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Christopher ShowsSan Antonio, TX – Police say 33-year-old Christopher Shows stabbed a friend to death with a 30-inch sword after the victim danced with Shows’ girlfriend.

According to the police report, Shows and his girlfriend, along with the victim and one other person, were drinking and listening to music when the victim began to dance with Shows’ girlfriend.

Shows didn’t like what he was seeing, so he hit his friend and went back inside his apartment with his girlfriend and locked the door behind him. Shows said that his friend, who he’d known for years, attempted to barge into his room and kicked the door in.

Shows said he felt threatened, so he grabbed a sword and lunged at the victim, stabbing his friend in the chest. When Shows’ girlfriend was interviewed, she corroborated Shows’ story. The third person present said they didn’t see the actual stabbing, but did say the victim was banging on his Shows’s door, saying “open the door so I can kick your ass and your girlfriend’s ass.”

But police say they found no damage to the door the victim supposedly kicked in, and that the door actually swings outwards. Derp. Deciding this was not a case of self-defense, Christopher Shows was arrested and charged with murder. He is being held on $200,000 bond.

In an unrelated note, I watched an entire season of Showtime’s Spartacus over the weekend, and now I cannot think of anyone getting stabbed with a sword without also imagining the accompanying gallon of blood spraying out of the wound like an opened fire hydrant.

Man Charged With Sexually Assaulting, Killing New Girlfriend's 2-year-old Daughter

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  • Buffettgirl

    It must be so painful to think you are a samurai on the inside only to discover that you are a pussified fucktard on the outside…

  • Sam

    Damn… How bad a dancer was he, for Shows to just not be able to look at one more move?

  • Chinchillazilla

    Being murdered is always tragic, but I hope if I’m murdered it’s with a sword. Go out in a final blaze of glory.

  • Ottokarma

    This is why gentlemens, you do not try to fuck up your friends….never ever, especialy when they’re stupid enough to stab your sorry ass with a sword

  • JGo555

    One: don’t like your chick dancing with anyone else? FUCKING DANCE WITH HER FOR AS LONG AND AS MUCH AS SHE WANTS.
    Two: I bet you this fucker can only tell jokes, as soon as the joke is about him, he flips out & gets mad and shit.

    My brother’s like that. He can make fun of everyone but as soon as it’s his turn, he throws a hissy fit and gets mad.

    He’s an asshole.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)King Arthur: [after Arthur’s cut off both of the Black Knight’s arms] Look, you stupid Bastard. You’ve got no arms left.
    Black Knight: Yes I have.
    King Arthur: *Look*!
    Black Knight: It’s just a flesh wound.

    [the Black Knight continues to threaten Arthur despite getting both his arms and one of his legs cut off]
    Black Knight: Right, I’ll do you for that!
    King Arthur: You’ll what?
    Black Knight: Come here!
    King Arthur: What are you gonna do, bleed on me?
    Black Knight: I’m invincible!
    King Arthur: …You’re a loony.

  • KKef

    Derp. Gotta love it!

  • cedric

    Seems this guy has issues.

  • midniteshadows

    Ah yes. The proverbial asshole brother and/or other assorted blood relations. My brother, too, is an asshole. Not that he throws hissy fits, it’s because he’s a genuine, certifiable asshole. Haven’t spoken to him in 10 years.

    My mom’s sperm donor is an asshole, so is his brother, and even though I love my grandmother, she’s an asshole.

    Assholes do vex me.

  • midniteshadows

    I love Monty Python and the Holy Grail!!!!

    Then Arthur cuts off his other leg.

    Arthur: “Now what will you do?”
    Black Knight: “Come here! I will bite you to death!” (Nom, nom, nom.)

    Arthur cuts off Black Knights head.

    Is this the one with the attack rabbit? And the other knights yell, “Run away! Run away!” I don’t remember….was self-medicating with herbs and chemicals.

    Gonna have to watch it again!!!

  • Abroad

    Yes, it is the one with the monster with “nasty, pointy teeth!”

  • Was it confirmed that the friend really did kick the door in and threaten to kick his ass? If so that actually merits a stabbing.

  • Jessica Stewart

    When I encounter assholes, I play this song to calm myself

  • JGo555

    You lost me with the first few twangs of country music.

  • t0ofly

    “But police say they found no damage to the door the victim supposedly kicked in, and that the door actually swings outwards. Derp.”

  • daMonBrooks

    The Count of Monte Cristo strikes again!

  • DEADfairie

    It sucks this guy was killed over something so ridiculous. On another note…I don’t think it matters which way the door swings. The guy was drunk and probably didn’t notice that anyway, so it is very possible that he was in fact trying to kick the door down, but wasn’t successful because ..derp the damn door swings the wrong way!

  • cedric

    Reason #5367 why you never show for a sword fight/duel without your sword.

  • cedric

    This is why I listen to Rap and R&B music – there is way too much violence associated with all that other Bull shit that people attempt to pass off as music.

  • Sue

    The door had no damage to it. The door would have been damaged and it would also have had damage to the hinges too. The door swings outwards inside of from the inside.

  • Sue

    That is one thing…he doesn’t dance…he doesn’t like it and his girl is nothing but a liar and a flirt behind his back.

  • Sue

    He listened to hard rock and heavy metal

  • Sue

    It had one of those heavy locks on it

  • Sue

    R.I.P. Roy (aka Wolf) and Burn in Hell Chris (aka Slim)

    PS: They were foster brothers

  • cedric

    Do you know these people ? Or did you get that from another news report? I don’t doubt you – I’m just curious.

  • Sue

    I knew them very well. I saw them a few days before it happened. I knew more about Chris more than I did Roy (Only met 3 times before this happened)

  • cedric

    Ahh … it really is a small world.

  • Susan

    UPDATE: Just learned that he has gotten 10 years and that is it.

  • j. rose

    I just recently found out about the death of Roy (Wolf). It’s unfortunate that he had to die in the hands of a limp dick asshole. I was with Chris (Slim) and that is a year of my life that I wasted on the son of a bitch that I will never get back. He is a liar, a manipulater and beats on women. I’m just surprised that he lived this long but I wish the worst karma on him for destroying many lives around him. Hope you burn in hell
    you piece of shit. R.I.p. Wolf.