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Police Seeking Man Suspected Of Slinging Semen At Women In Walmart

February 16, 2013 at 3:06 am by Jaded

Farmington, New Mexico — If you are the wacky wanker who’s been going around flinging baby gravy at unsuspecting women, the police would like to have a word with you…

Farmington police recently released a surveillance photo of a man they believe has ejaculated or tossed semen onto at least two women at a local Walmart on separate occasions.

The alleged semen slinger has been described as a Native American man, 5 feet 3 inches to 5 feet 6 inches tall, weighing approximately 165 pounds. Police say it appears as if the man chooses his victims at random.

“We think he’s been doing this since at least 2010, and he may not have stopped,” Farmington Det. Corp. Kenneth Raybon reported. “These are just the only incidents that have been reported.”

That’s a lot of batter…

“The attacks happened on March 29, 2010 and Nov. 8, 2012,” Raybon continued. “We were able to tie the two instances together with evidence that recently came to light.”

Let’s not all panic and rush to Walmart at the same time, ladies…. police say the slimy fucker isn’t necessarily targeting Walmart. He apparently likes to spread the love in various retail stores.

So, if you happen to recognize the gent in the attached photo, tell him to knock it the fuck off already… that’s just gross.

Tags: Aggravated Battery, Farmington, New Mexico, semen slinger, WalMart

38 Comments

Comments

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G.I.R.L.

Seal up all cuts and keep your legs crossed; you don’t want to tell your future child that they flew into you.

So disgusting. Yuck I’m imagining it: woman on the phone laughing with her mouth WIDE open”he did what?! AHHAHAA HAA!”, man walks by, woman has cum swung in her hot and hard throat. She swallows and screams as the semen drips down her lungs and onto her heart; enveloping it in a sticky goo of sweet passion.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

WHY? What is wrong with people?
malq

I see nothing wrong with this mans actions, It’s a free world right?
ShelbySP

Native American men of the pueblo variety can feel free to sling all the semen they want in my direction. But not in Wal-Mart. I’m a lady, dammit.
Wolf_of_Mars

Look out Sheriff! There’s a new cum-slinger in town, and he’s gunnin’ for you at high noon!
newstarshipsmell

Well to begin with, they were born.
newstarshipsmell

God help us all if his clips carry more than ten rounds.
Minerva

Maybe he’s performing an ancient Native American ceremony.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004581520434 Evildino Six Six Six

Lol your imagination:D
JGo555

Rollbacks or come up your back? You decide….
techsupp0rt

Reminds me of that episode of Ugly Americans with the robot J9.
Sam

But… how? Does he walk around with a thermos of baby batter, does he just hold it in his hand? Or does he walk around with his girlfriend and whenever he’s found a suitable target he gets her to spit it at them?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=818709360 Billy Madatchu

c’mon… you all seriously act like you have never done this before…. everyone has tried it once or twice at some point in life.. its just one of those things like drinking or phone sex.
GracieW

He’s such an idiot. Some women pay good money for that!
Eliza Berntsen

Hmmm…..let me think…… nop, nop, no, most definitely have not done that before. The goddamn lack of a penis has stopped me in my tracks repeatedly.
wastintime

I want to make a smart ass comment, but I can’t stop laughing!
Eliza Berntsen

Maybe it’s just so small that it can go incognito by pretending to be a thumb- the only difference being that this thumb shoots semen.
Suzy Sears

Oh just great,now I can’t get that image out of my brain ! Roflmao
JustBrowsingLife

Or flickin boogers
JustBrowsingLife

Sounds like this guy would let you use his. Wampum Yutahey!
Sam

Hey, think how I feel. I have to live with this fucked up brain every day.
FrikkenFrak

Ugh. I’ll bet his junk smells like beer and stale cigarettes.
princessgrandma

Oh, good grief. What people will do when they’re bored. I hope he doesn’t have a REALLY good aim. I’d hate to be the one telling everyone that junior was conceived in Walmart and to Daddy it was just a “fling.”
Evan Oswald

all i can imagine is those webs coming out of spiderman’s hands……
http://www.facebook.com/timothymatthewmurphy brain_bomb

Chief Load Hurler looks kinda creepy… But you do not appear to be alone in feeling this way.
Wolf_of_Mars

He could create his own man-made lake… We’ll call it Lake WTF!
Dear God, DON’T eat the fish!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=818709360 Billy Madatchu

come together. to overcome diversity!
Lena60

Spunky fellow isn’t he.
LeaveMeBe

Artificial insemination. He’s doing it wrong.
LeaveMeBe

GROSS!!!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Rochell-Arnold/100000587657456 Rochell Arnold

In a Walmart, in New Mexico no less……Dear lord someone nuke that state.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XA4RDSRSUX3XRSCPRR7XNGSPUQ Joshua

His Native American name is Sticky Bear.
Buffettgirl

“We were able to tie the two instances together with evidence that recently came to light.” ROFLMAO!!! That’s just nasty!
eltrut

Did Miggs breakout of the nuthouse?
Wildheart

In a way, so do we…..and I, for one, am grateful to you for it.
Wildheart

>you don’t want to tell your future child that they flew into you
At Walmart no less!
Sam

Aww… <3
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

Chief Yogurt Slinger of the HaveThatHoe tribe.