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Marathon, FL –Maykel Borges, 32, was jailed on assault charges late last week after allegedly swinging a hatchet at a neighbor who refused to give him beer.
Witnesses told police Borges had been walking through the Trailerama mobile-home park all day Friday asking residents for beer. He was reportedly given several beers throughout the day, but when his kind neighbors had had enough and told him to go away, Borges got pissy. He left, but soon returned with hatchet in hand.
Borges apparently began arguing with people in the park upon his return, and at one point allegedly swung the hatchet at one man, cutting him on the side with it. Borges then dropped the weapon and ran.
Borges was arrested at his trailer Friday night, charged with aggravated assault and aggravated battery and booked into jail. Bond was set at $175,000.
The victim was treated at the hospital and released.
I’d spork my neighbor for an ice cold Arrogant Bastard Ale right about now. Just kiddin’…my neighbors drink Hamm’s.…
Continue ReadingMan Stabbed Himself With Meat Thermometer To See If He Was “Done”
November 27, 2011 at 4:55 am by Jaded
Newport, TN — Police and paramedics were called to the home of a 38-year-old man Wednesday night in response to a rather bizarre stabbing incident – the man of the house apparently poked himself in the gut with a turkey thermometer to see if he was “done.”
The man in question, Scott Kelly, was found lying on a sofa in the home with a small stab wound in his gut.
When questioned, Kelly reportedly told officers he was “basting himself” and just wanted to be left alone. He then explained that he had stuck the thermometer into his stomach “to check his temperature, and to determine if he was done or not.”
Why, yes, alcohol was involved! How did you guess?
Kelly’s girlfriend told police the man had consumed a fifth of liquor and eight or nine beers before jabbing himself with the thermometer. Based on that information, I’m assuming Kelly was, in fact, done. Well done, even.
Kelly was transported to the hospital for treatment and a mental evaluation.…
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Bethlehem, PA — A 27-year-old man is facing multiple charges after police say he tried to abduct a woman at gunpoint earlier this week.
According to police, Michael Arce approached the woman, identified as 42-year-old Sarah Brenner, as she was jogging Wednesday afternoon. Brenner told police Arce stepped in front of her and said, “I want to ask you something.” She said she got scared and tried to go around him, but Arce pulled out a gun and grabbed her arm.
Brenner reported that when she screamed for help, Arce said, “Don’t make a fuss or I will kill you.” She said he then put her in the back seat of his BMW and hit the child-safety lock as he got into the front seat.
It was right about then that Arce’s wife, Ana Arce, pulled up next to his vehicle and questioned him about the woman in the back seat. Arce reportedly told his wife that he was simply giving Brenner a ride, police said, and unlocked the back door to let Brenner out.…
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Flagstaff, AZ — Dustin Banbury, 21, was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder and aggravated assault Tuesday after police say he chopped off a relative’s hand with a Samurai-type sword.
Deputies responding to a 911 call about a critically injured man arrived at the victim’s home just before 11 p.m. and found the 33-year-old victim inside the residence with a severed right hand, numerous slash wounds to his torso and a deep laceration on his forehead. A blood covered sword was found in the man’s bedroom.
Police allege Banbury and the unidentified victim were in the trailer together when the victim fell asleep. Banbury reportedly exited the trailer as the victim slept, walked to his own trailer and, for whatever reason, retrieved the sword. When he returned, sh*t got bloody.
Banbury was taken into custody at the scene and is being held without bond. The victim was flown to Flagstaff Medical Center, where he is listed in stable condition.
The motive behind the alleged attack is still unknown.
First thought when I read the headline: “Damn!…
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Los Angeles, CA — Now that the turkey has settled, and because you couldn’t pay me to set foot in a retail store today, I figured I’d get a couple stories posted before slipping back into a food coma.
In what officials are calling “shopping rage,” an unidentified woman, trying to get her grubby paws on more sale items, sprayed as many as 20 other shoppers with pepper spray at the Walmart in Porter Ranch late Thursday night.
According to police Sgt. Jose Valle, store employees had brought out a crate of discounted Xbox 360s, and as the crowd waited for the unwrapping, the woman began spraying people “in order to get an advantage.”
Ten people were slightly injured by the pepper spray and 10 others suffered minor bumps and bruises in the chaos, Valle said. They were treated at the scene.
“People could have gotten trampled,” said Valle. “Good thing there were no small kids.”
The woman apparently used the spray tactic in other areas of the store as well, but no other injuries have been reported.…
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Bronx, NY — Newly married and a father of two, 28-year-old Fernando Brazier took a flying leap into the Harlem River Sunday morning, just hours after exchanging wedding vows with his long-time lover.
Brazier apparently left a suicide note at the front desk of the Radisson Hotel, where the couple had spent their first night as newlyweds, telling his wife where his body could be found.
According to police, Brazier then took a taxi to a building bordering the Bronx River, about 15 minutes away, and either jumped from the building or from the promenade behind it. His body was found near Roberto Clemente State Park, slightly upstream from where he’s believed to have jumped, later that same day.
“He said [in the note] he couldn’t take it anymore, and to take care of the kids,” said Shawna Weeks, Brazier’s sister. “He left his ring in the envelope.”
Family members say Brazier had been suffering from depression in the weeks leading up to the wedding. And though he sincerely loved his bride-to-be, 26-year-old Trudian Hay, he apparently didn’t want to tie the knot.…
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Crystal River, FL — Jeffrey Clayton Bonney, 51, is facing felony charges after allegedly beating a woman and attacking her with a chainsaw over the weekend.
Deputies were called after witnesses heard screaming and yelling coming from inside the residence Saturday. When police arrived at the home, they found the woman bleeding profusely from a cut on her arm. Her nose was swollen and her right eye had been dotted. She reportedly told police she had fallen and cut herself on a lamp. When the officers asked to speak to Bonney, he hauled ass out the back door and into the woods.
In the living room, about 8 inches away from a large puddle of blood, officers found a chainsaw with what appeared to be human hair on it. I guess the “broken lamp” story didn’t fly…
Questioned again, the victim told police the gash in her arm stemmed from her attempt to protect her face when Bonney swung a chainsaw at her. She was transported to the hospital, where it took a few sutures and about 40 staples to close the wound.…
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Bellingham, WA — High-fives and major kudos to the 10-year-old boy police say defended his mother from an intoxicated and violent tenant by shooting him in the face with a BB gun as many as four times.
According to the victim, 45-year-old Paul Newman, shown here in an undated mugshot from a previous arrest, arrived home drunk and angry early Tuesday morning and found his room in disarray. Believing the woman may have had something to do with the mess, Newman reportedly kicked in her bedroom door and began choking her.
The commotion woke the woman’s son, Kobe Sturgeon. He told police that when he entered his mom’s bedroom, he saw the man “holding her down.” So he grabbed a board and whacked Newman with it before running back into his bedroom. Newman, thinking the kid left the house, ran outside after him. Mom was close on his heels and locked the door behind him.
Police say Newman then attempted to get back into the home through an unlocked window. As the victim was trying to close and lock the window, Newman reached in a grabbed her arm, threatening to kill her and her son.…
Continue ReadingMom Knocked Out Daughter’s Teeth In Argument Over Food Stamps
November 22, 2011 at 12:00 pm by Jaded
Louisville, KY — Monique Jeffries, 39, is being held on charges of assault and intimidating a witness after police say she knocked out a couple of her daughter’s teeth during an argument over food stamps.
Police haven’t gone into details about the actual argument, but say Jeffries became “enraged” when her daughter, Debra Brown, opened her bedroom door. At that point, she allegedly used a curling iron to burn Brown’s arm several times as she reached for the phone to call police.
Jeffries is also accused of punching Brown in the face several times, knocking out two of her teeth. No word on Brown’s condition or age.
Jeffries reportedly left the apartment before police arrived, but was picked up and taken into custody a short time later.…
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Oakland Park, FL — Allow me to introduce the lovely Dorothy Cooper. Cute, no? She’s been charged with attempted murder after police say she stabbed her neighbor with a steak knife when he refused to give her $2.
Cooper reportedly approached neighbor Robert Martin Sunday and asked him to give her a couple bucks. Her request was promptly denied. Cooper then demanded $5. Martin, again, refused. At that point, police say Cooper attacked Martin with a large steak knife, stabbing him in the back and chasing him outside. Once Martin fell to the ground, Cooper walked away, leaving him for dead.
Martin was transported to the hospital with a stab wound to the back and one to the ass. Though he was initially listed in critical condition, he was not listed as a patient Monday afternoon.
When questioned, Cooper first told police she was provoked after Martin asked her for sex *shudder* and struck her in the face when she refused his advances. She then made with the truth, admitting that she stabbed Martin because he refused to give her the money she wanted.…
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Minneapolis, MN — Police have identified a woman who they say intentionally laid down on Interstate 94 Thursday morning and died after being hit by multiple cars.
According to the Minnesota Department of Transportation, 38-year-old Melissa Lewis walked onto eastbound I-94 at about 6:40 Thursday morning and stood there for a moment before lying down. Within minutes, she was roadkill.
Dispatchers with the state patrol received several 911 calls from commuters concerned about the woman just moments before she was hit. And though a couple of troopers and an ambulance had been dispatched, it was apparently too late.
Minnesota State Patrol Lt. Chris Edstrom said the woman’s intention was clear.
“Well, the people that hit her, the dispatchers that watched it…I mean, there’s a lot of additional victims in this and it’s too bad that it happened and it’s too bad that somebody got to that point.”
A couple of the drivers who hit the woman apparently left the scene, but it is quite possible that they had no idea they had actually ran over a human being on their morning commute. Authorities are searching for two drivers they believe were involved in the incident.…
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Houston, TX — Police say a man who offered his babysitting services on Craigslist has been charged with the aggravated sexual assault of a 6-year-old girl in his care.
The child’s mother, in need of an overnight babysitter for her three children, reportedly went to Craigslist, clicked on the child care tab and ultimately decided to hire 32-year-old Steven Knox.
Knox had apparently cared for the woman’s children without incident for a period of several months. But on June 23, the woman’s 6-year-old daughter came home after two nights with Knox and accused him of touching her inappropriately.
According to court documents, the child’s mother called police after learning Knox had digitally raped her daughter. The child would tell police Knox “put his finger in her private area four times,” and that he had put “ice” on his finger and the penetration “burned.” An examination showed that the girl had a 3-millimeter tear on her vagina.
Knox was charged with aggravated sexual assault of a child under the age of 14 and later released after posting $30,000 bond.…
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Jonesborough, TN — A 21-year-old man was arrested last week after he reportedly admitted to torturing and killing a family dog.
No word on the breed or who the dog belonged to, but Dustin Harrell apparently tossed the critter down the stairs, held it under running water, tossed it in the dryer and tumbled it for approximately four minutes.
Now, I haven’t owned a dog in quite some time, but I’m pretty sure they’re dry clean only…
Police say the dog’s leg was broken at some point during the beatdown, causing her to cry out in pain. Harrell apparently stifled the dog’s cries by taping her mouth shut.
Harrell was charged with aggravated animal cruelty and was ordered held on a $10,000 bond.
Thanks for the tip, Jessica.…
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Chicago, IL — Marcos Santos was charged with aggravated abuse of a child after police say he burned his 2-year-old son’s genitals with a hot frying pan after the kid requested a diaper change earlier this month.
According to police, the toddler toddled into the kitchen and informed Santos that he needed a diaper change. Santos apparently got angry when the child’s diaper fell apart, so he did what any sane parent would do in the same situation….he swept up all the stinky, soaking wet pieces of cotton and threw them in the trash. Just kidding – he grabbed a hot frying pan and placed it on the kid’s crotch, causing first- and second-degree burns to the boy’s penis, scrotum and thigh.
Police say Santos then attempted to treat the kid’s burns with toothpaste – it wasn’t until three days after the fact that medical assistance was sought.
Santos, 39, has been ordered held on $500,000 bond. Kiddo’s mom, 36-year-old Joanna Pawlina, is also charged with endangering the life and health of a child, a misdemeanor, because she was fully aware of the injuries and failed to seek medical attention.…
Continue ReadingMan Accused Of Beating Girlfriend With “Shake Weight” Dumbbell
November 18, 2011 at 3:15 am by Jaded
West Lafayette, IN — Jonathan Noe, 19, is facing a couple felony charges after police say he beat his girlfriend stupid with a Shake Weight dumbbell earlier this month.
When police arrived at the girlfriend’s home on November 9, she reportedly told them Noe showed up at her place after a party and indicated how unhappy he was with her. He then proceeded to show her how unhappy he was by knocking her around, kicking her, choking her and beating her senseless with the Shake Weight.
Police say both of the woman’s eyes were swollen shut, her mouth was swollen enough to make speaking difficult, and four of her teeth were knocked loose and pushed back toward her throat. Medical documents reveal the woman suffered from a subdural hematoma to the head, a fracture of the right orbital bone, a broken nose, multiple contusions, extensive facial injuries, a concussion, loss of consciousness and blowout fracture of facial bones.
Damn…those Shake Weights are every bit as vicious as they are retarded!
An intoxicated Noe was arrested at his apartment and charged with battery, strangulation and invasion of privacy.…
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Indianapolis, IN — Police say 21-year-old Christopher Russell could lose an eye after another man caught him canoodlin’ his live-in girlfriend and beat him with a baseball bat and glass candle holder.
Investigators have determined that Russell was tonguing 57-year-old Kenneth Nash’s girlfriend early Thursday morning when Nash arrived home. Upon seeing the two swappin’ spit on his couch, Nash reportedly armed himself with a baseball bat and started swinging. At some point during the beatin’, Nash may have switched to a glass candle holder. Different weapon – same message.
Police say Russell ran from the home with Nash on his heels, bat in hand. Nash apparently ran from the scene. At this point, no one has been arrested.
When police made contact with Russell, he said he didn’t want to talk about the incident, he just wanted some medical assistance. Russell reportedly has a skull fracture or two, and police say he may lose his right eye.
The cheatin’ ho girlfriend, Catherine Dunaway, was not injured in the assault.…
Graham, NC — Devin Rashai Daye, 18, was charged with assault Wednesday after he allegedly bit off a large portion of his 14-year-old girlfriend’s bottom lip.
Police said they received a call at 7:45 p.m. Wednesday about a fight in progress and arrived to find the girl bleeding from the mouth. Police soon learned the girl and Daye had been arguing when Daye reportedly grabbed her by the back of the head, pulled her head to his and chomped into her lip. The missing chunk of mouth meat was recovered and transported to the hospital with the girl. No word yet on her condition.
Police had no details about why the two were fighting.
Daye was charged with assault on a female and assault inflicting serious injury. He was placed in the Alamance County jail on a $250,000 bond.…
Continue ReadingIntoxicated Woman Breaks Into Home, Eats Cookies, Falls Asleep
November 16, 2011 at 5:36 am by Jaded
Rockwell, NC — Don’t ya just hate it when you get all sh*tfaced, break into someone’s home, eat their cookies and fall asleep in their bed and the homeowner and the cops are all up in your face trying to kill your buzz with their questions and handcuffs? What? Don’t act like it’s never happened to you….
Anyway, 26-year-old Ashley Haithcock, my new BFF, knows what I’m talking about…she found herself in a similar situation Friday evening.
Police received a call from one Martha Birtch at about 10:00 Friday night. Birtch told police she had returned home to find her sliding glass door open and broken cookie jar in the kitchen. When she entered her home, she heard a woman’s voice coming from the direction of her bedroom. The voice belonged to Haithcock – she had apparently fallen asleep in Birtch’s bed after consuming the woman’s cookies.
Roused from her drunken slumber, an unhappy Haithcock apparently argued with Birtch and her daughter, and at some point, assaulted the younger Birtch.
She still had a bit of that piss and vinegar in her system when police arrived – she reportedly kicked three deputies when they attempted to speak to her.…
Continue ReadingMan Accused Of Beating Girlfriend Just Minutes After Being Released From Jail
November 16, 2011 at 3:43 am by Jaded
Fort Myers, FL — Elijah Paul Love, 24, was arrested Saturday after police say he violently attacked his girlfriend in the parking lot of the Lee County Courthouse when she arrived to pick him up from jail. Because, you know, nothing says, “Thanks for the ride, babe!” quite like an ass kickin’.
Autumn Livingston, Love’s live-in girlfriend of five whole months, told police the recently released Love just “went crazy” after the two argued in the parking lot.
First, she said, Love threw her keys across the lot. When she exited the vehicle to retrieve them, Love allegedly grabbed her by the back of the neck and slammed her into the car. Love, with a cast on his arm, then reportedly proceeded to get all choky – putting the woman in a headlock and using his cast to take her breath away. Love’s a bitch, eh?
After a quick jab to Love’s nuts, the woman was able to break free and make a run for it. She ran toward the courthouse entrance and Love took off running across the street.…
Continue ReadingPolice: Man Blamed His Kids After Infant Porn Is Found On Computer
November 11, 2011 at 12:22 pm by Jaded
Orlando, FL — The stylish gent to the left is 33-year-old Robert Walker – he was jailed earlier this week after police found more than 500 pornographic images on his computer depicting graphic sexual acts involving children – infants included.
The investigation into Walker’s online activities began back in August. Police finally seized and searched his computer in late October, and that ultimately led to his arrest on Wednesday.
When questioned about the images, Walker reportedly tried to pin the blame on his 13- and 15-year-old children. Police, however, called bullshit when a forensic review determined that Walker’s profile was in use “on several personal programs” while the nasty files were being downloaded.
Walker was still behind bars yesterday, facing multiple child-pornography charges. A bail amount has not yet been made available.…
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