Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Caleb RuhORMOND BEACH, FL – The dopey-looking dipshit to the left is 29-year-old Caleb Ruh. He was just convicted of molesting a 7-year-old girl in his care after a jury rejected his argument that he committed the acts while sleeping.

Ruh was arrested in 2012 after a 7-year-old girl he was caring for reported to her mother that he’d been sexually abusing her. The girl told her mother that after Ruh had fallen asleep, he’d called out her name, grabbed her, and tried to kiss and touch her.

When the girl confronted Ruh about it after he was “awake” he denied the incident happened, saying he’d taken Xanax before falling asleep and didn’t remember a thing.

The girl told her mother that on another occasion, Ruh played a guessing game with her that involved him blindfolding her then having her guess what he was putting in her mouth. Going out on a limb here, but I’m betting whatever it was, it tasted a lot like Ruh.

If that game sounds familiar to DD readers, this is the same game used by elementary school Neng Yang to trick a 7-year-old student into letting him put his dick in her mouth. 

Ruh was eventually arrested and charged with lewd and lascivious molestation. He maintained not remembering sexually assaulting the girl, he and his defense attorney trying their best to convince the jury Ruh suffered from “sexsomnia” and committed the acts in his sleep.

Some of you may recognize this defense, as it is a ridiculous one being used by people accused of committing sex crimes. Most recently used as a defense by British actor Simon Morris, accused of raping a teen at a house party. The defense didn’t work for him and, thankfully, it didn’t work for Ruh.

A jury of five men and one women only deliberated for 90 minutes before returning with a guilty verdict. Convicted of lewd and lascivious molestation, Ruh now faces life in prison when sentenced next month. He will also be designated a sexual predator.

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  • Hiearchy87

    Can I just say, I’m drunk atm. So idgaf. But I’m normally too freaked out to post. Well not since last that was knocked up died in a van in the river. And i was Knowles l knocked up then too. But anyways. I love you guys. I’d lose my mind alone with my two kids all day without you. Annnnnnd I will completely regret this in the am. So yea. Vodka.

  • t3chsupport

    Vodka, indeed.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    I have a game for him, too. It’s called “Lights Out.”
    First, he’s also blindfolded. Then, he gets to figure out what kind of metal tube has been shoved into his mouth. To be fair, give him a hint. Let him hear the metallic “click-click” of the shotgun hammer being pulled back at the other end…

  • King A sshole

    This guy has bottom bunk written all over him. Why does his face remind me of cheese?

  • Texas Ranger

    I think I need to get drunk too. Maybe then I can figure out why Beyonce Knowles is knocked up in a river. Man, that is classic drunk speak. Brings back memories.

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    Vodka turned me into Harvey Keitel from BAD LIEUTENANT…you know, the whole naked and crying bit. Those were the days!

    Oh yeah, this Caleb guy. Fuck em’.

  • wastintime

    Hah! That’s what he gets!
    Now boil him!

  • Hiearchy87

    Ahhh shit. Yea, I have no idea what the hell I was talking about. I’m gonna go ahead and blame that on Swype. And vodka.

  • Stormclouds

    Yeah, of *course* he was sleeping, and he looks like he needs to sleep more. In a river. Via a gun.

  • Quasimodem1969

    I would love to blindfold and play a guessing game with him, called, “Guess what caliber gun I am shoving up your anus before pulling the trigger.”

  • Texas Ranger

    Darn. Hoping you’d remember. ..sounds like an interesting tale.

  • mean birch

    Goofy mug shot. Is he trying to trick ME?

  • mean birch

    I’d like to run into a drunk atm. I hear they really put out!

  • Leasha

    Life in prison for molestation? FINALLY!!! REALLY shocked this happened in Florida.

  • Rey Castro

    What a Dipshit. I hope they take care of him in ” Pound Me in my Ass Prison ” Loser.

  • Nick Trygg

    I actually prefered the bottom bunk, because in the jails around here they NEVER turn off the goddamn lights. If you were top bunk you had to put a towel or t shirt over your face to be able to sleep.

  • Sejanus

    At least the disco hipster here can hone his bone game once he is in the big house.
    I suspect he will have plenty of guys wanting to forcibly train him…lol

  • Peggy McAvoy-Storer

    Speechless..

  • Lena60

    Ruh Roh! You got caught Caleb,if it wasn’t for that honest meddling kid.

  • David Richter
  • t0ofIy

    I quit drinking and it kind of sucks.

  • Hiearchy87

    I do believe I was referring to the pregnant lady that went hiking, got lost, got rescued, then drove the wrong way and into a lake. Then died. As in that was the last article i believe I posted on. However, swipe likes to fuck up the majority of my drunken texts/posts. On the other hand, I have STILL not determined what Beyonce has got to do with anything. Other than constantly being in the news for jack shit. I did also find some bruises that I’m not quite sure where they came from yet. Oh and I forgot to mention, I also woke up in the tub. Yeeeeaaaa. I almost felt 18 again lol

  • HAL 9000

    You typed the whole thing on Android phone, which is impressive to begin with…lol.

  • itsknotme

    Thank God, I wasn’t on the jury. Juries are Monday thru Friday. Worse, yet, their during daylight work hours. If I had a dollar, for every time my mind drifted off at work and my boss came up behind me and asked if he was right, I’d naturally say ‘Yes,’ maybe I wouldn’t have to work ’cause I had a dollar for, well, you know what. So, being richly unemployed with nothing better to do than jury work, maybe there I’d be asleep on the jury, when the question would pop, “who thinks he’s innocent?” “You’re honor I rest my zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……………..”

  • Ursula Pine

    this guy needs to hook up with the filet o fish lady- you know the one who fileted her old man and pulled the ‘oh i was dreaming of fileting a fish when i sliced and diced him’

  • SayAnything

    For a moment I was like, Beyonce died in a river? :p

  • SayAnything

    Wow, that is some ironic shit right there. To be lost, rescued, then drown because of simply driving the wrong way into a lake. That’s quite a few no bueno events for this lady.

  • SayAnything

    Totally agreed. Unfortunately, I doubt he’ll get the maximum punishment of life in prison, but I’m definitely glad that he will be facing life in prison, you know a reduced sentence won’t be as short when it’s negotiated down from something that severe, instead of like, 35 years out on parole after like 10. Hopefully, nothing remotely occurs anywhere along those lines in this guy’s case.

  • CT

    It took 90 minutes? I can’t believe they didn’t walk in the door and fuck this dumb ass and come right back out.

  • JohnQknowitall

    I am sure this is a legitimate issue. Being an illness he should not be punished, but treated by never allowing him to sleep again.

  • Texas Ranger

    Oh wow. Let me know next time your going to Vodka, and we will fit you with a drunk-cam so that we can all watch the hilarity the next day.

  • cedric

    See dude’s first problem was the parents that named him – and it’s the last name I don’t like.I don’t care where you are from – if your last name is Ruh kill yourself … starting with this guy.

  • Kristina

    funny

  • Buffettgirl

    Dat Xanax be some cray-cray shit man… #sarcasm

  • SayAnything

    I just want to say Buffettgirl, I’ve been following this site for about 4 months and just started posting about a month ago. But I must say, you’ve been one of my favorites from the beginning. Not that this post has much to do with you being a favorite member, but just in general. Hopefully that didn’t come off to creepy-like. =^.^=

  • t0ofIy

    If you molest a kid that will hang over your head the rest of your life. No matter what you do from then on you’ll always be known as that guy who diddled a kid. I get that some people probably are born with an innate sexual attraction to children but they need to learn to control it before it controls them.

  • thebossessecretary

    No shit. I think they keep the lights on as psychological torture. I’d rather be in the dark with the felons than awake all night listening to the newbie scream bloody murder. In the morning we told her in no uncertain terms that if she screamed any more we were all going to beat her to death. In jail. With the lights on.

  • thebossessecretary

    The only thing I’ve done while asleep is beat the fuck out of someone snoring next to me.

  • Buffettgirl

    Why thank you very much! I’m just relieved/glad there are people out there that can appreciate my whack-a-doodle sense of humor! So far, I’m liking your thinking too! =)

  • CT

    Shhhhh, remember, it started this way with me and Jessie. Sometimes I see her across the street peeking out from behind the bushes. The way I figured out for sure it was her was when the fat ladies strolled by – she started screaming, “Yeah, that’s right, move your ass.” I knew then – it was really her.

  • SayAnything

    Certainly! D’aww Thanks :)

  • Buffettgirl

    And the random “Jesus, ANOTHER Fat-Ass in my way? Put down the CANDY BAR and pick up a BAR BELL for Fuck’s sake It’s NOT medical, it’s YOU!” Right? ;)

  • Hiearchy87

    Personally, I believe this is an AMAZING idea. Because maybe then I will also be able to remember what happened the next day. And I am currently staying with friends atm and have a sitter to watch the kiddos most nights. So Vodka time is almost anytime lol. I did have a flashback of trying to convince a random guy that my IQ was way higher than his…..

  • Hiearchy87
  • Inferus

    Please not the dreaded Dark Eyes brand.

  • Inferus

    You what?!?!? No one loves a quitter.

  • Inferus

    Um…yeah.

  • Delaney3030

    Bienvenue aux je mon de mierde

  • Texas Ranger

    I guess that means your not a dumb blonde?

  • Jessie

    :-D

  • Jessie

    Love it. You nailed it.

  • CT

    I was trying to PC — I forgot who I was dealing with.

  • Jessie

    Lol. And I know if I’m ever in NOVA and spot a woman sipping wine from a camelbak whilst keeping her twins in line with garden tools—- it’s definitely you :-p

  • CT

    You missed it this weekend when I had them painting our garage door. It only cost me 50 cents a kid.

  • Jessie

    Ahhhh you gotta love child labor. Sooooo cheap! You have to soak it up before they realize they are actually working and turn into bitter teenagers who demand things and complain all the time…

  • letinstar

    fucking scum…

  • Kristina

    I don’t believe you…prove it….come on….show me how well you can sleep walk off of this cliff…

  • Hookers4Jesus

    Why is he smiling

  • Hime_Takamura

    And he admitted to sleeping on the job?