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Jennifer McCarthySante Fe, NM — Jennifer McCarthy, ex-wife of author Cormac McCarthy, was booked on assault charges last week after allegedly pulling a gun out of her poonanner and aiming it at her boyfriend’s head following a heated argument about space aliens.

Let’s let that soak in a minute, shall we?

According to the police report, 48-year-old McCarthy and her unidentified boyfriend were discussing space aliens Saturday, when shit got retarded. At some point during the couple’s alien discussion, in between the ranting and raving, McCarthy’s boyfriend ordered her to stop touching him. In response, she touched him on the shoulder with her index finger… you know, like a 7-year-old. He, in turn, placed his hand on her neck. She didn’t feel threatened, she claimed, he was simply trying to keep her away from him. And then, well, it was all about masturbation and guns and crazy….

The boyfriend told police that after the verbal argument, McCarthy left the residence. Upon her return, she holed up in her bedroom for a minute — when she walked out, she was wearing lingerie. Giggity. Oh, and she had a silver Smith & Wesson hanging out of her vagina. No giggity.

The boyfriend claims McCarthy began masturbating with the gun, then asked, “Who is crazy? You or me?” Answering her own question, McCarthy pulled the gun from her vagina holster and aimed it at the man’s head.

In fear for his life, the man grabbed the gun and tossed it in the toilet. When McCarthy moved to retrieve the gun, the man plucked it out of the toilet, threw it into a trash can outside and called police.

When questioned about the handgun, McCarthy admitted to owning a Smith & Wesson, but told officers she had no idea where it was… it had been missing for quite some time.

The handgun was pulled from the trash can and placed safely out of reach when officers arrived. McCarthy was booked into the county jail on a felony charge of aggravated assault on a household member. She posted a $5,000 bond and was released on Sunday.

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