About kniption
Title: Scribe
Published Articles: 455
Website: www.dreamindemon.com
My love of adverbs is eclipsed only by my apparent need to construct delightfully complicated multi-level sentences - using both arcane word choices and complex qualifiers - that often require a dry erase board to decipher. ...like that one.
Reporter Finds Bloody Knife After Cops Leave Scene Of Triple Murder
April 14, 2011 at 3:44 am by kniption
Atlanta, GA — Atlanta Journal-Constitution reporter Rhonda Cook discovered a bloody knife Monday at a home where a mother and her two children were stabbed to death, prompting police to investigate how detectives missed a key piece of evidence.
DeKalb County Police spokeswoman Mekka Parish said detectives thought they had recovered the main weapon they believe 21-year-old Eugene Quatron McCoy used to stab to death his 45-year-old mother, Sheila Irons, and his half-siblings Zion McPherson, 11, and Chasity McPherson, 8. Apparently not…
Cook said she found the second knife — with bright red blood on its blade — under a chair on the front porch hours after police completed their investigation and removed crime scene tape from the home. She had gone to the neighborhood to interview people about the crime.
“There was glass all around the porch, and the knife was laying in the middle of the glass,” Cook said.
Cook, who has been a reporter since 1978, didn’t touch the knife. She called her editor and stayed on the phone with him while she knocked on the door, but no one answered, Cook said.…
Continue ReadingWoman Hits Husband With Remote, Charged With Aggravated Assault With A ‘Deadly Weapon’
April 14, 2011 at 2:39 am by kniption
Wellington, FL — A 48-year-old woman was arrested Tuesday after hitting her husband with a remote control. Rita Sharon Counts was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.
Counts was arrested after her husband reported that during an argument on Monday night, Counts struck him ‘multiple times’ on his head with the remote control, and on his arms and head with a telephone, according to the arrest report.
The responding Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputy noted in the report that the 50-year-old victim had “visible red and black bruises which were caused by Rita.”
As of Wednesday morning, jail records showed that no bond had been set. She is reportedly being held at the Main Detention Facility in Palm Beach.
Now… I do not want to minimize the plight of the battered husband. Those panty-wastes deserve compassion, too. But a remote control as a ‘deadly weapon?!’ C’mon. If it was taped to the nose-cone of a shoulder-launched rocket, perhaps.…
Continue ReadingPantsless Driver Runs Over Man, Found ‘Touching Himself’ When Police Arrived
April 13, 2011 at 4:24 am by kniption
Ogden, Utah — Prosecutors have charged a man who was found naked from the waist down behind the wheel of an SUV that had a dead man underneath it. Ogden Police say 45-year-old Daniel Bradshaw hit and killed 54-year-old Brent Bodily.
According to police documents, around 3:00 p.m. Monday, they received a call to the 700 block of Sullivan Road in Ogden. Officials say upon arrival, they found Bradshaw in the driver’s seat of a blue GMC SUV, and Bodily under the front end of the vehicle, dead. Police claim Bradshaw ran over Bodily as he pulled out of his driveway, dragging him about 14 feet. Police also said Bradshaw was naked from the waist down and fondling himself when they approached the vehicle.
Police have yet to determine the relationship between the two men.
Bradshaw was charged Tuesday with six counts, including including vehicular homicide, DUI, driving on a revoked license, alcohol for a restricted driver, lewdness, and open container violations.
Police are expected to amend the arrest warrant with an additional charge of ‘causing Bodily harm.’…
Continue Reading
Berkeley Heights, NJ – Ramesh Advani, 64, has pleaded guilty to sexually abusing a sleeping woman during a flight from Hong Kong to Newark.
Advani entered his guilty plea before U.S. Judge Dennis M. Cavanaugh on Tuesday. The man was charged in federal court because the flight was over international waters when the crime was committed.
Advani was arrested in May of last year after being accused of reaching under the blanket of a sleeping woman aboard the Continental flight and sexually abusing her. According to court documents, Advani allegedly touched the woman’s “genitalia, groin and inner thigh” all while he moved “napkins around inside of his pants.”
Two passengers witnessed the alleged sexual assault and kicked the woman’s chair in an attempt to wake her up. She awoke and alerted the flight crew. Advani was detained when the plane landed and taken into custody by the FBI.
Scheduled to be sentenced on August 1, Advani is looking at up to three years behind bars.
Incidentally, Advani is the first person known to be able to sexually molest someone while moving napkins around in their pants.…
Continue Reading
Philadelphia, PA – La Salle University officials announced yesterday that Professor Jack Rappaport, has been suspended for allegedly hiring strippers to give lap dances at an extra-credit seminar on business ethics.
Rappaport, 57, reportedly charged students $150 each to attend the seminar, which was entitled “The application of Platonic and Hegelian Ethics to Business.”
According to Brad Bernardino, a sophomore at La Salle who attended the March 21 session, Rappaport was in the front of the classroom and three bikini-clad and miniskirted women were on top of him giving him a lap dance. Bernardino went on to say that the strippers gave willing students lap dances as a PowerPoint presentation related to business ethics ran in the background. The seminar ended abruptly after the business school’s dean showed up.
“I think everybody was in shock that it happened,” Bernardino said.
Specializing in management-information systems and production management, Rappaport also conducted research into the application of statistics into horse track betting – a fascination that bled over into many of his lectures, former students recalled.…
Continue ReadingMiami-Dade Policeman Terrorizes Girlfriend for Not Holding Hands
April 12, 2011 at 2:26 am by kniption
Florida — Sgt. Reinaldo Ruiz of the Miami-Dade police department was arrested for domestic violence after he allegedly assaulted a woman he was dating for not holding his hand at a Miami Heat game.
The incident occurred on March 27 at a game the Heat won against the Houston Rockets at AmericanAirlines Arena.
Police say Ruiz made the unnamed woman catch a cab back to his house in Southwest Ranches for not showing him a little public affection at the game. When the woman finally made it to the house, she was greeted by Ruiz, who she claimed was holding his semi-automatic service pistol. He reportedly chambered a round and paced as the woman packed her bags.
According to the arrest affidavit, Ruiz dumped the woman’s luggage and knocked the phone out of her hand as she tried to call 911. Officer Ruiz then grabbed the woman by her hair and dragged her around the house.
When the woman finally broke free, she ran to a closet with a phone while Ruiz upgraded his weaponry to an AR-15 assault rifle, the report said.…
Continue ReadingPolice: Man Swings At Pit Bull With Hammer, Hits Friend In Face
April 12, 2011 at 2:09 am by kniption
Sacramento, CA — According to police, an intoxicated Sacramento man tried attacking his pet pit bull with a hammer Saturday, but smashed his friend’s face instead. Police arrested Theodore Saunders, 50, and charged him with felonious assault, animal cruelty, and mayhem for injuring his friend and dog.
Sgt. Norm Leong said the incident started when Saunders and his friend were drinking large quantities of alcohol at a residence. Saunders, for whatever reason, reportedly unleashed a barrage of punches against the pit bull. The assault escalated after Saunders armed himself with a hammer and began swinging it at the dog, while his friend sat nearby. Leong said one of Saunders’ hammer swings struck his friend near the right eye, causing serious damage.
In a jailhouse interview, Theodore Saunders denied hitting his friend or going after his own pit bull Lucy. He insists that the dog started it.
“(My dog) just flipped out and bit me and then I tried to show the dog out the house. Then I just picked up, I don’t know what it was, I just picked up whatever I picked up to get her out of the house,” Saunders said.…
Continue Reading
Greenwood, SC — Roy Louis “Trey” Thomas, III, a former Terminix employee, was arrested Thursday and charged with indecent exposure and harassment. The indecent exposure charge came after a woman said he showed her a picture of his penis after spraying her home for pests.
According to reports from the Greenwood County Sheriff’s Office, Thomas was at the home of a Terminix customer on April 5 treating the home for pests when he asked to use the woman’s bathroom. The woman said she allowed Thomas to use her restroom and that he, subsequently, failed to close the bathroom door while urinating. So smooth.
Reports go on to say that after Thomas sprayed the exterior of the customer’s home he asked if he could come inside and sit down, saying that he was tired. According to the woman, after Thomas was inside, he asked her if she would like to see photos of what a home looks like after termite infestation.
The woman, clearly unaware of the arsenal of seduction of the typical exterminator, told Thomas “yes.” It was at this point – according to the woman’s account – that, instead of showing her a picture of termites, he showed her a picture of his penis and asked her if she would like to “help him” sexually relieve himself.…
Continue Reading
Barryton, MI — A man recently admitted to police that he’s masturbated in his parked van at local businesses as far back as last fall, and at least four times at a day care in recent weeks.
Police found 49-year-old Thomas Schroeder in the back of his minivan at the day care Tuesday, one hand on a laptop keyboard and his pants pulled down. Although Schroeder is not believed to be an amputee, there was only mention of one hand in the police report.
The Weidman-area day care had chased Schroeder away a few times before filing at least four official complaints since mid-March, said Sherman Township Marshal Bob Hooker.
“He would get out of his van and into the back and disappear for up to 90 minutes,” Hooker said. “That made them nervous.”
Police failed to catch the man after earlier complaints, so a stakeout was planned for Tuesday morning. Hooker watched the van with binoculars from a nearby parking lot and could see movement inside. When Hooker’s backup, Deputy Kevin Dush, arrived on scene, the chase was on.…
Continue Reading
Bridgeport, CT — What time is it when trash from a school bus window lands on your car? It’s time to kick some student butt! At least, that is what police allege 29-year-old Daisha Womack decided.
The fact that Womack was driving behind a We Transport school bus and that some students were throwing things from the bus windows onto Womack’s car is not disputed, says Tim Quinn, Bridgeport Police Department public safety information officer.
Womack also readily admits that, at one of the bus’ scheduled stops, she got out of her car and entered the bus. When she reached the rear of the bus, the police report states that she found one of the girls who was tossing the trash ducking under a seat.
This is where it starts to get fuzzy…
Womack claims that, at this point, she started to yell at the girl under the seat. She says that she was then hit from behind by another girl and jumped by several students.
According to Quinn, officers interviewed the bus driver and several of the students.…
Continue Reading
Mataura, NZ – A 17-year-old has been convicted of bestiality after being seen by a neighbor having an “intimate moment” with the family cat in February.
The teen appeared in the Invercargill District Court before Judge Kevin Phillips on a charge of an act of bestiality. The summary of facts, which was not read out in court, says the teenager was sitting in his house when he started thinking about young girls, so he picked up the family cat and took it out to the backyard, where he was seen by a neighbor.
The teenager reportedly told police he knew it was wrong and that the cat was scared, but he had done it on 10 previous occasions in the past six months.
In addition to registering a solid “10″ on the Gross-o-Meter, this news account prompts a number of valid questions concerning comparative anatomy, claws, and teeth. Sadly, as the details of the case are sealed, we are left only to speculate.
The teenager was ordered to remain in custody until his sentencing on June 9.…
Continue Reading
Port Richey, FL — The happy man pictured to the left is Jack Snyder. Jack is happy because it is his birthday. Jack is pictured because he celebrated it by getting nekkid.
The Pasco County Sheriff’s Office said Jack, who turned 64 Monday, dropped his pants on a Port Richey street corner and wagged his johnson at the school bus transporting children home from Chasco Elementary.
Sadly for Jack, his frivolity was witnessed by a grandmother driving past to pick up her grandson. She reported seeing Snyder’s nekkid ass in a call to the Sheriff’s Office. Shortly after, the Sheriff’s Office began receiving additional calls from concerned parents whose children arrived home with stories of seeing Snyder’s old man parts.
Snyder, who was still on scene when deputies arrived, reportedly told one officer he thought the stunt would be “funny.” Since the school children, relatives, school staff, and law enforcement were not aware of his birthday, the “birthday suit” gag fell flat. Tough crowd.
Snyder had recently been released from the Pasco jail following a two-month stint for failure to appear.…
Continue ReadingPolice: David O’Hara Came Unglued At Sight Of Sheen/Kimmel Kiss
April 9, 2011 at 3:43 am by kniption
Georgetown, GA — Charlie Sheen surprised the audience at Jimmy Kimmel Live when he showed up at the talk show a couple weeks ago and planted a big kiss on Kimmel’s lips.
A replay of the clip showing Charlie Sheen kissing Jimmy Kimmel aired in a Quitman County home around midnight on the 24th, and according to his girlfriend, David O’Hara, 47, did not react mildly.
“We were getting ready to get in bed and going through the TV stations. I saw that and said, ‘Oh look at that man, how he’s kissing that man. He’s kissing that man like he’s kissing a woman.’ And he just snapped. He said, ‘I don’t want to see that [expletive]. I’m not a [expletive] gay man.’” she said.
As the fighting escalated, a group of friends heard the screams and went to check on the couple. Police say that’s when O’Hara got a gun and put it to the back of his girlfriend’s head (because a gay man wouldn’t do that!). He then reportedly pointed the gun at a 14-year-old boy in the group of friends (because a gay man wouldn’t do that, either!).…
Continue ReadingCircuit Court Judge Charged With Disorderly Conduct For… Bad Judgment
April 8, 2011 at 7:59 am by kniption
Waukesha, WI – Waukesha County Circuit Judge Linda Van De Water has been charged with disorderly conduct after allegedly kicking and jumping on the hood her former boyfriend’s car. These actions occurred after confronting him outside the home of another woman, according to a criminal complaint.
Van De Water, 48, reportedly began the morning of January 16th with an emotional 2AM confrontation at the wrong house with, of course, the wrong woman – a neighbor of her ex-boyfriend’s new friend. Police say Van De Water demanded that the neighbor make cell phone calls to her boyfriend – which she did when given the number. This prompted the former boyfriend to emerge from his actual location next door.
At this point, the “angry, frantic and determined” Van De Water reportedly kicked the car, jumped on the hood, and began “screaming.” The man then left, with Van De Water reportedly following at a high speed. The criminal complaint alleges that Van De Water was spotted in her replacement’s backyard the following day, and was later seen confronting her ex-boyfriend and the woman at a Brookfield restaurant.…
Continue ReadingPolice: Woman Threatens To Blow Up High School, Defecates At Front Door
April 7, 2011 at 3:07 am by kniption
Cincinnati, OH — Pamela Jones, 33, has been charged with inducing panic and criminal trespass. Police say she threatened to blow up Taft IT High School before relieving herself at the front door.
The arrest report described Jones showing up at Taft on Tuesday, demanding to be let into the building. She was asked several times to leave. She did not leave but, instead, remained in front of the school telling students she was going to blow it up. Before she left, police say she pulled down her pants and defecated at the front door.
She currently being held at the Hamilton County Justice Center. A bond amount has not yet been made available.
Taft IT High School school students just moved in to the brand new $19 million facility on Tuesday after three years of construction. The 600-student building now has wireless Internet access throughout and nine computer labs, according to a prepared school district press release. Sadly for security personnel, it is rumored to be also equipped with high resolution video cameras at all entrances.…
Continue Reading
