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Ronald HowardManatee County, FL — Don’t really even know where to begin with this one…..

Ronald Howard, 30, was booked on battery charges earlier this week after arguing with his live-in girlfriend about his alleged ball scratching.

Howard was apparently just hanging out on the couch, scratching his nuts, when his girlfriend, 25-year-old Shalamar “Wow! Would you look at those eyebrows!” Petrarca, told him to knock it the fuck off. She was disgusted, you see, because she was apparently getting ready to shove food in her pie-hole or something.

According to the arrest report, this displeased Howard. He rose from the couch, police say, and confronted the woman, face to face, and demanded that she “stop judging him!”

Petrarca told police Howard then shoved her to the ground, threw her outside and told her to “get the hell out.” Police observed a scratch on the woman’s leg that seemed to back up her side of the story.

When questioned, Howard told police Petrarca punched him in the eye for scratching his balls. He pushed her out of the home, he said, in self-defense. Unfortunately for Howard, police didn’t find any bruising or other signs of abuse to back up his side of the story…. so it was off to the pokey.

He’s been caged on a charge of misdemeanor battery. A bond/bail amount has not yet been made available.

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  • Sam

    So… he was using her fork to do the scratching with? Wtf was she getting so upset about? Had she not met a man, any man, before?

    ETA: lol at me trying to make sense of the mindset of a woman who thinks those eyebrows are a good look.

  • Eliza Berntsen

    Maybe she knew he would touch her food with those hands afterwards.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    Maybe he gave her crabs and the ball scratching brought back bad memories?

  • G.I.R.L.

    Wow she was pretty stupid. I mean he was too but not for ball scratching. This is why i could never live with another; they probably would throw a guy fit for my walking nude after i shower. Come on!

  • felixthecatxxxx

    Maybe he was scratching them while naked, and they were raw and bloody, perhaps infected? Not a nice thing to look at while eating food or him.

  • Evan Oswald

    this guy’s biggest mistake was letting someone with eye brows like THAT to move in….prolly lucky she didn’t get all stabby with him while he slept

  • JGo555

    Or she could eat elsewhere and ask that he washes his hands before touching her.

  • everjaded

    Damned shame about those eyebrows… if she wasn’t so heavy handed with the tweezers and the peroxide, she would be an attractive girl. I mean, by DD mugshot standards, anyway. Which admittedly is not a very high bar, now that I think about it! ;)

  • Coyote

    When I read the headline, it immediately reminded me of this:

    http://youtu.be/_-ClvSEBpg8

  • techsupp0rt

    What eyebrows?

    Sounds like she got what she had coming. You don’t come into a man’s home and start dictating junk scratching times, it’s poor form.

  • Gee

    No kidding… She should be punched just because of those stupid eyebrows. someone should have told her shes doing it wrong.

  • daMonBrooks

    I can already hear how she talks. It hurts.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Sounds like he’s scratching a lot balls now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    Walking around nude is a requirement, not an issue.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    I don’t get her, she is the live-in girlfriend. You don’t get that status unless you have spent a fair amount of time face-to-face with his junk. Why did she suddenly have a problem with him touching said junk?

  • Kasie K

    I cannot stop giggling. hill lar i ous

  • Buffettgirl

    Really? ” face-to-face with his junk”? That’s just funny shit right there…

  • Buffettgirl

    Shalamar, honey, no tweezing while high on meth… smackin’ your parents for naming you Shalamar while high on meth is OK though.

  • wastintime

    That’s.a whole lot of anger over some ball scratching.

  • Lena60

    lmao Damon

  • Lena60

    Love her road map drawn on eyebrows. * rolls eyes*

  • LeaveMeBe

    All women know you have deal with some amount of ball scratching. My husband is pretty funny when he scratches his and I always laugh and giggle and he always announces what he needs to do. But I’ve had my fair share of loud arguments with one of my cousins who spends 95% of his time with his hand on his dick and balls. He’s either scratching or adjusting constantly and it is sooooo annoying! Go to a fucking doctor or something, dude. Having said all of that, I can see her getting upset and snapping at him if scratching his balls was one of his favortie hobbies. FFS, people would get really annoyed if I walked around scratching my boobs all the damn time, too. And guys, do not say it wouldn’t bother y’all because that’s a lie, it WOULD get old really quick like.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    I get a certain amount of ball scratching, but I have met people who scratch them like it is their effing job…And they LOVE their job…They need to get punched in the balls.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    I have never had anyone complain, and I am 25 pounds over weight… O.o What have you got going on???

  • JustBrowsingLife

    You learn and see things you wish you hadn’t about your mate after you move in together. Believe me you. I am sure my hubby feels the same. I just quietly go about reprogramming his remotes, no violence necessary.

  • techsupp0rt

    My husband doesn’t so much scratch as ‘readjust’. Usually tells me ‘hold on, gotta pinch n’ roll’.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I totally get that, same thing happens with my boobs. :) Except I don’t “pinch and roll” or I’d get distracted and embarass myself. :D

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