Princeton, MN — A man accused of throwing food items at his wife after arguing about his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook profile pic got exactly what he wished for, after repeatedly stating to police that he would rather go to jail than to stay with his wife.
Eustaquio Israel Morales-Hernandez told police that on the evening of the alleged food fight, he had consumed about nine beers and was stalking his ex-girlfriend’s profile. Well, the wife caught him lookin’. That, my friends, led to the lamest verbal argument ever.
The current bitch reportedly said the ex-bitch looked like a man. Morales-Hernandez came back with a snappy retort. It went a little like this…
“Well, if she looks like a man, than you look like a cow.”
The two apparently continued to go back and forth a bit… the wife called Morales-Hernandez a Mexican burrito and an illegal alien. His response? Elephant.
Morales-Hernandez then allegedly started throwing random kitchen and food items at her… one of the items made contact with her trunk.…Continue Reading
Lincoln Heights, OH – Chewanna Henderson, 33, is facing two counts of felonious assault after reportedly neglecting to tell the man she was fucking she tested positive for HIV and for stabbing him in the head.
All this, police say, after the man gave her a place to stay and gifted her a puppy.
This ungrateful bitch….
According to Sgt. Jesse J. Green, Henderson admitted “she did not notify (the man) that she was (HIV-positive) because he bought her a puppy and gave her somewhere to stay.”
In return for his hospitality, dude was stabbed in the back of the head with a kitchen knife Friday, after he and Henderson argued about “friends that came to the residence.” Something tells me the “friends” causing the drama were somehow attached to Henderson.
As police were booking Henderson, she reportedly stole a set of keys from an on-duty officer (how the fuck…?), removed her handcuffs and attempted to leave the police station. Fortunately, she was caught before making it out the door.…Continue Reading
DeLand, FL – A Florida man has been accused of taking a belt to three young children because one of them farted in the car and failed to own up to it.
Austin Davis, 32, was taken into custody Thursday in connection with the incident, which apparently occurred sometime during Thanksgiving Day weekend.
According to police, Davis was traveling with the children when one of ‘em let a juicy one rip. He apparently became unhinged when the kiddos zipped their lips and refused to tattle on the butt trumpeter, and each got a taste of the belt.
The beatings were so severe, police say, the children had significant bruising and painful injuries. A female relative close to the children took photos of the alleged injuries, but for whatever reason, didn’t inform the authorities until just recently.
The photos reportedly showed a 6-year-old with dark bruising to the legs, buttocks and thighs. A 12-year-old also had dark bruises on his legs and thighs. And a 9-year-old refused to have pictures of his bruises taken because he feared retaliation if Davis found out he reported the incident.…Continue Reading
Foley and her 42-year-old mother were apparently arguing in the apartment they share late Saturday, when the lovely lass got all kinds of chompy and stuff, biting the older woman multiple times on the legs and hands as she bathed.
Police say part of mom’s thumb was bitten off in the altercation and has yet to be recovered.
“It’s domestic cannibalism,” said police Superintendent Michael Chitwood. “We never found the tip of the finger. We don’t know whether she ate it or swallowed it. Totally out of control. We don’t know if she was high on drugs or what.”
According to Chitwood, Foley damn near bit completely through web of her mother’s hand between the thumb and index finger.
“She almost took off the thumb,” he said. “Nasty.”
Foley apparently fled the apartment shortly after the alleged attack and was found cowering at her sister’s home on Wednesday.…Continue Reading
Spartanburg, SC — The unsatisfied looking gent to the left is 44-year-old Edward Patrick – he was busted earlier this week after allegedly throwing a jar of change at his live-in lady because she refused to suck him off.
The victim, 41-year-old Patricia Watson, told police Patrick tossed the jar at her elbow, leaving a visible mark and causing it to bleed.
In turn, police say, Watson bit Patrick’s thumb. No word on whether blood was drawn.
Patrick, of course, denied the accusation, but refused to give a written statement to police.
Watson, too, refused to give a written statement, declaring to the officer that if she felt the need for a Safe Homes Counselor, she already had the number. Probably on speed dial…..
Patrick’s been booked on charges of domestic violence. No word on the bond/bail amount.
Change jar? Change? For real? Fuck your chump change, dude… had you thrown a wallet full of paper money before requesting a knob-slobbering, things may have turned out differently for the both of ya.…Continue Reading
Knoxville, TN — Robert Atkins, 31, is facing a whole slew of charges after allegedly roughing up his ex-girlfriend/baby mamma and taking off with her infant because she refused to make his dumb ass some Kool-Aid.
Atkins apparently showed up at the woman’s house in the early morning hours of December 10. Because a restraining order was in place, the woman pleaded with Atkins’ ride to take him away… she didn’t want him there. Atkins, apparently unfazed by a piece of paper that says where he can and can’t be, refused to leave.
I’m assuming he entered the woman’s home and made himself comfortable. Around 4:30 that morning, he demanded the woman whip him up a batch of Kool-Aid. When she refused, Atkins reportedly attacked, hitting the woman in the face.
The woman tried to escape into the bathroom, but Atkins followed and continued to assault her.
The woman told police Atkins took her keys and cellphone and placed a couch in front of the front door. She said she contemplated sneaking out a bedroom window, but Atkins had their 3-month-old son.…Continue Reading
Spartanburg County, SC — Not much to this one – no one was shot, stabbed, eaten or even arrested – but because it involves flatulence, I had to get it posted. ‘Cause hey, I’m mature like that.
Police were called to the home of Shannon and Michael Manatis earlier this week after receiving a report of a domestic disturbance. Seems the Mr. let loose a butt burp that left the Mrs. gasping for air and fighting the urge to toss her cookies.
Shannon reportedly told the responding officer said air biscuit was “bad enough to cause her to almost puke.” So, in retaliation, she grabbed a can of vanilla scented Lysol (that exists?!?!) and sprayed it in the area her husband occupied.
She continued the story, claiming that as she turned to leave the residence, Michael started belly-aching about how she had sprayed him in the eye. She further claimed that Michael threw a glass of tea at the back of her head, and for that, she wanted to press charges.…Continue Reading
The alleged mastermind behind the bizarro plan is convicted killer and apparent Bieber fan, 45-year-old Dana Martin – a man serving two life sentences for the rape and murder of a 15-year-old Vermont girl back in 2000.
According to police, the aged “Belieber” began to formulate his evil plan after Bieber “slighted” him by refusing to respond to any of his messages. Oh, and did I mention Martin has Bieber’s face tatted on his leg? Yeah…
Martin apparently hooked up with another prisoner, 41-year-old Mark Staake, and fed him some bullshit about how he had access to a metric shit ton of money, acreage in Vermont and some connections to some Chinese gang in New York. Not sure what Chinese gangs have to do with anything, but whatever. If Staake wanted a piece of Martin’s fame and fortune, he just had to do one simple thing………
KILL THE BIEBER.…Continue Reading
Police say Robert Bodiddlie Ball, 49, invited his estranged wife Janet over to his place Monday in the hopes of fixing their broken marriage.
Much to his dismay, Janet admitted that after 32 years together, she was no longer in love with him. *sob*
Instead of chuckin’ the whole thing in the fuckit buckit and moving on, Ball got all kinds of violent, reportedly punching the woman in the head and pocketing her car keys and cell phone to prevent her from leaving or calling for help.
After roughing her up a bit, Ball apparently whipped out a knife and forced her to sit and watch TV with him for a bit, repeatedly threatening to kill her if she gave him any trouble.
At about 5:00 p.m. that evening, police say Ball forced Janet to drive to Golden Corral, where he treated her to an endless buffet of less-than-fresh food and a side of food poisoning.…Continue Reading
Rockland, ME — A 62-year-old man was recently sentenced to five days in jail following an incident earlier this year in which he reportedly bitch slapped his estranged wife in the face with his dick after she refused to have sex with him. rawr.
The victim in the case was apparently staying at the home of her estranged husband, Fred Thomas, this past July when he offered to pay her twenty whole dollars to have sex with him. When she refused his generous offer, he whipped out his member and smacked her upside the head with it.
I, for one, am impressed. Not to mention slightly turned on….
Anyway, Thomas’ attorney argued in court Wednesday the poor man was upset that his marriage of 39 years was ending and his wife was supposedly planning to run off to Pakistan to hook up with some dude she met online.
“This was not his normal conduct,” Defense Attorney Justin Andrus told the court during the sentencing hearing.
Initially charged with domestic violence assault, indecent conduct and unlawful sexual contact, Andrus was asking his client get probation and no jail time.…Continue Reading
According to police, Thomas Matheson, 27, was caring for the boy last Friday evening while the child’s mother worked.
At some point that night, Matheson allegedly gave the kid a massive titty-twister – twisting and pulling so hard, police say, “the skin covering the nipples was removed.”
The child apparently ran around nipple-less for days and it wasn’t until Tuesday that his grandma finally noticed the injury and called authorities.
The kid was taken to Morton Plant North Bay Hospital, where doctors there determined that the removal of the toddler’s nipples was due to trauma. They also say it is unlikely the boy’s nipples will ever grow back.
Matheson later told police he wasn’t even aware the child had been hurt, even though the boy had been running around shirtless the evening of the alleged assault. No word on why mom didn’t notice the kid was missing his nipples.…Continue Reading
According to the boyfriend, Peel had been acting a little “off” for quite some time, going as far as threatening to “seek revenge on him while he slept” (*swoons*) if he ever cheated on her.
On the day of the alleged cutting, Peel had apparently been drinking heavily. The boyfriend told police she had injured herself in a drunken fall and refused medical treatment. At some point that night, he issued an ultimatum: Seek mental help within 24-hours. After preparing dinner for the both of them, he wisely made up a bed in the living room so as not to disturb Sleeping Beauty once she fell into a drunken slumber.
A short time later, the man said, he heard Peel wake up. And after having a bit to eat and feeding the cat, she approached the man’s make-shift bed and gently woke him up.…Continue Reading
Dallas, TX — The cheery lookin’ chickie to the left is 35-year-old Yakia Lashonta Mays – she was arrested earlier this month after allegedly threatening to cut her mother because the woman had the audacity to complain about a used tampon left on a bathroom counter.
Police were called to the home Yakia shares with her mother, 52-year-old Sandra Mays, on October 9, and learned the pair were involved in a verbal altercation after Sandra confronted her nasty ass daughter about a bloody gash plug left sitting on the counter top. *gag*
As the argument grew more heated, Yakia reportedly armed herself with a kitchen knife and threatened to get all kinds of stabby.
According to the police report, Yakia “charged” after her mother with the knife, screaming, “I’m gonna kill you, bitch!” Fearing for her life, the elder Mays quickly retreated to her bedroom, locking the door behind her. And you just know her batshit crazy spawn was right on her heels…
Yakia apparently attempted to break the door down, declaring, “Bitch, I’m gonna stab you in the middle of your fucking forehead.” Heh.…Continue Reading
According to police, the boy and his siblings, ages 8, 10 and 12, were home alone when a strange woman rang the doorbell that afternoon. The teen later told police he didn’t answer the door because he didn’t recognize the woman.
A short time later, the teen heard someone banging on the door. He gathered his siblings and rushed them upstairs, stopping to retrieve a handgun from his parent’s bedroom.
As the boy stood at the top of the stairs, he saw a man break through the front door and aim a gun at him. Before the intruder could get a shot off the kid fired, effectively altering the intruder’s plans.
Police say the unidentified 37-year-old man was transported to the hospital in extremely critical condition. He has since been upgraded to critical condition and is expected to survive. Upon his release, he will be booked into jail on charges of aggravated assault and burglary.…Continue Reading
As is evident by the title, this isn’t Marshall’s first go-round with the police or a stuffed animal – this is his fourth time he’s been busted for buggerin’ a stuffed bear.
According to the fine folks over at The Smoking Gun, Marshall was first arrested in February of 2010, after witnesses reported seeing him going to town on a teddy bear in the men’s room of a public library. That charge prompted a judge to ban Marshall from all public libraries in Hamilton County.
He was slapped with similar charges in November of that year. The arresting officer in that particular case noted on the police report that Marshall’s public indecency with a teddy bear had been an “ongoing problem.”
He was arrested once more in August of 2011. Police accused him of masturbating with a teddy bear in a place where minors were likely present.…Continue Reading
Charles Swinney, 43, apparently stumbled into the Asian Nails salon late Tuesday evening and asked for a manicure and pedicure, offering up $100 for the service. When told by salon employees that the store was closing soon and they would not be able to assist him, Swinney reportedly started whining that said procedure was on his Bucket List and he wanted it now, dammit.
According to police, Swinney then tried to sweeten the deal with an additional $200. Now, I don’t know what nail techs are making these days, but this girl’s ass woulda stuck around an extra hour to service the odd-looking little man. The techs at Asian Nails, however, couldn’t be swayed and police were called after Swinney refused to leave the premises.
Swinney was taken into custody after a brief struggle. Police say he had a large amount of cash in one hand and was in possession of a bag he claimed contained nearly $10,000.…Continue Reading
Hickman, an apparent mooch, told police he and his brother had argued about Hickman’s lack of financial contributions to the household in the month and a half he had been staying there.
In his statement to police, Hickman claimed his brother and the mother of the two boys called him names and accused him of being “slow and stupid.”
Hickman apparently decided he had had enough of their bad-mouthin’ and decided to move out. Before he did, though, he went and proved ‘em right….
“There was a bleach bottle in the kitchen,” Hickman told police. “I took the bleach and I poured it into a milk container that was in the refrigerator.”
In addition to fouling the milk, Hickman also admitted to pouring bleach into a bottle of mouthwash in the couple’s bathroom.
After drinking the spiked milk on Thursday, the boys, ages 1 and 3, became violently ill with severe vomiting and diarrhea.…Continue Reading
Meet Lonneshia Shafaye Appling – the 340-pound, 26-year-old woman was recently busted with a bag of pilfered goodies outside an Athens Piggly Wiggly supermarket.
According to the charging documents, another customer inside the store informed employees that she had witnessed Appling concealing numerous grocery items in a canvas bag as she perused the aisles.
When Appling approached the cash register and placed just one item on the belt, the employee questioned her about the other items allegedly concealed in her bag. And with that, Appling made a mad dash for the exit.
Employee Johnathon Orr was right on her heels, though, and when he attempted to stop the heifer from leaving the premises, he was rewarded with a dose of pepper spray to the face. When that didn’t take Orr down, Appling reportedly delivered a right hook and a loogie.…Continue Reading
Everett, WA — An unidentified woman of unknown age was arrested last weekend after apparently losing what was left of her mind and attacking police outside of a Seattle bar. No, that’s not what earned her a spot here at the Demon, sillies. The fact that she was half-nekkid and sportin’ duct taped boobies is what did it.
According to authorities, the woman was hanging out at a bar Saturday evening, when she started strippin’ off her clothes and placing strips of hot pink duct tape on her upper body. This didn’t go over very well with the bartender, ’cause he ordered her out of the establishment. Silly bartender! Crazy bitches don’t like being ordered around!
Police say the woman grabbed hold of the bartender’s apparently flimsy arm, causing some sort of injury. After that, the crazy lady reportedly attacked another woman in the bar, clawing and scratching the woman’s face and eyes. (I can only assume the other chick was poking fun at the crazy lady’s well-planned and carefully crafted outfit… sooo, she deserved it).…Continue Reading
Everett, WA — The looker to the left is 25-year-old Ambrosia Riche - she’s been accused of jumping into a random car and gettin’ all kinds of stabby on the dumbfounded driver, leaving him dazed, confused and holey.
According to witnesses, Riche had been seen wandering up and down the street just moments before the bizarre attack, trying to get into several cars. At one point, witnesses say, she jumped on the hood of a passing vehicle but the driver managed to safely “shake her off.”
Along came our victim, Richard Lynn…
Lynn told police he was slowing down at a stop sign when Riche lunged through an open rear window and attacked, stabbing him numerous times in the head, chest and arm.
Lynn was able to scramble out of the vehicle, but Riche was right on his heels, stabbing away.
Poor dude suffered six stab wounds to the back of his head and two to his chest and arm before he was able to disarm the crazy lady. Bystanders rushed to his aid, and Riche was left standing in the intersection, ranting unintelligibly.…Continue Reading