Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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The student waits to be rescued from the giant vagina sculptureTübingen, Germany — How many firefighters does it take to rescue a dumb American from a giant, 32-ton vagina? Go ahead, think on that for a minute…. we’ll wait. 

If you answered 22, you are correct. No, you don’t win shit.

The unidentified student apparently tried to scale the piece, called “Chacán-Pi,” because social media (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc) makes people go to great lengths to get a love/tweet/like-worthy picture. Anyways, he slipped and fell. In. And got really stuck. Click right here for the full picture, pervs. I dunno… I think he looks kinda happy in there.

Enter the 22 firefighters. Giggity. One can only imagine the sheer number of YOUR MOM jokes that rippled through the firehouse after they received the call about a person trapped in a stone vulva.

Authorities say the unidentified idiot was soon safely “delivered by hand” and “without the application of tools,” and the vagina was left undamaged. No word on what they used for lube, but I’m just gonna go ahead and imagine it was the spit of 22 annoyed German firefighters.

According to the Mayor of Tübingen, he just can’t grasp how/why the whole thing even happened.

“Even when considering the most extreme adolescent fantasies. To reward such a masterly achievement with the use of 22 firefighters almost pains my soul.”

It makes my soul giggle.

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  • mean birch

    What guys won’t do for a little pussy

  • Leasha

    *LOTTA

  • mean birch

    ; )

  • ShelbySP

    Amanda Palmer said it best. “The poetry is endless.”

  • Stormclouds

    That’s one hell of a lot of pussy. What was he, sucked in?

  • AD Fkin Ate

    I am guilty of falling into a few slip and slides over the yrs, Sometimes you don’t really know what your diving into just pray that you have enough oxygen heh

  • Jessie

    Hahaha hilarious! There’s a similar horrible vagina in the national sculpture garden on the mall here in DC. Google it. I am surprised something like this hasn’t happened here yet… since there are more stupid Americans per capita and all.

  • Vincents_Sin

    The White House isn’t in the sculpture garden… >_> <_<

  • AD Fkin Ate

    Ahh it all makes sense now.. Thats why they built the George Washington monument so tall

  • VenusDoom3

    ‘Murica.

  • itsknotme

    Once he was freed, who slapped him on the bottom?

  • Defafan

    He couldn’t pull himself out?! What a pussy.

  • http://batman-news.com Stanley_Ipkiss

    Still couldnt find the G spot fs

  • Zazen

    What a giant twat. I’m not just referring to the sculpture, btw.

  • http://batman-news.com Stanley_Ipkiss

    Pains his soul? You construct a huge pussy and expect young people not to use it for pranks etc?

  • Vesper B

    And this is why, ladies and gentlemen, we have such a lovely reputation abroad.
    /frakking moron.

  • Desi_Foxx

    Who is Amanda Palmer? Once when I was a kid I found a small jar in the park down the street from my house and inside were all these weird little artifacts such as a skeleton key and a playing card with the saying “I’ve put a hex on you” and a little note with the words “WHO KILLED AMANDA PALMER?” on it….so yeah your comment just brought back burried memories of some weird shit I found when I was a kid

  • ShelbySP

    Amanda Palmer is the lead singer of the Dresden dolls. She had a solo album called “Who Killed Amanda Palmer”. I wonder if you found a promo item? I hope you’re not really hexed!

  • Buffettgirl

    Right?

  • Buffettgirl

    Anything for a super cook Facebook photo… this is the pussification of America in action folks… but it is fucking funny as hell!

  • Texas Ranger

    Some things are just so stupid they cannot be described.

  • Desi_Foxx

    That makes a lot of sense, but the weirder part is I found the jar around 2004/2005 and her album wasn’t released until 2008. WTF. And, you have to understand something, I live in a small town, like 3000 people or less and in the woods no where near anywhere. What are the odds that a promotional item would be placed there? I’ve got to dig this jar up…I think I saved it in a box of shit under my bed…I’m probably cursed.

  • Buffettgirl

    I wonder if they had to use Vagisil to get that nasty little itch out of the giant vagina?

  • 1DireWolf

    or a big one

  • AD Fkin Ate

    alot of cream not to worry its covered under obamacare they will get the itch out haha

  • LuvsHorror

    That’s what the vagina of the woman in the next story probably looks like.

  • ShelbySP

    Are you sure it didn’t say Laura Palmer? Like from twin peaks?

  • Sejanus

    Next up on his whirlwind tour…finding the worlds largest a hole…someone hand the jerk a mirror.

  • http://markusim.tumblr.com/ OnlyWhoresUseFrozen

    I just finished watching the first season of that, and out of context I thought you were referencing the ginormous vagina. :D

  • Lena60

    This is fucking funny.

  • http://batman-news.com Stanley_Ipkiss

    I wouldnt keep a box of shit under your bed either lol

  • sweekymom

    At least it wasn’t a breech birth.

  • OfeliaJFletcher

    my best friend’s aunt makes $77 /hr on the laptop . She has been out of work for nine months but last month her pay was $16099 just working on the laptop for a few hours. find more information.////…..

    http://www.jobsgap98.com

  • Twisted1

    He can finally say he put something big inside a vagina.

  • Delaney3030

    It could turn into a smelly situation.

  • t3chsupport

    Anderson Cooper reporting this on the Ridiculist was absolutely hilarious as he tried to say ….. …. …….. vagina.

  • Desi_Foxx

    **update**

    I double checked and yes it is Amanda Palmer.
    (wtf)

    Also, box of shit, haha very clever guys…

  • Delaney3030

    No problem. That’s why Stan and I get paid the big bucks.
    Ps that is creepy. Don’t discount the odds that time travel may be involved in this situation.