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Warrant Issued For Serial Drive-By Masturbator

December 12, 2013 at 8:05 am by  

FapSeattle, WA — Police have issued an arrest warrant for one Steven Lee Schmidt — a 51-year-old, Chevy  Silverado pickup truck drivin’, serial drive by wanker. Sorry, alleged wanker.

Schmidt apparently started terrorizing the residents in the 7000 block of Rainier Avenue South in late August. That was when police received their first report of a nekkid, masturbating man driving around the neighborhood. The woman who called to report that particular incident told police  the man drove by her home and then returned an hour later, all nekkid and rubbing himself and stuff. She said he appeared to be looking at a group of children playing nearby. The woman’s husband reported having seen the same man doing the same thing about three or four weeks prior.

Another woman told police she first witnessed the man tickling his pickle in late May. According to charging papers, the 27-year-old woman said the alleged flounder pounder passed her home about nine times. She told police she was able to snap a photo several times. Heh… pervert. She saw him again on August 21 and photographed his truck. Also according to her, the nekkid crank yanker passed by her home 15 times when he returned to the hood on August 27.

She counted. I can almost see her there, behind the curtains and fogged glass, anxiously awaiting his return…..

“It seemed to her that when the male approached the people or children playing, he would slow down. It’s as if he wanted people to notice him,” a Seattle detective said in charging papers.

After reviewing photos of the truck, police identified Schmidt as the willy whipper. Schmidt, though, has reportedly denied exposing himself to anyone.

“The defendant is a danger to the community based on the alarming frequency and indiscriminate nature of his offending … which potentially exposes not only adults but minors,” Senior Deputy Prosecutor Carol Spoor said recently in court papers.

Schmidt has been charged with two counts of felony indecent exposure, and $15,000 warrant for his arrest has been issued. He has a previous conviction – he was busted for wiggling his willy at a barista in Snohomish County.

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  • Laura_RT

    Pickle tickle, flounder pounder, willy whipper… Got anymore? LMAO

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    A metric shit ton….

  • Sam

    I’m disappointed in you @DDJaded:disqus. You report about all the pictures there are of this wanker but you keep them all to yourself? Poopyhead.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Are you kidding? Bitch in the story apparently refuses to share the good ones. My spank bank is empty. :(

  • LeaveMeBe

    It’s a PENIS. Say it! PENIS.

  • ShelbySP

    How long have you been waiting to use all those masturbation metaphors @jaded?

  • Sam

    I’m sure there’s a completely innocent reason why you can’t seem to type penis without capitals… Size matters, eh? :P

  • thebossessecretary

    You know that driving the Silverado is part of his fantasy. I wish cruising around in a Chevy truck made me that horny.

  • Jycorro

    With that many reports of him spanking his monkey, should be to blind to legally drive.

  • Buffettgirl

    ” I can almost see her there, behind the curtains and fogged glass, anxiously awaiting his return…..” I feel a bit like “hands in her panties, moaning” was left off of the end of that sentence @Jaded…

  • salepo

    Penis.There I said it.

  • JohnQknowitall

    “It seemed to her that when the male approached the people or children playing, he would slow down. It’s as if he wanted people to notice him,” a Seattle detective said in charging papers.

    Yah think?

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    They’re my favorite… you should see some of my older public masturbation stories. :)

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Heh. Get out of my brain.

  • Andrea Pizzuto

    You, Sir and/or madam are just wonderful. Although, I do believe you forgot willie wrangling, snake charming and boner battling.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Can’t use all of ‘em up on one story, silly. I do like boner battling… haven’t used that one yet. Stealing.

  • Buffettgirl

    I don’t know, it’s totally fascinating in there… ;-P

  • Lena60

    How can you find your way around in that bacon labyrinth?

  • Lena60

    Here are a few more, Jackin the beanstalk,Five knuckle shuffle,interigating the witness….. Your welcome )

  • Buffettgirl

    I’m leaving a trail of maple syrup behind me, just in case…

  • Buffettgirl

    I’m leaving a trail of maple syrup behind me, just in case…

  • hicusdicus

    Last time I tried to whip mine it bit me.

  • hicusdicus

    No I will not. I don’t want to wake it up.

  • hicusdicus

    I wonder if he could this if he had stick shift and no power steering?

  • hicusdicus

    I prefer my weenie on a bun.

  • polomint38