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Jennifer McCarthySante Fe, NM — Jennifer McCarthy, ex-wife of author Cormac McCarthy, was booked on assault charges last week after allegedly pulling a gun out of her poonanner and aiming it at her boyfriend’s head following a heated argument about space aliens.

Let’s let that soak in a minute, shall we?

According to the police report, 48-year-old McCarthy and her unidentified boyfriend were discussing space aliens Saturday, when shit got retarded. At some point during the couple’s alien discussion, in between the ranting and raving, McCarthy’s boyfriend ordered her to stop touching him. In response, she touched him on the shoulder with her index finger… you know, like a 7-year-old. He, in turn, placed his hand on her neck. She didn’t feel threatened, she claimed, he was simply trying to keep her away from him. And then, well, it was all about masturbation and guns and crazy….

The boyfriend told police that after the verbal argument, McCarthy left the residence. Upon her return, she holed up in her bedroom for a minute — when she walked out, she was wearing lingerie. Giggity. Oh, and she had a silver Smith & Wesson hanging out of her vagina. No giggity.

The boyfriend claims McCarthy began masturbating with the gun, then asked, “Who is crazy? You or me?” Answering her own question, McCarthy pulled the gun from her vagina holster and aimed it at the man’s head.

In fear for his life, the man grabbed the gun and tossed it in the toilet. When McCarthy moved to retrieve the gun, the man plucked it out of the toilet, threw it into a trash can outside and called police.

When questioned about the handgun, McCarthy admitted to owning a Smith & Wesson, but told officers she had no idea where it was… it had been missing for quite some time.

The handgun was pulled from the trash can and placed safely out of reach when officers arrived. McCarthy was booked into the county jail on a felony charge of aggravated assault on a household member. She posted a $5,000 bond and was released on Sunday.

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  • CT

    At first, I started to do a Google search on the size of a Smith and Wesson and then it hit me – who gives a crap. If your vag is big enough that is can hold any firearm, give it up. IT IS ALL OVER.

  • Jycorro

    No Giggity. Damn gold right there. A+

  • Taxidermi

    Well I’m not going to shove a gun up my giney, too many right angles and metal- and theres always the potential for the gun pre-ejaculating….and that just wouldn’t end well.

  • Taxidermi

    The 686 has been available with 2-1/2 in. (64 mm); 3 in.(76mm); 4 in. (102 mm); 5 in. (127 mm); 6 in. (153 mm); and 8-3/8 in. (214 mm) barrel lengths
    yay WIKIPEDIA 😛

  • itsknotme

    Talk about your Big Bang Theory….

  • Justagirl

    Vagina holster. Giggity.

  • Texas Ranger

    What about a slingshot? If it can hold a slingshot…is that bad? I mean, she can hit a squirrel at 40 yards with it…but if it’s weird I’ll get her to stop.

  • Kim Berle

    I know I am going STRAIGHT to hell. I haven’t even read the article yet but I am still giggling like a friggin lunatic over the phrase “Cock Pocket”

  • Jessie

    Did you know that pupusa- the spanish slang for pussy- loosely translates to “pocket”? I personally don’t see anything wrong with using it to store things, especially if you’ve run out of space in other locations…

  • Jycorro

    I have seen ping pong balls fly across the bar in the Phillipines.

  • Lena60

    She is way over eighteen with a bullet, got her finger on the hair trigger…gonna pull it….:P

  • Lena60

    Crazy is as crazy does.

  • thebossessecretary

    “There is no forgiveness. For women. A man may lose his honor and regain it again. But a woman cannot. She cannot.”
    ? Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses

  • thebossessecretary

    “There is no forgiveness. For women. A man may lose his honor and regain it again. But a woman cannot. She cannot.”
    ? Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses

  • Buffettgirl

    I’m saying it again, Jenny McCarthy isn’t looking so hot these days. I really thought she’d age better than this… 😉

  • ^^^^ What the hell….. LMAO

  • This is the second story today that I am going to hell over!!! LMAO….the other one about the atomic wedgie had me giggling, I knew I shouldn’t but I couldn’t help it

  • Vesper B

    I <3 Cormac McCarthy. V/nice man and a fantastic writer. I want him to write about this incident in his next book and I want a film.

  • Siobhan

    The word “vagina” is Latin for “sheath”, and a Wiki check also includes the word “scabbard”; knives have sheaths, and swords have scabbards – as do rifles, so she made a small mental leap from there to the idea of using her snatch to stash her S&W.
    It’s all perfectly logical. o.O

    *wonders if she remembered to pack an extra clip*

  • notintheface

    …this gives a new spin on the whole “sex as a weapon” thing.

  • moplette

    Wow she looks alot like the crazy mccarthy my old man cheated with. Wonder how there can be 2 crazy bitches so alike…hmmm

  • 1DireWolf

    “poonanner” Now my keyboard is bathed in Pepsi I spit as I read that. What a great word.

  • Spectra Ghostseeker

    I am trying to understand how anyone could stuff a gun in there. It has lumpy, bumpy, hurty parts sticking out of it.

  • Kittyskyfish

    I can’t even comprehend how she could walk and keep the gun in place! Is her vagina a retention holster?

  • Kittyskyfish

    *scratches head*
    Since she was clearly the only one getting off, would her S&W be a “single action”?

  • Quasimodem1969

    The real question is: was it loaded, or was she?

  • MrClayton

    “Hurty parts”-lol.

  • JC McCarthy

    How about updating the salacious story you printed at my expense? Case dismissed. I passed a polygraph w/ flying colors. Paleologo lied. So did the arresting officer.
    Don’t know where in the police report it stated that Paleologo called 911 or that he wasn’t the true alien believer, but those are a couple of details among many that media simply created from thin air.
    You are just as responsible as any other outlet who reported on my situation in perpetuating the domestic abuse and slander inflicted by Paleologo and formalized in a barely-literate police report by a deputy sheriff of questionable competence.

    Jennifer C. McCarthy