Jason Vickery apparently passed by the home sometime last Wednesday evening and noticed one of the doors was unlocked. Instead of entering the home immediately, Vickery reportedly went to his own home and grabbed a bag containing a wig, a pouch of chewing tobacco, a green towel and a salad.
Vickery then returned to the unoccupied home, police say, and entered through the unlocked door.
Vickery reportedly told police that upon entering the home, he headed to an upstairs bathroom to masturbate. Cause, you know, priorities and stuff.
Once his worm was burped, Vickery wandered into the kitchen. (No word on whether he had washed his hands first). On the kitchen counter he found a remote control helicopter, minus the batteries.
“After searching for and finding batteries for the toy, he played with it, flying it for a short time, thus depriving the owner of the item,” police said.
Then, it was time for dinner.
Vickery told police he heard voices coming from outside as he sat in the couple’s home and ate his salad. He got nervous, he said, and attempted to leave. He was met at the back door by one of the boys in blue.
He was booked on charges of burglary and larceny and ordered held on $27,500 bond. Police confiscated a bag of weed and drug paraphernalia, the wig, the towel and the tobacco.
Tags: Burglary, Florida, Jason Vickery, larceny, masturbation, St. Augustine