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Lopez Christian WebsterDes Moines, IA — A man suspected of repeatedly stabbing another man during a home invasion Tuesday, was killed by a train as he attempted to flee the scene of the crime.

According to police, Lopez Webster, 32, entered Timothy Kingery’s home at about 9:00 p.m. that evening and ordered the man to his knees. He yelled something unintelligible at the man two or three times, Kingery didn’t know what dude was going on about, before he proceeded to get stabby.

Police say Kingery was left with three stab wounds on his arm, as well as lacerations to the chest, right arm and neck.

Webster then reportedly grabbed something from the house and ran off.

Just a few blocks down the street, police say, Webster started running along a double set of train tracks. According to a witness waiting for the train to pass, Webster crossed one set of tracks without issue. When he tried to jump between the cars rumbling down the second set of tracks, well, he went and got himself all broken.

“Whatever he was trying to do, he wasn’t successful in doing that,” said Sgt. Jason Halifax. “He slipped, or didn’t make the jump, or didn’t clear the jump and landed on the tracks where the train ran him over.”

“He’s actually cut in half by the train,” Halifax added. “Physically cut in half by the train.”

The engineer of the Union Pacific train had no idea what had happened and continued on. Authorities stopped the train a ways down the tracks.

I guess it’s safe to assume Webster won’t be facing charges. I know this will probably come as a surprise to some of you, but Webster did have a criminal record. Drug and assault charges dating back to the year 2000, and he was last arrested on November 29 for theft — those charges were dismissed.

As for Kingery, he refused medical assistance.  He also denied knowing Webster, but police apparently think he’s full of shit. He isn’t exactly being cooperative with the investigation. *cough* drugs *cough*

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  • DeweyCheatam

    So completely awesome. More please. :D

  • Lena60

    Wow! what A shame, I can hardy eat my breakfast due to all the tears.That reminds me, I need to get my webster out and start cleaning cobwebs.

  • tkaz

    Am I the only one that read the whole thing and still wants to know what the “something” is? What did he take??

  • itsknotme

    Was he cut in half long ways or across the middle?

  • itsknotme

    Was he cut in half long ways or across the middle?

  • Sam

    Kingery denied knowing Webster? Of course he did.
    ‘Nah, man, the dude i know is like twice as tall.’

  • Sam

    Kingery denied knowing Webster? Of course he did.
    ‘Nah, man, the dude i know is like twice as tall.’

  • laurablue87

    The correct terminology is hamburger style or hot dog style. I’m hoping it was diagonal though. That’s how I like my sammiches.

  • itsknotme

    Wouldn’t it be called the King Solomon cut?

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Hahahahahahaaaaa *breathes* ahhhhahahahaaa *dies*

  • Jessie

    Crack is bad, kids. Very bad.

  • polkadot

    crack kills. ;)

  • polkadot

    Great article, Jaded!

  • Valerie

    You win!

  • Valerie

    I would say that he has more than a crack.

  • Lena60

    lmao Sam

  • Jycorro

    *cough* DRUGS *cough*

  • HAL 9000

    Poor bastard probably thought the train was going to Florida, which I would guess had some invisible magnetic pull on the moron given his proclivities and competence.

  • FrikkenFrak

    Even me, this vessel of sappy compassion, CAN’T find any for people who get blotted out during the commission of a crime. Tried. Can’t.

    But I’m talking crime like…fleeing from police in a car. THIS guy? I got one word: BWAHHHAAAA

  • FrikkenFrak

    A roll of Neco Wafers?

  • FrikkenFrak

    A roll of Neco Wafers?

  • tkaz

    I’m so freaking naïve. I’m amazed I’ve survived this long…

  • tkaz

    I’m so freaking naïve. I’m amazed I’ve survived this long…

  • tkaz

    I had never heard anyone use that but my kids. When they fold sheets or towels I hear, “Hamburger, hotdog, hamburger…”

  • tkaz

    I had never heard anyone use that but my kids. When they fold sheets or towels I hear, “Hamburger, hotdog, hamburger…”

  • Peeka Boo

    Karma is apparently a freight train

  • beatlechick

    Lopez: OMG!! A Fuckin’ train!
    Train: WHISTLE!!
    Lopez: I can’t outrun that shit.
    Train: SPLAT! Did I do that? OOPSIE!

  • beatlechick

    Right thurr!

  • Pyncky

    Try new INSTANT KARMA!

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    I would like an entire book with stories just like this for Christmas…with pictures.

  • Leasha

    She’s split in half.

    -You mean, like, down the middle in half?

  • thebossessecretary

    How do you successfully jump between the cars of a moving train? I’m trying to picture that.

  • FrikkenFrak

    “YES! YES! I CAN MAKE IT!”

    How many drugs or too few brain cells did this idea require?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHRPqUOaCBs

  • FrikkenFrak

    I tried to picture it, too, which is why I posted the video a min ago of a moving Union Pacific freight like the one he decided to go all super hero with.

  • Buffettgirl

    “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I know…. “

  • Buffettgirl

    “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I know…. “

  • Buffettgirl

    It ain’t just bad Jessie, crack is whack… At least that’s what Whitney said before she died of a drug overdose…

  • Brent Williams

    People seem to be getting fucked over by their own crimes a lot recently.

  • Thy_Yeti_Knows

    You know, sometimes life has a way of demonstrating everything’s gonna be alright… Now if it was my house he was fleeing, I’d be sure and summon the neighborhood vulchures to mop up… Word has it they spend their afternoons lounging on LeaveMeBe’s septic bed

  • DeweyCheatam
  • tkaz

    Karma’s playing catch up before the end of the year. It hates getting behind…

  • BrittBrittRoss

    I’m just about torn up about this one…

  • Laura_RT

    His conducter’s cap?

  • beatlechick

    http://www.amazon.com/Crashes-Stories-English-German-Edition/dp/3822864110

    I used to have this book. It’s missing. I am mad. It’s similar, but not quite what you might be looking for.

  • beatlechick

    And then, suddenly, the Little Lopez That Could, became the Little Lopez That Couldn’t.

  • Buffettgirl

    He suddenly became half the man he used to be at any rate… ;)

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    At least none of his family decided to come here & give us their two cents. Maybe their loyalties are divided.

  • non

    Darwin Award winner.

  • Vesper B

    I thought he might’ve taken the Breaking Bad blu ray set.

  • Kelly Melton

    Lol!! *bows* you win indeed!!

  • Kelly Melton

    *SPLAT*

  • Kelly Melton

    Torn up? Or Split in half?

  • Lena60

    Give them time….they will come.

  • Delaney3030

    So, no one has noticed how hilarious his name is? Might as well be Garcia Jefferson.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/WildlifeSeriaLKiller Darrell FIne

    YAY! Sounds kinda gay… but that was the first thought that came to mind… ESPECIALLY after I saw the mugshot. Let’s hope he didn’t procreate.

  • FrikkenFrak

    Why did field of dreams just pop into my thoughts?

  • Aussie Sabbath

    Lopez must have heard the saying “a task begun is half done:
    He began the task of burglary and then got done (in half)

  • FrikkenFrak

    Hey, can’t be all THAT bad. I’m sure he didn’t feel a thing…..

  • Heather_Habilatory

    GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    ooooooh I like that sneaky one, Wolf.

  • Aussie Sabbath

    Trains are good at dividing and conquering :P

  • farmerjayne4013

    When I was 10 (40 years ago) my older siblings took me and some neighbor kids to a drive-in in our Ford LTD station wagon. We saw a movie called Emperor of the North Pole. It started with Ernest Borgnine shoving a hobo off of a train. The hobo ended up on the tracks cut in half. I don’t remember anything else about the movie. That image was so horrifying to my 10 year old self that I can picture it in my head to this day. That said, I guess if our justice system can’t keep them off the streets, good riddance to bad rubbish.

  • WarriorArtemis

    Haha, Karma is a motherfucker when you are.

  • JohnQknowitall

    I always liked trains around Christmas. What a great new accessory to add this year’s display: a drug crazed bisected Santa.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Very festive sounding for this time of year.

  • JohnQknowitall

    That was pretty anticlimactic… ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • RedScarab

    As close as we get to a Christmas Miracle on Dreamin Demon

  • FrikkenFrak

    Silly, you’re supposed to IMAGINE it!

  • JohnQknowitall

    :P

  • Elizabeth McCarthy

    Good enough for him.

  • Elizabeth McCarthy

    Jackie Chan could dive between the cars of a moving train and add a forward roll to boot, landing precisely on his feet with nary a stumble.

  • Me

    To his family. Sorry, but naming him “Lopez” did not make anyone ever think he was hispanic.

  • Me

    A package of swisher sweets?

  • Me

    But trains do a better job.

  • Me

    M’kay?

  • Me

    His emotions are split on it.

  • Me

    Lawsuit against the railroad coming in 3….2….1….

  • Me

    The little lopez that couldn’t vs. the BIG engine that could.

  • Alucard_the_last

    Karma is a bitch. Now it is in hell. Good riddance.

  • Alucard_the_last

    Hopefully which ever was most painful and long lasting.

  • Obama Bin Lyin

    Him jus’ bees frootfull ‘n multipliez ‘n sheeit.

    Now dere bees TWO of him! Yowza!