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wood chipperDAVIE, FL – It’s been awhile since we’ve reported on a wood chipper death, but a man was killed yesterday afternoon after being pulled through one.

At around 4:15 p.m., the landscaper was pulled through a wood chipper as he and two co-workers cleared debris in a residential neighborhood. One resident described seeing one of the workers running down the street after the incident.

“He was obviously extremely distraught, yelling and flailing his arms around, screaming to another co-worker at a nearby fence and collapsed against it, his knees buckled,” said Cheryl Appel.

Police were called but there was little they could do as the poor bastard that goes through one of these machines completely, gets to experience “total morselization.”

“I’ve been in police work 20 years. I’ve never seen anything like this,” said Capt. Dale Engle with Davie police. “It was a gruesome scene.” Police have not officially identified the man and ave not released the name of the man’s employer because family members had not yet been notified.

We’ve reported on people dying inside industrial dough mixers, being pulled into asphalt grinders, cooking to death in industrial tuna steamers and industrial dryers, dying from exploding beer kegs,  suffocating in a manure pits or a pile of pinto beans, getting crushed in industrial paper rolling machines, drowning in a vat of boiling chocolate, and falling into industrial meat grinders – but I would take any of those deaths over being pulled feet-first through a goddamn wood chipper.

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