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LemmiwinksLONDON – We’ve all been there, right? Kind of bored with nothing to do when you decide to shove a vibrator up your ass? Lord knows I have. I usually do this with reckless abandon, using a “butter churning” technique I’ve perfected.

I may ease up a bit, though, especially after reading about what happened to 50-year-old Nigel Willis. Diabetic, jobless, and living with his elderly mother, Willis inserted a dildo up his ass last December. No harm, no foul – at first.

Willis’ problems began when he found he wasn’t able to remove the sex toy. Embarrassed, the man decided not to seek medical attention and remained on a couch with the toy up his butt for five days.

It’s not like we haven’t heard of this before. There was a recent story making the rounds regarding a woman who lost a sex toy in her vag for ten years. Unfortunately for Willis, the toy had perforated his bowel and he was suffering from septic shock.

After days of feeling dizzy, weak and unable to move from the couch, a neighbor convinced him to call for help. Willis was transported to the hospital via ambulance on New Years Eve, where doctors performed emergency surgery to remove the vibrator.

Willis hung in there for about a month, but his condition continued to worsen and the poor sap died on February 7 from multi-organ failure, sepsis and a perforated bowel. The coroner ruled Mr Willis’ death was an accident and water cooler fodder for at least a week.

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  • King A sshole

    The Darwin Awards are going to be really fun this year.

  • 1DireWolf

    Damn that must have been a 35 horse power Black and Decker model

  • NoBS

    If Mr Willis has not procreated yet, then he will be getting a nod for the Darwinian award.
    But, should he have ANY biological off spring, they need to be monitored for signs of bloodline demise.
    By the way, accidental sterilization should be a new award from our Darwin award committee.

  • Buffettgirl

    My sides… they ache from laughing… poor Limey, his proper British upbringing prevented him from seeking help and tarnishing the family name… pride goeth before a fall and all that.

  • m.gamboa

    Jiminy cricket! 5 days ! Why not just spank the monkey? Why the need to shove a dildo up the ass ?? I feel so bad for the mom and the people that attended or will attend the funeral. WHAT do you say to the poor woman? He is in a better place now, where he can have endless dildos ?

  • King A sshole

    Something tells me he didn’t breed. At least I hope he didn’t.

  • Sarah L4d

    After telling a guy I wasn’t interested he thought by sending me a video of him stuffing his ass with a cucumber would win me over…it didn’t. I haven’t heard from him in awhile, maybe he perforated his bowels…

  • t0ofIy

    whats your #? im much more creative

  • Inferus

    Embarassed? The guy was overweight, unemployed, and living with his mum. After that trifecta, does anyone’s opinion matter anymore?

  • Sarah L4d

    Now you piqued my interest!! Lol.

  • mean birch

    WINNER,,!!!!!

  • EmilyRed

    I can’t believe no one has said anything about Lemmiwinks!

  • nay88

    wtf!

  • Nick Trygg

    “We’ve all been there, right? Kind of bored with nothing to do when you decide to shove a vibrator up your ass? Lord knows I have. I usually do this with reckless abandon, using a “butter churning” technique I’ve perfected.”
    I nominate this for paragraph of the year. Best four sentences strung together iv read in a long time.

  • malq

    I am scarred for life for even letting Morbids “Butter Churning Technique” even have a fleeting pass over my brain.

  • MrClayton

    It is in the Darwin Awards, if you accidentally sterilize yourself.

  • Whatevn

    Only thing more embarrassing than going ot the doctors to get a sex toy removed is, dieing from it.

    Personally, Im surprised that his ass was loose enough to get something shoved up there, that far, but, tight enough to keep it there for 5days.

  • Twisted1
  • mean birch

    Oh shit

  • Sarah L4d

    I know right?! Lol

  • Texas Ranger

    I hope he didn’t also offer you a cucumber salad afterwards.

  • Texas Ranger

    Why didn’t he just drink like 8 gallons of Exlax?

  • Leslie33

    Ouch ouch ouch! How do you get something like stuck in your butt. (I do not expect anyone to answer that). Embarrassing yes, but his embarrassment cost him his life. Stupid-o!

  • itsknotme

    “5 days”

    That’s incredible battery life.

  • jansav

    What a pain in the ass.

  • Alexander Pataki

    Those British sure are “cheeky” when it comes to their sex games! (behold my lame puns and despair, ye mighty!)

  • thebossessecretary

    Okay. This made me laugh like hell even though it was only 8 a.m.

  • thebossessecretary

    Sex toys should come with a leash.

  • http://batman-news.com Stanley_Ipkiss

    Lol do ppl still believe we have proper upbringing over here?

  • Leslie33

    ROFLMOA!! My thoughts exactly

  • JohnQknowitall

    After being “blocked” for a day or two I think I would be on my way to the nearest ER. Jesus Christ embarrassment is always outweighed by pain in my book.

  • Leslie33

    Badoom-chi

  • Defafan

    More like no shit.

  • Buffettgirl

    Not sure actually, I was assuming facts not in evidence I suppose! =)

  • letinstar

    THIS!!!!

  • Buffettgirl

    Who in the HELL thought THAT was going to be a good idea?

  • JimP

    The name Nigel says it all.

  • Lena60

    Perforated his bowel? what kind of sex toy was it? a cactus ?

  • Lena60

    PS, I don’t think I can look at Morbid the same now.Hope he wears rubber gloves.

  • Taster’sChoice

    More like dumb shit. lol

  • Taster’sChoice

    And it was this particular story that changed your mind? :-)

  • ApertureLabRat

    Don’t you mean you hope that he didn’t ask her to toss a cucumber salad afterwards?

  • http://batman-news.com Stanley_Ipkiss

    No most british seem to drag their kids up nowadays. Some little fucker threw pair over my car couple days ago. As Vincent says, it would have been worth him doing it just so I could have caught him doing it.

  • Eyam Ova-Urazis

    Or at least one of those stupid lanyards people put on their car keys.

  • Peggy Storer

    I can’t even begin to imaaaaagine what that smelled like… sick fucker!!

  • EmilyClocke

    Perfect picture is perfect.
    Lemmiwinks journeyed a distance far and fast to find his way out of a gay man’s ass…..

  • NoBS

    I stand corrected, never knew that if you had off-spring you could still qualify.
    According to Darwin site, the child only has half the dreaded Darwin genes, makes sense if I think about it.
    Now if both parents got the nod…

  • Sejanus

    I worked with a woman who got one stuck inside her for three days…she called from the office to her family dr to make an appointment to try to get it out.
    She was a receptionist on the front desk of the company which had public coming and going all the time.
    We were astonished.

  • Delaney3030

    Common myth. It’s the accent.
    I watch BBC, though.

  • Benighted

    I really wish I hadn’t read that…

  • Benighted

    God it just had to be another Englishman didn’t it. What is it with my countrymen and the shoving of stuff up the rectum?

  • Lena60

    Rectum? it killed him….Sorry couldn’t resist :P

  • Zoso Ltd

    Silly yanks.

  • Buffettgirl

    How so? It wasn’t an Yankee that did this to himself…

  • WTFOMGLOL

    50 Shades of Brown.