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Ralph PolnickyOklahoma – Per a reader request that we report on more dildos, Ralph Polnicky says that after getting into an argument with a Tractor Supply Company employee, he received a large dildo in the mail with the words “Tractor Supply. Don’t Come Back,” and “Ralph is a Dick,” written in black.

Polnicky says that last year he went to the Tractor Supply Company in October of last year to complain about how long it took them to order a spool of bungee cord he’d ordered. An argument ensued between him and an employee inside the store and Polnicky claims that as he was leaving, a female employee shouted at him, “Don’t come back.”

Four months later, Polnicky gets a package in the mail that contained an 8-inch dildo with the words “Ralph Is A Dick,” “From the Tractor Supply,” and “Don’t Come Back” written on the sides. “We were aghast, I mean, we were absolutely shocked by what’s in this box,” Polnicky said about himself and his wife.

While it’s not a crime to send a sex toy in the mail, it could be possible to sue employer Tractor Supply for emotional damages. Polnicky wants someone to to be held responsible for sending the offending dildo but authorities were unable to retrieve fingerprints from the personal device. “It had touched too many hands,” Polnicky said. (lol)

Tractor Supply headquarters issued a statement in which the state there is “no basis” for believing the package was sent by one of their employees.

“We are aware of the situation and have completed a thorough internal investigation into the matter. While we will adhere to the Company’s policy of handling any and all internal personnel matters in a confidential manner, we can state that our thorough investigation provided no basis to conclude that a Tractor Supply Company team member is responsible for this unfortunate situation.”

Polnicky isn’t satisfied with the response and wants the company’s VP of Store Operations, Andy Willett, to conduct “more sophisticated and invasive detection techniques.” Ralph Polnicky is thinking about taking legal action against the company. “My wife is terrified,” he said.

I understand Polnicky being pissed off, but he’s acting as if receiving this dildo was like that famous scene from THE GODFATHER.

I just watched the following news report where Courtney Francisco talks about a dildo, and have found myself aroused.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/Erik.Martin.1978 Erik GameSix Martin

    YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/laura.fortado1 Laura Fortado

    LoL….love TSC and shop there often. They carry Mazuri for my pot bellied pigs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mandi79 Amanda Denise

    He’s wife was terrified cause she had never seen one that big.:-D

  • http://www.facebook.com/muffin.epic Shawna Muldoon

    Hmmm…

  • http://www.facebook.com/Mrs.Ashley.Bryant Ashley Bryant

    Threatening dildo? Lmao!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thedreamindemon The Dreamin’ Demon

    I just added a picture inside the article, just for you. :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/brett.gloss Alan Isntevenmyname Gloss

    Don’t be a dick, Ralph.

  • CT

    His wife is terrified of a dildo? The lady doth protests too much, methinks.

  • CT

    I wish I got a dildo every time someone called me a dick. No fair.

  • slavesher

    “His wife is terrified”
    LOL…..I bet she’s the “lights off, man on top, quiet as a church mouse”, partner. Poor Ralph. Maybe they were doing you a favor. Spice it up a little.

  • http://www.facebook.com/PaperDoll27 Jennifer Sanchez

    Wait, it took FOUR MONTHS after the incident for the offending package to be delivered? Funny, considering his original complaint was that the store was too slow with his order.

  • Greg Briggs

    His wife is Terrified because she didn’t know they made them that big.

  • http://twitter.com/LEMONYCUPCAKES Melanie C

    Wilford Brimley is NOT AMUSED.

  • CT

    I’m not buying that wife is terrified of a dildo – that is just her story to cover her ass. When he opened it up she most likely said, “Oh honey, how thoughtful of you.” And then she saw his face and had to back track in a big way.

  • CT

    He thought he was opening his diabetes medicine. Poor guy.

  • CT

    “It had touched too many hands.” Right and that’s not all it touched, probed… Damn, this story is so fucking ripe it makes my ass hurt thinking of all of the comments I can make.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    I smell bullshit. Good dildos are expensive. It seems like a waste to spend that much money just to insult a former customer four months after the alleged incident.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ct.demondreamer Cris CT

    Obviously I am going to the wrong tractor supply stores.

  • CT

    Something tells me this is not the first time Ralph has been called a dick and he appears quite comfortable holding onto that bad boy. I just LOVE this story so fucking much.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Only four stores on the D’D tagged “dildo” – that just doesn’t seem right to me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/raymond.talley.50 Raymond Talley

    Prank gone awry. I think it is funny that they can’t even say “dildo” on a network news show, but they can show people being shot and assaulted all day long with no consequence.

  • http://www.facebook.com/angwadd Angela Lynn

    I get my piggy food there too!

  • http://www.facebook.com/angwadd Angela Lynn

    One more reason it’s my favorite store.

  • http://www.facebook.com/itprod Daniel Civitella

    dildos – the gift that keeps on giving

  • Curlykate910

    I want to know how this investigation was performed. Did they ask every employ to write on a dildo for handwriting comparison? Did they require cheek (mouth) swabs for DNA comparison? or did they just ask their group of employees who did it, and figure the guilty party is the one who giggles first is?

  • http://www.facebook.com/egerbush Elizabeth Gerbush

    After spending the past three years developing TSC stores, I finally have the urge to visit one.

  • 18th40

    Tractor Supply stores everywhere are bracing themselves for an onslaught of very angry, yet lonely and misunderstood women.

  • brandi

    How do you know the dildo wasn’t “pre-owned”??

  • http://www.facebook.com/drifter6969 Doug ‘Drifter’ Shire

    A black dildo would have made him more aghaster…

  • 18th40

    Yes the frantic typing and heavy breathing were sort of a clue.

  • Sam

    Well, whoever it was that sent it to him – i’m betting they’re laughing their heads off right about now at the dildo-chin picture of Polnicky going all over ‘tinternet.

  • http://twitter.com/LEMONYCUPCAKES Melanie C

    At least they didn’t call him a piece of shit…

  • Texas Ranger

    Who the hell gets into an argument over Bungee cord?? This guy IS a dick.

  • Valerie

    So now people are recycling their old, used up dildoes to send hate mail? Awesome idea. I can think of a few people that could use this “gift” with a message to “Go fuck yourself!” We should start a business. I’ll handle the money, you handle the preowned dildoes.

  • Snickering x Hydra

    I lost it when Polnicky started talking about getting “more invasive” with the dildo. Priceless.

  • http://twitter.com/crimefan Professor Plumb

    Ralph Polnicky Claims Tractor Supply Employee Sent Him A Threatening Dildo After In-Store Argument – http://t.co/OSzin2c963

  • http://twitter.com/LEMONYCUPCAKES Melanie C

    LOL South Park balls-chin

  • http://www.facebook.com/J.Cthulu Joshua James

    Dare I say…. it’s a dick in a box?

  • brandi

    Seeing as how I’ve never been good with new or used dildos, I propose we find this person at tractor supply, and hire him on our team to strictly receive, package, and ship all the many used dildos. We can even put up those recycle bins like they have for clothes and cans and newspapers. “Go Fuck Yourself” is an awesome business name.

  • Athena

    Four months later? I find it hard to believe that someone at the tractor store is still wound up enough to pull this kind of a prank that long after. But this guy? He looks a little uptight. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was still stewing about being told not to come back four months later. If this is a scheme he thought up, though, he is a little cooler than I give him credit for.

  • Miss_Ann_thrope

    Meh . . . that dildo is not so scary. You should see the sizes of some of the ones they carry in that Castro in San Francisco – Now THOSE are scary and can often double as a coat rack . . .

  • Buffettgirl

    IKR??? I’d have quite the collection by now! ;-)

  • Buffettgirl

    (Sorry – I have to) So, thinking of the 8″ dildo makes your ass hurt does it? Does it hurt, or is it just jealous?

  • Buffettgirl

    You made me snort out loud! ;-)

  • CT

    Thank you for noticing my ass comment. I felt slighted it appeared to just go by most.

  • Buffettgirl

    Especially with that Sad Troll pout thing he has going on…

  • Buffettgirl

    The BIG question here (damn I make me giggle!) is this: Are these dildos no longer working, or are they functional? I think the functional ones could go to some sort of charitable cause, the broken ones you could use for launching your new business endeavor…

  • Buffettgirl

    He looks upset… was it not big enough for Ralphie to enjoy?

  • Valerie

    We hereby patent the name Go Fuck Yourself for our used dildo message shipping business.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    Brilliant!

  • Valerie

    Would there be a tax deduction available for our business? Does the government allow you to write off the cost of used dildoes for charitable giving?

  • Buffettgirl

    It appears there are people out there in greater need of more coffee than just me… ;-)

  • brandi

    Actually yes! I think they would… But we would need the correct paperwork from the IRS

  • brandi

    Yea, that could work, but we would have to find people who like fully functioning USED dildos

  • brandi

    I now dub you Queen go Fuck yourself

  • Buffettgirl

    I’m sure there’s a (loop) hole somewhere that it can slide through…

  • Buffettgirl

    Well, there would have to be some sterilization involved, but there are plenty of people out there that desire a dildo but can’t afford one. Everyone needs love… (well, at least a few orgasms at any rate…)

  • http://www.facebook.com/pam.selders Pam Selders

    Woman everywhere are going to be rushing to Tractor Supply starting arguments with the employees.

  • PaganOne

    He bought that himself. You can just tell. Dirty old man.

  • 18th40

    Tractor Supply companies, dildo, bungee cords…..cool has left the building.

  • LuvsHorror

    Really? So what. People are overly sensitive. Just toss it or display it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/WhispersWing Whisper Wing

    HUH good to know
    About 6 years ago we had a neighbor here that was a dick and driving everyone crazy
    So 6 of us got together and went and got a dildo at the sex shoppe downtown and put it in his mailbox
    He screamed like a teenage girl

    Then about a month later an alley cat had gone hunting next door at Hiram Walkers and brought us a dead rat as a thank you for feeding him so I picked it up on a shovel slipped it into his mailbox
    WAS PRICELESS watching him grab in there for his mail and grabbing that!

  • Athena

    Harsh. :P

    I was gonna say that there’s always *some* cool when a dildo’s involved… but I let that thought play itself out.

  • brandi

    You dirty girl!….. Lol

  • brandi

    Literally I’m laughing my ass off

  • newstarshipsmell

    So… has his photo up there turned into an image macro meme yet?

  • Buffettgirl

    That’s what Boyfriend said!!!

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Count Rackula

    What an ungrateful bastard, dildos are just so expensive these days.

  • CT

    Smell it?

  • Buffettgirl

    Does this mean you are Princess Go Fuck Yourself? ;-P

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    OH GROSS! Seriously laughing my ass, though!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    People use men and women after they have already been used, and we are porous and unbleachable and many people carry disease, so I don’t actually see what the big should be, though I am not for it, personally. haha.

  • Defafan

    Emotional damages? C’mon Grandpa, obviously you have anger issues. I am sure you can make use of that beautiful Dildo by jamming it fast and hard….

  • Pyncky

    I wonder if his wife is to blame for them not being able to get any clear fingerprints on the thing.

  • brandi

    Mmmmm better ask him about that one.. I could do the mailing dildo business, but smelling them is out of the question

  • brandi

    Why yes, I believe it does :)

  • brandi

    Exactly! That is why the dildo has to be great! No one wants a less than great dildo, bc they can go find less than great dick EVERYWHERE!

  • 18th40

    Harsh ?? Damn, you know I was thinking before I posted, “I hope that doesn’t rubber the wrong way?”.

  • brandi

    he’s a lucky one!

  • Buffettgirl

    So I keep telling him! (He almost always agrees too!) ;D

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    Yeah, no kidding. I have a stalker that I slept with once in middle school, and haven’t seen in 20 years. He wants me to leave my husband for him, and I remember his penis being quite mediocre, at best. About thumb sized, if I recall…

  • Athena

    Ohhhhhhhhhh!

    I got nothin’. Besides, perhaps, a mild interwebs pash.

  • http://twitter.com/LEMONYCUPCAKES Melanie C

    there’s probably plenty of DNA on it, I’m sure. :

  • ultracreep

    I think this is a bullshit ploy to get some money from tractor supply. I doubt someone actually stewed and held a grudge for 4 whole months after an argument and then bothered to not only send the guy a dildo, but to tell him exactly where it came from so they could be easily caught….but, I guess stupider things have happened.

  • brandi

    Well, it was middle school, and boys are slow about growing… But don’t leave your husband if you aren’t completely sure lol

  • Kasie K

    They interviewed a guy named WOODY. Too funny.

  • Kasie K

    Didn’t surprise me. people are mean.

  • Kasie K

    Mean. But funny.

  • Pam

    I would bet he IS a DICK…..

  • JohnQknowitall

    This guy had to have set this con up himself….

  • Whatevn

    Leave a horse dick on the suspected employees bed, in return

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    You should click the link in the article, near the end. We were thinking along the same lines.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    With special orders, you usually have to pre-pay. On top of that, many shops have a no refund policy on special orders. He might actually be a patient guy & got pissed after several months of having neither the bungee cord, or his money.

  • http://www.krashthrills.wordpress.com/ Anthony Mandich

    I too find myself aroused

  • LeaveMeBe

    *high five*

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Or a MF’er. Wrinkly aged blow up doll?

  • JustBrowsingLife

    You know the batteries are replaceable. Right?

  • JustBrowsingLife

    I peed a little.

  • http://twitter.com/imperialcereal Kristin

    It’s actually pretty clever. But the idea that this man could sue for emotional damages, where I didn’t have a case in a medical malpractice suit where I almost died makes me rage.

  • Abroad

    My money is on some joker that he has regaled at length with stories about how rude the Tractor Supply Company employee was to him arranging this. If it was not himself.

  • Pamelq Taylor

    I can just see the commercial now. Generic warehouse stock photo in the background with a colored text (DILDO WAREHOUSE). A man in a plaid buisness suit talking about closeout prices on dongs of all kinds.

  • Kat

    ^^^^ This.

  • Buffettgirl

    Well of course! They do wear out eventually despite regular battery replacement – trust me! ;-)

  • Buffettgirl

    it happens a lot here!

  • Zazen

    Either that or she’s never seen something that ‘sizable’ in her life (lol@Ralph) =D

  • Zazen

    Thank you, my whole take on this is ‘farfetched, much?’

  • http://www.facebook.com/mhammett Mike Hammett

    Ralph, don’t be such a dildo.

  • http://www.facebook.com/debbie.dean.98 Debbie Dean

    Seriously, I’m supposed to believe the employee(s) waited 4 months, then sent this dildo after writing “Tractor Supply” on it, so as to identify themselves?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003825878421 Johnathan House

    Naaaaaaah, dildos aren’t expensive anymore. That thing looks like one of those $9.99 jobs from the alley porn store. Now this…would have “terrified” his wife, and the cost isn’t much more

    http://www.amazon.com/OptiSex-Hefty-Henry-Suction-Natural/dp/B00BSXEQGC/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1368716154&sr=8-16&keywords=dildo

    (Yes, you can get cheap dildos on Amazon…)

  • Jheri_Curl

    Of course someone from that store sent it to him. TSS FTL! What a bunch of dildos!

  • Benighted

    For some reason the fact that it was not just a dildo but a “threatening dildo” highly amuses me. Why are so many people so scared of dicks these days?

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