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Josh WelchBaltimore, MD –  Josh Welch, a second-grader at Park Elementary School was suspended from school for two days after he brandished his breakfast pastry like a firearm.

According to Josh, he was eating a breakfast pastry at school when he decided to try and shape it into a mountain. But the more he nibbled on it, the less it looked like a mountain, and the more it looked like a super dangerous firearm – with strawberry filling.

“All I was trying to do was turn it into a mountain but, it didn’t look like a mountain really and it turned out to be a gun kinda,” Josh told reporters.

A teacher noticed Josh brandishing his delicious weapon, claiming he pointed it and said “Bang! Bang!”. Josh said he knew he was in big trouble because the teacher “was pretty mad.”

Because of his actions, Josh was suspended from school for two days, much to his father’s astonishment. “I would almost call it insanity,” he said. “I mean with all the potential issues that could be dealt with at school, real threats, bullies, whatever the real issue is, it’s a pastry.., Ya know?”

Park Elementary School sent a letter to parents to inform them that: “A student used food to make an inappropriate gesture” but that their children were safe from Josh’s terrorism.

When my kid was in elementary school, a friend of his brought some champagne party poppers to school that his mom had purchased. My kid popped one off while waiting for the bus to take him home, sprinkling the ground with a bit of confetti. This act got him suspended from school for a week and school record that, I shit you not, states he discharged a weapon in school.

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  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    Oh, shit! We need to ban breakfast pastries, pronto!

    In all seriousness, stuff like this makes me wish that I felt qualified to homeschool my children.

  • Pyncky

    Damn maroons

  • Reminds meof an episode of Roseanne I was watching while dozing off into a marijuana-induced slumber. “Look, mom, I ate my Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun. Boom boom!”

  • Coyote

    This zero tolerance thing has gone too far; they’re kids, you’ve got to have tolerance.

  • Twisted1

    Problem is we have no problem with allowing our TV shows to have multiple murders on them. But we freak out if someone shows a little boob. We are so sexually prude in this country. But we allow our kids to witness multiple murders via tv before they turn 16. Then we are surprised when a kid makes a gun from a pastry.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Someone needs to sit these people down in front of a table that a large handgun & a pastry are on. Ask them which one is harmless. If they so much as hesitate, shoot them! They don’t need to breathe air & do need to be thinned out of the herd.

  • ultracreep

    When I was young we played with toy guns ALL THE TIME. Cops and robbers, cowboys and indians. If we didn’t have a toy gun we used our fingers…and now normal childhood play gets you SUSPENDED? I would really hate to grow up now, I think .

  • Kat Alex

    Let a boy be a fucking boy. Gah.

  • myk d

    He shouldve formed it into the shape of a boob. Then he couldve said “it really is a mountain” and been praised for his artistic genius

  • JohnQknowitall

    This really does speak to the paranoia among those working in the education sector. Parents should go to the school board meetings and tell them the parents are willing to sign a waiver regarding certain actions thus releasing the teaching professionals from any type of punishment or damages stated in the waiver.

    I can think of no reason a teacher would accuse the child of saying bang bang if he didn’t unless she immediately overreacted. Either the child or the teacher is trying to save face.

  • JGo555

    People that consider these acts by kids, dangerous, are all of those that are glad that politically correct terms, phrases and words exists.

    This is fucking uber stupid and so is what happened to Morbid’s kid.

  • alphatroll

    I have zero tolerance for school administrators who do stupid-ass shit like this. How can you be an educator if you have no brain of your own?

  • alphatroll

    Yeah, I’d prolly need a moment to make sure the pastry isn’t poisoned & the gun isn’t made of chocolate, ’cause I’m always watching for trick questions like that. But seriously, some (read: a lot of) people are seriously confused about issues like “what’s dangerous”.

  • techsupp0rt

    They don’t suspend kids when they catch them beating up on other kids, they just pat them on the head and send them home. But making the shape of a gun with a pastry? Madness! They could have killed someone with… diabetes! Or a strawberry allergy or gluten intolerance!

    This kind of thing wouldn’t fly in a rural school, where the parents all have guns, and most of the kids learn to hunt by time they’re 9 or 10.

  • Whatevn

    They couldnt at least let him off with a warning? he is in 2nd grade and playing with food. Do you think he is seriously giving death threats?

    Mean while, while some kid is getting bullied everyday…

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Like the school administrators, over-thinking is part of the problem. Sometimes over-thinking will put you six feet under the sod.

  • Janelle

    As a teacher of first grade for over 20 years, my boys have pretended to shoot each other with library books, lunch tickets, scraps of paper, their fingers, and probably several other items I’ve forgotten, though never anything as deadly as (God forbid!) a pastry. A simple “that’s not appropriate for school” always takes care of it, at least until the next time.

  • You all think this a game? You just don’t know the full story….Lil Debbie hire this boy,she put a hit out on the Pillsbury Doughboy. As a reward all the oatmeal pies and swiss rolls he can eat.

  • Are they going to amputate thumbs to prevent kids from pointing their fingers like a gun and saying “bang bang”?

  • sweekymom

    Pathetic. No wonder our kids aren’t getting the education they need.

  • “This act got him suspended from school for a week and school record that, I shit you not, states he discharged a weapon in school.”
    I would have sat down with the principle and the word “Lawyer” and “defamation” would be thrown around A LOT.

  • G.I.R.L.

    Overreaction much? Sometimes I feel that South Park does a phenomenal job at recreating the average adult citizen; many of them are super sensitive morons. I understand, due to the recent gun tragedies, why this would peeve someone, but the kid doesn’t deserve this form of punishment. Are they trying to mold a future shooter?

  • AssWho?

    No shit. That was almost my exact thought word for word. Wonder what that will do for your higher education chances with having that on your transcript?
    Or more importantly what you could convince a jury it was worth in damages?

  • glitterpuss

    Wow, this school needs to get a grip when there are plenty of serious issues to be dealt with. Ridiculous.

  • lol poor kid!!

  • Buffettgirl


  • Buffettgirl

    In the cities and the ‘burbs they don’t just pat them on the head sadly – they make them go through stupid-ass “student lead mediation” where they can only speak when they hold the “speaking baton” and where if they exhibit any kind of genuine emotion over the event they are told that they are being unreasonable and/or irrational…

    My question is this: When was the last time your boss had an employee lead mediation session? Ummm – NEVER!!! We aren’t preparing kids for the real world and it’s freakin’ scary…

  • Athena

    Peer mediation is one of the most ignorantly misguided practices in schools today. Research actually suggests peer mediation typically makes bullying scenarios worse. But heaven forbid policy makers do research. That’s what their poorly paid assistants are for.

  • Buffettgirl

    IMHO all it does is make the bullied child feel even more inadequate while fully giving permission to the bullyier to continue being an asshat because they keep getting away with it!

  • ShelbySP

    This is the stupidest thing I have ever read. Then again, the pastry WAS loaded (with strawberry goodness)

  • LeaveMeBe

    Cool! A pop-gun-tart.
    JFC, thinking back to tall the things we made “guns” out of when we were kids they’d have to ban tress (because we used branches and sticks) paper rolls from paper towels and toilet paper and freaking legos, just to name a few. Zero tolerance is NOT okay, especially in our schools. It squashes common sense and heaven knows we need more of that in this world, not less.

  • 18th40

    So true, I was just saying to my cell mate, if only I hadn’t pretended I was Little Joe Cartwright when I was a kid and pointed my finger at people.

  • Sudonim

    It’s because the parents are so involved that stuff like this happens. I remember when suspension was the least of your worries.. a ruler to the back of the hand hurt a whole lot more then being forced to stay home and watch tv all day. Being called to the principles office once upon a time used to be terrifying, now it’s just a joke to kids. Something to brag about later.

    Bubble parents are my biggest pet peeve. Games make kids angry..ban all games. Movies/tv make kids violent..throw in content bans. It’s not what your child see’s or hears in a game or on tv that determines how they turn out.. it’s how you raise them that determines that. What happened to instilling morals and values into your children? To teach them about respect? Now it seems to be easier to let the tv and society raise your child and then bitch about things you didn’t want your child to be exposed to rather then teaching them right from wrong yourself.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Tell your cell mate hi for me. I miss him. 🙁

  • 18th40

    No no they let Ced out, he’s around here somewhere.

  • Jycorro

    Quit clouding the issue with facts. You are confusing the school admins.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Ced was your cellmate? O.o
    Y’all aren’t…a ‘couple’ now…are you?

  • 18th40


  • Wolf_of_Mars


  • What if it were a peanut butter poptart? That sh*t could make you blow up like a pufferfish and kill you dead.

  • Fucking terrorism?!…..now wonder we are losing wars now.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Oh, c’mon! Just say it. No dot dot crap. C’mon, let me have it. 😉

  • 18th40

    I did, somewhere else maybe, but I did.

  • LeaveMeBe


  • Tom G

    I remember my mom and dad thought it was a good idea to dress me up as a Saddam Hussein look alike for Halloween during the first Persian Gulf War. I remember my mother took me into an Arab food store, to buy some pita bread and hummus, and Arab guy at the counter said something in the order of “What are you going to be for Halloween this year?” and right as I was about to tell him my mom blurted out “A Cowboy” and winked at me lol. It was a wicked costume, she even bought me a real cigar from the grocery store, and the school never said anything as I puffed on the unlit cigar and showed it to all my classmates. Things were more relaxed back then.

  • malq

    I tell ya, times have changed. You know what we did for fun? We taped marbles to the bottom of shotgun shells against the primer and threw them against the wall and on the roof of the cafeteria. Not just once but many times. JFC, They would have kids in juvenile prisons for that now. Are the schools safer? I maintain not.

  • Clayton Knudsen

    I had a job with my dad for the summer just before ninth grade and I bought the little snappers that you throw on the ground. I gave a box to every one of my classmates. I got a classic talking to, but I did not get expelled. I got the favor of the rest of the class though. The snappers kept popping up every now and then the rest of the year. Today, I would have never been allowed to go back to school.

  • JGo555

    Wow, overreact much anyone?