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painMartinez, Columbia — According to authorities, a pissed off Columbian woman poured boiling water on her sleeping hubby’s junk after learning he had been untrue.

From what I understand Yolivel Lopez got a call from the cheatin’ bastard’s mistress and was informed the two had just got done doing the nasty.

The clueless hubby, Nefer Netan, finally arrived home early Tuesday morning and explained that he had been out drinking with friends. He then fell asleep… poor, dumb fucker.

Once he was out, Lopez proceeded to boil a pot of water. She then reportedly walked into the bedroom and poured it on Netan’s crotch.

According to the couple’s neighbors, Netan’s screams “pierced the night sky.”

Doctors say Netan’s junk was “utterly destroyed” in the incident. And Lopez? She hasn’t been seen since the alleged attack. Something tells me that mistress better watch her back….

Speaking of boiled hot dogs, we have featured at least three stories in the past few years involving ruined peni….

One woman set fire to her husband’s jewels with a cigarette lighter, another with gasoline and her trusty Bic. And yet anther boiled hot dog story can be found here.

Oh, and speaking of cleansing with fire, remember the stinky vajayjay lady? Gawd, I love that story.

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  • bambi

    Please tell me I’m not the only one with a hot dog craving after read this.

  • Nope… eating one right now.

  • Evan Oswald

    i prefer my dogs grilled not boiled. unless boiled in beer.

    would have been AWESOME to get the audio clip of this guy when he awoke with his junk melted

  • Sam

    See, personally, i would have gone for this:

    I have kept a tube on standby ever since i read this, just waiting, nay, hoping for my other half to give me an excuse.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Where’s Hillary Clinton when you need her? Global Americanism NOW!!

    Dam stupid Columbian women!?!?!? Don’t you know you’re supposed to make yourself the victim and get all of his stuff and not make him the victim by ruining his stuff.

  • Andyman

    I hope she goes to prison for a long time although that seldom seems to happen when the victim is a male and the aggressor a female.

  • Eliza Berntsen

    I just pissed myself laughing 😀

  • disqus_RqVCAmKTIW

    Yes. The armed attempted rapist story cracks me up! I cant read it with a straight face. I understand why this hot dog vendor was pissed, but ruining his weenie for life was going too far. Gotta love crimes of passion!

  • JGo555

    THAT is the BEST review EVER!!!

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Hopefully, in prison, she will get the help she needs for her violent tendency. Who knows, since she’ll probably be divorced, she may need and be eligible for career training as well. For a woman of her age and stature, she should try a career of teaching 10th or 11th grade boys. Nothing could possibly go wrong doing that.

  • JGo555

    You reap what you sow…

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    “Lopez got a call from the cheatin’ bastard’s mistress and was informed the two had just got done doing the nasty.”

    Personally, I can’t count all of the times that I did something incredibly violent to the person that I slept next too and that I love for every time I received a phone call from some woman that I never met.
    “LIKE HELLO?’ “Beyond reasonable doubt” only applies to murder. Besides, I have things to do in the morning like playing Hide-N-Seek with law enforcement.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Well that is one way to solve the problem. Going to prison in a male dominated society such as this one for such an offense is a sure thing… I wonder if her hubby qualifies for a sex reassignment.

  • slavesher

    I literally CRIED laughing at this!!!

  • Eating, involves biting and chewing…. what you are doing with it, is not called “eating”.

  • “Lopez got a call from the cheatin’ bastard’s mistress and was informed the two had just got done doing the nasty.”…… Later on, the mistress called back to explain she called the wrong number, no one answered… Since when does the word of a stranger bare more weight than the person you are with? I think I know how to ruin a few of my friends nights.

  • G.I.R.L.

    What a nightmare. I literally have nothing funny to write here.

  • Kasie K

    OMG! That was genious review writing. I cannot stop laughing!

  • NY_Mommy

    I’m dying over here!! HILARIOUS!

  • Buffettgirl

    Fan-freakin’-tastic!!! That just made my shitty morning SO much better! 🙂

  • Buffettgirl

    And the problem here is? (I kid, I kid!) This is incredibly wrong, but it makes me think that this isn’t the first time hubby has strayed and maybe the poor woman just snapped? Not an excuse, just a possible explanation.

  • wastintime

    Okay I know what she did was not right. But after years of my father cheating on my mother, all i can say is if this is true, bitch got what he deserved.

  • valannb22

    Come on now! She was simply trying to sterilize his junk. Who knows where he’s been putting it and what kind of cooties he could be bringing home.

  • ouch fuck!! his dong must’ve fell off like an over boiled Russian:'( the pain just thinking of it makes my dong hurt.maybe she wanted to make kfc – Kentucky fried cock :'(

  • FrownyFace

    3 out of the 4 cock cooking stories mentioned here took place on a Tuesday. I don’t know what it means, but it must mean something, dammit.

    Seems to be a tie between the number of women who prefer their meat barbecued and those who prefer it boiled. It may taste better off the grill, but boiling gives you a better chance of cooking it through evenly and thoroughly without much effort.

  • You’re right…. I was “inhaling” one at the time that comment was made. Better, Michael?

  • Patrick Richardson

    That’s gonna leave a mark. So was he related to the wicked witch or something. The article kind of implies his business melted away.

  • malq

    I would like to know if this woman is faithful herself, and if the man really cheated. She might be in for labias, (minor and major) cooked by blowtorch. Mmmm The other pink meat.

  • If he was cheating, he deserved it. I HATE cheaters.

  • midniteshadows

    Had to break out the Depends half way through the review. Hysterical!!

  • Aunt Cathy

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this link, Sam! I can attest to the truthfulness of that review…per a very close male relative who thought Veet/Nair would be great short-cut to his ‘man-scaping’ routine. There’s a good reason for the warning printed on the label…but it doesn’t help much if you wait to read it AFTER you feel the fires of Hades nipping at your tender crotchal region!!! (I’m sending him this link as soon as I hit ‘post’!!!)

  • That’s how boiled peaNUTS got started. This guy is a dumb ass really did he not think a hot blooded Columbian will just kiss & make-up? Maybe when the police catch up with this hot mess they’ll call for back-up. Even the Columbian Police used to dealing with drug lords will take extra precautions. It won’t be hard to find her just look for a angry lunatic running down the city’s streets with a pot in her hand.

  • Sure, we’ll keep up the illusion.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    Maybe she should get together with the guy who fed his baby bleach–they both have weird ideas about getting rid of germs.

  • Abroad


  • navian

    It is about time men also start getting creative when their wives or girlfriends cheat on them. A large white-hot steel rod would have a profound effect on her behavior. Maybe drug her, tie her up and when she wakes up have a good go with some tin snips. “I hate cheaters” and the idea about the ” audio clip of the screams would be like so AWESOME” Whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Peni???? Rhinoceri???

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Roflmao! Thanks for the link!

  • sheevaa

    Oh my god, that had my crying I was laughing so hard. Thanks, I needed that 😛