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Frackville, PA — George Beaver, 59, is in police custody for allegedly biting his wife’s face after she touched his bag of Utz Potato Chips.

Police were called to the Beaver’s home last week after receiving a report about domestic assault between George and his wife, Michelle.

When officers arrived on scene, Michelle reported that George was sitting in the living room watching television and that she just happened to pick up a bag of Utz Sour Cream and Onion rippled potato chips that had been sitting on the coffee table.

George apparently said something like, “leave the fucking chips alone.” (Could have been “goddamn chips”, too. Not positive which cuss word was used, so I’ll use my favorite).

Michelle did not leave the fucking chips alone. This angered the Beaver.

George reportedly grabbed Michelle by the face and bit her left cheek, just below the eye, tearing off a piece of skin and causing her to bleed.

George fled the home before officers arrived, prompting them to obtain a warrant for his arrest. He was captured soon after, and charged with simple assault and harassment. He was ordered held on $10,000 bail.

So tell me, are they that good?

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  • More food related crime. I don’t want people touching my chips, either. It’s like, get your own, biotch. (Kidding aside, wtf?)

  • Florida needs Utz.

  • If they are that good I would like to get some lol

  • What the frackville?!

  • Utz is okay but Martin’s is where’s is at here in South Central pa… unless it’s the Carolina style bbq, yeah then I’d bite her too.

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  • WTFOMGLOL

    Married for how many years, and just finding out now, that your husband is a fuckin’ ragey nutjob ? DIVORCE him now, before he reaches for a gun. (Oh and, sour cream and onion chips are GROSS, so I can’t understand the rage.)

  • DW

    Someone touches my cocoa and milk flavored Quadratini and I’ll bite off a testicle and/or labia.

  • Ah.. Good ol Frackville. I hate when people touch my food, so I’m not mad at him. Lol.

  • Sejanus

    Utz chips are gawd awful.
    Scumbag needs to up his snack game.

  • I understand although I would never bite someone’s face, this girl I use to work with would take a spoon from my silverware and eat off my plate and throw the fork or spoon back down on my plate

  • Lancifer

    Pray tell, what are your chips of choice Sejanus? I personally do like the Utz Hot chips.

  • No they’re not THAT good lmao

  • Can you imagine when America gets low on food? Half of the country will be dead!

  • WTFOMGLOL

    Guess who’s not getting laid for a VERY long time…

  • WTFOMGLOL

    that’s fucking disgusting. She did that more than once ? She would have limped away with a fork stuck in her hand…

  • Old Man Metal

    Just imagine what would have happened if she’d double-dipped one of those chips…

  • Old Man Metal

    If it had been those Kettle-Cooked Jalapeno chips, I’d give him a pass, but agreed about Utz.

  • runnergirl

    You should have a link above in the ads to order.

  • AlabamDeb

    We just started getting the Utz brand in my area, and yes they are pretty good. Bite-a-face-off good? Nah. Now if it were my flaming hot Cheetos, maybe… 😛

    Seriously, wth is going on with food these days?

  • Sara

    I don’t know about how good Utz potato chips are, but I like their cheese balls. There’s no way to say that without a double entendre. *snicker* Anyway, those are so good that I’m often fighting with my son and two nieces for control of a large jar of them. No one’s ever bitten anyone yet, but sometimes I do have to break up slap fights. And tell the little savages to quit barking at each other.

  • GGMon

    I always liked the classic plain ones

  • Josh

    Leave it to beaver.

  • Inferus

    Just because your wife looks like a potato does not mean she tastes like one.

  • Inferus
  • FruitLoop

    Damn, I rushed to the comments to see if I could be the first to post that.

  • Robin Wise

    Don’t touch my dill pickle Lay’s.

  • scotsims

    My money’s on Amazon to have them available.

  • scotsims

    Sex and food. hmmmmm…….!

  • rarely

    dont be touchin my utz…..

  • Stormblast

    I bet Old Dutch potato chips are much better than Utz.

  • McDanel_1771

    Guess I’ll have to try them!

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  • PurpleAnn

    Michelle did not leave the fucking chips alone. Jaded has such a way with words! I hope he took the chips with him when he fled. I am picturing him hunched over, frantically shoving the rest of them in his gob before the cops get to him.

  • Diva of Destruction

    I was gonna say this is totally uncalled for and the man should be locked up forever. Then I noticed the were Sour Cream Chips. The bitch shouldn’t have touched his chips. I’m on the man’s side this time.

  • Jaylee

    nutty lol

  • Mazikeen666

    Wtf