Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Sexy Wasp NestDENMARK, SWEDEN – News Sweden is reporting that a man identified only as Hasse has died after attempting to have sex with a wasp’s nest.

The stinging sexual assault took place Monday on a farm near Ystad, a town of about 18,000, near Denmark, at the southern tip of the country better known for massages and their nonexistent bikini team.

According to investigators, Bertil Stahfraas discovered the 35-year-old victim lying unconscious on his farm. Stahfraas described his horny neighbor as being so bloated, at first he thought he was looking at a whale carcass. When he got closer, though, he was able to recognize Hasse’s neck tattoo. No word on whether Hasse was a Li’l Kim fan.

Hasse—unfortunately for him—was still alive, but died an hour after being found. Following an autopsy, police concluded that Hasse had tried to have intercourse with the wasp’s nest, without removing said wasps. The coronor found 146 stings on his body, including 54 on his genitals.

Insiders say the pathologist believes no man in recorded history ever wished to ejaculate prematurely more than Hasse. Traces of his semen were found on dead wasps inside the nest. Pubic hairs were also collected from the nest’s entrance. Guess Hasse died HIVe-positive.

“To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet’s nest is a very bad idea,” said psychologist Siv Livh, an expert in sexual fantasy. Bet his parents are proud of the money they spent on his college degree…

According to The Province, the incident has reportedly angered animal rights activists, who took to online forums and Facebook to mourn the dead wasps. While I’m not exactly mourning a bunch of dead insects, I will say that given the opportunity, I could have saved Hasse the trouble, and supplied him with the phone number for an ex-girlfriend of mine.

Turns out, this was a hoax.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/CodysBane Cody’s Bane
  • http://twitter.com/EmFrid Em

    @dreamindemon So proud of my native country. And town.

  • CT

    I bet it was the one time in his life when someone said, “wow, your dick is really big.” Too bad it had to be after he was already dead that he achieved what he thought would be his prize winning penis girth.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Hmmm… the linked source article leads to:
    Page Not Found
    We’re sorry, the page you requested is not available.
    If you typed in a URL, please check the address and spelling.

    …And someone else reported this story yesterday, only to learn afterwards that the Swedish paper/site that his source article cited was in fact their country’s equivalent of The Onion…

  • http://www.facebook.com/sherry.sandlin.1 Sherry Sandlin

    Wow…and I thought I’d heard everything…

  • http://www.facebook.com/rhonda.marseli Rhonda Marseli

    stories like this… Make me feel really sexually inadequate

  • http://www.facebook.com/starrie.pearson Starrie Pearson

    i don’t know what to say….

  • http://www.facebook.com/thedreamindemon The Dreamin’ Demon

    I knew I should have checked that before I published. It was too ridiculous.

  • http://www.facebook.com/CodysBane Cody’s Bane

    LOL I hear ya. It was originally written by a swedish website that is similar to our Onion.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bmomTamiLM Tami Leigh Most

    ::speechless::

  • http://twitter.com/MsDontGiveAShit E

    Smh RT @dreamindemon Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/JrcgwhEUVM

  • http://twitter.com/HolidayNC Savvy Davis, Sr.

    good riddance. RT @MsDontGiveAShit: Smh RT @dreamindemon Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/4eNAqJB3ax

  • http://twitter.com/BITCHuSeenDatDM name here

    RT @MsDontGiveAShit: Smh RT @dreamindemon Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/JrcgwhEUVM

  • http://twitter.com/EverybodyHatesV CrownVee

    «@BITCHuSeenDatDM «@MsDontGiveAShit Smh RT @dreamindemon Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/yl8Uo0N5SS»»

  • http://twitter.com/Faceoffhere Face

    Good riddance «@MsDontGiveAShit Smh RT @dreamindemon Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/rBLgXjvKeX»

  • http://twitter.com/LeonGonna69Her Thaa Names Leon

    RT @MsDontGiveAShit: Smh RT @dreamindemon Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/JrcgwhEUVM

  • Guest

    Just when I think I’ve heard it all….

  • http://twitter.com/Human__Trash Creed Bratton

    The site says its a hoax…. RT @dreamindemon Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/IvrumVY8Pu

  • http://www.facebook.com/GoddessJezebel Jessica Tucker

    I have officially read everything..

  • http://www.facebook.com/thedreamindemon The Dreamin’ Demon

    Hey, at least it gave me a chance to put a G-String on a wasp’s nest.

  • http://www.facebook.com/CodysBane Cody’s Bane

    Another check mark for the bucket list, lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/lisalbradley Lisa Lynn

    Well that’s enough internet for today :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/bilingual.illiterate Jamie Arnett

    i knew it was too good to be true :*(

  • IntelligentVirtue

    Wasp, stinging, penis, swelling…me thinks this is yet another one of man’s befuddled attempts at penis enlargement. Don’t worry men, it’s not the size of the boat it’s the motion in the ocean *straight face*

  • http://twitter.com/diabloceto Professor Booty

    RT @dreamindemon: Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/C1QwnnSI0a

  • http://www.facebook.com/brett.gloss Alan Isntevenmyname Gloss

    HIVe positive. LOL!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Charbren11 Whatchoo Looknat

    Aren’t we all in search of a good buzz?

  • http://www.facebook.com/AprilMBall April Ball

    Well I guess he had a SWELL time lmao!!

  • http://twitter.com/kglucas kglucas

    RT @dreamindemon: Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/C1QwnnSI0a

  • http://twitter.com/valthemage valentine

    RT @dreamindemon: Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest – http://t.co/C1QwnnSI0a

  • http://www.facebook.com/ninaparrilla Nina Lise

    Hoax

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    Yeah, I updated the story. I only left it up because I took the time to put a g-string on a wasp’s nest.

  • http://twitter.com/crimefan Professor Plumb

    Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest *HOAX* – http://t.co/0scVReIXXf

  • http://twitter.com/evildino666 Evildino Six Six Six

    @dreamindemon lmao!!! Jeezus

  • http://www.facebook.com/deborah.stanger Deborah LaBarge Stanger

    Wow! Some sick people out there!

  • http://twitter.com/succa99 I Jump In It

    dammit @scottlinn980 it was a hoax :( RT @crimefan Man Reportedly Dies After Having Sex With Wasp’s Nest *HOAX* – http://t.co/3qAsCCVkRf

  • http://www.facebook.com/stephanie.goldsbysmith Stephanie Goldsby-Smith

    Finding out this was a hoax…what a buzz kill ~ :p

  • JohnQknowitall

    Did people actually fall for this one? His personal data (hiv positive) would not have been revealed and he would have been attacked on contact and ejaculation would be the last thing on his mind… it does take some concentration.

  • http://twitter.com/evildino666 Evildino Six Six Six

    Fucking hell! I’m in tears after reading this! It sounded too good to be true from the start ?(?_?)?

  • http://twitter.com/evildino666 Evildino Six Six Six

    Lmao that pic is classic

  • http://twitter.com/evildino666 Evildino Six Six Six

    Lmao

  • 18th40

    That was rather decent of you old chap, well done and all that, nothing worse than wasp nest nethers with the morning coffee.

  • CrimsonSorrow

    Dare I say Bee-stality ?

  • agonyinblack

    Hey, if anyone thinks I was gonna miss the chance to work HIVe-positive into a story just because there was only one source and it didn’t link anywhere, think again. Just heard the story reported on a local radio show here, and yeah, word is getting around, but the opp was too good to pass up. :D

  • EmilyRed

    You should get an award for that.. That made the whole story..

  • EmilyRed

    Pubic hairs were also collected from the nest’s entrance

    Best sentence ever!!

  • newstarshipsmell

    Yeah I noticed that – thought it was the best part.

  • GGMon

    I understand the human race can be incredibly stupid but I don’t think anyone is dumb enough to fuck a wasp nest. Might as well try to stick your dick in a hornet

  • http://www.facebook.com/Gingerlicious13 Ginger Moore Kassem

    Who looks upon a swarming, angry hornet’s nest and thinks… I’m gonna go fuck that?

  • http://www.facebook.com/Stormblast729 Cindy Crawford

    Dayyyaaaaammmm! I just when I thought I HAD PROBLEMS……

  • Buffettgirl

    My favorite line in the whole thing… I feel like hell today and that made me laugh out loud, so thanks! ;-)

  • Buffettgirl

    OK – I see you kept a straight face, but did you giggle a little? ;-)

  • Buffettgirl

    Ummm – no pain no gain???

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    …Where no man has come before.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    C’mon, of course size matters, too big is just too big.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    How exactly did you do that? find a picture of a g-string model that was the same shape as her uterus?

  • IntelligentVirtue

    I’m a work in progress!! At any rate, it’s sooo much better than the it’s sooo big line that I used to tell!lol

  • IntelligentVirtue

    Agreed. Oh you meant that was the other infamous line we use on men lol

  • http://twitter.com/MaricelaDAlvrz Maricela Alvarez

    I’m never surprised by the things people are into. Is it sick that I’m sad this was a hoax?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    BOTH! LMAO!!! It is always true, but doesn’t always apply, does it? ;-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/lopezMM Michelle Lopez

    lol omg well usually men have sex with goats and cows i heard straight from the horses mouth maybe that why famers wifes divorce so much

  • CTburns

    The story sounded a bit odd but after lurking on this site for awhile nothing surprises me!

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    Yes!

  • malq

    Scandinavians have long winters.

  • malq

    Yesssss! Being 4 inches around and 1.5 inches in length says a lot about a guy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/QJordon Quintin Jordon

    I am totally stung . . . I mean stun. :)

  • veronica kandola

    no kidding.. we still have fresh snow. and light outside 24/7 and YES it really have snowed in july here. Btw the show taboo(yes you can find that on youtube) is showing a man using bee stings to cure everything. he even stings his kids with it for them to be healthy. some ppl goes to him and gets 200 beestings in one treatment. and with all the weirdos that live here it wouldnt shock me if guys actually tried it. they might have thought it was a great idea since its on tv, you know. beereal

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    Hahaha! We think a lot alike… O.o

  • Christopher Fauver

    What the hell.