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Middletown, PA — A 41-year-old woman was arrested after police say she choked and beat her 13-year-old daughter because she had the audacity to recite a few bible verses incorrectly.

It appears as if someone is channeling Margaret White….

The child told police her mom, Rhonda Kemp Shoffner, who had been on a three day bender, ordered her to call multiple family members on the afternoon of March 14. When no one answered the child’s calls, Shoffner ordered her into the bathroom and demanded that the child get on her knees.

At that point, the girl said, she knew she was in for a beating. But no amount of begging or pleading helped.

Shoffner began reciting bible verses and expected the girl to repeat them, verbatim.

Shoffner asked her child, “What did God tell the man to do with his son?”

When the girl said she didn’t know, Shoffner said, “God told the man to kill his son.”

Instead, the girl said, “God said to forgive his son,” and Shoffner grabbed her by the hair and slammed her head into the wall, police said.

Shoffner reportedly slammed the kid’s head into the drywall every time she goofed on a verse — about five times, total. Police say Shoffner kicked the kid a few times, too, in an attempt to get her point across.

Tired from all that violent preaching and stuff, Shoffner ordered the girl to lie on her back. She then straddled the child and began strangling her, while threatening to kill her.

While attempting to fight her mother off, the child was bitten on the forearm and shoulder. The girl kept fighting until Shoffner gave up and told her to “get out and never come back.”

Presumably more than happy to oblige, the kid grabbed her shoes, a coat, and a phone, and left the home. She called her father, who drove her to the police station.

Shoffner has since been charged with aggravated assault against a child, strangulation and terroristic threats. She’s been ordered held on $100,000 bail.

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Comments


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  • Andy Staves

    Lovely woman

  • IronWoobie

    Eh, she’ll have plenty of time to sober up and read the Bible in jail. May she spend the rest of her miserable life there.

    That being said, I hope the kid has a happier life with her father and was only with her egg donor because of visitation or outdated sexist laws that default custody to the egg donor.

  • jansav

    frking nut job.

  • itsknotme

    So, is the best way to memorize the King James’ Bible, is through crowning?

  • Crazy people need to stop and actually think, “What WOULD Jesus Do”? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1874958fae0fbc2608814a95582d4edafaebf762859612c2c7def8d04e69815a.png

  • D S

    >”It appears as if someone is channeling Margaret White….”

    Speaking as an actual, Bible-believing Christian, necromancy is a SIN.

    Now change this, before I beat you senseless in the Name of the Prince of Peace.

  • Diva of Destruction

    And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.
    .

  • link07

    Not in the Bible

  • link07

    “She didn’t know it…Choke that Bitch!”

  • link07

    I’m an actual real life evangelical Christian, when my kids mess up a memory verse its usually just funny.

  • Inferus
  • Diva of Destruction

    Yes I’m quit aware of that. The quote is from an obscure little movie called Pulp Fiction. Check it out sometime. I do appreciate you taking the time to check your bible and call me out though. Hugs.

  • Mazikeen666

    Wth she needs a beating her self

  • Elizabeth McCarthy

    People like this just need to be chained to a wall standing up and never let go.

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  • Delaney3030

    When One of my girls was right eight she said ” holy ghost?…. More like the butt holy ghost” . I sure didn’t beat her. I praised her for being so clever but made sure to warn her that not everyone would find it as charming as I did.

  • Edward Newman

    For it is written, the children shall get the shit smacked out from dey hedz fow not citing the skripture correct AMEN!

  • Edward Newman

    Obscure? Hell, it was a major hit!

  • Old Man Metal

    From the source article:

    “No one answered the door when they knocked, according to charging documents, but after an officer began pounding on the door, announcing ‘Middletown police, open the door,’ officers heard a second-floor window open above.

    Shoffner, who was half-naked, leaned out the window and screamed obscenities at the responding officers as she told them to get off of her property, police said.

    She then gave the officers the middle finger and told them that if they came through her front door, she ‘got something for us,’ police said.”

    Absolutely fucking unhinged.

  • Old Man Metal
  • Old Man Metal

    Now put a dollar in the box!

  • Josh

    Last generations PSA ends up being this generations punchline. She is clearly on both sides of that fence.

  • understandingoverignorance

    The Power of Christ compelled her….An atheist was born that day.

  • Tenbux

    And lo, should any so fail to quoth the lord correctly, cast their head forth unto the wall. The path to righteousness awaiteth beyond.
    -Book of Asshole, 69:420

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  • Ramonathegreat

    Erm. Anyone want to bet those “Bible verses” were from her own personally written scriptures and made no fucking sense whatsoever?

  • Edward Newman

    we asssept your WIC card

  • Old Man Metal

    “‘What the Lord *meant* to say’… I’ve never been that bold.” -Bill Hicks

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  • Plague78

    Religion just needs to be abolished from this world. People do the dumbest and most violent things in the name of their religion. The world would be a much more peaceful place if we would all come to the conclusion there is no God. Jesus, Allah, Kirshna, or any other the other bat shit crazy imaginary people.

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    0or your WIC Card

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  • Lisa Langham

    Physically ill people go to the hospital, and though some are made better, some get MRSA and get sicker. Mentally ill people go to mental health, and though some are made better, some become delusional on medication and get sicker. Spiritually ill people go to churches/temples/mosques, and though some are made better, some get sicker through hypocrisy. C’est la vie, but that’s just my skewed view of the world in which we live.

  • Plague78

    To me religion is an illness.

  • Lisa Langham

    I’ve always thought of it as a coping mechanism. Any coping mechanism can be a good thing and lead one to a well adjusted life, or it can be a bad thing and lead to problems or illness. However, I’ve never experienced the harm, nor the help, that can come from religion, besides still praying to a god (I was taught about in childhood) that I don’t believe in. So, maybe you’re right!?!

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