Woman Tasered After Cutting In Line At McDonald’s Drive-Thru

February 6, 2012 at 7:55 am by kniption  

Hope Mills, NC - Sheriff’s deputies were called to a North Carolina McDonald’s restaurant in response to a report of a customer blocking the drive-up window. Deputies say that they arrived to find Evangeline Marrero Lucca, 37, blocking the window while engaged in a stand-off with employees.

According to employees, the incident began with Lucca pulling up to the drive-up window without first ordering from the order screen and after bypassing the payment window. According to Debbie Tanna, a Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman, Lucca instead attempted to order her food directly at the pick-up window.

“She did not want to wait in line,” Tanna said. “They told her she had to go around and wait like everybody else did and place her order that way, that they weren’t set up at that window to take her order or take her money. … She wasn’t having any of that.”

“The woman refused to move her vehicle and became confrontational with the employees,” Tanna added.

Witness/Customer Anthony Rich said the employee at the payment window told him the woman frequently comes to the restaurant and cuts in line.…

FBI Chainsaws Wrong Door During Morning Drug Raid

February 4, 2012 at 12:12 pm by kniption  

Fitchburg, MA – A Massachusetts woman experienced the business end of an FBI chainsaw when she made the mistake of renting an apartment in the same building and floor as a suspected drug dealer.

Fitchburg – long considered the Medellín of the Northeast – was the scene of a massive citywide drug and weapons gang raid last Thursday. At 6AM, just before Judy Sanchez’ alarm was set to go off, she heard a pounding outside her second floor apartment.  This prompted her to get out of bed to investigate.

“I just happened to glance over and saw this huge chainsaw ripping down the side of my [apartment] door,” Sanchez explained. “And I was freaking out. I didn’t know what was going on.”

As soon as the chainsaw had cut through most of her door, a member of the FBI arrest team kicked it in.

“That’s when I heard the clicking of a gun and I heard ‘FBI, get down!’, so I laid right on down.”

The FBI reportedly told the woman to get control of her three-month-old pit bull puppy, which she did.…

Man Sues After Witnessing Failed Anal Bottle Rocket Launch

February 3, 2012 at 8:29 am by kniption  

Huntington, WV - A Marshall University student has filed suit in Cabell County Court seeking compensation for injuries suffered in the unfortunate aftermath of an anal bottle rocket launch gone awry.

Louis Helmburg III claims that on May 1, 2011, he attended an Alpha Tau Omega house party with his girlfriend. At about 1:30 a.m., Helmburg says Alpha Tau Omega member Travis Hughes “decided that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus.”

The lawsuit says that, “instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in [Hughes'] rectum” causing Helmburg to be “startled,” “jump back,” subsequently fall off the balcony where the failed launch occurred. Helmburg then became “lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent the deck.”

Helmburg’s lawsuit claims that “firing bottle rockets out of one’s own anus constitutes an ‘ultra-hazardous’ activity,” a claim that clearly ignoring the thousands – nay, tens of thousands – of successful anal bottle rocket launches occurring on college campuses each year worldwide.

The lawsuit names The Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity Inc., of Huntington, West Virginia, and Travis Hughes, as defendants exposed to strict liability.…

Woman’s Request For A Cigarette Escalates To Her Murder

February 2, 2012 at 2:24 am by kniption  

Edmonton, Canada – Colton Barry Ferguson, 20, is on trial for the killing of Heather Rae Thurier, 23. Thurier was shot in the head at a light rail station in north Edmonton in May of 2010.

According to testimony, Jordan Arcand (the victim’s nephew, now 18), Travis Thurier (the victim’s brother), and Thurier had been drinking and smoking marijuana earlier in the evening. While walking home, the trio reportedly stopped at the Stadium LRT station so that Arcand could use a payphone.

Arcand testified that after Heather Thurier gave Arcand change and he began to make his call, Thurier and her brother spoke to a man with a backpack and red ball cap.

Travis Thurier told court that his sister approached a man and asked for a cigarette. When the man did not respond, her brother said that she repeated her request more loudly. Travis Thurier then testified that the man flashed a gang sign and said, “Do you know who I am and what I could do to you?”

Thurier then, reportedly, asked for a cigarette a third time while throwing change at the man’s feet.…

Sisters Accused Of Penis Torture, Forcing Man To Drink Urine

February 1, 2012 at 10:12 am by kniption  

St. Croix County, WI - Two sisters in Wisconsin have been charged after a man accused them of sexually assaulting him with pliers and forcing him to drink their urine. Does this sound odd to you? If not, it means that you are ideally suited to sort this one out.

Court documents say that an 18-year-old male was at a Wisconsin residence with Valerie M. Bartkey, 24, and Amanda L. Johnson, 17. Whatever fun they were having reportedly ended when the sisters – who had reportedly imbibed some weed – began punching and kicking him, and then – gasp – putting one of the man’s shoes in the toilet and soaking the other in a sink.

According to court records, the man said the sister’s funfest continued when they later brought him a cup of liquid claiming that was lemonade and ‘forced’ him to drink it. It reportedly turned out to be a cup of the sisters’ urine.

Police say that the man went on to say that the sisters then ‘forced him to undress,’ with the intent of Bartkey having sex with him.…

Mother Threw Toddler Out Window Before Father Set Her On Fire

February 1, 2012 at 8:42 am by kniption  

Cleveland, OH - Kevin Ford Jr. was apprehended after a manhunt yesterday following a ‘domestic disturbance’ at a home at a CMHA housing complex. Police say that around 10 a.m., Ford and his girlfriend, Tiffany Lawson, 31, began to argue.

Ford reportedly chased Lawson through the house while she was holding their 18-month-old boy in her arms. Authorities say that Ford sprayed lighter fluid on Lawson – prompting her to run upstairs in the two-story townhouse.

Yelling to a neighbor who had heard the commotion, Lawson managed to toss the toddler out the 2nd story window to the person below immediately before Ford lit her on fire. Lawson then reportedly tore off her burning clothes and jumped out the window.

The toddler was caught and suffered no injuries. Doctors said Lawson sustained first-degree burns to her right hand and leg and a broken right elbow and arm.

Ford – after unsuccessfully attempting to burn down the home – fled on foot. He was later captured. His charges have not yet been reported.…

Pageant Mother Files $30M Lawsuit Alleging ‘Sexualization’ Of Her Child By Media

January 31, 2012 at 12:34 pm by kniption  

New York, NY - Susanna Barrett, pageant mother of 5-year-old “Toddlers & Tiaras” star Isabella Barrett, has filed a $30 million libel suit against three media outlets in which she claims that their reporting tried to ‘sexualize’ her youngster’s performance in an online video.

In response to the kindergartner’s ‘innocent’ rendition of the LMFAO song “I’m Sexy and I Know It,” Barrett claims that TMZ.com, The Huffington Post and London’s Daily Mail all “brazenly attempt to sexualize” the girl by “claiming she was gyrating in a nightclub and singing about her sex appeal.”

While the child was singing the song in a nightclub, and the song is a first person account of the singer being sexy, Barrett points out that her daughter does not, in fact, understand “sexiness.” Consequently, the media’s portrayal of her daughter’s performance as ‘sexy’ is, well, just crazy talk!

Not only that… the lawsuit points out that the youngster could not have been gyrating because “she was sitting down.” Well, duh, clueless media outlets!

The video can be seen below this article, if you would like to experience the mother’s outrage for yourselves.…

Woman Says ‘Seizures’ Led To Broken 10-Day-Old

January 31, 2012 at 10:47 am by kniption  

St. Paul, MN - When Jennifer A. Pickar, 30, went to a St. Paul emergency room on the afternoon of Jan. 1 to seek treatment for tremors, a nurse attending to Pickar noticed her 10-day-old baby boy appeared to have two black eyes. After examination, the baby was reportedly taken to the intensive care unit at Children’s Hospital in Minneapolis, where an examination revealed the extent of his injuries.

It turns out that the baby – for whom treatment was not being sought by the mother – also had bruises on his left ear, fractures on the bones around his eyes, and bleeding in the front and back of his brain. The baby needed a breathing tube and a shunt was surgically inserted into his skull to reduce swelling.

According to court documents, the 10-day-old underwent surgery to repair the broken facial bones, but more will be required. The baby’s current condition is unknown. Court documents say that the child is expected to have “significant deficits” because of the injuries. Doctors reportedly said the baby would have died without medical care and that his injuries are consistent with a “significant” or “multiple” impacts to the baby’s face.…

Police Seeking Man Recorded By Security Cameras Stealing Security Cameras

January 30, 2012 at 3:46 pm by kniption  

Bakersfield, CA - Sgt. Mary DeGeare of the Bakersfield Police Department says that on December 10, a man removed security cameras from a business on Bakerfield’s San Dimas Street. Police know this because – coincidentally – security cameras strategically located close-by recorded the thefts as they occurred.

The placement of security cameras is often a huge logistical problem for businesses. “How many do I need?” and “Where do I put them?” are common questions asked of trained surveillance professionals or criminologists.

Thankfully, it turns out that if you are interested in recording the theft of the security cameras themselves, the problem is greatly simplified. Experts say that, in that case, you can mount the security cameras virtually anywhere with effective results.

Please take a close look at the photos of the suspect in the Bakersfield case. Anyone with information regarding the identity of this suspect is encouraged to call Detective Scott Miller at (661) 326-3947.…

Teen Dies After Jumping From Mother’s Moving Car

January 30, 2012 at 7:32 am by kniption  

Baily, CO - Catrina Fox, 17, was killed late Friday night after – according to reports – intentionally opening the door of a car driven by her mother and jumping out.  Fox ended up in the path of another car.

“I’ve never seen anything like that. She just got hit at full speed. It was horrific,” witness Dean Krakel later told news media.

A Colorado State police representative said that Fox was riding home to Bailey from Denver at around 1 a.m. when she ‘kicked open the door of her mom’s sedan and leapt onto US 285.’  She was then promptly hit by a 17-year-old boy from Littleton Colorado driving a 2001 Chrysler PT Cruiser. Colorado State Patrol Trooper Josh Lewis said that the driver of the PT Cruiser and his passengers were uninjured.

Krakel said that Fox’s mother passed out from shock after the accident, and the people who ran over the teen were “wailing” with grief.

It was reported that Fox had recently earned her GED and was planning on heading to California.…

Woman Survives Rape And Severe Beating By Faking Death

January 29, 2012 at 10:15 am by kniption  

Greensboro, NC — Kevin Kennedy Gilchrest, 48, was apprehended in connection with the dumping of a nude woman’s body along a city street last Sunday. Police say that Gilchrest did not realize at the time that the woman was not dead.

The magistrate’s report describes the unidentified woman resisting Gilchrest’s attack Sunday. The arrest warrant said the attacker placed one hand on the woman’s throat while pushing her against a wall. The assailant then pushed her to the ground. The strangulation reportedly continued while the victim was raped.

The court records go on to say that – after the rape – the attacker severly beat her. He then reportedly assessed her lifelessness by raising and letting go of her arm. Court documents say that she allowed her arm to ‘flop down’ in a fashion indicating that she had died during the strangulation and beating. Gilchrest also reportedly held his finger under her nose to detect breathing – during which the victim was reported to have held her breath.

Court documents say that the attacker then placed the woman in his car and dumped her nude body on the side a city street early Sunday.…

Convicted Killer Writes: Death Row Is A ‘Life Of Leasure’

January 27, 2012 at 7:45 am by kniption  

Gaston County, NC - Danny Robbie Hembree Jr., 50, was convicted of the 2009 suffocation death of 17-year-old Heather Catterton after they reportedly shared a sexual encounter for which Catterton received crack cocaine.

Hembree was sentenced to death for Catterton’s murder on Nov 18 by a Gaston County jury. Hembree is also accused of killing two other women, Randi Dean Saldana and Deborah Ratchford. In fact, he confessed to murdering them but – since the death sentence for killing Catterton – the point is somewhat moot.

One might assume that a death sentence would dampen Hembree’s spirits a bit. If the letter that Hembree recently submitted to the local Gaston County newpaper for publication is any indication, that is not the case at all.

“Is the public aware that the chances of my lawful murder taking place in the next 20 years if ever are very slim?” Hembree asked. “Is the public aware that I am [now] a gentleman of leisure, watching color TV in the a/c, reading, taking naps at will, eating three well-balanced meals a day?”

“I’m housed in a building that connects to the new 55 million dollar hospital with round the clock free medical care 24/7.” Hembree adds.…

Gunfight Reenactor Pleads Guilty After Shooting Up Audience

January 26, 2012 at 11:38 am by kniption  

Sioux Falls, SD — Until last summer, the tourist town of Hill City – in the South Dakota Black Hills – held mock wild west gunfights in a town street for more than 20 years. The Dakota Wild Bunch – a group of wild west reenactors – had performed the street gunfights several times for the last four years.

As you might expect, the reenactors typically use blanks during the mock gun battles. The festivities came to a screeching halt on June 17 of last year, though, when a reenactor with live ammunition in his .45 caliber revolver wounded three audience members. Oopsie.

It only took a moment for the gun battle to go south. Here is the official transcript as reconstructed from witness accounts and audience member video footage:

Bang. Bang bang.  Aaaaiiiiieeeeeyyyyyaaaa!!!!!

Well… maybe not “official,” but close enough.

One of the bullets fired shattered a leg bone of Minnesota tourist Carol Knutson, 65. South Dakota tourism got a real shot-in-the-arm in the form of the wounding of Pennsylvania tourist, Dr.…

Alleged Rapist And Rape Victim Arrested Making Meth Together

January 26, 2012 at 2:05 am by kniption  

Albuquerque, NM – U.S. Marshals tracked Moses Sparks, 26, to a trailer park near Mullins, South Carolina on Thursday. Sparks was wanted on charges of criminal sexual penetration, kidnapping and aggravated assault of his then girlfriend after allegedly breaking into her New Mexico home in September and beating and raping her.

Sparks reportedly tried to run last Thursday night as the arrest team approached.  The team – made up of Marion County drug agents, Marion County Sheriff’s deputies and deputy US Marshals – apprehended him. Authorities entering the trailer reportedly found an active drug manufacturing operation – as well as the woman whom Sparks had allegedly raped in New Mexico.

Sparks – who had been on probation for kidnapping and aggravated battery at the time of the alleged rape – was given an additional charge of manufacturing a controlled substance. His girlfriend was charged with manufacturing a controlled substance and harboring a fugitive.  An additional charge of being a complete idiot is presumably still pending.

Cops bust rape suspect, alleged victim: krqe.com…

Man Sought In Ruthless Laundramat Change Machine Shooting

January 25, 2012 at 11:42 am by kniption  

Winter Haven, FL - Sheriff’s deputies in Florida are searching for the assailant in an execution-style slaying of a Florida laundramat change machine.

The man was recorded on video entering the Busy Bubbles laundramat, drawing a semi-automatic pistol, and firing a single round into the machine. He then pauses and reaches out to his victim – presumably to check for a pulse. Clearly not satisfied, the stone-cold killer then fires multiple rounds into the victim while it sits motionless. The assailant then flees.

The suspect is described as a black male, approximately 5’11″ tall, 185 lbs., wearing a gray hoodie and dark baggy pants. As the perpetrator did not recover any money from the victim, it is suspected that he will be charged with attempted robbery when captured.

If anyone has information about this incident or can identify this suspect, they are urged to contact Polk County Detective Jason Paquin at (863) 287-9037.

Only together can we stop organized crime…

…

Man Convicted Of Unlicensed Castrations Now Charged With Child Pornography

January 25, 2012 at 7:55 am by kniption  

Wetumpka, AL - Edward Lee Bodkin, 68, attracted the attention of Massachusetts prison officials after sending a 7-page letter to an inmate at a facility for sexual offenders. In it, Bodkin described a litany of attacks on children, including an alleged encounter of a sexual nature he had with a month-and-a-half-old infant. Elmore County Chief Investigator R.T. Ward. described the letter as “horrendous.”

“We learned of him after we were contacted by a representative from the Massachusetts Treatment Center for Sexually Dangerous Persons where one of the inmates was receiving sexually explicit mail from (Bodkin),” said Ward.

According to Ward, investigators and deputies found about 100 VHS video tapes and 500 DVDs containing pornographic material. Sheriff Bill Franklin said that even seasoned investigators found the case disturbing.

“He’ll sit down and talk with you about it like he’s talking about the weather,” the sheriff said. “In all my years in law enforcement, I don’t recall a case like this.”

Bodkin was arrested and jailed shortly after sheriff’s investigators searched his home.…

Man Blames Bullying On His Child Pornography And Bestiality Charges

January 24, 2012 at 1:54 pm by kniption  

Hartlepool, UK - A UK court has jailed Gareth Francis Owen, 22, indefinitely after a judge branded him a danger to the public. Owen had been sentenced two weeks ago to five months incarceration for causing unnecessary suffering to his Labrador after admitting having sex with the dog. This additional sentence comes in response to Owen pleading guilty to added charges of making and possessing both “extreme” and “child” pornography.

Owen’s troubles began when he took his computer to a shop to be repaired. A call to the police led to the discovery of ‘indecent photos’ of children and a ‘sickening collection’ of bestiality pictures. Court records describe there being evidence of several ‘vile’ movies which had been deleted. In addition, Owen’s probation report described the defendant writing pornographic accounts involving explicit sexual activities between ‘adult males and Pokemon characters.’

When considering the charge of the assault on the dog, Prosecutor Lynne Dalton said Owen admitted having sexual relations with a number of family pets and horses from the age of 14.…

Man In Coon Skin Hat Arrested For Exposing Himself In Grocery Store

January 24, 2012 at 8:14 am by kniption  

Bartlesville, OK - Patrons at an Oklahoma grocery store got a surprise when George Edward Brown, 51, exposed himself in front of the in-store bank.

The free show reportedly began last Sunday around 1:13 p.m. at the Food Pyramid grocery store when Brown – described as wearing a coon skin cap at the time – let it all hang out in front of the Bank of Oklahoma desk in a possible form of protest.

As Bartlesville is a good-sized town, residents are not without the opportunity to attend male revues. Still, an opportunity to see a truly professional display of raw Chippendale’s-quality masculinity free-of-charge is not to be passed up by the ladies. Sadly for Brown, by blocking the bank’s desk, he inadvertently cheated himself out of what could have been tens – nay, hundreds – of singles stuffed into his welcoming pouch.

Officers were dispatched after a presumably unappreciative few reported him for indecent exposure. When police arrived, they reportedly found Brown again facing the bank counter in the ‘busy store with many people around him.’ The arrest affidavit said that – when asked to turn around – Brown complied with his credit union member “completely exposed through a hole in the front of his jeans.”

Police arrested Brown on a charge of indecent exposure.…

Man Dressed As Dead Sister To Fill Her Prescriptions

January 23, 2012 at 8:59 am by kniption  

Athens, TN - Athens police have charged Douglas Gregory Nichols, 36, after allegedly he dressed up to resemble his dead sister in an effort to fill her prescriptions for Xanax and hydrocodone.

His first successful attempt was reported to have occurred less than one day after she had died. I can feel the grief slipping away…

According to police, witnesses said Nichols wore a wig and makeup on a total of two occasions to pick up prescriptions that belonged to his sister. Sgt. Detective Heith Willis said investigators are “assuming he was doing that to look more like the relative.”

You just can’t get anything by those Tennessee investigators.

Unfortunately for Nichols’, pharmacy staff reportedly recognized that ‘he wasn’t the right person’ during his second attempt.  Nichols was arrested and subsequently charged with prescription fraud and other related charges. He is being held on a bond of more than $500,000.…

High School Coaches Fired After Team Photographed In Bar Wearing Bras, Panties

January 23, 2012 at 8:55 am by kniption  

Howell, MI - A high school hockey team’s season was put on indefinite hold after a seemingly wild weekend that included an incident that the school concluded was hazing.

The Howell (Michigan) High School team was on a school-sponsored team trip to Marquette, Michigan when members of the team reportedly ended up walking around a bar wearing women’s ‘unmentionables.’ In an interview, head coach Randy Montrose referred to the incident as a “runway show” – adding that it involved swimsuits.

Photographic evidence obtained by the administration contradicted his account. The photos – which unmistakably placed the coaches, other players, many parents, and bar patrons in the audience – showed some of the students dressed in women’s underwear – reportedly including ‘bras, panties and girdles.’ This while the students were walking around a bar located across the street from their Marquette hotel.

Girdles?!? Please tell me that these kids didn’t also break in to the Northern Michigan Historical Museum of Women’s Undergarments!

The Howell School Administration’s decision that it was a form of hazing resulted in the dismissal of Coach Montrose and his two assistants.…