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Man in body armorEmmaus, PA — A 30-year-old man accused of stalking his estranged wife while wearing body armor was found to be in possession of several knives, a gun, brass knuckles, wigs and a mask, duct tape and a Valentine’s Day card with drawings depicting violence, Emmaus police said.

D’awwww! Who says romance is dead?

According to police, Flint Andrew Staton was taken into custody on an arrest warrant shortly after an Emmaus police officer watched him trail the victim on her way to work Monday morning.

Police say Anne Staton had been concerned for her safety for months and subsequently filed complaints with police based on the belief that she was being  followed.

Two restraining orders were issued, both prohibiting Staton from carrying a gun in Montgomery county.

Paper is just that… paper. And said paper apparently didn’t bother Staton any – police say he violated those orders on three occasions in the past year.

When he was pulled over Monday, he was clad in illegal body armor. Officers also found a metric shit ton of weapons in the crazy man’s vehicle including  three large knives, a stun gun, a .40 caliber handgun, 10 rounds of ammunition and brass knuckles.

Also found: a machete, baseball bat, pepper spray, a stick handle with a screw sticking out of it, arrowheads (the fuck?), a Kevlar helmet, cable restraints, wigs, a mask, a notebook that belongs to Anne Staton and his PFA paperwork.

*takes breath*

A Valentine’s Day card bearing the message “A Promise for My Wife,” a total of 39 “pieces of paper depicting various forms of violence and killing,” handcuffs, a black, stiletto-heeled shoe, duct tape, several boxes of gloves and a ski mask.

In addition, officers found computer equipment, camera equipment, a cellphone, binoculars, walkie-talkies and other materials in the car. And a partridge in a pear tree…

Heh. Sounds like my “toy box.”

When questioned about the items found in his vehicle, an uncooperative Staton gave no indication of what, exactly, he planned to do with ’em.

“I don’t know what his plans were, but based on the totality of the circumstances, this wasn’t a casual following,” said Sgt. Timothy Hoats.

“I think he’s dangerous,” Hoats said, describing Staton’s actions as an “unhealthy obsession.”

No. Shit.

Staton was ultimately charged with illegal possession of a gun and illegal body armor, two counts of stalking and three counts of harassment. His bail has been set at $1 million.

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  • Sam

    Restraining order, pscht. Paper only wins you the game when you’re playing rock, paper, scissors. And even then a gun still trumps all.

  • Sam

    I am impressed that police were actually taking her complaints seriously and were following her (or following him following her to be exact) to see what was going on. Stalking complaints usually seem to be a case of ‘well if they haven’t physically hurt you yet you’re shit out of luck’.

  • Arrows and no bow? Dude, you gotta have one with another – it’s like having peanut butter and no jelly. /facepalm

    But then, this guy was obviously slices of bread short of a sandwich, so go figure.

  • glitterpuss

    It’s always fun to read what the crazies pack in their murder/mayhem kits. He forgot nunchucks

  • Sam

    No jelly, no bread… so he was basically just spooning peanut butter out of the jar? That’s just bad manners… 😉

  • CT

    Give the guy some credit. So many women give their man shit because they feel they don’t do enough for V-Day. This guy just took it to crazy town but at least he tried.

  • I love the perp. pic!

  • daMonBrooks

    I’m just going to assume its the mugshot.

  • Twisted1

    1 Stiletto heel? Wtf! I am trying to figure out what that was for. I guess no arsenal is complete without at least one Jimmy Choo shoe.

  • NY_Mommy

    That reminds me, I can’t find my brass knuckles anywhere. I’ve checked all over my house and nothing. Wtf.

  • GGMon

    What is it about these guys that they can’t understand what a simple “no” means? NO I don’t want to be with you, NO I don’t want to work it out. NO, please leave me alone. Is it hard to comprehend?

  • wow, I’m surprised the bail was set so high.. but lucky for her.. she’ll have plenty of time to get the hell out of dodge before this psycho gets out.

  • JohnQknowitall

    A romantic Prince Charming! Girls he’s still available and what a catch…

  • tkaz

    So….first thing that came to mind (because I”m addicted to Pinterest) is this “comic” of the Tin Man using his ax on Dorothy & wearing her heart around his neck. Not good. But then….maybe the stalker was addicted to Pinterest too! Also, not good.

  • brandi

    yes it is. see these hard headed sob’s think you like it when they follow you and call you 50, literally 50!+ times a day, numerous text, drive by your place all hours of the night, tear up your new boo’s ride, leave cards, and leave flowers.

    as you can see, my stalker has just recently gotten this through his head after 7 months of me saying “NO I don’t want to be with you, NO I don’t want to work it out. NO, please leave me alone.”
    3 restraining orders, 7 months of torture, and all it took was one child support case to clear it all up…. rant over….

  • Buffettgirl

    “Heh. Sounds like my “toy box.”” LMFAO – I was just thinking sounds a little kinky for a toy box when I got to this line… Have I been here too long?

  • Abroad

    A restraining order may just be paper; but how can he violate it not just once or twice, but three times, and still be out and about? I realise this might be part of the reason they were following him, but this really strikes me (hee!) as a situation that should never have arisen in the first place.

  • daMonBrooks

    You’ll like me eventually. Maybe I should call more?

  • brandi

    make my fuckin day!!!!!!!!!

  • Sam

    Maybe this is what the toe-nibbler from 3 stories back would have turned into if he wouldn’t have been so violently and unfairly stopped by a squeamish girlfriend…

  • brandi

    HEY NOW! we all dip out of the pb jar with a spoon from time to time, you know you do…

  • Heather_Habilatory

    From time to time, you mean every day, right?

  • Sam

    You use a spoon? Well, lah-di-dah.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Nah, I’m considerate about that shit. I always lick the spoon clean before going back in for my next scoop of peanut butter.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I’m damned curious to know what sort of wigs he had. The source article only mentions the quantity: two. It says nothing about the quality.

  • Sam

    Hey, in your case i’m just thankful you stopped dipping back in after applying to your rear-end for your german shepherd to lick off. 😛

  • newstarshipsmell

    Body armor is illegal? WTF?

  • AlwaysInFlyoverCountry

    That depends on the state and, sometimes, why one is wearing it.

    If one always dons body armor in the morning then that’s one thing. If one dons body armor prior to committing robberies or other criminal actions then that can be deemed an entirely separate offense — again, depending on the state.


  • AlwaysInFlyoverCountry

    When I was still selling firearms (in strict compliance with applicable laws) I had a customer who filled out the paperwork for a Serious Gun. When she got to the question asking about restraining orders she hesitated, put the pen down, and looked up from the paperwork. And I met those remarkable eyes with my own. Before she could speak I said, “If he took a restraining order out against you then I can’t sell you this gun”, to which she responded, “No, I took it out against him”.

    I could sell her the gun. And I did. I also recommended a concealed-carry instructor to her.

    The man that would go up against her is a Goddamn fool. I saw the steely determination not to live in fear in her eyes.


  • Athena

    Love this post.

  • Throw away the key…

  • apparently it is

  • JGo555

    Someone tell the police force and justice system that LEAD BEATS PAPER in Rock, Paper, Scissors’ game.

  • JGo555

    Unhealthy refers to choosing a to eat fried food. FUCKING CRAZY and DEADLY is what this man was aiming for.

    Way to undermine someone’s feelings and state of mind.

  • all of those items could be part of a large online scavenger hunt. this poor man is most likely innocent… and the body armor could be used because he has an irrational fear or authority.. he’s not dangerous… he’s a victim of mental health issues… i have half of that in my car right now… and parked outside a Burlington coat factory where my ex works…bifg deal! o.O

  • Chad McAfee

    its legal for law-abiding citizens. its become illegal when used in commission of a crime or being in the possession of a convicted felon. being that he had pfas against hiim, brass knuckles, prohibited offensive weapon, i think its safe to assume either he was a felon.

  • All the charges should stand EXCEPT the illegal body armor after all he’s a tin man without a heart!