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Man Arrested For Assault With Banana

January 7, 2014 at 6:08 am by  

Joseph SmolinskyPort Richey, FL — No, that’s not a euphemism… get your minds outta the gutter, ya naughty. Not a lot to this one, but it involves an assault with a banana, so I’m on it. The story, not the banana…

Joseph Smolinsky, 36, is facing a couple of charges after allegedly assaulting his live-in girlfriend with a banana, and for resisting arrest after the fact.

Police were called to the couple’s home on New Year’s Day, and learned from the girlfriend that Smolinsky threw a banana at her. Smolinsky denied the accusation, of course, and blamed the banana tossing on the woman.

It was going to take some solid detective work to get to the bottom of this one….

After a thorough investigation, officers determined Smolinsky was the offending party. And how did they arrive at this conclusion? Well, the woman was sporting a red mark on the face, where the banana apparently landed, and there appeared to be a bit of banana peel on the floor near the couch where the woman was sitting. Case. Closed.

Smolinsky was charged with domestic battery and resisting arrest without violence. He apparently got a little rowdy while being placed under arrest – nothing a dose of pepper spray couldn’t fix……


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  • sweekymom

    A few years chasing a great white whale might help him with those anger issues.

  • Quasimodem1969
  • Taxidermi

    Better a banana than an assault with a bat,
    and…..YES that is a banana in his pocket.

  • t3chsupp0rt

    I think he’s going to a-peal the conviction.

  • t3chsupp0rt

    And no, he is NOT happy to see you!

  • CT

    What did the banana say to the elephant? Nothing – bananas can’t talk.

  • Lena60

    They can when they are wearing pajammas.

  • Lena60

    It sounds like this guy went apeshit, before he tossed the banana. 😛

  • Buffettgirl

    “Not a lot to this one, but it involves an assault with a banana, so I’m on it. The story, not the banana…” uh huh, sure @Jaded. We believe you… 😉

  • CT

    Thanks for putting that god awful song back into my head, Yeah, thanks for nothing.

  • Lena60

    lmao your welcome 😛

  • thebossessecretary

    How would you like your criminal record to read, “assault with fruit”? I’m kind of aiming higher than that.

  • CT

    Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, banana phone.

  • Thy_Yeti_Knows

    In Virginia … it’s more like …….buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz Banana companion

  • CT

    Maybe I’m just tired, but you lost me on this one today. Yeti.

  • patrickdh10

    This should be considered a very serious assault. The Three Stooges among many others have felt the unforgiving jolt of landing on the floor after an encounter with a Banana and its accomplice the Peel. A dangerous combination. Thank god the crime fighting Port Richey boys in blue arrived in time to quell any further Banana bashing or an injury resulting from a heel on the Peel.

  • Melissa Stopka

    This is a load of crap. I’ve beaten the shit out of multiple people with a banana and it never left a mark.

  • Thy_Yeti_Knows

    Print it and bring it to your sexy secretary, she’ll get it

  • ZodiacKiller

    Lesson learned! Don’t put your banana in someone’s face without permission!

  • Taxidermi

    ..Maybe he has a food fetish 😉

  • captaingrumpy

    Well , America now is a Obama Banana Republic.

  • BubblesinGriffinGA

    I’d be too embarrassed to call the cops and press charges on a guy for tossing a piece of fruit at me.

  • Lakme Hesse

    maybe it wasn’t a ripe banana:-)

  • Mbgghg

    It’s like people nowadays are aware about DD and try their best to make this list. Next, it will be assault with a can of peas while high on skunk spray.

  • Can’t wait for that one. 😉

  • JohnQknowitall

    After his brief stay in jail I bet he still has the taste of “bananas” in his mouth.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Call your husband to come home. Get out of your house. You need a break from your kids. 😉

  • CT

    No kidding. A 14 day Christmas break was too much for this Mom.

  • letinstar

    how embarrassing for the banana…i hope it can used in a fruit salad or some banana bread…

  • JohnQknowitall

    Spring break is around the corner. Pad a small closet and get a nice sturdy lock. Shop, sleep or surf the web… it’s all good.

  • 1DireWolf

    Sounds like these two should make some banana NUT bread. They have the banana and they are nutz.

  • Elizabeth McCarthy

    And he STILL has the Frowny Face on.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    If that isn’t a picture of someone reflecting on their ridiculous actions that led up to the photo, then I don’t know what is.

  • VenusDoom3

    I vote for locking herself in the closet. God knows a mom doesn’t get any alone time otherwise. Peeing alone? What’s that?