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Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong?

May 2, 2013 at 2:22 am by  

Jeffery WagnerLouisville, KY — Meet Jeffery Wagner, carpet muncher extraordinaire. Well, kinda….

Mr. Wagner was taken into custody on various charges after a peculiar incident at a Burlington Coat Factory in Louisville earlier this week.

According to the police report, officers found the 50-year-old Wagner on his hands and knees in the shoe department, picking at lint in the carpet and eating it. Much to my disappointment, he was apparently fully clothed at the time.

When officers made contact with Wagner, they noted his dilated eyes, slurred speech and unsteady gait. A search of his person revealed a little of this and a little of that – officers found bags of Lortabs, some unknown pills, crystal meth and an unknown white powder.

Wagner reportedly admitted to having smoked a little meth before venturing into the department store. He’s been charged with possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.

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  • Hah! Weirdo! “@dreamindemon: Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? – http://t.co/ejYND6mNOw

  • newstarshipsmell

    So what flavor was the carpet?

  • Stinky feet and dirt flavored, I assume.

  • Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? – http://t.co/EGuolEOKrR

  • Eliza Berntsen

    He should come and munch on my carpet- it’s full of nutrients.

  • Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? http://t.co/zh7xniOzWt

  • WarriorArtemis

    “these schnozzle berries taste like schnozzle berries!”

  • sugarpie

    A lint licker huh? I’ve been looking for a new cleaning engineer.

  • Leave that METH alone people!!!!… http://t.co/uvAVEzpPiC

  • I heard it was part of his community service – cleaning that carpet – and the Oreck simply broke.

  • Buffettgirl

    My guess – no woman will let him near enough to her carpet for a little snackin’ so he found an alternative… it was ingenuity folks, pure ingenuity on his part!

  • Pyncky

    Don’t worry, Florida. Kentucky is obviously trying to make a move to complete in the Moron Olympics. With giving 5 year olds deadly weapons and this guy trying out the new Weight Watchers Diet. But they have a long way to go to usurp your Clown Crown.

  • “Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong?” Haha meth, not even once. http://t.co/ym847J3gh2

  • Scretch

    carpet lint and bath salts- bone appetit!

  • I live there. 🙁 Burlington Coat Factory is down the road from where I live..

  • MyHovercraftIsFullofEels

    My friends call cokeheads “carpet farmers”, supposedly for when you accidentally spill it on the carpet and then try to recover it.

  • RT @dreamindemon: Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? – http://t.co/p20J3zM3ie

  • Wow.another reason to say no to drugs

  • Lol

  • He must be one of the type of weirdos on my strange addiction

  • Ha! “@dreamindemon: Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? – http://t.co/zdJQqqEYPl”