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James Guy BullDaytona Beach, FL — A 61-year-old man has been charged with two counts of animal cruelty after neighbors told police they had seen him sexually assault his 8-month-old puppy multiple times.

When police made contact with the neighbors, they were informed that James Guy Bull had been seen digitally penetrating the pup on more than one occasion, causing the animal to yelp and holler. On another occasion, the witnesses claimed, Bull was seen sitting on a chair on his porch, pants around his ankles, with his junk all up in the dog’s rear end. Again, the dog could be heard whining and crying. When Bull realized he had an audience, he simply put the dog down and pulled up his draws.

No word on why, if they had seen this shit on multiple occasions, they didn’t inform police prior to this.

The dog was found chained to a post on the porch without food, shelter or water. She was skittish and emaciated, police say, and had a very swollen vagina. She was taken to the humane society for medical treatment and Bull was taken to the pokey. Bond was set at $15,000.

Really, is it that fucking hard to get laid in Florida?

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