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Jason Lee VickerySt. Augustine, FL — A 23-year-old man is facing charges after police say he entered a couple’s home, masturbated, played with their toy helicopter and then ate a salad he had brought along with him.

Jason Vickery apparently passed by the home sometime last Wednesday evening and noticed one of the doors was unlocked. Instead of entering the home immediately, Vickery reportedly went to his own home and grabbed a bag containing a wig, a pouch of chewing tobacco, a green towel and a salad.

Vickery then returned to the unoccupied home, police say, and entered through the unlocked door.

Vickery reportedly told police that upon entering the home, he headed to an upstairs bathroom to masturbate. Cause, you know, priorities and stuff.

Once his worm was burped, Vickery wandered into the kitchen. (No word on whether he had washed his hands first). On the kitchen counter he found a remote control helicopter, minus the batteries.

“After searching for and finding batteries for the toy, he played with it, flying it for a short time, thus depriving the owner of the item,” police said.

Then, it was time for dinner.

Vickery told police he heard voices coming from outside as he sat in the couple’s home and ate his salad. He got nervous, he said, and attempted to leave. He was met at the back door by one of the boys in blue.

He was booked on charges of burglary and larceny and ordered held on $27,500 bond. Police confiscated a bag of weed and drug paraphernalia, the wig, the towel and the tobacco.

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  • newstarshipsmell

    I know this would never happen… but I wish, I wish, that the cops had taken his mug shot with the wig on.

  • Burglary Suspect Masturbates, Plays With Toy Helicopter, Eats Salad –

  • Eliza Berntsen

    I’m afraid that one’s for their own eyes only.

  • Jycorro

    You know, I am not scared to go to jail but I am scared of being a feature of the DD.

  • Always pack a lunch.

  • Masturbating is a VERY high priority!

  • Same here. I just know Morbid would use a horrible picture of me….

  • His lawyer will say he was just exercising, entertaining, and eating healthy.

  • Zazen

    Burping the worm?! Augh, Jaded you’ve such a way with words! …I think we need to promote the use of ROTFLPMGO here on D’D (Rolling On The Floor Laughing, Puking My Guts Out) because this is about the only place it happens with regularity.

  • Haha I live in jax right outside of St. Aug. We have some seriously fucked up ppl in and around the jax area…hell all of FL.

  • slavesher

    Here are my thoughts: Maybe the wig was a substitute for a hairy bush. So he takes “hairy bush” out for some fun. The thrill of forbidden dangerous sex. After sex he shows off his helicopter flying skills and treats her to a nice healthy dinner. Sounds legit to me.

  • HuskerDont

    That must have been one good salad.

  • WarriorArtemis

    must have been some good drugs ol boy was on…

  • sugarpie

    What did he actually steal, the juice from the batteries?

  • laurablue87

    What was in the salad?

  • JohnQknowitall

    Two questions: whose pot was it (owners or uninvited guest) and who the fuck leaves a cool toy without batteries?

  • tkaz

    Mothers!! I hide batteries to loud toys….and then I hide the batteries.

  • tkaz

    Both of the above reasons are a great incentive to stay on the straight and narrow.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Totally plausible, since the article says nothing about him actually donning it.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Bacon, we hope.

  • Pyncky

    Sounds like a normal date night to me.

  • Agreed. Wish I wasn’t snacking when I read that line.

  • Buffettgirl

    Damn Jaded! “Once his worm was burped”… that line almost got me busted! I laughed so hard I snorted and then I had to show the article to my boss! Thankfully he’s cool like that and I’m not in any trouble!

  • Texas Ranger

    Since he didn’t bring the weed and drug paraphernalia WITH him….just the important shit like a Wig, Salad, Green Towel and Redman, I’m thinking the Hippie lettuce was already there, he knew it, probably had smoked it with the “couple” before, and the “couple” are playing stupid and letting him take the rap for the dope. That’s what I’d do. Especially if he actually rubbed one out in my bathroom. That’s just fucked up.

  • JohnQknowitall

    All I can say then is hide your weed and becareful of your salads… and keep lots of Clorox to clean you bathroom.

  • curiousalways

    They don’t have bacon in jail, Jaded. There’s more to fear that a bad picture on here.

  • Wildheart

    I, too, snortgiggled then breathed back some of the burrito I was munching on, thereby causing a coughing fit. Reading D’D can be hazardous to your health.
    That being said, I do learn something new just about every day on this site…..first “fuck nugget” and now “worm burping”…..the possibilities are endless.

  • Burped his worm….I…can’t …stop… laughing

  • Twisted1

    I hope the poor person who has to clean up his mess don’t have a nut allergy.

  • Out of curiosity, how would you feel if you found out one of your coworkers stands in the bathroom stall AT WOORK and rubs one out from twice a week to twice a day, for the past 5 years?

  • I think they are throwing out the toy, since he had just jerked off before playing with it. O.o

  • Texas Ranger

    I would wonder how you knew where I worked.

  • Oh my GAWD, tell me this is not a common thing? Are you serious? I had to vote your post up, since it just about made me swallow my tongue, haha.

  • sugarpie

    Oh right, well then, burglary it is. Off with his hands! There shall be no spanking the monkey and playing with toys without washing thy hands. =D

  • Athena

    Random question, but, so long as I knew he washed his hands, I can’t say I’d mind. And if he was cute? I would actively encourage the behavior.

  • 18th40

    Somewhere Paul Reubens is feeling vindicated.

  • techsupp0rt

    This line sticks out to me –

    “After searching for and finding batteries for the toy, he played with
    it, flying it for a short time, thus depriving the owner of the item,”
    police said.

    He deprived them of their fucking toy helicopter. Something about that cracks me the hell up.

  • JGo555

    “Burped worm” best line.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I was royally pissed about the salad until I read he brought his own. I would have been PISSED if I got home and the leftovers I’d saved for my dinner had been eaten.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Girlfriend, you’ve been here long enough to know to not be eating while reading.

  • Wildheart

    And yet I continue to do it every day. How else can I pretend to work thru lunch? 🙂

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Or drinking anything that fizzes or burns.

  • sausage i think

  • Southern

    Sad thing is…I went to school with this kid. It’s not his first run in with the law…