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Man Tried Killing 4 Year Old Son With Heroin To Delay Divorce From WifeRedmond, WA – The ex-wife of Eric Lehtinen arrived at his home Tuesday to pick up their 4-year-old son and found that Lehtinen had attempted to kill the boy by injecting him with heroin.

When the unidentified woman got inside the locked home after a job interview, she found Lehtinen unconscious, as was their son who also had a syringe sticking out of his chest. Both were rushed to the hospital where staff found indications of needle marks on the boy’s neck and buttocks.

Tests would reveal he’d been injected with a drug cocktail of heroin, ketamine, morphine, codeine, and other drugs. The latest reports have him listed in stable condition, but doctors are unsure of what long-term damage the drugs may have caused.

Lehtinen was released from the hospital and sent straight to jail. He did not collect $200. He has been charged with attempted first-degree murder. He’s being held on $3 million bail after prosecutors described him as a “man who is willing to inject his 4-year-old son with heroin in an attempt to kill the boy” and a “dangerous man willing to do anything.” If convicted, Lehtinen will be looking at a minimum of 15 years behind bars.

The woman and Lehtimen had been married for six years, but the day Lehtinen tried to kill his son was also the day their divorce was to be finalized. Lehtinen wanted to delay the finalization, but may have went a little overboard.

Lehtinen, described in court documents as both a drug addict and a drug dealer, has a history of overdoses and attempted suicides. The woman told police that he seemed a little depressed when she dropped off their son that day, but wasn’t worried about her son’s safety. When police searched his home, they found seven syringes containing an unknown substance, three used syringes in the bedroom, and $12,620.

I just don’t understand how messed up you have to be to inject your 4-year-old with heroin. Never heard of anything like this, never even had the thought cross my mind of anything like this happening in the world,” neighbor Alex Marchand said. Someone apparently hasn’t stumbled upon the Dreamin’ Demon yet.

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Comments


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  • http://twitter.com/MaricelaDAlvrz Maricela Alvarez

    another feel good story I see

  • http://twitter.com/MaricelaDAlvrz Maricela Alvarez

    another feel good story I see

  • MaricelaAlvrz

    I might be a little naive but I’d like to know how killing your son delays a divorce

  • https://www.facebook.com/Queen.Mommy.Ashley Ashley Sydney

    WHAT.THE.FUCK??????????

  • https://www.facebook.com/Queen.Mommy.Ashley Ashley Sydney

    WHAT.THE.FUCK??????????

  • https://www.facebook.com/JAY.TTSE Juley Lees

    my heart hurts

  • https://www.facebook.com/JAY.TTSE Juley Lees

    my heart hurts

  • https://www.facebook.com/carliese.johnson Carliese Johnson

    I’m speechless

  • https://www.facebook.com/carliese.johnson Carliese Johnson

    I’m speechless

  • DeweyCheatam

    It won’t, really. That’s just the way an addict’s mind “thinks.” Self – centered asshole. Hope someone in jail gives him a very, very large needle full of very, very potent drugs, so that he can go ahead and finish the job.

  • https://www.facebook.com/sherrieiloveyou Stephanie Chu

    Disgusting. Yikes

  • https://www.facebook.com/sherrieiloveyou Stephanie Chu

    Disgusting. Yikes

  • https://www.facebook.com/roseanna.harden Roseanna Morris Harden

    Damn, just damn’

  • https://www.facebook.com/roseanna.harden Roseanna Morris Harden

    Damn, just damn’

  • Laura_RT

    “He did not collect $200.”

    LMAO

  • https://www.facebook.com/mary.nix.77 Mary Nix

    He should be put to death, what kind of sick monster does this to a child

  • https://www.facebook.com/mary.nix.77 Mary Nix

    He should be put to death, what kind of sick monster does this to a child

  • https://www.facebook.com/amanda.wadmoresmith Amanda Smith

    POS…let me at the scum bag…

  • https://www.facebook.com/amanda.wadmoresmith Amanda Smith

    POS…let me at the scum bag…

  • https://www.facebook.com/lauren.griffiths.77 Lauren Griffiths

    Deranged, desperate, horrible, rancid cunt! That is the absolute lowest- what did he think, she would go crying into his arms? If there’s one thing worse than an evil manipulator it’s a fucking stupid one. At least “evil” implies a degree of cunning. This fuckstick is just plain stupid and cruel.

  • https://www.facebook.com/lauren.griffiths.77 Lauren Griffiths

    Deranged, desperate, horrible, rancid cunt! That is the absolute lowest- what did he think, she would go crying into his arms? If there’s one thing worse than an evil manipulator it’s a fucking stupid one. At least “evil” implies a degree of cunning. This fuckstick is just plain stupid and cruel.

  • TruTruTrue

    Lets hope the son doesn’t remember much of this incident when he gets older (Not to mentioned the asshole of a dad that did this to him). But I bet that this piece of shit will claim to find religion in Jail and beg for forgiveness in a few years.

  • Lena60

    Sounds like both mom and dad are assdholes. She knew dad was a drug addict and a drug dealer and still dropped the kid off.Ring ,ring, ring…answer the clue phone mommy!

  • https://www.facebook.com/courtney.a.lee.3 Courtney Ann Lee

    But did she get the job?

  • https://www.facebook.com/ursula.pine Ursula Pine

    ahh the old ‘inject-the-child-with-class-3-narcotic’ trick huh, how cliche!

  • Jessica Stewart

    It’s a weird thought that the combination of drugs may actually have kept the kid from dying, long enough to get him to a hospital. If you just gave a 4yo a depressant maybe his body shuts down, if you give him a stimulant maybe his heart explodes, but you mix too much of that shit together and it all works against each other. Maybe we test thresholds for this on the father? Until his body gives up?

  • https://www.facebook.com/tracy.boswelldavidson Tracy Boswell Davidson

    He was addicted to drugs AND a drug dealer, but the mother had no idea her son may have been in danger?

  • https://www.facebook.com/ValkyreZiege Valkyrie Ziege

    ; Ain’t love grand!

  • scallywag

    Now the real question is that if he’s the kind of monster that injects a drug cocktail into a 4 year old and she’s the kind of person that knowingly leaves her child in the care of a known heroin addict and dealer are either of them even close to fit parents?

    http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2013/09/man-injects-4-year-old-son-heroin-day-divorce-finalization/

  • Heisenberg

    Skin Needle to the esophagus for starters

  • Aussie Sabbath

    I think he was thinking that a little grief would cause her to forget about the divorce and maybe bring them back together.
    Considering that she was probably divorcing him because he was a selfish junkie, it would have backfired quite spectacularly.

  • WarriorArtemis

    What an effing shit-head! This is the quickest way to get a woman to divorce you, not delay the divorce…Dude is a dumbass.

  • https://www.facebook.com/debbie.t.collins Debbie Thompson Collins

    sorry son of a bitch ratbastard

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com/ Athena

    While an addict and a dealer isn’t anyone I’d leave my kid with, I’m not ready to throw mom under the bus. The vast majority of addicts and, hell, dealers for that matter, aren’t involved in any sort of violent activity. I will also point out that allegations made in divorce proceedings are often exaggerated. She was working on getting away, and legally, she may not have been able to keep her child from his father. Either way, it doesn’t seem like this family has a history of abuse or anything, and she likely had no reason to believe he would attempt to kill their son.

  • http://www.facebook.com/timothymatthewmurphy brain_bomb

    This gets a 99 on the what the fuck meter on a scale from 1-10. And great write up Gaucha – I actually thought it was Morbid while I was reading and you should take that as a compliment.

  • dream5546

    Most likely the kind that were prescribed Oxy or better yet, Fentanyl for pain. Once you are on those drugs, getting off is next to impossible! Fentanyl is 100 times more potent than morphine and as of 2012, was the most widely used synthetic opioid in clinical practice. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fentanyl I’ve been on it over 10 years and have gone into withdrawal accidentally a few times. Not fun. These people will self medicate with Heroin, it’s cheaper, more readily available and you don’t need a prescription! Doctors cut people off with nowhere to go all the time and they are supposed to wean you off, no easy task. I’ll be on it for life, I’m physically dependent on it. I don’t however use it to get high, that just doesn’t do it for me. Too many like the effects they get. I use just enough to keep me semi-sane. I wish I had never started using it.

  • bella

    Im so sorry to hear about ur situation. Being made an addict dependant upon something ur dr gave u as “medicine” is just so unfair. The fact that the same man turns around 2yrs later and cuts u off cold turkey is terrifing , painfull, and cruel.
    My husband had multiple vertebra injured in his back during his 1st deployment and choose to undergo countless surgeries and excruciating pain over an early retirement. At his 1st drs appt. they gave him 180 oxys and 60 valium and it seemed like the upped his doseage every other month and added new drugs at will. When he got home from his 2nd tour a vertabre ruptured and he was leaking spinal fluid so his dr has him come in for demerol injection every morning before work in addition to the pills. By the time he went 2 his next surgery he was on so many drugs he felt like a herion addict. We finally accepted the fact that medically retiring after 12 yrs was a more favorable choice than being made legal smackhead by the govt. Since he’s been out and has a real dr and is down to 3 5mg vicoden we have our life back and its amazing. But the withdrawl process was a nightmare more painful than his original injuries and the drs never once warned us about it when they shoveled pills down his throat. Most people dont realize how horrible it is to be turned into an addict by the person you trust to heal you.

  • ShelbySP

    I thought so too, I just assumed he got a copy editor. Good job!

  • Gaucha

    Awww, thanke! :)

  • CatAtonic99
  • Jessie

    I understand him coming up with the herion and codeine. But Ketamine? That is not as easy to come across… at least not in my area. And $12,000 in cash? WTF? This guy had SOMETHING going on behind the scenes. Probably selling. And you’re right- they look like normal people most of the time.

  • https://www.facebook.com/vicki.trosclair Vicki Trosclair

    sick people in this world

  • Jessie

    I use marijuana to keep me semi-sane :-p also readily available and no script necessary.

  • dream5546

    When I lived in CA, I tried using that, my son tried to find a strain that would help the pain without the high. If I mix it with tobacco it can help some but it doesn’t touch the nerve pain for me. My Dr there was all for trying anything, here in TX, not so much.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    I hope the kid makes a full recovery.

    As for the sperm donor, I hope he spends the rest of his life in jail…not because he’s a drug user, but because he tried to manipulate his estranged wife into staying with him by killing their son. That’s what makes him a piece of shit.

  • dream5546

    Very happy your husband has been able to cut down so much!! Sorry he had to retire. I’m sure he got screwed on that!!

    At one point I was on 10 different drugs JUST for pain. I felt like I was dying not living. I am down to the Fentanyl all the time and 2 others I take when I’m desperate. They will give me anything I want, and find it hard to believe that I would rather be in pain than stoned. I’m a walkng DUI and am never high. If I crash my bike, my fault or not, it would be my fault for being “on drugs”. It really is a double edged sword!

  • Jessie

    Right, I’ll take CA over TX anyday :-) and yes: if you’re already on the opiates- there is almost no escaping them… It IS possible though! It’s just really really hard. I wish you all the best in your pain/drug management.

  • VenusDoom3

    Gee, I wonder why she wanted to divorce him? He sounds like a keeper.

  • BrittBrittRoss

    And then they lived happily ever after….

  • Pyncky

    I hope the boy doesn’t suffer brain damage of some sort. Of course he might have inherited some from his stupid-ass sperm donor.

  • Pyncky

    My ex-wife’s daughter tried to kill herself when she was 13 because some boy didn’t like her. She got into her mother’s medicine cabinet and took everything she could find. Fortunately she didn’t read the bottles and took a bunch of Correctal. A laxative marketed to be gentle for women. The doctor in the ER said that probably saved her life since the other drugs didn’t stay in her system long enough to be completely absorbed.

  • Andyman

    And usually does. Every instance of the death of a child in my life has LED to a divorce as opposed to renewing wedding vows….

  • Andyman

    My sweetie was in a real bad car accident years ago and has some pretty strong migraine medicine. She says smoking a little chronic helps more than the pills. Its a shame we are so far behind on recognizing some of the legitimate benefits marijuana offer simply because of this futile “war” on drugs. Legalize it everywhere, tax and regulate it already for Pete’s sake. And let’s focus this war on Meth and the like.

  • LannP

    WA state its minimum of 20.

  • http://oddlyunfocused.blogspot.com/ Eccentric_Lady

    Lena, clue phone? Jeez, need to downgrade to low tech – the clue-by-four. It’s reliable and often highly effective when obviously the stupid stick was broken on them.

  • Aussie Sabbath

    I can never understand how the death of a child leads to divorce. Maybe only if one partner feels that the other is not “grieving enough” for the lost kid. My uncle died from complications with Rhesus syndrome back in the 60s (before they knew what it was and how to fix it) My grandparents were heartbroken, but 30 years later, they’re still together, even after the death of my dad.
    Some people don’t handle grief terribly well.

  • Andyman

    all the websites I looked up regarding the statistics indicate that in the US anyway that the divorce rate is super high (77% is the sort of accepted percentage). I had a friend die at the age of ~ 23. Powerful mushrooms led to spiders crawling on my friends back with his buddy happy to kill them with a knife by stabbing them on his back. Only he wasn’t killing the spiders… How absolutely awful for his folks. I think they stayed together another five years but called it quits after that. So sad. Guess that was almost 20 years ago. Anyone else?

  • Aussie Sabbath

    My grandparents were probably the exception to the rule. It’s just horrible when a couple let grief drive them apart when they need each other more than ever.

  • Aussie Sabbath

    That’s a stupid reason to attempt suicide. I hope she got a stern talking to!

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com/ Athena

    Ketamine is pretty easy to get around here. Still a thriving rave scene. But, yeah, in context, the cash is pretty damning.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com/ Athena

    When you’re a teenager, they’re pretty much all stupid reasons. I’ve got some jagged scars on my wrists from the age of 14 for being caught smoking and grounded for 6 months the night before homecoming.

    Now, anyone who knows me and hears that story laughs because they think I’m kidding. That is so converse to the person I am… all of it. Attempting suicide, caring that much about a dance… It’s ridiculous. But that’s just it… Teens are psychos with under-developed pre-frontal lobes. Crazy, totally uncharacteristic shit happens because they don’t think beyond the moment they’re faced with.

    It was a blip on the radar. I’ve been my hyper-logical, stoic self ever since.

  • Jessica Stewart

    That is a terribly stupid reason to commit suicide, but I think parents forget how emotionally stressful it is to be a teenager. I’m glad she didn’t succeed tho.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com/ Athena

    Or just move to Washington State (or Colorado, I suppose, but WA has Seattle… and me). But only if you’re educated, tolerant and have great taste in music.

  • Andyman

    Two out of three ain’t bad… :-)

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Maybe some bleeding heart judge was waiting for a mental evaluation on daddy. My ex was on a first name basis with the judges and cops in my small town. He had spent many nights and days in the company of investigators and jail guards. Still with that did not deter a judge from forcing me to comply with unsupervised visitation for my ex and daughter. One weekend I went to pick up my daughter only to be met and stopped by a deputy that was part of a surveillance team staking out my ex’s current flop house. Upon being allowed to collect my daughter the cops found drugs, broken bongs, and open alcoholic beverage containers on every surface of the home. My daughter was two at the time. Even with all of this the same judge cleared my ex for full visitations. The state of Arizona has no incentive for providing for children’s rights. This same ex was being divorced by me for domestic violence and drug activity. So to sum it up my drug dealing, abusive, addict of a husband was still afforded thr rights for child visitation. Fast forward 8 years and my ex was arrested and convicted of child molestation of my daughter. The offenses had been going on for 3 years. My daughter was afraid to tell because she felt she had to protect her baby sister. She told me finally thank goodness. I personally went to that dumb ass judge and thanked him for allowing my husband to maintain he parental rights. I was threatened with arrest because I was speaking too loud in the court house. Well maybe I wasn’t speaking…..

  • JustBrowsingLife

    You say that like there is a good reason to commit suicide. The only good reason is to save the state a whole bunch of grief and money in the event that you pull a evil and vicious stunt like the asshat in this article.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Sometimes it is unavoidable… See my post above. Maybe she had visitation forced on her through the courts. I would love to know if that were the case before everyone chastises this poor grieving woman.

  • Aussie Sabbath

    I think severe pain/illness or a decline in quality of life is a good enough reason to either exit yourself or seek the services of a trusted doctor for a PAS (physician-assisted suicide).

    I believe in voluntary euthanasia and the right to a dignified death. I don’t believe in necking yourself because some smelly Pimples Peterson doesn’t like you back or you got grounded or your parents walked in on you choking the chicken.

  • Jessie

    Amen Andy. Amen.

  • Andyman

    I was waiting for someone to ask which one I wasn’t but maybe everyone already knows. :-)

  • JohnQknowitall

    Sounds like he may have watched a little too many episodes of Breaking Bad.

  • JohnQknowitall

    You actually think this guy is that rational a thinker. How could any parent think such a thing would happen… until it actually happens?

    If guilty this guy is a completely useless dickwad. A quick list of the side effects of Heroine use… http://heroinbabies.pbworks.com/w/page/17918342/FrontPage

  • Buffettgirl

    Have you tried ingesting marijuana? Boyfriend finds that FAR more effective than smoking it. When he finds something (like a caramel sauce we have right now) that is edible he’s much happier. It’s like a body high, not a mental high.

  • Buffettgirl

    I read about this last week, it makes me so sick! How do you look at your sweet little four year old man and do something so atrocious? How disturbingly selfish and narcissistic of the father. People, if someone in your life is done with you, move on, get help if you need to in order to get over it. What you don’t do is KILL THE BABY!

  • Lily Blumensyko Strange

    Let’s hope that he never gets out of jail. Piece of shit.

  • Tenbux

    How do you fail to kill a four year old with a drug overdose when you have enough drugs on hand to be called a dealer? Young kids have a much lower body weight and none of the resistances that come with being a habitual user.
    While I’m glad he failed, he’s still a monumental goddamn fuckup for trying to OD a child and FAILING. That’s like trying to put a spoonful of cereal in your mouth, only to jab it into your eye socket and lever your eyeball out onto your cheek.

  • FrikkenFrak

    Ugh. Sometimes I wonder what percentage of human beings are truly human

  • Whatevn

    So I decided to catch up on my favorite site, after being away for a while.
    Wow, I forgot the rage that could come along with this place, after reading a new stories.

    Gonna watch some MLP to even me out.

  • BadWolf_Rose

    Excuse me??? Only 15 years max for shooting your 4 year old son up with heroin, among other dangerous drugs?? For trying to murder him??? That should be life without parole minimum and death penalty in my humble opinion.

  • Eliza Berntsen

    It would have been had he sold heroin to the 4-year old.

  • Der Mac

    You should probably stop trying to produce children then, Andy.

  • Der Mac

    I think it’s reasonable to presume that you don’t have any children, Aussie. Raising them is very stressful under normal circumstances. Most couples spend more time at each others’ throats, at least in the early years of their childrens’ lives, than they do investing in their love for one another. If they should lose their only child after such an accumulation of effort, recognizing and dealing with all of your partner’s weaknesses over a span of years, all “for naught”, I can imagine that the temptation for a clean break is rather strong.

    Of course, some couples are more harmonious, but I would consider that quite an exception to the rule.

  • Der Mac

    Indeed, he might not remember anything due to not having anywhere near normal brain function.

    By the way, is your heart not open to forgiveness (and no, I’m not a Churchie)? Don’t forget that drug addiction is considered an illness. Aside from that, it most definitely results from being weak as opposed to being an asshole.
    Rehabilitation is the whole idea behind jailing somebody. When did people start to forget that?

  • Andyman

    Ok I’ll bite… I should probably stop trying to produce children, WHY?

  • Der Mac

    “child in my life” implies that the children you are referring to are your own:

    “Every instance of the death of a child in my life has LED to…”

    I kinda knew what you meant but decided to encourage clarity in the future. I am aware, nonetheless, that this is not exactly a literary forum, but still…

  • Andyman

    Wow that’s a reach. But if you say so. BTW my mom was an English teacher and it pains me to see the degree to which people butcher our language; who’d have thought that I’d have been the lowest hanging fruit in this thread? Lol

  • Der Mac

    Sorry about the stupid, didactic opening sentence, Aussie. I hate it when idiots write that, and here I go off and do it. :(

  • Der Mac

    The fellow who obscurely, and thereby hypocritically, criticizes you can’t be much higher! He’s quite glad he needn’t write any more papers for school anymore.

  • Andyman

    No but that is a good suggestion. Got any recipes?? :-)

  • Andyman

    Wow that was downright random too. Do you want to be a literary professor when you grow up or something and you are cutting your teeth here or what? I’m happy to debate something with you – but try and respond with something that makes sense, k?

  • Buffettgirl

    If someone makes me some infused cooking oil or butter I have a lot of ideas, I just haven’t mastered making that stuff yet so that I can have it around always. If we get some butter, I like to make Toll House Cookie bars with it. Or of course brownies. If I get cooking oil I use it to roast potatoes or other veggies, as a fat when cooking eggs, or like last night I put a bit in the pan when I made grilled cheese sandwiches along with some infused butter for the bread itself. We also use it when we smoke meat mixed with the spices for the rub. Thankfully I don’t work somewhere where I have to worry about being tested! They know I am his caregiver (legally I have an Oregon Med. Marijuana Card that allows me to carry for him) so I get a pass! ;)

  • Andyman

    Damn that is so cool. Wish you were my neighbor! I love to cook and I’m super curious about “how” to do some of these things. It would be my luck I’d ruin some nice green crack trying to make the infused oil.

  • Buffettgirl

    Never, ever ruin the green crack! I hope to learn more over the winter on how to make the butter and oil. They seem to help the best, oh, and the caramel sauce too, put that in some hot apple cider and it’s heavenly!

  • K-Rob

    From what I’ve seen, firsthand, in couples who have lost children (I’ve only known, personally, of 2 so this comment is my observation and should not be taken as anything more) in both cases the couples ended up divorcing and the reason given to me from both the wives and one husband was that they faulted the other one for the death. They played the ‘If only you’ game instead of ‘If only we’ or ‘If only I’ game. The second husband said he just couldn’t stand to be in the same house, looking at his wife who is the spitting image of his beloved daughter, any longer.

  • Aussie Sabbath

    It’s absolutely terrible when couples do that. Like they’re not grieving enough for their lost child, and then to be blamed for their death. That’s not a healthy way to grieve.

  • Aussie Sabbath

    Why would the courts give visitation rights to a known drug addict? That’s a real head scratcher there.

  • K-Rob

    I’m also sorry to read about your situation. I know what it’s like, as I’ve been there before, and I have had to kick opiates twice. The first time I took opiates to get high they were in the form of black tar heroin. I was not aware of what heroin was nor what it looked like. I was, simply put, pretty sheltered in the way of stuff like that. I knew what pot was, though, and I knew that the bowls of pipes pot was smoked from often fill with a sticky black substance known as resin that can be smoked, too. Or, so I was told. I was dating a boy who was so amazing to me and who I loved with everything I had. His only fault was lying to me about what the black sticky substance was that he smoked on foil now and then. He told me pot resin. It was heroin. I tried it and threw my guts up for almost a half of an hour. I thought, ‘Cheese and rice, who seriously thinks this shit is fun? It smells horrible, tastes worse, and makes you vomit forever!”

    Then, after I had thrown up and the effect of the heroin set in I thought, ‘Oh, holy fuck, NOW I get it!’ It would become a regular pastime for us and I wouldn’t find out what it really was until I ran into a friend of mine who I was told was a heroin junkie and had avoided him for that reason. He was picking up at the person’s house where we would go so my boyfriend could ‘scrape the bowls of the pot pipes and bongs’. The friend of mine stopped me and asked me what it was I was getting and why I was on heroin when I avoided him for being on it. I laughed at him and told him he must have gotten some bad shit because I’m not on heroin. He pulled out a bag of pot resin and said, you smoke this? I smelled it and said, ‘Yeah.’ He said, ‘Heroin’.

    I freaked out and decided right then and there we weren’t doing it anymore. Which, lasted about 8 hours. That’s when the sickness started. The yawns. The cold sweats followed by the heat flashes. The feeling like you really want to skin yourself because you somehow got the wrong size skin and it’s too tight. Twitches. 18 hours in and there was a 1,000 lb man copping a squat on my chest and I could not, for the life of me, move his fat ass. I twitched and jerked my body to the point of throwing myself violently into the wall or off of the bed, the fucker remained and it was incredibly difficult to breathe. It was the most epic of anxiety attacks sans the fear of impending doom. 24 hours in and my bone marrow was on fire. I don’t know what bone marrow feels like or if it even has nerves. But, when I went sick, it did. I said fuck it by hour 28 and we picked up.

    Fast forward 4 years and I’m in a maximum security facility for getting caught committing petty theft shoplifting 3 too many times. I’m kicking a 4 year $100 a day habit in this 5′x 5′ cell with a big black bitch (her words not mine) who hated junkies (go figure). She wasn’t too fond of Honkey’s, either, which, blew since I was one. Fortunately, I was too sick to give a shit about whether she was going to fist rape my face and she was too afraid hitting me would cause me to violently release more bodily fluids than I was already. Oddly enough, I left that facility for a minimum security facility after I was sentenced with a new big black friend to call when I got out if I ever needed anything. Uh, no thanks, I’m good.

    In total, I served 18 days in the clinker so I was over the worst of the withdrawals when I was released. My boyfriend, who became my husband during our heroin days, and I ended up parting ways amicably (I still talk to him now and then and will always have love for him) and I went back to looking for love in all the wrong places. I found love that turned out right (so far) and we had a baby. After birthing my daughter, about 6 weeks, I developed intense pains shooting on my left side of my lower abdomen. They got so bad and more frequent that, when I had to fall instead of drop my then 6 month old daughter, I finally went to the doctor. The doctor who KNEW my history with Heroin. This doctor put me on Tramadol because, in 2005, it was not believed to be an opiode. They wouldn’t officially classify it as such until 2009. Guess whose body was addicted to opiates again?

    The pain only progressed and worsened because they weren’t diagnosing they were medicating and soon I fell into a depression. Add more meds. Then, even more depressed, change meds for max dose of higher more potent meds and throw in an anti-psychotic for good measure. This went on for 5 years with the last 6 months of that time being spent while going through a very devastating family matter that resulted in my husband and I losing custody of my stepson. His mother had used my prescriptions against me and told the judge I’m high all of the time (not true, like dream5546, I never took enough to get high, only enough to take a little edge off of my pain so if I abused them it was from not taking the prescribed dosage when I was told to) she also threw in some bogus claims and other personal stuff I still don’t like to talk about. Long story short, she won. I stopped all meds except for the Oxycodone I was taking (180 mgs prescribed a day) that day and, fuck me, if that was the worst idea ever. Fun Fact: there is a reason why they say not to stop taking psychotropic medications suddenly and it’s no joke. It’s not an exaggeration. It has a very real tendency to be deadly. Whether you kill yourself or kill someone else is anyone’s guess.

    I wanted to die. I didn’t even know myself anymore, didn’t know my family, my husband, or daughter. It was, by far, the most terrifying state of mind to exist in. All I knew is I just cost my husband his son, my daughter her brother, and myself a stepson. I was not worthy of my husband or daughter….I was not worthy of life. I had 25 oxy left before my refill was due and decided to use them to kill myself. I set it up so my daughter would be with my mom for the weekend and my husband would be working until 9pm. I took 2 pills at 30mgs each IR…more than I had ever taken at once. I began to take the third one when something stopped me. I just could not do it. I made myself throw up and sat in a tub of freezing water bawling my eyes out. I looked at the 23 pills I had left and decided I would use them to wean off of oxy altogether.

    I had prepared myself as much as one really can prepare for the hell that is opiate withdrawal but what I experienced was many times worse then when I kicked heroin in jail. I realize now, this was due largely in part to the withdrawals from the psyche meds and also because my pills were a synthetic form of opiates. Heroin is not as much. Anytime something is synthesized, it is boosted and more potent, powerful, and in the case of opiates…even more difficult to kick. For example, weed vs. spice. Nuff said. It took 3 months…..though it felt like a lifetime to me….for me to start feeling somewhat normal. 3 months after that, I felt a flutter in my belly that was way too strong to really be called a flutter. Turns out, I was 6 months pregnant. Yup, that ‘something’ that just wouldn’t let me kill myself happened to be a little man I affectionately refer to as my heathen spawn snuggle monkey. How in the hell he not only survived but thrived inside of my uterus when the first three months of his existence my body was put through the most intense and exhausting, not to mention excruciatingly painful, withdrawals is beyond my capacity of understanding.

    What I do know, though, is he was born a near 10lb healthy baby who just turned 2 in August of this year. The reason I shared this story with you, dream5546, is because….well, there’s two reasons actually. The first one is because you wrote ‘I’ll be on it for life, I’m physically dependent on it.’ and without knowing your medical reasoning behind getting on it, I can’t help but wonder if you say this because you think since you are physically addicted to it, you are imprisoned by it for the rest of your life or if you have a physical condition that cannot be corrected so this pain management is the only option. If the former is true, I shared this story with you in hopes it will show you from another angle that it is possible to get off of it. Especially, if you’re only physically addicted. The physical, in comparison to the mental, addiction is a walk in the park. Okay, so it’s a walk uphill in pitch dark with wild beasts coming at you from all directions while starving and barefoot but it’s still a walk in the park comparatively.

    The second reason why I chose to share my story here is because I have never done so before now out of fear of judgment and ridicule. But, I’ve been lurking on DD for 2 years now and, reading the comments from regulars….posting my own here and there….. has shown me that this is a pretty nonjudgmental group of douche bags who can actually be pretty supportive. They may give me shit for writing a fucking book but, eh, what the fuck do I care? I’m long winded, big deal, I don’t leave my kids in the car on a hot day (only cold days…duh moms), I’ve never microwaved my babies, I don’t physically/sexually/mentally/or emotionally abuse my children, and I’m kind of intelligent so I have enough shit going for me to excuse my wordiness.

    Hopefully.

  • Der Mac

    We could start with you learning how to communicate non-ambiguously. Clearly, your comprehension skills (and temperament?) need a going-over as well. Yikes.

  • Andyman

    O scholarly one: opinions are like assholes yours included. How is that for unambiguous? Yikes indeed lmfao

  • dream5546

    I think it’s great that you shared your story. It’s true, this is a pretty non-judgmental crew on DD. I’m glad you were able to kick the opiates. I’ve taken myself off most of the meds I was on and at this point use just what I need to stay sane pain wise. I stretch a 3 day patch to 5 days, I use the minimum that will get me thru. I’ve had to make the decision to live in pain or not live at all. Addiction runs in my family but I’m fortunate that I hate the “out of control” feeling I don’t like being high or drunk even a little. Watching people die from it I’m guessing helped that.

    I am “only” physically dependent, not addicted to the meds. The withdrawals are a bitch, I deal with that when forgetting to put a new patch on after 5-6 days but can usually get under control in 12 hours. If it weren’t for the pain, I’d wean off this too but it at least allows me some semblance of a life.
    If no one else has ever told you, I’m very proud of you, I KNOW how hard addiction is. Congratulations!! I hope you never have to deal with it in any form again.

  • K-Rob

    I’m not sure how you knew I am not told by many that they are proud of me for what I did or how you knew I needed to be told someone was proud of me but I thank you from the very depths of my soul for saying that to me. I’m very ashamed of the fact that I feel the need to hear those closest to me say they are proud of me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an attention whore or if it’s because I understand the magnitude of what I did and low self esteem prevents me from being able to tell them just how unheard of it is for someone to do what I did. Because, it is, and you understand that.

    You sound like you’re managing your pain the same way I did…..not well at all. Because I understand why you’re doing it (unwarranted guilt can be a bitch), I won’t lecture you about that. I will tell you, though, what my doctor told me. He told me that the whole point of pain management is to take it when it’s prescribed. You don’t have to take the full dose, cut your patch in half if need be, but take it when you’re supposed to take it. Regularly. Letting yourself get to the point of agony isn’t good for you or anyone around you, as I can only guess from my own experience, you’re probably not the funnest person to be around when you feel like you want to rip your own head off.

    If anyone has never told you, I’m proud of YOU for keeping yourself as straight as possible in your situation. You can say it’s because you don’t like the out of control feeling of being high and you’ve seen people die so these things keep you from surrendering to the addictive personality that runs in your family….these things are factors, yes. But, you aren’t giving yourself enough credit, I don’t think. Because, pain has a way of making people do things despite not liking them or what they learned from watching others die. When it is at it’s most excruciating, the desperation felt in order to make it ease some, let alone go away entirely so one feels good for a change, can drive one to completely compromise their beliefs and give up all convictions to uphold the standard they’ve set for themselves. They suddenly don’t care if they don’t like to get high if getting high means no pain. They don’t care if people have died doing the same thing because if they die or not, either way, they won’t be in pain. I’m sure you know the place mentally where this surrender can happen.

    But, you haven’t. You’ve stayed strong in your beliefs and convictions and you’ve kept yourself from falling into the same cess pool too many others just like you ended up drowning themselves in. Good for you!

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com/ Athena

    I’m really glad you posted all this. I hope it gets read. So few people believe in rehabilitation (personal, not of the institutional variety). So few people believe people can get in deep and climb back out. So few people differentiate between addiction-motivated crime and crime committed for the sake of perpetrating mischief or evil.

    Thanks for taking the time.

  • K-Rob

    Athena, I first want to tell you I’m a fan of yours. Of the posters on here, I look for yours and CT’s comments before anyone else. The wisdom mixed with sarcasm and a lot of humor make for a very refreshing and insightful read.

    Like you, I hope this gets read, also. It took a long time for my balls to drop just enough so I could actually put it out there like this and as brief as I did. Yeah, I know, hard to believe that’s brief, right? Sadly, it is.

    As for the institutional variety of rehab, I don’t agree with it, personally. But, then, I don’t agree with organized religion, either. Thing is, both seem to work for some people so I kind of just say, whatever. My belief is that groups like NA and AA, the ones who tell you to find your higher power and say it doesn’t have to be God but go on with the program using the word God, these groups rob the addict of the credit they deserve for putting themselves in a rehab facility to begin with. Every addict I know who has achieved sobriety through sponsors, rehabs, and meetings accredits their sobriety…..something that is an absolutely ginormous accomplishment…….they accredit this to God. They thank their sponsors, they rely on meetings to the point where the meetings have replaced the drug and if a meeting cancels….oh holy fuck they go insane. Not one of the former addicts I know has ever taken credit for their sobriety.

    It infuriates me. I just want to shake them and say, ‘Damn you! YOU went to those meetings all those times. YOU called your sponsor instead of picking up. YOU stayed in that rehab when you didn’t have to. YOU YOU YOU did those things and nobody else but YOU are responsible for that. Just like you can’t blame God for you being on drugs in the first place, nor can you blame the devil, neither should you give either of Them credit for your sobriety.”

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com/ Athena

    Oh my god, lady… Post more often. People of your caliber have no business lurking.

    CT is good people. I’m honored by both your comment and the company in which you place me. :)

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