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Alanis MJacksonville, Florida — According to the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, 24-year-old Allen Blair Casey got sick of his boyfriend listening to Alanis Morissette’s songs and decided to beat him in the face with a plate.

According to Casey, “That is all the motherfucker listens to.”

I know, bro. I know. Sadly, I was in the Girl Scouts and in 1996, those bitches listened only to Shakira. THREE DAYS of Shakira ONLY. Took every ounce of willpower I had to not drown them all in the damned lake.

When police arrived at the apartment the two share, they found the 33-year-old victim had suffered a large cut to the left side of the face.

When questioned about the injury, Casey simply stated, “I hit him in the face.”

Casey now faces a charge of domestic battery causing bodily harm.

Police have reason to believe both men were on amphetamines and/or methamphetamines at the time of the alleged incident.

No record of what song or album the victim had listened to enough times to cause the man to faceplate him, or whether it was still playing by the time police arrived.

Tell me, Demonites, what song/album on a constant, never ending loop would make you feel all violent?

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Comments


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  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Thanks for the submission, JGo!!

  • TheLadyDragon

    I contemplated homicide when my ex would listen to his albums like that… evanescence I think it was.

  • Eliza Berntsen

    Was Shakira around in 1996?

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Any album(s) from any single artist, played endlessly, would probably send me off the deep end.
    I once had a very short-term G/F that would lose her mind if anything but Neil Diamond was played at her home, or my home… Needless to say, when I started daydreaming about her future as a pinata, I dumped her.

  • Sam

    “Ironic? IRONIC?? YES it’s fucking ironic! You want to know what else is ironic?? How this plate only smashed when it hit your face! How’s THAT for ironic?!?”

  • Sam

    Well, I thought it was bad when my upstairs neighbour just had Tupac on constant shuffle replay, but then he got a very vocal girlfriend. Or maybe that’s just the kind of girl he requested from the escort agency. Either way, i was begging for him to turn Tupac up just to drown them out.

  • MommysLosingIt

    She’s been around forever. She’s gotten progressively more mainstream in recent years, but I had this friend in middle school who loved her, and I can attest that she’s sucked the entire time lol.

  • JGo555

    My neighbor in PR ( a preteen too) liked to play over and over again: “Obsesión” by Aventura… I wished one day their house burned down because of their damned CD player. It would’ve seem fitting.

  • JGo555

    Shakira was around in 1995 in the Latin American world. When the “latin” boom of 1999-2003 happened she cashed in, learnt English & songwrote her way to our annoying ears. She’s like the Beyonce of the latinos except her ass did it solo from the begining.

  • JGo555

    You’re welcome.

  • daMonBrooks

    Homosexual Domestic partnerships are not recognized in Florida, so I think its funny (not in a ha ha way) that he can be charged with domestic battery.

  • http://www.facebook.com/james.mil.37 James Miltenberger

    Kesha makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t stand her fake trashy robot voice.

  • lespacino

    Being forced to listen to Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Whitney Houston, or any boy band would do me in pretty quickly. Basically, I hate a lot of music- probably based on how often I have to hear annoying songs on the radio.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XA4RDSRSUX3XRSCPRR7XNGSPUQ Joshua

    Wouldn’t a domestic battery charge still apply if a man beat up his live in girlfriend?

    This guy being charged isn’t (pardon the pun) Ironic.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XA4RDSRSUX3XRSCPRR7XNGSPUQ Joshua

    fuck you for including the Rolling Stones. I would totally listen to them all day.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XA4RDSRSUX3XRSCPRR7XNGSPUQ Joshua

    I listen like that to Modest Mouse. I can play 6 CDs in my car CD player…all Modest Mouse Cds.

  • daMonBrooks

    Yes. It would.

    I don’t understand the pun.

    My point was that:
    In Florida, the term “Domestic Violence” means a crime of violence committed by one family or household member against another family or household member.
    “Under Section 741.28, Florida Statutes, the term “family or household member” means spouses, former spouses, persons related by blood or marriage, persons who are presently residing together as if a family, persons who have resided together as if a family in the past, and persons who are parents of a child in common (regardless of whether they have been married).”

    If society don’t allow two people of the same sex to get married, its hard for me to think that society seeing two men living together as a family.

    But I’m not a lawyer.

  • daMonBrooks

    I just realized it was your article. You go girl!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andy-Staves/521875395 Andy Staves

    When Titanic came out the first time my girlfriend at for time had to listen to the soundtrack every night as we went to sleep…..I lasted 7 months, then moved 4000 miles away
    Strangley 13 years later we got back together, just before the 3D version came out……i refused to go lol

  • GGMon

    Having to listen to Ke$ha on repeat will make anyone go insane. It’s too bad I don’t have headphones because now I have to listen to other people’s shitty music in public. That and their untalented asses singing like it’s american idol

  • techsupp0rt

    What, they charged him for that? In Florida? Dude was listening to Alanis Morissette. He was obviously defending himself.

  • GracieW

    Good pun!

  • Buffettgirl

    It’s not a song or an album but rather a type of music – polka music. Growing up my mother was one of those dirndl wearing dancers up on stage at your annual Oktoberfest. I’ve heard enough of that for one lifetime thanks…

  • http://www.truecrimereport.com CallMeMister

    I see a faceplate in your future lol

  • Sam

    I hate that Celine Dion Titanic song with a passion. That year that it was such a big hit and got played everywhere was sheer hell for me. I thought I’d at least get a bit of reprieve when I went on holiday for two weeks, on a sailboat in the middle of the Mediterranean off the coast of Turkey. First night there – not even so much as a light of civilisation anywhere – just one other boat at the other side of the bay. One guess what came wafting across from their sound system. If I wasn’t too lazy to swim across a bay on my holiday there would have been a shipwreck on the bottom of that bay now, Celine Dion still on the cd player and a look of WTF?? on the sailers’ faces.

  • Sam

    Oh wow. The power of blocking things from your memory has hit me. I completely pushed out the German Schlager music that my sister played All The Fucking Time. She was even picking out wedding dresses because she was convinced she was marrying Dennie Christian some day. Think German version of Julio Iglesias, but much, much creepier. *shudders*

  • Buffettgirl

    With my Mom – it’s Hansi Hinterseer… Personally I think the guy looks more plastic than a Ken doll, but whatever. He’s like a mega-god over there in Germany/Austria/Switzerland… (ick to the 10th power!)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XA4RDSRSUX3XRSCPRR7XNGSPUQ Joshua

    It was a crime correct me if I am wrong committed by one “household member” against another “household member”. The article makes clear this is a residence they share. So to me there is nothing ironic/funny/out of place etc. This situation appears to be no different legally than if a guy beats up his girlfriend. Technically Flordia law even defines violence against a roommate as being domestic violence

    http://www.myfloridadefenselawyer.com/DomesticViolenceFL.html

    As for the pun, Alanis Morisette the singer the victim is fond of and whose picture is shown with the article had a hit single in 1996 entitled Ironic. Ironically many criticize the situations Alanis puts forth as ironic in her hit single Ironic are in fact not ironic.

  • daMonBrooks

    The actual statue doesn’t mention roommates, and that’s what I used to draw my conclusion. interesting though.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XA4RDSRSUX3XRSCPRR7XNGSPUQ Joshua

    although I’m whiter than white I do enjoy Tupac’s songs Keep Ya Head Up and Dear Mama. In general I despise most rap/R&B music but I always enjoyed those two songs.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XA4RDSRSUX3XRSCPRR7XNGSPUQ Joshua

    the statue does mention Domestic Violence as being against one member of a household against another member of a household. The word Roommate is not used but the inference is there. Thus when the law is interpreted to include violence against a roommate as Domestic Violence it is justified.

  • daMonBrooks

    I’ve been doing a lot of back and forth lately. I would assume that too in normal usage. Though in legalese when a term is defined, I typically try to use the definition literally; and a member of household or family in FL law is defined as below, I suppose I assumed that that’s the only group the term applied to, is the group that is defined in the word.

    “family or household member” means spouses, former spouses, persons related by blood or marriage, persons who are presently residing together as if a family, persons who have resided together as if a family in the past, and persons who are parents of a child in common (regardless of whether they have been married).

  • Abroad

    Fuck you, JGo555! ;-)

  • G.I.R.L.

    Hey, Shakira is amazing! LOL What would make me snap? I’m not sure; i live around some pretty shitty music already and it hasn’t driven me off of my rocker.

  • G.I.R.L.

    Why do you “despise” the genre? Because of a few shitty artists?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    Not familiar with the first one, but I love Dear Mama. And I am an Alkaline trio, and Bad Religion, type of gal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    I get homicidal within moments of anything screamy coming on. Like AFI. And I hate techno, and any sort of music that the kids are listening to now days. And anything any douche with a spray tan would listen to.

  • Athena

    It’s probably the radio/TV. If all I knew of hip hop was from the radio or MTV, I’d despise most of it, too.

  • Athena

    Muse, R.E.M., U2… glorified mediocrity, and what I will surely be greeted by in hell.

  • brandi

    FUCK YOU ! JGo555…..

  • brandi

    boy band music, any justin beiber or britaney spears song make my ears bleed… listening to them constantly? that would be a death wish, I’d bleed out in an hour

  • Buffettgirl

    AMEN! I hate the song, I’ve never seen the movie (because of the damn song mainly) and if I never hear it again it’ll be FAR too soon!

  • JGo555

    Preferably with a 10ft pole!

  • JGo555

    Another song I fucking hate!

  • JGo555

    Girl Scout talent show 1997, that song was played in the damned show 3 times:
    1. sign language
    2. some girls dancing it with ballet &
    3. a girl playing it on the flute.

    The other 5 times repeated entry in that show were all FUCKING SHAKIRA!!!!

  • JGo555

    You won the internet today!

  • JGo555

    THIS song. Over& over & over again: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmJHH026X0c

  • JGo555

    Yes, please!

  • brandi

    before i click on it, is it, underneath your clothes?

    EDIT: because that song is hell and she is the devil!

  • brandi

    If only…….

  • Abroad

    Your husband’s not Polish, surely? :-P

  • Wildheart

    I was wondering why everyone was fucking you. :) Good write up!

  • lespacino

    Yes, not liking the same music as a stranger is cause for complete condemnation.

  • lespacino

    Usually, members of a household qualify the same as those who can claim each other on taxes. So, if they are only legally recognized as roommates, I don’t see how they would qualify as “household members,” as you continue to point out, daMon. I think you make an excellent point, that gay people should be making themselves.

  • lespacino

    The only saving grace for that song was that it reminded me of that happy ending to the movie, when DiCaprio dies. It becomes sad when I remember it was only a movie and he is actually still alive.

  • lespacino

    Ah, yes, how could I forget U2?! Ugh.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Tell me, Demonites, what song/album on a constant, never ending loop would make you feel all violent?

    Can I answer with Top 40 radio instead of a song/album? Thank God for my iPod, and the lack of road rage-fueled traffic accidents I’ve been involved in since I bought it.

  • Sam

    What in the everloving world is that avatar???

  • newstarshipsmell

    Why Sam, obviously it’s a Galactic Ass Creature From Uranus, duh!

  • newstarshipsmell

    @JGo555:disqus, I’d say “Fuck You” too, but I did already make you look at Horse Dick Revolution. Twice.

  • Sam

    Alien, should have guessed. I was trying to see a weatherballoon instead. I figured a bit of brown eye, but i couldn’t quite make sense of the vajangle dentures.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Yeah I never understood why “rap” is missing a C.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I used to think that Whitney Houston was a boy.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_XA4RDSRSUX3XRSCPRR7XNGSPUQ Joshua

    because of a plethora of shitty artists

  • http://www.facebook.com/victoria.penna.17 Victoria Penna

    when I was in girl scouts in 1996 we listened to The Beastie Boys “Licensed to Ill” on cassette the whole trip so I’ll consider myself lucky, but recently anything the internet (and thusly the world) wants to beat to death with a stick and then keep slamming into its bloated dead corpse is enough to make me leave a store/vehicle immediately… Gangnam Style comes to mind. Next person who does the horse dance is getting kicked in the dick/cat.

  • lespacino

    Well, that’s understandable!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anna-Hall-Grillot/100000054600337 Anna Hall Grillot

    Wow, what an honor! Thanks so much ;-P (she likes me, she really likes me!)

  • malq

    Way to Go JO! Good article, keep em coming. I like the part about the girlscouts. I was in the girlscouts too but got kicked out for eating a brownie, I was 9 what can I say.

  • JGo555

    Thank you.

  • JGo555

    Nope.

  • JGo555

    Yeah, fuck you on that shit.

  • brandi

    ok, then i’m not clicking it……. i don’t want a reason to put a bullet hole in my computer

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=818709360 Billy Madatchu

    the hippopotomus for christmas song makes me want to punch random babies at walmart.

  • http://twitter.com/ladylycanthrope Amber

    I was in the Girl Scouts in 1996 also but instead of Shakira it was Britney Spears. Dear Zeus, the horror >.<.

  • http://twitter.com/ladylycanthrope Amber

    I’ve never dated anyone who listened to awful music repeatedly. BUT one of my younger sisters went through a Three Days Grace phase and I resisted the urge to punch her by breaking all her Cds.

  • Sarah

    I am so glad someone else feels this way.

  • deadskinmask213

    Just about any popular music played on the radio. If the radio is on and playing anything other than Thrash Metal, Death Metal, Southern Rock or Classic Rock from the 70’s I start feeling a little stabby. I swear by Yog-Sothoth if we are in the car and Little Wayne or some shit like that comes on and you refuse to turn it off there will be blood.

  • BEastDuo

    I love hippy dippy music, I love Alanis, To this day I am fairly sure I could sing the whole Jagged little Pill album with pitch, word and accent accuracy. HOWEVER, listening to Phish 24-7 ( as one of my ex’s did) is violent rage inducing. This and anything by Hanson ( i grew up in their hometown) makes me stabbity.

  • BEastDuo

    along the same lines, people who insist Shakira is a belly dancer makes me want to stab them. SHE IS NOT.

  • alphatroll

    My first college roommate played Aerosmith almost constantly, nothing but Aerosmith. And I like Aerosmith. But I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he’s the only person I’ve ever gotten into a physical fight with.

  • alphatroll

    The entire “Wal-Mart X-mas Collection” has that effect on me. Though in more rational moments I’m more inclined to stab my eardrums.

  • Evangelos

    Fucking crystal queens… retch! Although to be fair, that damn dead horse album has been beaten more than Rihanna, and I even wanted to kill a few homos for playing it over and over again in high school… But she’s not that bad, I mean m two exes ago 3Oh!3 had just come out and that’s ALL HE PLAYED. Was tempted to pop my eardrums using Q-tips. Best breakup EVER ^_^

  • Leah Ballard

    alanis morrisette

  • malq

    hahaha