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Willie MerriweatherAiken, SC — A 53-year-old man previously accused of masturbating at public computer is now facing additional charges of indecent exposure because he apparently can’t keep his dick in his drawers.

Willie (tee-hee) Merriweather was taken into custody early last week after police say he whipped his peener out while being interviewed at a staffing agency.

According to police, the victim told police Willie entered the office Monday and sat down for an interview. The woman said she collected information from Willie, such as his name, previous employer and Social Security number.

The woman went on to tell police that as she was collecting this information, she glanced over at Willie and realized he had his dick out of his pants and in his hand.

It fell out,” Willie reportedly explained.

The woman didn’t buy that excuse and ordered him out of the building before calling police.

At some point after that, Willie apparently showed up at Public Safety headquarters for an interview, and officers realized he had a warrant out for indecent exposure.

Police learned that Willie had been accused in a similar incident, at a similar agency, in late January.

In that incident, a female employee told police she was assisting another customer when a man kept trying to get her attention. She turned around, she said, and saw Willie wanking.

He reportedly ran from the building after a supervisor approached.

Willie reportedly told police that while speaking with the victim in the most recent case, his penis fell out of his pants because he must have forgotten to close the barn door.

I don’t know about you people, but staffing agencies get me hot, too. Must be the aroma of despair, sadness and desperation.

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Comments


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  • Sam

    No Willie, banker. They’re interviewing for bankers. Not wankers.

  • slavesher

    Gee Willie :] with the number of times your dick is “falling out” of your pants, maybe you should consider switching to button fly. Keep that shit secure. Good thing you had your hand free to catch it. Next time you might not be so lucky. Dont want to chance getting it slammed in a door or something.

  • Sam

    Okay, so, serious question. If you get off on women running away from you with a look of disgust on their face, how do you ever have sex?

  • Heather_Habilatory
  • brandi

    apparently, he thought if he fapped hard enough, someone would become aroused. No one wants your dick buddy… go home….

  • Gee

    I love the excuse of “it just fell out” Dumb Ass.

  • Sam

    Oh ffs. I had only just rid myself of that image. And now i’m stuck with my normally very tasty lunch of a duck in hoi sin sauce wrap in front of me, which looks remarkably like the pic that accompanied that article… :/ *gag*

  • glitterpuss

    I can’t imagine why he’s unemployed. Couldn’t just save it for some lucky lady in the street?

  • Sam

    Apparantly, this guy thinks of Free Willy not so much as a favourite movie, but more like a life motto.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    If Punxsutawney Lil Will sees its shadow, does this indicate two more months of unemployment?

  • come_and_see

    At least show the man some respect and let him finish. God.

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    Maybe he got the idea of a job interview confused with the idea of an interview at the local sperm bank.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Bon Appetit!

  • newstarshipsmell

    Willie, your face fell out, too. Put the bag back on.

  • JohnQknowitall

    There must be an appropriate job for a chronic exhibitionist/public masterbator. I don’t know what it is, but I have faith it does exist.

  • Buffettgirl

    Willie – no more yankie your wankie!!!

  • midniteshadows

    A link!! Must click…………..
    Well what do you know! A new kind of rocky mountain oysters.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    He’s a flasher. Flasher’s get off on the excitement of being seen by an unsuspecting individual. If that situation happens to further itself to any actual sexual contact, that’s just a bonus. The whole flashing scenario, can be hot. A woman in a skirt/low-cut blouse bends over to fix her shoe knowing she is giving a peak to the man whose attention she is trying to gain. The man who shows a bit of bulge while conversing with the woman he is trying to woo. Knowingly going up a stairwell in front of an attractive man while in a tiny skirt… That being said, some creeper whipping it out unprovoked without even the slightest hint of sexual tension within the first minutes of meeting someone, that just spells out predator. It’s the difference between a penthouse story and a police blotter.

  • G.I.R.L.

    So…uhhhh… he doesn’t need the job then?

  • JGo555

    I hope the supervisor that had to approach him was an asshole.

    I love telling my boss that someone’s being an ass, to go deal with them while I work at my minimum wage job while they earn more and boss me around.

  • Abroad

    That was enlightening, Mr Heldman. Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    No problem. Anytime you want a sneak peak at depravity… I’ll be following close behind…

  • Sam

    Sooo… you’re a stalker who likes it doggy style? :P

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    And?

  • Nate_Higgers187

    Just look at his face…it’s clear to see the problem here. His IQ couldn’t possibly be any higher than say, 60….that’s officially mentally retarded by human standards, by the way. He simply cannot comprehend that what he is doing is wrong…they only thing his brain is processing is “it feels good, do it”. How typical.

  • slavesher

    o….m….g…. O_O

  • slavesher

    Duck, dick, it all tastes like chicken…..

  • slavesher

    memo to self: Never make extended eye contact with Michael Heldman in an elevator while wearing a low cut blouse…..

  • http://hawtmamas.wordpress.com/ hawtmamma

    he GUNNING for’em

  • Sam

    *eyes slavesher suspiciously*

  • CT

    I’m in HR and why is it that I never get these people to interview? God, my job is so fucking boring. Though I do feel some days that I am surrounded by dickheads at work so I guess it’s a wash.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    It’s not my eyes you have to worry about coming in contact with.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    In that case, you simply must try my chicken. It’s to die for..

  • slavesher

    I just decided to become a vegetarian…….

  • everjaded

    Forever to be referred to as Willie Merriwanker. By me, at least! XD

  • wastintime

    He.could be an extra in a prison porno.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=736546181 Michael Heldman

    Hey, it’s not like I’m trying to force it down your throat ;)