky. And after ingesting a few bites, she became ill.
Paramedics were called after the woman’s 17-year-old daughter took a whiff of the offending cereal.
“She goes ‘something’s in it, something’s in it,’” says Fernanda. “So I went and picked it up and when I saw what was in the cup, I could smell it and I was like ‘oh my gosh, this is a chemical.’”
Porras accompanied his wife to the hospital, but raised investigators’ suspicions when he went outside to smoke a cigarette and vanished. He was arrested about two miles away and has since been ordered held on $1 million bail.
Police said family members allegedly heard Porras making incriminating statements.…Continue Reading
Mountain View, CA — The totally sane looking woman to the left is 46-year-old Polly Beltramo. She was arrested on suspicion of felony child abuse after allegedly biting two random children inside the BookBuyers bookstore Thursday afternoon.
According to police, Beltramo approached a woman in the store, chomped on her toddler and her infant, then fled.
“Some other woman came up to the lady’s little girl and then the girl started running to her mother saying that lady bit me and she had a big – something on her cheek that’s red,” store co-owner Hotranatha Ajaya said.
As the mother was tending to the little girl, her 2-month-old son started screaming. He, too, had apparently been bitten on the cheek by the crazy lady.
Beltramo ran from the store, but was soon located at a nearby coffee shop. Both children were treated at the scene and are expected to be ok. Physically, that is.
Amateur. Everyone knows you have to marinate ‘em first….
Police initially responded to the area in response to a report that a man was exposing himself in public. And after interviewing a couple of witnesses, an adult and a 9-year-old boy, learned that McGriff, 54, may or may not have used a puppy’s mouth to pleasure himself.
Both witnesses reportedly told police they saw McGriff expose himself while holding the puppy, claiming that, at one point, the man used, or acted like he was using, his new puppy’s mouth to pleasure himself.
When McGriff realized the young’un was watching him, he reportedly threatened to do the same thing to him if he didn’t stop staring.
McGriff was booked into jail on one count of indecent exposure, one count of bestiality and one count of sexual indecency with an animal.…Continue Reading
Janet Knowles was taken into custody on a charge of aggravated battery after police responded to the home she shares with her husband and found the 65-year-old man bleeding from his brain space.
According to the probable cause affidavit, the man told police he was sitting on his recliner watching Judge Judy when Knowles lost her sh*t and knocked him upside the head with a hammer.
When questioned, Knowles told police she hit the man because he was watching Judge Judy and that made her mad. She then reportedly said something about one of her neighbors and what they were wearing. The responding officer noted in his report that Knowles could not hold a conversation during the investigation.
The man was treated for a cut to his head and forearm and did not require hospitalization. Knowles is being held without bond.
Welp, at least he got to keep his eyes….…Continue Reading
According to authorities, the investigation began with an anonymous tip early Saturday morning.
“The defendant was seen at work on (Thursday) and appeared to be pregnant and then was seen at work on (Saturday) and appeared not be pregnant with a completely different physical appearance,” Police Chief Mark Pote said in a criminal complaint.
Police interviewed Burkle, who agreed to go to the hospital and take a blood test, which indicated that she’d recently been pregnant. When questioned, Burkle told police she had given birth to twin girls, then told police where they could find the bodies.
According to the criminal complaint, Burkle stated that “she intended to end their lives and was not at any time intending that they would live.”
Officials say an autopsy on both girls has been conducted, but the results won’t be available for more than a month.…Continue Reading
Quintin O’Dell, 22, was charged over the weekend with the murder of co-worker Alissa Shippert. The 22-year-old woman had been hacked to death while fishing in the Platte Falls Conservation Area in May of 2011. But O’Dell wasn’t charged in the crime until after he was questioned about the alleged disemboweling that occurred in late December. The victim in that incident, 21-year-old Brittany Costello, was stabbed in the stomach multiple times after a night of drinking with O’Dell.
Costello told investigators she had invited O’Dell to her place Christmas night and the two had consumed several beers, some vodka and tequila. She eventually passed out, fully clothed, and when she awoke, O’Dell was gone and her guts were hanging out of her stomach. She apparently shoved ‘em back in and fled to a neighbor’s home.
When questioned, O’Dell reportedly told investigators he became “enraged” after listening to Costello arguing on the phone with her boyfriend about the future of their relationship.…Continue Reading
Grand County, CO — A couple appeared in court Monday afternoon to answer to charges of evidence tampering, criminal trespass and abuse of a corpse after being accused of stealing items from a murder-suicide scene last month.
When Jerod Reeves and Kimberly McCaffrey stumbled across the frozen bodies of a man and his young son in the Colorado wilderness in December of last year, they did what any good citizen would do – they called authorities and informed them of the discovery. Ha! Just kidding! They robbed ‘em and disappeared into the sunset, not even bothering to make one simple friggin’ phone call.
According to investigators, the pair had come across the bodies of 62-year-old William Ahrold and his 9-year-old-son Jackson in Grand County on December 17. (The father and son had last been seen on December 7, and were reported missing on December 13). Authorities found Ahrold’s van over the weekend and quickly came to the conclusion that Ahrold had killed his son before taking his own life. They soon realized that there was a rather important piece of evidence missing – the weapon.…Continue Reading
According to the victim, the bizarre incident occurred back in late December. Watson apparently needed a little help adjusting a baby bump, a prosthetic belly that replicates the shape of a woman’s stomach during different stages of pregnancy, and called the woman back to the dressing room area.
While she was presumably tending to his baby bump, he reportedly grabbed her hand, asked for her digits and suggested the two have lunch together. The woman told police she declined his most gracious offer. No word on whether she snortgiggled first.
Watson then approached the cash register with his selected items. After paying for the merchandise, he reportedly told the woman he had some additional clothing he wanted to try on and returned to the dressing room.
The woman told police Watson again asked for assistance. She claimed that when she entered the dressing room, Watson was rocking a bra and a pair of electric blue crotchless panties, his package exposed.…Continue Reading
Madison, WI — Allow me to introduce Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop. No, I’m not drunk, that’s his real name. He was arrested Thursday on charges of carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and probation violation.
According to the incident report, residents near a local park called police because of all the drinkin’ and druggin’ going on in the area. Responding officers immediately recognized Zopittybop-Bop-Bop from a past incident in which he was charged with carrying a concealed weapon, a handgun, so they got a little nervous when he stuck his hands in his pockets. That, of course, led to a search of his person and property.
Said search revealed marijuana, drug paraphernalia and a knife. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop was quickly taken into custody on the aforementioned charges. No mention of a bail/bond amount.
The incident report also mentions that while enroute to the cop shop, 30-year-old Zopittybop-Bop-Bop told officers that he would eventually “Get even with them.”
Now, about that awesome name. Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop used to be known as Jeffrey Drew Wilschke. According to his Facebook profile, he had his name legally changed in late November.…Continue Reading
The 22-year-old victim apparently fell and hit her head that morning, knocking herself out. The woman told police that while being transported to the hospital, she awoke in the ambulance to find the EMT sexually assaulting her. She indicated that she could not move because she was strapped to a stretcher. She contacted police immediately after her release from the hospital.
Investigators determined that 49-year-old Mark Powell was the paramedic who treated the woman in the ambulance and an arrest warrant was obtained.
Powell turned himself in Thursday on charges of first-degree sexual assault and first-degree unlawful restraint. He was released on a $25,000 bond.…Continue Reading
According to an arrest report, an argument broke out between the victim and 31-year-old Ronald Deaver shortly before midnight on December 31 as they watched music videos.
The two ended up outside of Deaver’s apartment, and when the victim admitted his ignorance to Beyoncé’s marital status, he was stabbed and undisclosed number of times.
Police attempted to locate Deaver at his apartment, but a woman inside the residence, 31-year-old Jennifer Fornari, apparently told officers that Deaver no longer lived there.
Deaver was eventually located nearby and taken into custody on a charge of felonious assault. Fornari was later arrested and charged with obstruction of justice.
The victim survived the attack and is currently listed in good condition.
Damn…with this kind of shit, we’re going to need an ‘overreact much?’ tag here at the D’D.…Continue Reading
No word on what the actual tiff was about, but according to investigators, the man’s mother sided with his sister in the alleged argument, forcing him to take drastic measures.
The irritated teen reportedly walked downstairs and doused himself with lighter fluid before returning to the kitchen. Then, as his horrified siblings looked on, he set fire to himself. Way to milk it, kid! That’ll teach ‘em!
Family members extinguished the flames and performed CPR until paramedics arrived. Sadly, their Life saving efforts proved fruitless – he died at the hospital a short time later.
While it’s painfully obvious the kid lacked the Most basic of coping skills, investigators say he had no known mental issues. He did, however, have some sort of physical disability.
This is the kind of story that keeps me up at night.…Continue Reading
Police responded to the home the alleged eyeball gouger shares with his uncle at about 10:00 Saturday evening. The unidentified 62-year-old victim was found at the bottom of the basement stairs with his hands stretched out in front of him, saying, “Please help. I cannot see.”
According to police, the victim had “blood streaming from both eyeballs, covering his face below his eyes. Both of his eyeballs were swollen, dislocated and were protruding approximately a quarter-inch from the eye sockets.”
The man told police he and his nephew, 32-year-old Exulam Holman, had been arguing over the remote right before shit got bloody.
In a fit of anger, Holman reportedly threw the remote to the ground, breaking it, and shoved the older man to the floor. He then straddled the victim, inserted his thumbs into the man’s eyes and attempted to pry them from their sockets.…Continue Reading
Glendale, AZ — Jose Rivera, 55, was booked into jail New Year’s Eve after his son contacted police to report that he had found an SD card containing at least two videos of his old man raping a 12-year-old girl.
The 30-year-old man apparently found the card in Rivera’s bathroom and handed it over to police after viewing its contents. According to police, one video showed Rivera telling the girl to get undressed. A second video showed him raping her.
Since he couldn’t deny raping the kid, Rivera put the blame on her. The skeevy puke actually claimed he made the videos to prove to police the little trollop had been forcing him to do sexual things since she was nine. Can’t wait to see how that defense works out for him in court…
Rivera has been charged with one count of sexual conduct with a minor and one count of sexual exploitation with a minor.…Continue Reading
A third man in the pair’s camp apparently called 911 early Tuesday morning, claiming he watched as Leer “chopped off” the unidentified man’s head.
According to the witness, the three were just kind of hanging out Monday night, barbecuing steaks and drinking rum, when the victim accidentally knocked over the grill they were using to cook the steaks on. That unforgivable transgression ultimately led to some wicked choppin’ and hackin’ on Leer’s part.
The witness told police Leer knocked the 53-year-old victim to the ground, grabbed a machete-like knife and began to “chop” at the man’s head. At that point, the witness wisely took off running.
The witness later led deputies to the victim’s body and provided a spot-on description of Leer. Deputies canvassed the area and soon found Leer at the campsite, drinking rum. He was taken into custody without incident.
Leer is being held without bail, charged with second-degree murder.…Continue Reading
Chicago, IL — Edward Brown, 34, was busted last Thursday after reportedly exposing himself to a theater filled with parents and children watching “Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.”
According to witnesses, about 30 minutes into the 4:00 p.m. showing, a butt nekkid Brown rose from his seat in the front row, faced the crowd of about 86 Chipmunk fans, stretched out his hands and displayed his package before returning to his seat.
A couple of police officers just happened to be patrolling nearby and Brown was taken into custody within minutes.
When questioned, Brown reportedly told officers that he had been allowed inside the movie theater for free by an unknown female who told him to take a seat in the front row, take off his clothes and wait for her, and they would have sex, smoke crack and do heroin. Great. Unknown bitch went and stole my line….
Brown is being held in the Cook County Jail in lieu of $100,000 bail, charged with three felony counts of sexual exploitation of children, aged 4, 6 and 6, one misdemeanor count of sexual exploitation of a minor aged 14, and one misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct.…Continue Reading