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Helen Ann WilliamsNorth Charleston, SC — Kayso, I’m a little late on this one – those who know me would expect nothing less from the Queen of Procrastination – but since it’s looking like Crazy Lady Day at The Dreamin’ Demon, I’m gonna go ahead and throw in Helen Williams.

Williams, 44, sent her common-law husband out for some beer late Christmas Eve, and when the man returned home empty handed due to the fact that the stores were closed, she got a little testy.

The 41-year-old man was apparently in the kitchen upon his return (making his own damn sammich, by the way), when Williams grabbed the squirrel and knocked him upside the back of the head with it. Then, police say, she stabbed him with it. I, for one, would love to see this friggin’ squirrel… sounds like I need a similar one for my “collection.”

Anyway, the man tore out of the house and headed to the neighbors to call police. When police arrived shortly after midnight, they found the man covered in blood, suffering from cuts to the face and shoulder. When he removed his shirt, officers noticed a big gash in his chest.

Williams initially told police the man had fallen, but because of the amount of blood on her hands and clothing, officers called bullshit. She was charged with criminal domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature. Bond was set at $10,000.

Dear hubby was treated at a hospital for non-life threatening wounds. The squirrel, I’m sure, has been bagged and tagged.


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  • Phoxee

    Rookie. Real alchies know when their liquor stores close on any holiday, and will stock up if needed.

  • Sue Askevold

    haha the look on her face says to me..:Well what did u fuk’n expect me to do”. Cracked me up.

  • BearsBluff

    Pretty stabby lookin’ ears on this one.

  • Lena60

    Stabbed with a squirrel?Well, that took alot of nuts….I mean guts.

  • Texas Ranger

    No shit. Just another case of Piss Poor Planning on her part.

  • Buffettgirl

    I hate it when bitches be actin’ all squirrelly and shit… freakin’ nuts is what that is…

  • t3chsupp0rt

    Come home with no beer?

    That’s a squirrelin’.

  • thebossessecretary

    The worst thing I ever hit someone with was a box of shotgun shells. Missed him, too.

  • Rachel Ann

    I would have took all her presents back to the stores and donated the money to a Domestic Violence shelter in her name and gave her the card saying thanks for your generous donation. Fucking bitch would have really lost her damn nut!

  • JohnQknowitall

    When Floridians migrate north it can come to no good…

  • Twisted1

    Actually there is not many true Floridains. See Florida has a siren call that only crazies can hear. It draws them all to the state to live. The normal people who grew up in Florida leave as soon as they can. The crazy ones tend to stay. So really you could probably say that all crazy people are Floridians, they just have not saved up enough money yet to buy their bus ticket there.

  • Wildheart

    >Queen of Procrastination
    Ummmm….I have not abdicated my title yet young lady…. :)

  • JohnQknowitall

    I hear you and have no doubt Florida is magnetic crazy (like magnetic north) and if the crazies migrate south, why wouldn’t they begin to migrate back towards the north after reaching their Mecca of Crazy? ;)

  • Helena Philomena Liebekraft

    Damn, that’s some squirrel!
    I’m a little worried about the fact that her name and mine are similar, and I probably look the way she does in that picture at the end of a shift at the nursing home. Same hair color, similar build…yikes! Leave it to me to have a doppelganger that’s a nut job who stabs people with squirrels!