The alleged gluing took place at the Banks County Home Depot the day before Thanksgiving. Illyanna De La Keur, 40, told police she had no idea the seat had been tampered with until it was too late.
In a video recorded by her sister, De La Keur can be heard screaming in pain. She was finally freed with a bit of WD-40, but was missing a good bit of skin and was left with numerous wounds.
“I couldn’t understand why they weren’t just taking me to an emergency room and having a doctor remove it,” De La Keur said.
In her shoes, I would have asked that same question. I also would have knocked the stupid out of my sister for filming that shit. Sure, she would have told me it was for legal purposes, lawsuits and such, but we all know that clip woulda hit YouTube, Facebook and LiveLeak before the paramedics even loaded my sore ass into the ambulance.…Continue Reading
Xuzhou, China — Apparently fed up with his girlfriend’s addiction to shoes and/or shopping, a 38-year-old man took a flying leap from the seventh floor balcony of the Golden Eagle International Shopping Center Saturday.
Tao Hsiao had apparently been shopping with his lady for five grueling hours that day, when she insisted that they check out just one more shoe store. I could seriously hear shrill whining as I wrote that sentence. Now I’m feeling a little stabby….
Witnesses reported hearing Hsiao saying the woman already had enough shoes — more than she could possibly wear in a lifetime. It was pointless to buy more. This apparently angered the footwear fanatic. Witnesses claim the woman started shouting, calling the man a skinflint and a Scrooge of sorts.
Hsiao was done. Done with her, done with her voice, and done friggin’ shopping. Security footage apparently shows him dropping the shopping bags in anger and jumping from the balcony.
Fortunately, no one broke his fall and the body was quickly removed from the scene.…Continue Reading
Mesa, AZ — All kinds of people were dialing 911 from a Mesa McDonald’s after one couple noticed their hash browns were missing from their order earlier this week. What? Hash browns are serious business, people!
Michael and Nova Smith were feeling a little ripped off the other morning when they realized their orders, a Number 2 and a Number 4, were missing both one extremely important item — the hash browns.
“It’s a meal,” Nova said in an interview with ABC15. “Just like you should get fries with your hamburger, we should have got our hash browns with our breakfast sandwiches.”
Nova claims that after confronting a store manager, and after being denied a refund or even an order of hash browns, she got a little pissy and threw her bag of breakfast sandwiches at ‘em.
“And that was out of frustration which I probably shouldn’t have done, but I did. Fighting over $2 of hash browns is ridiculous. It is ridiculous to have to fight that hard just to get customer service.”
Michael called 911 and headed back behind the counter to have his own talk with management.…Continue Reading
Houston, TX — Dr. Angela Siler-Fisher, medical director at Ben Taub Hospital’s Emergency Center and professor at Baylor College of Medicine, is facing criminal charges after apparently flippin’ her shit and going all Fatal Attraction on her husband’s mistress. Ok, a pussified version of Fatal Attraction, maybe…
According to authorities, 42-year-old Angela recently learned that her husband, Dr. Brandon Fisher, a radiologist, was getting a little on the side from yet another doctor, 35-year-old Marcelle Mallery, and went on a rampage. Fortunately for Mallery, Brandon called ahead and warned her of his wife’s intentions and she was able to remove herself and her children from the home.
Surveillance video captures Angela entering her rival’s home by kicking in a doggy door. Once inside, Angela showed her displeasure by dropping a trail of unused condoms (weak!) on the stairs leading to Mallery’s bedroom, and writing the words “whore” and “homewrecker” on the woman’s bathroom mirror in lipstick. Red lipstick. Cliche, much?
Angela then reportedly sent the woman a picture of her own bedroom, letting her know she had been there.…Continue Reading
Indianapolis, IN — Ya know, the title alone tells an entire story, but since I love you people, I’ve decided to go ahead and elaborate. The 34-year-old gentleman to the left is facing numerous charges after a couple women complained to police that he was “swinging” his wiener at ‘em.
A Metro officer was just kinda driving around doing what officers do Tuesday, when he was flagged down by two women.
One of the women reportedly told the officer that a man approached her from behind (giggity) and grabbed her by the arm. When she turned to look, she noticed the man had his dick out of his drawers and was “swinging it about in a rotary helicopter motion.” How the woman managed to resist jumping on that thing right then and there is a friggin’ mystery…..
The woman also told the officer the man claimed to have a gun and demanded that she come with him.
The man, later identified as Shawn Harvell, began “briskly” walking away when the women flagged the officer down.…Continue Reading
When police made contact with the alleged pisser, John Posey, he appeared to be intoxicated. His eyes were bloodshot, he was unsteady on his feet, and he apparently reeked of booze. Oh yeah, and his fly was unzipped. Dead giveaway….
Posey initially told police he was just doing a little shopping and denied urinating on stuff. The officer called bullshit after being directed to a large, stinky wet spot on the carpet.
Posey eventually ‘fessed. When questioned as to why he didn’t just use the friggin’ restroom, Posey reportedly stated that “stores usually won’t let you, so I didn’t ask.” And well, he had to “pee bad.” Logic.
A Radio Shack employee told police that Posey caused about $800 in damages – his urine landed on some boxes containing televisions and various audio equipment. In addition to that, some carpet tiles are going to need replacing….…Continue Reading
Des Moines, IA – Students from Lincoln High School reported seeing a man in a nearby park eating rocks Monday. That man, 35-year-old Michael Sutton, was later taken into custody on a wide range of charges. Yes… rocks.
The students apparently happened upon the weird ass scene sometime Monday afternoon. When the students asked Sutton why, exactly, he was eating rocks, Sutton reportedly replied, “I lost my meth.” This, of course, prompted them to report the incident to their school resource officer.
When police arrived on scene, Sutton was still chowing down. An officer asked him what he was eating. “Rocks,” Sutton replied. The officer then asked Sutton if he thought maybe it was a little odd to be sitting in the middle of the road eating rocks. “Well, they are small rocks,” was his reply. Oh, well in that case…..
After he was finished snacking, Sutton rose to leave the area. It was then that police noticed he had a couple of kiddos in his car.…Continue Reading
Daly City, CA — A 26-year-old man accused of “viciously” biting his parents and threatening to kill them and burn their home down during an argument over a visit with the family cat, has pleaded not guilty to felonious assault.
After returning home from a Thanksgiving trip Saturday, Yevgeniy Bolshakov asked his parents if he could see the family cat, as he had missed the evil fucking creature while he was away. His parents denied his request, stating that the cat had recently undergone surgery and just wasn’t up to receiving visitors. Primadonna….
And that’s about the time Bolshakov lost his shit.
He reportedly lashed out at his father, punching him in the head several times before biting a chunk of meat out of the 64-year-old man’s arm. He also bit the man on the elbow and the chin. When mom tried to intervene, the 54-year-old woman got popped upside the head and bitten on hand, claim authorities.
Bolshakov was promptly carted off to jail, allegedly declaring on the way that he wanted to kill both of his parents and burn their apartment down.…Continue Reading
Edward William Bright, 47, was arrested and charged with assault and battery, after police say he stabbed his brother. Bright… heh.
Police were called to the scene at about 6:00 p.m. Sunday. They learned Bright and his brother had first verbally argued about which silverware to use for dinner, that verbal argument quickly escalated to a physical argument.
Bright, obviously determined to make his point, allegedly armed himself with a steak knife and proceeded to stab his brother numerous times in the torso.
Since the brother’s wounds were superficial and non- life threatening, I would suggest the Bright brothers use an actual set of silverware… non-plastic… if meat is on the menu.
Bright is being held at the Alvin S. Glenn Detention Center. A bond/bail amount has not yet been made available.…Continue Reading
Alex Rossi, an apparently ungrateful turd of a son, still lives at home but contributes nothing to the household, according to his pops. When pops went to make some mac and cheese for dinner Sunday, he found the cheese packets were missing from the box. Mother. Fucker.
Pops confronted Rossi and demanded that he stop using up all the damn cheese packets. Because few things in life are as disappointing as a box full of boring, cheeseless pasta, folks….
The two reportedly fought back and forth for a bit, and when pops walked back in the house, he said Rossi ran after him and punched him in the face and head, deputies said.
At some point, the two ended up on the ground… with the spawn in a headlock. *cheers*
When officers arrived on scene, they noticed a bruise and cut on dad’s face.…Continue Reading
Kevin Jackson, 30, and his nephew, 20-year-old Damian Jackson, have been charged with criminal sexual conduct with a minor.
The victim reportedly police Kevin Jackson started sexually assaulting her when she was about 8-years-old – the last time it happened was at her grandmother’s house when her grandmother wasn’t home. She told police Kevin Jackson offered her money to have sex with him.
The victim also told police Kevin Jackson forced her to have sex with Damian Jackson while he watched. Something tells me there’s video somewhere….
The girl turned to her grandmother early in September, and let the woman know what had been going on. Grandma had the child seen at the hospital, where it was revealed that she is pregnant.
No, no word on where the child’s parents are. …Continue Reading
Knoxville, TN — I’m a little bit late with this one. Ok, a whole lot late….
drugs alcohol procrastination my volunteer work at the local soup kitchen really takes up a lot of my free time, ya know. Anyways, an unidentified 15-year-old boy was arrested Monday, after police say he tried to roast his teacher by using a lighter to ignite her hair and shirt.
According to police, 23-year-old Gabriela Penalba had turned her back to her students that morning at West High School, when the boy walked up behind her with a cigarette lighter and set her shirt and hair on fire.
Fortunately, the flames were extinguished by her not-so-psycho students before Penalba suffered any burns to the skin.
Afterwards, the boy reportedly tossed the lighter out a window and fled the school on foot.
After a short foot chase, the boy was taken into custody. After admitting to the alleged assault, he was charged with aggravated assault and evading arrest. He’s now chillin’ in a juvenile detention facility.…Continue Reading
Police say 40-year-old Jackie Neal, in full uniform and in a marked car, pulled the victim over and managed to get her handcuffed and behind his patrol car. San Antonio police Chief William McManus said what happened next was “unthinkable.”
McManus has reported that although the on-board cameras in Neal’s vehicle were not working that morning, the GPS system did confirm his vehicle was stopped at the location of the alleged assault for 18 minutes.
“I can’t make any sense of it,” McManus said, “Officers are aware they are being tracked.”
Neal was taken into custody by SAPD Special Victims’ Unit detectives and was arrested on charges of sexual assault.
“I am angry. I am outraged. It’s a punch in the eye to the police department, this kind of conduct,” McManus said. “We won’t tolerate it for a second. And I think the swiftness of the investigation and the arrest is indicative of that.”
During a press conference Saturday, Chief McManus said another woman made similar accusations against Neal a couple of years ago, but then clammed up and refused to cooperate.…Continue Reading
According to police, the 38-year-old woman discovered the video after Whibbey left his phone in a friend’s car. The friend reportedly looked through the pics and videos on the phone and gave it to the woman, suggesting that she have a look-see at Whibbey’s SD card.
In a video apparently dated sometime in October, Whibbey is seen performing an inappropriate act on the sleeping pre-teen. Mom says she doesn’t know if her child is even aware of what happened.
Police said before Whibbey was even questioned, he walked into the room during their interview with the victim’s mother, turned around and put his hands behind his back.
Whibbey was booked into the Oklahoma County Detention Center and charged with performing lewd acts with a child under the age of 16. A bond/bail amount is not yet available.…Continue Reading
Tulsa, OK — Mr. Sad Face to the left is 37-year-old Brian Hounslow — he was busted this week after a woman told police, and apparently anyone else that would listen, that she witnessed him wankin’ his willy in the ladies room at Walmart.
It all started at about 8:30 Wednesday morning…..
Customer Beth Davis, 61, claims she headed into the shitter that morning and found Hounslow standing in front of the mirror, shirtless, with his pants around his ankles and his wiener in his hand. At that point, Davis did the only thing she could think to do — point and laugh…just kidding… she ran out of the bathroom and started yelling for help.
“There’s a naked man in the bathroom masturbating,” she reportedly shouted for several minutes.
Her screams for help did nothing. Sooooo, Davis took matters into her own hands. When Hounslow exited the restroom, fully clothed, thank gawd, she whipped out her cell phone and began filming.
In the video, you can hear Davis proclaim, again, and quite enthusiastically at that, that she had seen Hounslow fiddlin’ with himself in the restroom.…Continue Reading
Sacramento, CA – A 31-year-old woman wants to quit smoking so badly, she allegedly bitch-slapped a Sacramento County sheriff’s deputy earlier this week so she could go to jail, where smoking isn’t allowed. Makes perfect fucking sense.
According to the deputy involved, Matt Campoy, he was just minding his own business when he exited the main entrance of the main jail at the end of his watch Tuesday. The area outside the jail is apparently populated with people waiting around to see jailbirds and inmates recently released from custody, so Campoy didn’t think much of it when a woman stepped into his path.
“I stepped the left, she stepped to my left,” said Campoy. “I stepped to the right, she stepped to my right. I stepped to the left again and she suddenly stepped into me and slapped my face.”
Stunned, Campoy grabbed the woman’s hands and put her into a control hold and led her into the jail lobby. When he released the hold and placed her on a bench, she slapped his arm, he said.…Continue Reading
According to police, a 51-year-old man had been walking mid-block in the curb lane when Kristen Suggs plowed into him. Suggs then apparently fled the scene and called 911 to report that an “unknown suspect” threw an “unknown object” at her car, causing extensive damage.
By that time, medical personnel had responded to the scene of the “accident” and pronounced the man dead. His name has not yet been released.
When officers arrived to take Suggs’ report on the damage to her vehicle, they determined the damage was consistent with a recent vehicle/pedestrian collision, and she was placed under arrest.
Suggs was booked into jail and charged with leaving the scene of a fatal accident. Police have reason to believe she was intoxicated at the time of the collision and DUI charges are pending.
I see a meme in this woman’s future.…Continue Reading
Jason Vickery apparently passed by the home sometime last Wednesday evening and noticed one of the doors was unlocked. Instead of entering the home immediately, Vickery reportedly went to his own home and grabbed a bag containing a wig, a pouch of chewing tobacco, a green towel and a salad.
Vickery then returned to the unoccupied home, police say, and entered through the unlocked door.
Vickery reportedly told police that upon entering the home, he headed to an upstairs bathroom to masturbate. Cause, you know, priorities and stuff.
Once his worm was burped, Vickery wandered into the kitchen. (No word on whether he had washed his hands first). On the kitchen counter he found a remote control helicopter, minus the batteries.
“After searching for and finding batteries for the toy, he played with it, flying it for a short time, thus depriving the owner of the item,” police said.…Continue Reading
Mr. Wagner was taken into custody on various charges after a peculiar incident at a Burlington Coat Factory in Louisville earlier this week.
According to the police report, officers found the 50-year-old Wagner on his hands and knees in the shoe department, picking at lint in the carpet and eating it. Much to my disappointment, he was apparently fully clothed at the time.
When officers made contact with Wagner, they noted his dilated eyes, slurred speech and unsteady gait. A search of his person revealed a little of this and a little of that – officers found bags of Lortabs, some unknown pills, crystal meth and an unknown white powder.
Wagner reportedly admitted to having smoked a little meth before venturing into the department store. He’s been charged with possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.…Continue Reading
Police responded to the home the couple had shared for nearly 40 years Wednesday, after receiving a call from Annie’s granddaughter.
Annie apparently called her granddaughter just before 1:00 p.m. and told her she had hurt the victim, Ronald, pretty bad. She went on to say that while her husband was helping her out with something, he hit her on the hand and began “talking smart” to her. She “lost it,” she said, and hit him upside the head with a baseball bat and cut him with a knife.
According to police, they found Ronald lying in a pool of blood. It appeared as if he had suffered from a bit of blunt force trauma to the head — officers observed part of his skull exposed. Blood spatter and brain matter were apparently evident on the floors and wall.
Annie was found in another bedroom, getting dressed.…Continue Reading