Police: Claw Hammer-Wielding Drag Queens Rob Man Of His Cash

January 6, 2011 at 3:45 am by Jaded  

Indianapolis, IN — No mug on this yet because the case is still under investigation, but here’s a picture of an alleged drag queen sitting on the pooper. An unnamed 59-year-old man called police early Tuesday morning to report he’d been beaten and robbed by what witnesses claim was couple of claw hammer-wielding drag queens. He told police that he had walked to a check cashing store at about 6:30 that morning and walked out with about $700 in cash. As he was walking home, the two subjects reportedly approached him, hit him on the head with a claw hammer, and demanded the dough. The man said he gave ‘em what they wanted out of fear of being thunked again, and the assailants took off down a nearby alley. Police seem to think the alleged drag queens were watching the victim as he entered the check cashing store after an employee told them that the suspects had been in the store earlier that morning. One of the men may have been wearing a plaid coat, and the other had red hair with braids.…

Man Goes To Taco Bell…To Die?

January 5, 2011 at 2:41 pm by Jaded  

Spokane, WA – There is very little information on this one so far, but what is known is friggin’ bizzare. Spokane police say a man walked into a Taco Bell restaurant at about 8:00 Monday evening, headed straight to the back of the kitchen, and without a word, locked himself inside a large walk-in cooler. Restaurant employees immediately called 911 and police arrived on scene just minutes later. It took police officers an estimated 15 minutes to dismantle the heavy door and pry it open – once inside, they found 42-year-old Richard Thomas dead. Officer Jennifer DeRuwe said there were no obvious signs of trauma. The man was dressed normally and it didn’t appear as if he had died of exposure. Police do not believe Thomas had any connection to the restaurant. Law enforcement officials will look at autopsy results to point to a definitive cause of death. In other Taco Hell news, a couple of Taco Bell employees in Oklahoma City were arrested Thursday night after allegedly imbibing during their lunch hour and returning to the restaurant afterwards to tear shit up.…

Police: Woman Called 911 To Scare Boyfriend Into Proposing

January 5, 2011 at 11:30 am by Jaded  

Chicago, IL — A woman called 911 Sunday night claiming her boyfriend was attacking her. Officers dispatched to the woman’s home were not amused when they realized the real reason they had been summoned – the woman, 40-year-old Ana Perez, wanted them to force her boyfriend to marry her. “She called  911 to scare him and have the police force him to marry her,” said Grand Central District police Capt. Ronald Pontecore. “The officers raced to the scene, believing a woman was in danger, only to find out its something ridiculous like that. It puts us in jeopardy and the public. It’s not a good thing.” Not only that, but it “ticked the officers off!” Perez was placed under arrest and charged with one count of misdemeanor disorderly conduct. And the boyfriend? Wedding bells won’t be ringing anytime soon – he was in the process of dumping her dumb ass when she placed the 911 call. Thanks, Aena!…

Alleged Craigslist Cat Killer Tells Police He Killed In The Name Of Research

January 5, 2011 at 2:47 am by Jaded  

Louisville, KY — Dubbed the “Craigslist Cat Killer,” 24-year-old Alex Phelps appeared before a judge last Friday and entered a plea of not guilty to torturing and mutilating four cats over the past two months, later claiming he did it for research purposes. The bodies started showing up in early December. Two cats were found in a shopping cart behind a Kroger grocery store in early December – sources say their legs were bound together and their stomachs had been sliced open. Another cat was found right before Christmas, and yet another just last Saturday. All were killed in a similar manner. Brutally. “I’ve been a policeman for 20 years and this is the first where the injuries to the animal were that significant,” said Sgt. Troy Thompson, Louisville Metro Police Department Seventh Division. “They were stabbed multiple times and their intestines were out. Pretty extensive injuries.” Detectives questioned Phelps after receiving an anonymous tip and he reportedly admitted to killing the cats that were found in December. Police believe Phelps found his furry victims on Craigslist.…

Veteran Firefighter Sets Rookie Firefighter On Fire At Christmas Party

January 4, 2011 at 10:24 am by Jaded  

Apopka, FL -- Police expect to file charges today against veteran firefighter Jason LeBlanc regarding an incident that happened at an alcohol-fueled Christmas party last month. At some point during the celebration, 44-year-old LeBlanc reportedly squirted lighter fluid on rookie Jack Shumate, 25, and lit him up. “(We) don’t believe any specific reason why it happened as far as some vendetta or some type of hazing,” said APD spokesman Officer Steven Popp. “His intentions were to put it out with a cup of water but when fire started, the victim immediately ran outside in an attempt to put out the fire.” Shumate didn’t want to press charges, but police carried on with the investigation regardless, interviewing nearly 20 witnesses to the event. Police say the Christmas party was not sponsored by the city, but several Apopka firefighters were there, as were numerous civilians. LeBlanc, an eight-year veteran, has since retired. Shumate, who had just passed his one-year mark with the team, continues to recover from second-degree burns to both legs.…

Masturbating Peeper Tells Cop He’s Alone And Desperate

January 4, 2011 at 9:14 am by Jaded  

Hollywood, FL — A distraught woman called 911 early Saturday morning and informed a dispatcher that there was a strange man standing outside of her apartment, peering in her bedroom window – the woman feared the man was fixin’ to break in, so she was holed up inside her laundry room. When an officer arrived on scene, he found 35-year-old Juan Miguel Cuadra standing outside the window making sweet, sweet love to his hand. As the officer approached the wanker, he kindly asked him to put his hands were he could see ‘em. Cuadra zipped his fly and attempted to walk away. The officer ordered him to stick around and answer a few questions. Cuadra first told the officer that the woman inside the apartment was his ex-girlfriend. He then changed his story and said she was actually a co-worker. He finally admitted to the officer that he didn’t know the woman at all, he just hadn’t had a “girlfriend for a while and was desperate.” There ya go ladies, he’s single.…

Police: Woman Gets Spanked After Failing To Properly “Service” Her Man

January 4, 2011 at 4:11 am by Jaded  

Fort Pierce, FL – Jorge Armando Alvarez-Hernandez, 26, was arrested on a misdemeanor domestic battery charge late last month after he reportedly spanked his girlfriend’s ass “really hard” because she failed to “service him properly.” According to the offense report (page 1, 2 and 3), Officer David Leigh responded to the trailer home Hernandez shares with his live-in girlfriend on December 26, and was met by the complainant, the victim’s brother-in-law. The unidentified male held up a cell phone for Officer Leigh to see – the picture depicted on the device was of a woman’s ass – an ass sporting a large hand print and welts. The man told the officer that it was his sister-in-law’s ass and the hand-print and welts were left there by her boyfriend, Mr. Hernandez. The man refused to supply the officer with a written and signed statement, though, claiming he didn’t want the sis-in-law to get mad at him. Officer Leigh was unable to positively identify the ass in the picture…it was just an ass, no face.…

Woman Accused Of Pouring Hot Wax On Cheating Hubby

January 4, 2011 at 2:40 am by Jaded  

Naples, FL — According to the Collier County Sheriff’s Department, Kimbra Marcus was taken into custody late Saturday night after she reportedly doused her estranged husband and his mistress with hot wax. Kinky. Police say an intoxicated Kimbra returned home to her trailer that evening and flipped her shit a bit when she found her hubby in bed with his new woman. Irate, Kimbra left the residence, only to return about 10 minutes later to terrorize the lovebirds. After banging on the outside of the trailer with a shovel for awhile, Kimbra reportedly smashed a window and tossed boiling hot wax on the unidentified couple. The extent of the pair’s injuries, if any, is unknown. Kimbra later told authorities that even though she and her husband are separated, they are still married. She was promptly outfitted with a shiny set of shackles and hauled off to a cage. The 55-year-old woman has been charged with assault.…

Man, 19, Drowns In Lake Michigan While Trying To Retrieve Girlfriend’s Water Bottle

January 3, 2011 at 11:04 am by Jaded  

Chicago, IL — 19-year-old Michael Hilling and his girlfriend, Jessica Woytonik, were celebrating their one year anniversary on the banks of Lake Michigan on New Year’s Eve when tragedy struck – while the two were sitting on the embankment near Buckingham Fountain, Jessica’s water bottle fell into the lake. Michael dove in after it and immediately began struggling. According to police, Michael was submerged in the cold water for nearly 30 minutes before members of the fire department scuba team were able to pull him to the surface. He was transported to the hospital in critical condition, but doctors were unable to revive him and he was pronounced dead at 1:36 Saturday morning. Michael’s mother, Debra Hilling, said she couldn’t even begin to understand what happened because Michael didn’t know how to swim, he could barely dog-paddle. “It’s bizarre. I don’t even understand it,” she said. “The boy couldn’t swim, so I don’t understand why he’s going out into the open water in the middle of December to retrieve a water bottle.” The shit we do for love……

Man Accused Of Hitting Kid With Bat After Being Ding-Dong-Ditched

January 3, 2011 at 6:26 am by Jaded  

New Port Richey, FL – Calvin Kemp was arrested Saturday night for losing his cool and taking matters into his own hands after being repeatedly ding-dong-ditched by a couple of neighborhood kids. The kids apparently hit Kemp’s house several times that evening, and Kemp apparently got pissed. According to police, Kemp stood outside his house and waited for the kids to return. And the kids, obviously too stupid to know that you don’t hit the same damn house twice in one night, didn’t let him down. When they returned to Kemp’s abode, he reportedly jumped out from the shadows and hit one of the kiddos, a 12-year-old boy, in the chest with a baseball bat. Police say he then tied the kid up. What happened after that is anyone’s guess, but there is no report of any serious injury to the child. 54-year-old Kemp is now facing charges of false imprisonment and child abuse. Many thanks to whisperswing for the heads up.…

Man Celebrates New Year By Stabbing His 6-Year-Old Son 20 Times

January 3, 2011 at 5:24 am by Jaded  

Tampa, FL -- While attending a family gathering on New Year’s Eve, police say 23-year-old Xavier Thomas walked off with his 6-year-old son and stabbed the child nearly two dozen times before abandoning him at a playground. According to police, the family was outside lighting fireworks when Thomas disappeared with the boy. Family members noticed the child was missing about 20 minutes later and began searching for him. Right about then, Thomas returned to the apartment without the kid. When relatives asked where the boy was, Thomas took off running. Relatives then called police to report the child missing. As police arrived on scene, the child, Xavier Thomas Jr., reappeared – he was covered in blood and had been stabbed repeatedly in the back, chest, neck and arms. Though the boy lost a lot of blood, none of the injuries were life threatening and he is expected to make a full recovery. Physically, anyway. Police have not yet identified the motive behind the attack, but Yvonne Mickles, Thomas’ grandmother, said that just six weeks ago, Thomas was being treated for mental illness.…

Man Places Duct-Taped Zucchini In Pants, Confronts Shoppers, Gets Arrested

January 2, 2011 at 3:55 am by Jaded  

New London, CT — Registered sex offender Gary Germaine, 54, was arrested and charged with two counts of risk of injury to a minor and one count of second-degree breach of peace Thursday evening after police received a complaint of a man exposing himself at a ShopRite grocery store. Police officers caught up with the alleged exposer as he was attempting to leave the parking lot. Once they had their guy collared, a search of the vehicle revealed a “rubber sex toy that resembled male genitalia, a ‘jock’ strap/athletic supporter and a zucchini wrapped in duct tape.” According to police, surveillance video from the store shows Germaine placing those items inside his sweatpants and confronting other shoppers. Personally, after I recovered from laughing my ass off, I would have whipped out the cell phone and started clicking - that kind of shit would make for an awesome Facebook post. Apparently, though, there were a few kids around when Germaine was brandishing his produce and some people got all kinds of offended. Germaine is now behind bars on $100,000 bond.…

Remorseful Pedo Confesses To Over 500 Instances Of Child Molestation After Failed Suicide Attempt

December 31, 2010 at 8:31 am by Jaded  

Lake St. Louis, MO — Supposedly remorseful after a failed suicide attempt earlier this month, 45-year-old Corey Brown told authorities he has been sexually abusing two young girls for nearly three years, later confessing to more than 500 instances of child molestation. The investigation began after police were alerted to the alleged abuse by Family Services. The girls were interviewed and officers responded to the hospital to serve Brown, who was recovering from a couple of slit wrists, with an order of protection. Brown reportedly told police he has been raping a girl who is now 9-years-old since December of ’07. He’s also been raping another girl, an 8-year-old, since July. The relationship between Brown and the girls hasn’t been disclosed, but police have reported that their mother was not aware of the abuse. Lake Saint Louis Detective Bret Carbray estimated that Brown had sexually molested one girl 234 times and the other girl 34 times. Police were hoping for 538 separate counts, but prosecutors lumped ‘em all up, charging Brown with two counts of statutory rape in the first degree; six counts of statutory sodomy in the first degree; and two counts of child molestation in the first degree.…

Detectives Believe Edward Colucci Tried To Break Kids “Will To Live”

December 31, 2010 at 5:47 am by Jaded  

Henderson, NV – Police say 33-year-old Edward Colucci didn’t just try to break his girlfriend’s two young sons physically, he also tried to break them emotionally. Colucci was arrested late last month, charged with child abuse, assault and kidnapping, after paramedics and police officers found his girlfriend’s 4-year-old son unconscious in the couple’s apartment. The child was suffering from severe malnutrition – so severe his hair was falling out. Dispatchers say that when the boys’ mother called 911 on November 23, she could be heard telling Colucci, “you went too far.” And she wasn’t fucking kidding. According to police, over the course of a few months, Colucci allowed the boy to eat nothing but dry ramen noodles, garlic cloves and onions. He reportedly spit in the child’s water. When the child’s mother made eye contact with the boy, Colucci reportedly viewed it as showing “too much affection” and punished the kid by punching or kicking him. Police say Colucci bit the boy’s nose, sprayed glass cleaner in his eyes and forced him to eat his own vomit.…

Man Accused Of Burning Baby’s Feet With Lighter

December 28, 2010 at 7:56 am by Jaded  

Roseville, MI — The blockhead to the left is 20-year-old Scott Carlson – he’s accused of beating and burning his girlfriend’s 13-month-old daughter on Christmas because she ruined a piece of wrapping paper. Carlson reportedly told police that he was babysitting the child and “lost his temper a little” when she got into said paper. The baby girl is now being treated at the hospital for serious, but non-life-threatening injuries that include multiple bruises to her back, buttocks and head, as well as second degree burns on her feet. According to police, the baby had more than one burn on each foot and they believe those burns were caused by a Bic lighter. After losing his temper a little, Carlson took the child to her paternal grandparent’s home and they, in turn, had her seen in the emergency room. Carlson was arrested on a couple of outstanding warrants, and though he reportedly made some incriminating statements during questioning, he was mostly vague and inconsistent with his answers as to how the child was injured.…

Woman Allegedly Pours NyQuil On Boyfriend, Tries To Set Him On Fire

December 28, 2010 at 6:55 am by Jaded  

Fort Myers, FL – Ting Ting Perng’s husband called Fort Myers police early Monday morning claiming the crazy bitch tried to set him on fire.

According to police, Ting Ting and her man were arguing that morning when she allegedly doused him with water and NyQuil and flicked her Bic. She then attempted to set the bed on fire before running for the kitchen.

The man told police he overheard Ting Ting threatening to set the Christmas tree on fire and was trying to beat feet out of the house when Ting Ting appeared before him with a kitchen knife – he ended up beating feet back upstairs and into the bedroom.

When deputies arrived at the couple’s apartment, they noted the spilled NyQuil and scorch marks on the bed. The boyfriend was reportedly “drenched in cough medicine and water and had large scratches running across his chest.”

Ting Ting told police she acted in self-defense after the man tried to choke her, but deputies could find no evidence to back up her claim.…

Man Experiencing “Slope Rage” Accused Of Punching Teen Girl In Face

December 22, 2010 at 6:42 am by Jaded  

Vail, CO — Scott Filler, 41, faces a misdemeanor child abuse charge for allegedly punching a 14-year-old girl in the face at the Beaver Creek ski resort in Vail last Friday. According to police, the teen, visiting from Mexico, was skiing on a beginner run with a ski school class when she swerved to avoid a skier who had fallen in front of her and accidentally bumped into Filler’s 4-year-old son, knocking both of them to the ground. Filler, who was on the run with his son, thought the teen had been skiing recklessly. Believing his son had been seriously injured, Filler attacked, jumping on the teen and punching her in the face. A nearby ski instructor intervened and stopped Filler from further assaulting the girl. ”The ski instructor told him, ‘Hey, you are beating up a kid,’ ” Eagle County Sheriff’s Office Lt. Mike McWilliams said. “Then he realized his son wasn’t hurt.” The teen, however, was seen at a local clinic and treated for minor injuries.…

Man Finds Teen Son In Bed With Hooker, Calls Police

December 22, 2010 at 5:53 am by Jaded  

Edinburg, TX — A man called police early Friday morning to report that he had just entered his 16-year-old son’s bedroom and found him in bed with a butt-nekkid prostitute more than twice his age, and it appeared as if the woman was about to perform a sexual act. According to the criminal complaint, the alleged prostitute, 35-year-old Dulce Liliana Nava Cardenas, told police she had accepted money in exchange for sexual favors with the teen and had allowed him to touch her breasts with his hands. Had dad not walked in the room when he did, the hooker’s take would have been $150. Instead, she was taken into police custody and charged with indecency with a child and prostitution. After spending the weekend behind bars, Cardenas was released on Monday after posting $1,500 bond. Some advice to pops, if I may: #1. Teach the kid to negotiate, seriously. Her birth certificate may say she’s 35, but in hooker years she’s at least 45 – a bit too long in the tooth to be charging $150 for any kind of sexual favor.…

Woman Stores Meth Lab In Child’s Bedroom Closet

December 20, 2010 at 11:22 am by Jaded  

Muskogee, OK — Tiffany Scott, 28, was arrested on Thursday after police found several “shake-and-bake” meth labs in her 5-year-old son’s bedroom closet. “It was inside a black duffle bag there were two layer liquids several cleaners there was a butane torch. Several things a child could have gotten a hold of that would probably kill him instantly,” says Chief Deputy Joe Hughart. A small bag of meth was found on Scott’s bedroom floor and numerous syringes and other drug paraphernalia were scattered throughout the home, as well as beakers filled with liquid meth. Scott reportedly told deputies that a man came over and cooked meth in her bathroom twice a week – he always left the bag in the kid’s closet. She is being held on $50,000 bond, and is facing several drug charges as well as child endangerment charges. Police have issued a warrant for the unidentified meth makin’ stranger that frequented Scott’s bathroom. The child is now in the custody of his father.…

Man Accused Of Torturing Girlfriend With “Lie-Detector Test”

December 20, 2010 at 9:55 am by Jaded  

Bradenton, FL -- Sean Thomas, a 30-year-old ex-convict, is right back where he belongs after allegedly torturing his girlfriend with his very own “lie-detector test.” According to the victim, back on December 1, she was retrieving some of her belongings from Thomas’ garage when he punched her in the head and tied her to a weight bench with rope and extension cords. Thomas reportedly told the woman he was going to administer a lie-detector test to find out whether or not she’d been cheating on him. The woman says he stuffed a rag in her mouth and got busy. He first extinguished not one, not two, but three cigars on the woman’s left hand. Thomas then left the garage momentarily and came back with a pot of boiling water, which he poured over the woman’s feet, burning off layers of skin. The woman says he then took a hot iron and burned her stomach three times. And to top it all off? A rapin’. When all was said and done, Thomas reportedly told the woman that, “all this happened because he loves her.” Because chocolate is soooo overrated…

Thomas called paramedics and the woman was transported to the hospital where she told medical personnel that she had been injured in a cooking accident.…