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Eugenio FreitasStaffordshire — A 49-year-old grandfather has been banned from every grocery store in the entire UK after he was caught whippin’ up a load of baby batter in the meat aisle of a Sainsbury’s supermarket.

Eugenio Freitas told the court Monday he truly and fully intended to go shopping back in early July, but became overwhelmed by his ‘excessive sexual drive’. I’m tellin’ ya, a good looking prime rib gets my drive all kinds of worked up.

Prosecutor Marcus Harry informed the court that at least one store employee was willing to give Freitas the benefit of the doubt when she first witnessed him playing pocket pool — she assumed he was merely adjusting himself. Before too long, though, a customer complained about Freitas’ “adjustment” tactics.

The staff member was called to the CCTV area, where she and the security guard were given their own little show….

“He was seen for about ten minutes with his hands down his trousers and in his pocket with his hands moving around,” said Marcus Harry.

Freitas is apparently obsessed with that thing —  he was placed on the sex offender registry after being found guilty of exposing himself in another supermarket back in 2010. This go ’round, Freitas pleaded guilty to the charge of outraging public decency and was given a six-month suspended prison sentence. That, and he can’t go to a supermarket without adult supervision. Heh.

Outraging public decency. I like the way that rolls off the tongue… it is way sexier than “public indecency.”

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