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Jared KreftWAUSAU, WI – Jared Kreft is probably having a rough time this holiday season after he was accused of smoking marijuana before giving a horse a blowjob.

Kreft was arrested last Wednesday after deputies were sent to a barn, where they found the 30-year-old near a horse.

According to court documents, Kreft was wearing a face mask and blue wind pants with “holes cut in the groin and buttocks areas.” Deputies also found a marijuana pipe and a jar of petroleum jelly nearby.

Kreft admitted to the deputies that after viewing some “horse pornography” at home, he went to the barn and sucked the horse’s dick and pleasured the horse with his hand.

Police arrested Kreft and charged him with sexual gratification with an animal sex organ, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana as a repeat offender and bail jumping.

I found that first charge odd, as I guess that means in Wisconsin, you cannot pleasure yourself with an animal sex organ even if it isn’t attached to an animal? I dunno. Weird.

Groups against the legalization of marijuana should really get in touch with this guy. They could make an entirely new set of “this is your brain on drugs” commercials that could go something like this:

Show Miss Universe Olivia Culpo in a field asking if there is anyone who doesn’t understand the dangers of smoking marijuana. She says, “This is your brain” while pointing to Kreft riding a horse through a series of obstacles.

“This is your brain on marijuana,” she says while pointing back to Kreft, who is now on his knees gagging on horse cock. Kreft stops what he’s doing, letting the horse dick flop out of his mouth, looks up at the camera and asks, “Any questions?”

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Horse whinnies as the scene fades to black.

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Comments


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  • sugarpie

    And this is your 15 minutes of fame?

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    He won’t have to worry about facial wrinkles, not when his biggest concern will be the stretch marks around his lips.

  • Kim Graves

    umm was he really gonna try to get the horse to fuck him in the ass? ugh i hope he had the costco size vaseline and yeah i saw a video once of a woman blowing a horse and the end result was so gross like a bucket of cum

  • Jeff

    Love your idea for the ‘brain on drugs’ commercial. hilarious!

  • Texas Ranger

    What I want to know is how did he know the horse was Gay? Is there some kind of secret handshake or something? Or is it merely the use of “horsegaydar”?

  • Defafan

    Gag. Literally. WTF is wrong with some people?

  • It extends in front of him.

  • A whole new meaning to Horsecock.

  • alohafuckers

    What he’s “wearing” in the mugshot suggests he was nude or at least bare-chested when arrested.

    Merry Christmas!

  • Buffettgirl

    Awwww, he’s been crying in his mugshot… Bwaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaaaaa! Just say Neigh!

  • link07

    Gotta admit, his face is so dreamy, the horse was probably into it.

  • What a time to be alive.

  • ScarletHarlot

    That PSA idea killed me, Morbid. You funny fucker.

    I don’t get the custom made trousers. Wouldn’t it easier for him to just, I don’t know, take off his usual trousers while he’s there? Did he have a separate pair to change in and out of? Because getting home again in trousers that showcase the uncovered crotch and ass seems a challenge.

  • Eyam Ova-Urazis

    Neigh. Just neigh.

  • Sejanus

    So did the pony baloney hit the spot for your munchies bud?…lol
    I suppose the most normal part of the story is that he had to get high before doing it.
    At least he wasnt sober….cuz fuck.
    Now we know what he does when high, but what about drunk?

    Well, here goes….

    Blows badgers and porcupines
    Thinks about giving oral pleasure to Kirsty Alley and Rosie O’Donnell
    Eats at McDonalds
    Beats off to pics of ISIS corpses
    Watches Sex and the City reruns
    Bangs car exhaust pipes
    Wishes he could get up the nerve to talk to that horse he has had his eye on
    and finally wonders where his life went so alarmingly wrong.

  • Sejanus

    Neeeeiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhh!

  • Sejanus

    You would cry too if a horse gave you pink eye…lol

  • Harper

    Ummmmm…..the weed had nothing to do with this. Weed makes you hungry for your children’s decorated Christmas cookies….not horse cock.

  • Malodorous
  • Bob Saccamanno

    I wonder what the police were thinking when they walked in on this caper, him red handed.

  • Lucy Van Pelt

    Weed doesn’t usually stirrup trouble , he is clearly unstable and saddled with issues

  • Gayle

    @morbid – thanks for the laugh, you sick bastard. Great write up! The marijuana angle pablum they’re spewing is about as limp as it gets. As for revving up on horse porn then following through, maybe we should get him a realistic, anatomically correct doll…

  • john doe

    its top selling porn, horses getting bjs lol sick,sick,sick,but it happens and some of the women look good,but makes you wonder.wtf went wrong in their lives?

  • john doe
  • Inferus

    Knew a girl in college nicknamed “Horsehead” for the exact same reason. At least she could say she was practicing. This guy…? And a rough holiday? Sounds like things were hard for the horse as well.

  • Inferus

    Jockey fantasy?

  • Inferus

    Paste in the face from a future glue stick.

  • Inferus

    Windbreaker dude. Windbreaker.

  • Inferus

    Maybe he’s French. They love horse meat.

  • Inferus

    Saw a movie of a horse banging a middle aged woman against a washer/dryer. How he didn’t fracture her pelvis I’ll never know. “This is for riding Wilbur so hard!!!”

  • Inferus

    Someone’s jockeys is in a bunch.

  • JR

    Bull**it ! Marijuana doesn’t makes you do that s**t !? This guy is just a plain f**khead weirdo …

  • john doe

    lol Im guessing they get paid alot for doing,some sick stuff like that!

  • john doe

    it can only be blamed partially

  • JR

    No, it can’t ! Unless he smoked a great amount of pot and lost his s**t, nobody would do that, unless he wanted to do it !! He likes, apparently, bestiality(Zoophilia) !

  • A.Nony Mous

    I wonder if he let the horse give him a facial…….

    Yeah that just put me on Santa’s naughty list

  • Dre Mosley

    Get high, then get piped in the pooper by a horse. This guy needs to Google Mr. Hands to see what could happen.

  • sativagrl

    So gross. So gross.

  • Delaney3030

    Tap…….tap..tap.
    Don’t pretend you don’t know.

  • 1DireWolf

    Must have been some kickass pot. I have had some good pot before but never so good I wanted ANY kind of penis in my mouth. Must have been laced with LSD.

  • WTFOMGLOL

    neiiiigh means neiiighh 🙁

  • Sterling Archer

    This dude wasn’t smoking marijuana, it doesn’t cause t people to get so high they blow a horse. That’s insane!

  • Sterling Archer

    Me either, this mofo must was huffing has or something.

  • Twisted1

    When I was in elementary school we went to a horse farm for a field trip. This one horse had this big (huge) purple, blue, and reddish pink thing. I thought the horse had some kind of tumor or something and I was worried about the poor thing. I said to my teacher OMG what is wrong with that poor horse. She replied that is his pee pee Hun. it was so nasty looking I thought for sure that if it was his pee pee it was gonna fall off soon because that thing was gross.

  • Lena60

    Morbid? You have too much time on your hands. * gag*

  • Lena60

    By the glitter in it’s mane

  • Lena60

    Lmao

  • john doe

    NASTY,what wrong in her life lol ?

  • john doe

    they are probally traumatized by now!

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    I figured he was goin for the fred flinstone look just 🙂

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    Lol calm down dude it definitely wasn’t the weed. This is just what this sick fuck is in to..the weed just gives him an excuse..well not really an excuse but yeh..I dunno, I can’t gt over the vivid picture morbid drew for us lol

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    I have searched high and low and as far as I can see the weed laced with acid is a myth.. If there was a way I’d already be doing it. I opt for the next best thing. Grow weed and shrooms simultaneously and take them together. 40g fresh thai/Cambodian shrooms soaked in lemon for 30mins, about as close to heaven as you can get..

  • Peggy Storer

    Not sure if thats a tear or a dried up splatter of some sort!!

  • Peggy Storer

    I’m not sure that he will have any friends left after this!

  • JR

    I’m calm, girl !! What makes you think i’m not ? I agree with you … Is exactly what i’ve been saying all along !

  • McDanel_1771

    “found that first charge odd, as I guess
    that means in Wisconsin, you cannot pleasure yourself with an animal sex
    organ even if it isn’t attached to an animal? I dunno. Weird.”

    Morbid, are they saying that if peanut butter “falls” in you lap, your dog can lick it off, but you can’t give the dog a reach-around?

  • Gayle

    I hope the 40g is a batch and not a dose, lol. The avg. for a good fry where I live is 3g max, and that’s for a guy 6’5, 380lbs.!

  • Gayle

    And what about fresh mountain oysters, cow tongue, bull dick walking sticks, and bull ball knick knack holders? What a grown man chooses to do with his beloved bovine lovey bits is nobody else’s business. Down with The Man! Booooo…

  • come_and_see

    He surely was horsing around.

  • wastintime

    He smokes weed, gets the munchies and decides horse dick is comparable to cheetos?

  • CD

    Morbid, I lost it after your 1st three paragraphs. You simply couldn’t make up better images in my head to make me LOL harder.
    Harder.

  • JohnQknowitall

    He knew it because of the size of the horse’s dick. Everyone knows gay guys have bigger dicks than straight guys.

  • JohnQknowitall

    It would take more than a joint to get most people to suck a horse.

  • JohnQknowitall

    But a reputation for the rest of his life.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Actually I think that is the face most people make when they have a sore throat.

  • BeingReally Human

    High on what ? Weed doesn’t cause you to commit inter species erotica

  • Twitter Egg

    not only am I on the naughty list, I am going straight to hell for laughing at that comment.

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    Ok good…but I’m a dude lol

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    No the 40g fresh is a dose. It works out to about 4g dried shrooms product. It is a heroic dose but not a completely ridiculous one..anywhere from about 20g fresh and upward will get you to where you want to be..I just make sure I have about 10 pre rolled j’s to guide me through the trip.

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    Of course it does. It has been proven to make you 50% more likely to commit a sex crime, 100% more likely to be unemployed..terrible terrible drug.

  • JR

    You are ? Oh, ok …

  • Gayle

    Ah, ok. 4g dried, though still hella intense, makes a lot more sense. I didn’t know the conversion and was wondering if you were related to Wolverine or Superman, lol. The guy I mentioned is the younger brother of a bff and he’s the quality tester for a local grower. At his size, if he’s not trippin’ balls and seeing tracers around dust particles with 3g, he tells the grower it’s a shit box and the price drops. This guy fusses over his horse shit mix like nobody’s business, but he ends up with a lot of satisfied customers. I’ll pass on the tip about the lemon. 🙂

  • Jessie

    Damn. The title had Florida written all over it. Wisconsin! You should be ashamed of yourself…

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    yeh it would take an attraction to horses I reckon.

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    The lemon activates another chemical in the shrooms similar to DMT it makes for a much more intense trip , its oustanding infact although tastes horrible. My thais will be ready for new years again and the cambodians about a week after that..the remnants go into my back garden so I can hopefully get a few more flushes when the outdoor season comes in..if not I have plenty of librety caps that grow out there anyway. I have just ordered a huge grow kit that will contain 5 different types of spores and averages about a kg per flush so that shoul dbe good. I like to take them every other saturday night when my kids are away and I always go deep. No point in not going deep..taking multiple small doses just wastes shrooms in my opinion.

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    Shrooms are about 90% water content so once dried 40g becomes about 4g. Send you to the moon and back though lol..

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    am indeed..thats my little girl in the pic lol..she doesnt smoke weed..not til she moves out at the very least as long as I have a say in the matter lol

  • JohnQknowitall

    Something tells me there is something less discriminating than an attraction to horses and that if you put a horse’s dick in your mouth, you are just as likely to put anything in your mouth.

  • keepalow

    Smoked a lot of weed and own horses. Not once have I ever thought a horse dick might be tasty.

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    I would agree but he was apparenlty watching horse porn before he went out and did this. The fact he either owns some horse porn or knows where to go to view horse porn tells me he has had a thing for them for a while. I have smoked more weed than this guy has ever seen in his life and the only thing I want in my mouth is..the blunt..food..or parts of my girls anatomy and thats it.

  • Gayle

    Sounds like you’ve got your horticulture down pat. Activating a DMT-like chemical would definitely be a worthy enhancement. Also like your comment about responsible recreational use. Wish everyone could be that intelligent. I actually asked this in my previous reply but edited it back out. Does any high acid citrus work (ph around 3.0-3.5 +/-), or is it specific to lemons?

  • Gayle

    So the conversion ratio fresh to dried is 10:1. That makes it easy, lol.

  • JR

    She’s cute … I don’t smoke weed(but, i know a lot of people who does it) ! Or drink or smoke cigarettes(i successfully quit 11 years ago).

  • Helen Payne

    sick ass

  • JohnQknowitall

    He had to smoke more weed than either of us can imagine. I guess the message here is that if you smoke enough weed Mr. Ed is gonna look pretty hot. I am sure that is why weed is not legal. 😉

  • Phoenix84

    HA! I didn’t even noticed it was in Wisconsin but yeah Florida all over this one.

  • corbin56

    Poor little horsey.

  • minjofu

    This is the same town the slender man killer girls were from, isn’t it? .. My brother in law is from Wisconsin, and he’s a humorless butt face.. that has nothing to do with this story, but he just pisses me off.. Thank you for letting me vent..

    Edit: No, that was Waukesha .. I stand by what I said about senior poopy pants..

  • EmilyClocke

    *cough* brony *cough*

  • Renna Brandt

    OK people let’s get this straight right now, NO amount of weed is going to make anyone give a horse head. Sounds more like meth, crack, or bath salts. Stop blaming the weed. Weed help’s your mind, it doesn’t make you want to pleasure animals sexually and that is the real truth.

  • Renna Brandt

    You are 100% wrong about that. Maybe you should do your research a lot better before posting some crap like this.

  • Renna Brandt

    No amount of weed is going to make anyone suck a horse off.

  • Stanley_Ipkiss

    Lol I think we will get on jut fine when you realise I was obviously joking. I’m a big fan of weed..medicinally or recreationally 🙂

  • Squinky

    Yeah, he sucked the horse off cuz he was SO high?! That’s pretty asinine to think, he clearly has severe mental probs…

  • Squinky

    Lmao! Best take on this story by far! Take a bow good sir!

  • Max Williamson

    He’s a real hippie. God speed to him.