Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Jennifer Potato HarveyUpper Darby, PA - A couple in Pennsylvania were at the wrong place at the wrong time when they got caught having sex in a public park by 25 police officers on bicycles.

The officers were doing some bicycle training in Naylor’s Run Park when they encountered 37-year-old Richard McBride giving the business to a 41-year-old potato, called a Jennifer Harvey, near a baseball field.

“There they are, on the first base line.  There’s a bench, she is bent over the bench and our friend is behind her with his pants down to his ankle, banging away,” said Upper Darby Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood while gagging.

Police approached the pair and charged them both with lewdness and disorderly conduct. “Imagine being arrested by 25 cops,” Chitwood said. “They were as shocked as the police were.”

Despite having sex in the open in broad daylight, police say they’re the only ones that will need years of therapy as no one else was in the vicinity.

Investigators say they don’t know if the two were dating, but don’t suspect prostitution. The pair was released on $30,000 and are due back in court sometime this month.

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  • EBenes

    WHAT IS THAT.

  • Lisa Rohova

    I saw the pic and thought “That’s a man?!?” Then I realized that’s the potato, lmao.

  • http://www.facebook.com/JenniferJargoMilau30 Jennifer Milau

    wtf

  • http://www.facebook.com/C.K.Hoffman Chelsea Hoffman

    ….. 0_o

  • https://www.facebook.com/jana.joneslove Jana

    It doesn’t have a chin!!!! WTF….LMAO…….I think the cops are scarred for life…NASTY

  • Evan

    OH my gawd. I’ve never felt that bad for 25 cops in my life. I swear those poor poor officers. post traumatic stress disorder for SURE.

  • http://www.facebook.com/C.K.Hoffman Chelsea Hoffman

    Okay… this is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever read. Ever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/geoff.chisholm Geoff Chisholm

    getting busted is his second worst problem. Number one would be being able to have sex with a potato.

  • Kelly Eklectusbird

    I can’t be the only one that saw the title and thought he was actually having sex with a potato…

    Knowing this site, it wouldn’t have surprised me.

  • Evan

    lol prostitution! More like RESTITUTION!

  • http://www.facebook.com/RuiChiu Jen X Yoder

    Is that a pic of the potato in question?

  • http://www.facebook.com/william.d.luke.9 William Dean Luke

    *Dies laughing*

  • Evan

    you mean because he was having sex with the potato in PUBLIC, right? cuz otherwise its coo right?

  • http://www.facebook.com/geoff.chisholm Geoff Chisholm

    Nee Jabba no badda.

  • http://www.facebook.com/frank.barr.58 Frank Barr

    Eww

  • techsupp0rt

    I haven’t even read the article yet, I just had to say how finding this headline first thing Monday morning pretty much made my whole day.

  • Kelly Eklectusbird

    What you do in the privacy of your own home is of no interest to me…

  • http://www.facebook.com/samantha.dehart Samantha Elizabeth DeHart

    Only in Upper Darby! Wow.

  • Gretchen Wieners

    Looks like Mama June. Gross.

  • http://www.facebook.com/SouthrnHunnix420 Tara Patricia Kouba

    Those cops are going to need counseling. Serious fucking counseling. Lmao

  • Kittyskyfish

    Another star witness in the George Zimmerman trial? *ducks*

  • http://www.facebook.com/nomoreroominhell Diane Carneiro Ferreira

    How dare you insult potatoes like that! :P

  • EBenes

    A potato would have been a better option f’real.

  • CT

    Unfortunately reading this article led me to a replay in my mind. I’m still crying.

  • EBenes

    I just zoomed in the pic (WHY) and I love that you captioned it “Jennifer Potato Harvey”…I laughed so hard. Thanks for making Monday morning frickin’ awesome.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Charbren11 Whatchoo Looknat

    If u looked like that u would get it whenever/wherever u could too!

  • laurablue87

    That. Is. Basgusting.

  • http://www.facebook.com/troy.skillman1 Troy Skillman

    Sex with a potato, how sacrilegious he should had sex with a carrot.

  • Kittyskyfish

    This Jennifer potato probably comes loaded with sour cream and bacon, so she’s a bargain if you count the free extras.

  • darsa

    Those poor cops… wow. I mean, I’m fat an’ all, but that’s just, just… *gag*

  • http://www.facebook.com/dave.pasquino Dave Pasquino

    Dammit, I read the article to find out how one would have sex with a potato only to find out it wasn’t really a potato. I bought a 5lb bag of Russetts for nothing!

  • Kittyskyfish

    Now I know why she looks so familiar! That’s Honey Boo Boo’s MAMA!

  • Lorraine Nation

    I thought it was a real potato,lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/brett.gloss Alan Isntevenmyname Gloss

    I smell sex and fried doublecheesechickenchocolatecaketwinkiesdietcoke!

  • itsknotme

    Who was paying who?

  • Evan

    right!

  • Curlykate910

    They were making mashed potatoes!

  • kimbev69

    funny how they don’t “suspect prostitution” lol

  • kimbev69

    i thought that also…lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/vabroughton Vicki Broughton

    Gahhhhh!

  • 18th40

    I think it’s just the harsh lighting at the police station, she’s probably really quite attractive.

  • http://www.facebook.com/urdaddy2008 Bobby Thornton

    one stuffed potato

  • http://www.facebook.com/carol.brooks.927 Carol Hart Brooks

    what..no gravy?

  • IntelligentVirtue

    And let’s not forget, some people just aren’t photogenic, Ms Potato Head is probably very pretty in person!! *stifles giggles*

  • slavesher

    Silly boy, Mashing potatoes is a Home Run…..never first base. Amature…..

  • slavesher

    hmmmm my discus didn’t sign me in right. My pic didn’t show up…..wth

  • CT

    Did it take 25 cops to take her down? Or did the first 24 run away screaming?

  • http://www.facebook.com/SellyOlusala Selly Olusala

    Eewww

  • Jycorro

    I would hate to draw the short straw on that one.

  • 18th40

    They were no doubt in an orderly line behind Mr. McBride.

  • Buffettgirl

    And don’t forget that the lighting at the cop shop can easily add 150 pounds to anyone’s muggie…

  • Buffettgirl

    Some people just don’t get the proper concept of “bangers and mash…”

  • http://www.facebook.com/marge.mcarthur.3 Marge McArthur

    THIS IS PREPOSTERIOUS,AND VERY SICK,THE OTHER DAY I READ ABOUT A GUY GETTING BUSTED FOR HAVING SEX WITH THE SOFA,COME ON NOW PEOPLE LETS GET REAL !!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/marianne.zoricak Marianne Zoricak

    Oh the visual…..just lost my breakfast.

  • Mendi Mayhem

    I said the exact same thing! LMAO! WOuldn’t this story have been better if there was an actual potato involved, and the she was actually a he? YES. IT WOULD.

    FALSE ADVERTISING!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Melissa Stopka

    $30k bond? Perverts get away with less. So what, they were fucking in public, you can’t tell me you’ve never thought about/actually done it before. Fatasses need lovin too, lol.

  • http://oddlyunfocused.blogspot.com/ Eccentric_Lady

    Oh, from the bruising due to resisting arrest?

  • http://www.facebook.com/bob.lafrank Bob LaFrank

    He is an ugly son of a gun.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bob.lafrank Bob LaFrank

    I’m sure you will find a way.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bob.lafrank Bob LaFrank

    I’ve never been able to get it up for a potato either.

  • IntelligentVirtue

    So you’re sayingthe “beat with the ugly stick” look is courtesy of resisting arrest, makessense!!

  • IntelligentVirtue

    The bail amount threw me off too, made they added another $20k to cover deep the cost of therapy for 25 police officers!

  • IntelligentVirtue

    Gee thanks, bangers & mashers WAS my Fave casual meal (seriously, I even have it in my Evite profile~and let’s forget that I admitted to having an evite profile lol), now, not so much!!!

  • Rachel Ann

    No wonder the cops don’t suspect prostitution. Lets face it who’s paying for the right to bang that? Hell he was getting it for free and still wouldn’t look at her!

  • Buffettgirl

    You’re welcome! ;-)

  • IntelligentVirtue

    So devious!!!lol

  • Buffettgirl

    I know – I think it’s a coffee overload! (She said while on her way to the ‘fridge to get the can of Monster Java now that the two travel mugs of hot coffee are empty!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jblade0077 Jerry Killian

    those cops are going to need psychological counseling after seeing that..

  • Vicki

    Back in *my* day, first base didn’t mean intercourse.

  • Shade

    That’s what I thought for a minute. But then I realized that we haven’t yet seen a picture of the other prize – winner!

  • sugarpie

    At least this guy is on the up and up and not having sex with children. I’d rather see a potato fetish anyday. That being said, behind closed doors buddy!!! Keep that lovely gal all to yourself!

  • Evan

    be willing to bet her beauty isn’t just skin deep either. Prolly smells of wet gopher and spoiled milk.

  • sugarpie

    Ah, I see the need for being outdoors!

  • Evan

    exactly! no need to fumigate.

  • Pyncky

    Gawd I was confused. When I read the headline and saw the picture, I thought that was a guy and he had really been screwing a potato. I mean we have had a guy screwing a couch, why not a potato. She does look like Mrs Potato Head.

  • Parrot Toes

    To finish Kelly Eklectusbirds comment:

    ……………but it may be of interest to us if you take it a few steps out your front door. Dreamin Demon could make you famous, darling!!!

  • Parrot Toes

    I just puked. Thanks.

  • firstofthefallen

    I’m guessing there was alcohol involved. He had to be drunk to screw that.

  • LuvsHorror

    I could not be a cop because I could not touch these people. Gross.

  • Whatevn

    Whats the excuse for the other half of the over weight accumulation?

  • Buffettgirl

    They didn’t take the shot from her “good” side? ;)

  • Brandie Lodriguss

    Lolol people r so crazy. First time I ever felt sorry 4 the police

  • Parrot Toes

    I wonder if her husband, Mr. Potato Head, knew what she was up too. They could be into the swinger scene you know, did anyone check 3rd base for him?

    http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/2208/kx55.jpg

  • Parrot Toes

    I wonder if her husband, Mr. Potato Head, knew what she was up too. They
    could be into the swinger scene you know, did anyone check 3rd base for
    him?

  • Parrot Toes

    OHMAGAWD! Who is this guest that is copying me?!?! Haha, forgot that deleting your post turns it into a guest post.

  • Kittyskyfish

    You’re right. Softer lighting and a little makeup does wonders.

    Voila!

  • tinalovesnick

    Lol. And here the title had me thinking of Rotten.com potatoes and jelly page…

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    So THIS is the sister that Grimace doesn’t like to talk about.

  • Curlykate910
  • Kittyskyfish

    “mmmmm doughnut! My precious…my precious…”

  • Kittyskyfish

    That included vandalism of the bench. Bangers and mash is quite violent.

  • Stormblast

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

  • mean birch

    You got busted ha ha. Should have been a couch potato.

  • mean birch

    Nasty. Funny too.

  • mean birch

    Shudder

  • FrikkenFrak

    My next date on Match.com

  • FrikkenFrak

    If the potato had eyes it can be called as an eye witness, right?

  • restlessvagabond

    “A couple in Pennsylvania were at the wrong place at the wrong time when they got caught having sex in a public park by 25 police officers on bicycles.”

    In Pennsylvania, 25 unfortunate police officers on bicycles were at the wrong place at the wrong time when they caught a couple having sex in a public park.

    Fixed.

  • Dre Mosley

    Those poor cops. Probably heard her thighs clapping long before they saw ‘em fuckin’

  • LETTHEBODIESHITTHEFLOOR

    That’s the business end of a potato!

  • Valerie

    That poor bench.

  • JohnQknowitall

    This is from a legitimate British television show utilizing prosthetics. I think itmight give us a better appreciation for Mr. Christie’s fitness level and naked beauty..

    http://youtu.be/cP3D_lfyOaM

  • Blue Ming Seiko

    Okay, Dude, there’s actually nothing illegal about having sex with a potato. Unless you do it in public. How stupid are you that you couldn’t wait until you got the potato home, where you wouldn’t be busted and ever after known as the Potato Fucker?

  • BSmyth

    i totally thought the same thing, and thought the pic was the man..

  • HAL 9000

    Screw a potato? He is a potato. Seems perfectly natural to me, why all the fuss?

  • bellejarre

    She has pretty eyes. makes up for him being blind

  • Aussie Sabbath

    No wonder he had to do her from behind, the Mr Potato Heads I had growing up had that flap on their bottom to put accessories in. He was just putting his “accessory” inside of her.

  • Aussie Sabbath

    Potatoes have lots of eyes.

  • Aussie Sabbath

    I don’t think that’s how potatoes reproduce :S

  • Aussie Sabbath

    Did they count to potato?

  • MelCervini

    I can’t get past the title without peeing myself laughing

  • http://oddlyunfocused.blogspot.com/ Eccentric_Lady

    Oh you’re no fun. In actuality I was making very good sense in a pre-coffee and sleep deprived way – and last I checked there was more ways than a tonfa or baton to cause bruising, but I digress. But the lighting as Buffetgirl was mentioning is never that portrait quality in a photo studio – it’s a toss up what’s worse – driver’s license ID or a mugshot…

  • MelCervini

    I guess he really was a dick tater bwahahah I kill me :D

  • Kittyskyfish

    *gurgle* Is that how Jennifer Potato got to first base? Showing Michael her starfish?

  • WarriorArtemis

    I was going to say the same thing…lol glad I hovered over the pic lol.

  • WarriorArtemis

    I thought so too, which is why I thought the pic was of the “dude”, and I was like no way that’s a dude lol.

  • WarriorArtemis

    Well come on…who would pay for a piece of that.

  • Reen B

    And therapy costs.

  • Reen B

    I think it’s Buffettgirl…BUFFETgirl is up there. ^^^

  • http://oddlyunfocused.blogspot.com/ Eccentric_Lady

    Amended. Good eye, Reen.

  • Heather4877

    I feel like I may be broken cause everyone is saying the cops must be scarred, but I was thinking that I might pay to see that. Fucking funny as hell!

  • Leasha

    MUCH better!

  • Leasha

    Speaking of, do officials sanitize these objects after potatoes and such are found fucking on them? For this one, though, I think they should just take a flame thrower to the thing.. it’s been through enough misery already.

  • Leasha

    Am I the only one who caught the fact that this happened in NAYLOR’s Run Park? Although, I wouldn’t classify the potato as a “her”.

  • Kittyskyfish

    I bet if they put a wood chipper nearby the bench would miraculously animate, uproot its legs, and jump into it as a final (and only) act in its short life.

  • Lori Lynn Abell

    omg there is nothing pretty on her lol

  • hal

    u aint all that yourself

  • Parrot Toes

    ….and you look like a dick blowing a bubble. WTF dude. Is the potato your sister-lover or sumptin?

  • Aussie Sabbath

    This is why I don’t understand what’s going on. I don’t speak potato :(

  • Helena Philomena Liebekraft

    Folks, it seems to me that all these people are guilty of is not using good sense, and in her case committing the unspeakable crime of not being deemed unattractive in a society that is extremely appearance oriented. When most of these stories are about the lowest common denominator including child rapists and animal torturers, I think we can cut these people some slack. I feel badly for this woman. She’s probably heard all her life how hideous her appearance is, and likely she has a very low self esteem. I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she doesn’t deserve the nastiness being aimed at her just because she isn’t good looking. I doubt most of us are any kind of super model. I know I’m not.

  • hookerpie

    Thanks a lot! Now I will never see the guest pics the same again.

  • hookerpie

    When I read this headline I thought how the hell does one have sex with a potato. I read the article and was still a little confused-where does the potato fit in- then it hit me like a sack of potatoes. That is one scary she-beast. I’m not being a racist but them black men love them some big ass scary white women.

  • Parrot Toes

    You’re welcome. I’m always available to assist people in expanding their imaginations. :D

  • Leasha

    I think the potato is seeking revenge. Check out all the down votes lmao

  • Leasha

    R.I.P. Bench :(

  • Michelle Dahmer

    I find this article offensive to potatoes.