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Vancouver, WA — Benjamin Walker, 27, is being held on $1 million bail after he admitted to choking his 78-year-old grandmother to death as she slept.

Walker, who lived in his grandmother’s garage, was apparently  just hanging out drinking beer early Monday, and decided he’d had enough of the woman’s nagging — she repeatedly asked him to turn off the lights and maybe take shorter showers — and “decided her and his fates.”

He entered her bedroom as she slept Monday morning, and choked the life out of her. But, BUT, he wanted to make sure she was good and dead, so he slit her throat with a kitchen knife, too, he said.

Grandma didn’t go quietly… police say Walker had numerous scratches on his chin and mouth. Damn shame he didn’t have a kitchen knife sticking out of his jugular.

After washing his hands, Walker reportedly walked to the Washougal Police department and confessed to the murder.

In court Tuesday, Walker’s court-appointed attorney claimed Walker was “remorseful and sad” about his grandmother’s death. Hence, the suicide smock.

I know some of the older people can be quite an annoyance, but you really don’t have to go to such extremes. A handful of hard candy and Jeopardy on a loop and they settle down. Right, Morbid?

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Comments


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  • 1DireWolf

    Well, he will have shorter showers in prison and they also control the lights. Not moving up in the world there, kiddo.

  • Sejanus

    From a garage to a jail cell.
    This guy has no idea what to do with his life other than to be a mighty fuck-up.

  • Victoriamvinson

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  • sugarpie

    Plenty of room around the neck in the suicide smock for a noose. Have at it buttercup.

  • Diva of Destruction

    What a piece of crap.

  • Inferus

    Can we please now bring back forced sterilization and put down these mediocre screw heads? Seriously my cynicism regarding the future of humanity would make Idiocracy seem idealistic.

  • AlabamDeb

    Well maybe he wouldn’t have to listen to her if he’d grow the f up and move out! I mean really? 27 years old and living with Granny? Nothing but a fat turd taking up space. Too bad Granny didn’t throw his worthless ass out before this.

  • jansav

    what the hell?

  • GGMon

    If he didn’t want to hear her nagging he should have gotten his own place. It beats having to put up with someone

  • Old Man Metal

    Ah, I see he’s wearing the easy-access “fresh meat” suit. He’s gonna be wishing he had stayed in the garage drinking beer in the dark, methinks.

  • itsknotme

    “Thank God, I gave up killing Grandma’s for Lent, but you Grandfather’s had better … never mind.”

  • starry1

    What an evil fuck. His grandma was helping him out by letting him live there and he murders her. Lots of elderly folks are obsessive about utility use because they’re on a fixed income. A little understanding would have gone a long way.

  • Elizabeth McCarthy

    I was just thinking the same thing. How does that protect you from choking or all that pesky bleeding at the neck?

  • Elizabeth McCarthy

    She tried. She did. She told him if he was going to act like a turd to go lay in the yard.

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  • dammitall23

    I predict he won’t be too enthusiastic about the beer selection, either.

  • Idiot.

  • IronWoobie

    Maybe if he’d spent less on beer and helped out with the utilities, he’d understand why it’s important to turn the lights off when exiting a room and not to reenact Moby Dick every time he showered. Idiot. Jail’s less fun than living in a garage pissing one’s life away.

  • Old Man Metal

    Idiocracy is optimistic.

  • dilldoeh

    78 years old and she still didn’t know not to harsh his groove? Sounds like she got exactly what she deserved.

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