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Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong?

May 2, 2013 at 2:22 am by  

Jeffery WagnerLouisville, KY — Meet Jeffery Wagner, carpet muncher extraordinaire. Well, kinda….

Mr. Wagner was taken into custody on various charges after a peculiar incident at a Burlington Coat Factory in Louisville earlier this week.

According to the police report, officers found the 50-year-old Wagner on his hands and knees in the shoe department, picking at lint in the carpet and eating it. Much to my disappointment, he was apparently fully clothed at the time.

When officers made contact with Wagner, they noted his dilated eyes, slurred speech and unsteady gait. A search of his person revealed a little of this and a little of that – officers found bags of Lortabs, some unknown pills, crystal meth and an unknown white powder.

Wagner reportedly admitted to having smoked a little meth before venturing into the department store. He’s been charged with possession of a controlled substance and public intoxication.

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  • http://twitter.com/Mommy_Drinks @Mommy_Drinks

    Hah! Weirdo! “@dreamindemon: Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? – http://t.co/ejYND6mNOw

  • newstarshipsmell

    So what flavor was the carpet?

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Stinky feet and dirt flavored, I assume.

  • http://twitter.com/crimefan Professor Plumb

    Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? – http://t.co/EGuolEOKrR

  • Eliza Berntsen

    He should come and munch on my carpet- it’s full of nutrients.

  • http://twitter.com/Anucksunamun Erica Gonzalez

    Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? http://t.co/zh7xniOzWt

  • WarriorArtemis

    “these schnozzle berries taste like schnozzle berries!”

  • sugarpie

    A lint licker huh? I’ve been looking for a new cleaning engineer.

  • http://twitter.com/ThatNiggaPeter Black Peter Griffin

    Leave that METH alone people!!!!… http://t.co/uvAVEzpPiC

  • http://www.pamelahazelton.com Pamela Hazelton

    I heard it was part of his community service – cleaning that carpet – and the Oreck simply broke.

  • Buffettgirl

    My guess – no woman will let him near enough to her carpet for a little snackin’ so he found an alternative… it was ingenuity folks, pure ingenuity on his part!

  • Pyncky

    Don’t worry, Florida. Kentucky is obviously trying to make a move to complete in the Moron Olympics. With giving 5 year olds deadly weapons and this guy trying out the new Weight Watchers Diet. But they have a long way to go to usurp your Clown Crown.

  • http://twitter.com/davebabler Dave Babler

    “Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong?” Haha meth, not even once. http://t.co/ym847J3gh2

  • Scretch

    carpet lint and bath salts- bone appetit!

  • http://www.facebook.com/xprincesskayy Julia Pearl

    I live there. :( Burlington Coat Factory is down the road from where I live..

  • MyHovercraftIsFullofEels

    My friends call cokeheads “carpet farmers”, supposedly for when you accidentally spill it on the carpet and then try to recover it.

  • http://twitter.com/scopedbylarry Larry Lynam

    RT @dreamindemon: Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? – http://t.co/p20J3zM3ie

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Helen-Payne/1850169687 Helen Payne

    Wow.another reason to say no to drugs

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Helen-Payne/1850169687 Helen Payne


  • http://www.facebook.com/robin.tison Robin Renea Tison

    He must be one of the type of weirdos on my strange addiction

  • http://twitter.com/kimster77 kim iovino

    Ha! “@dreamindemon: Carpet Munching, You’re Doing It Wrong? – http://t.co/zdJQqqEYPl”