Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.

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Elizabeth 'Leigh' GarnerMURFREESBORO, TN – Elizabeth Leigh Garner is a 42-year-old former cheerleader for the Tennessee Titans who has been accused of sexually assaulting a 12-year-old boy in her friend’s bathroom.

Police said Garner was at a party hosted by a friend when the married 42-year-old followed her friend’s 12-year-old son into the bathroom, fondled his penis and offered to perform oral sex on him. The boy told police that Garner asked him whether he’d ‘ever been with a woman’ before she tried to pull down his pants.

The boy declined her offer (ouch), left the bathroom and told his mother about the incident. Not happy with her friend’s antics, the boy’s mother called police.

According to the police report, Garner admitted to police what had happened, but said it was all just a big misunderstanding – she was very drunk and had confused the boy with the boy’s father. o_*

“That’s just absolutely no excuse for sexual assaulting a child. If you can’t tell the difference between a 12-year-old and an adult then there are problems,” said Kyle Evans with the Murfreesboro Police Department.

Elizabeth Leigh Garner was charged with sexual battery and solicitation of a minor, along with realizing a 12-year-old boy turned down her free blowjob. She has since been released after posting a $30,000 bail. If she’s convicted of the charges, she is looking at a possible eight years in jail.

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  • curiousalways

    Yeah because I always ask a “father” if he’s “ever been with a woman”.

  • JGo555

    It seems these professional cheerleaders can’t move on from being middle and high school “cool” kids.

  • Pyncky

    It seems to me that asking if “he had ever been with a woman before.” kinda negates the “Oh, I thought it was his dad.” Bullshit.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lorraine.nation.3 Lorraine Nation

    They think they’re irresistable

  • not t0ofly

    god damnit why didnt shit like this ever happen to me

  • yvonneesc

    Oh hell no if one of my “friends” tried to give one of my boys a bj and then claims it was for my husband you better believe I’ll end up in jail right besides the dumb bitch cause I’ll have whooped her ass!

  • newstarshipsmell

    What an illogical decision to make; she must be in the throes of pon farr.

  • brandi

    I don’t understand what these grown women want with a pubescent, lanky, 12 yo

  • http://www.facebook.com/timothymatthewmurphy brain_bomb

    This kid will look back on this incident in a couple of years and kick himself in the nuts for the way he handled himself in regards to getting a quick and easy blow job… Only when he is a man will he realize that they usually involve expensive gifts (I have resorted to just giving empty promises).

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    WTF?!?! No written resume required, Just an oral interview, police arrest, public humiliation, and being ancient famous career to be partnered with Paul Reubens on next year’s Dancing With The Stars.

  • http://www.facebook.com/scottymac247 Scott McAllister

    thats a pretty sad excuess considering the kids father is married to the kids mother and the girl that did this is married as well

  • nena454

    Lmao.wtf is attractive about a 12 year old? Is it those whiskers above his lips..the skidmarks on his whitey tighties, the night light by his bed covered with transformers comforter? Why do these old bags feel a need to molest these young boys? I just don’t get it?

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    Because it was happening to the cool kids?

  • Cassy_Again

    Or she was suggesting the woman hosting the party wasn’t a “real” woman. Nice friend.

  • KKef

    What a dumb ass. All the legal consensual sex available in this world is there for the taking ~ BUT NO ~ she had to go for a pre-teen even. Bleghhhh.

  • Whatevn

    When I was 18 I was drunk and high for the first time with my friends and confused my two friends for eachother and kept thinking they were my hot teacher from school. I dont know how many times I must have pulled them on my lap. >>;

  • Evan Oswald

    I would have taken the BJ then told on her

  • http://www.facebook.com/tiffani.kase.7 Tiffani Kase

    Yeah, like it’s all okay since she was just trying to blow her friend’s husband!

  • Athena

    I believe it’s actually because they’re beginning to doubt that they’re irresistible, so they pursue what they think are sure things to help them reestablish confidence.

  • Buffettgirl

    Gross! Gross! Gross! I swear, WTF is wrong with these skanks? Why even bother to go to the trouble of pulling out this kids wanker and starting to blow when he’s just gonna go off in 17 seconds??? Funny how she thought the “I confused him for his father” excuse was somehow going to help her out though!

  • http://www.facebook.com/dre.mosley Dre Mosley

    I would have taken the blowjob and kept my mouth shut.

  • velvetjoneslives

    I was definitely born too late. Where were these woman when I was young? This is like some teenage dream/Penthouse forum letter. Yes, 12 seems young, but by the time I was 12 I was a total horn dog. I remember have a huge crush on my 7th grade Health teacher that had an awesome set of D cups. I prayed every day that she would pull a Mrs Robinson on me, and I wasn’t even religious.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    Sexual assault is sexual assault, regardless of gender. Hang the bitch.

  • velvetjoneslives

    OK, who is the pansy that thumbs downed my comment? I didn’t say what she said was right, only commenting on my own youthful fantasies.

  • velvetjoneslives

    Only in your world of denying reality. While 12 is pushing it, men and woman are not the same in this area. Guys are the hunters, women are the prize.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Never know when a child is gay.

  • Dragonsmuse

    I cannot fathom what would make a 12 year old look sexually attractive. Even with alcohol. Even when I was 12 i wasn’t interested in 12 year olds. That’s just really fucking gross. Glad the kid realized that

  • Athena

    Yep.

    (It’s actually a pretty fabulous, humorous but only half-joking article. Everyone with a gender should read it.)

  • Suzy Sears

    Feel better lol?

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Koo-Koo-Ka-Choo… What do you mean, I’m busted? LOL!

  • velvetjoneslives

    Wait, did this happen on Steak and BJ day? Maybe the poor lassie was confused and only going with tradition. :-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/schofieldmisty Misty Sue

    I take it it wasn’t the brownies…

  • http://www.facebook.com/schofieldmisty Misty Sue

    burn…..

  • not t0ofly

    that hit a little too close to home.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Morbid

    lol, take no offense. I use the same line on everyone who says what you did. :P

  • Aussie Sabbath

    Nice friend there, tries to molest her friend’s son but then says she intended on breaking up her friend’s marriage. What a nasty skank. Child molester and homewrecker. Plug her snatch up with silicon sealant.

  • http://smu.gs/L1p7XU winston

    Obviously its wrong but this would’ve been a dream come true at that age for me anyway. I was going it it on my own by 6, by 12 I was incredibly oversexed. (Too much Anais Nin)
    Something tells me he is going to be thinking back to this missed opportunity soon

  • Evan Oswald

    touche – blackmail for more jobs, I like your style dre!

  • Evan Oswald

    I TURNED DOWN A WHAT?!?

  • Evan Oswald

    but this seems like a big hint

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Hi drew a mental image of someone trying to kick his own nuts. Funny stuff. I think you could achieve this by flailing off the back of a couch.

  • http://www.facebook.com/albertsbuttons Albert Carroll

    “If you can’t tell the difference between a 12-year-old and an adult then there are problems,”
    I was arrested, and molested BY A COP when I was 14. he(cop) CLAIMED I looked like a 32yo jail escapee.

  • driven .

    what exactly are they putting in peroxcide these days? there is an infestation of trashy blondes molesting and preying on kids.. There are enough to fill a football field in fla alone. wtf geez the worse type of attemtion whore

  • Eric

    Agreed. At 12, I remember it being my biggest dream ever to be seduced by a hot older woman! xD Where were you ladies hiding; I would have never told on you. :(

  • Eric

    Just some trolls or some unbiased parents lol, ignore them. I know for sure every kid has fantasized about an older woman some point in their teenage, hell, pre-teen years.

  • Voltaire

    Freedom for this cute and generous girl who did what every boy dreams of, whatever the age or specially teen. You forgot who you were, bunch of frustrated hypocrites.

  • tami

    EXACTLY! commenters on this page is the EXACT reason why young boys who TRULY wouldn’t feel comfortable in these type of situations regardless of how pretty the woman is are afraid to tell the cops. they’re afraid to be called uncool or someone who missed out on something awesome, trash at it’s best on this page -_-

  • tami

    men like you are the reason why some boys who honestly wouldn’t feel comfortable in these situations are afraid to tell the truth. you don’t take it seriously unless it’s a young girl and older guy. smh comical, really it is -__-

  • newstarshipsmell

    What? Did you downvote me because her ears are obviously round? I can’t do shit about that.

  • Voltaire

    Free this nice, generous and tender eyes girl. Remember, what were you dreaming of when you were a kid ? The criminals are the inhibited hypocrites.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dre.mosley Dre Mosley

    Nope. . .just being a guy, and make no apology for it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Medusa-Jordan/1016725217 Medusa Jordan

    Presumably similar to the many men who lech over 12yo girls.

  • Neighbor Cohesiveness

    One 14-year-old was deprived SEXUAL (gender) CONTENTMENT (Mary, 12-to-14 years old pregnant with Jesus) and POOF an entire “death=good” reality would’ve continued and instead we have “death=bad” at? Bad Friday. At Germany, already selected is “Mourning Friday.” Announce changing the god-damned calendar and save a few (internet search “girls crucified” though Bad Friday, rather than Good Friday, one died, for “c”hrist’s sake, especially bad if Jesus was more than a man or woman)

  • solange82200

    That’s gross, no offense. Six years old?