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Man in body armorEmmaus, PA — A 30-year-old man accused of stalking his estranged wife while wearing body armor was found to be in possession of several knives, a gun, brass knuckles, wigs and a mask, duct tape and a Valentine’s Day card with drawings depicting violence, Emmaus police said.

D’awwww! Who says romance is dead?

According to police, Flint Andrew Staton was taken into custody on an arrest warrant shortly after an Emmaus police officer watched him trail the victim on her way to work Monday morning.

Police say Anne Staton had been concerned for her safety for months and subsequently filed complaints with police based on the belief that she was being  followed.

Two restraining orders were issued, both prohibiting Staton from carrying a gun in Montgomery county.

Paper is just that… paper. And said paper apparently didn’t bother Staton any – police say he violated those orders on three occasions in the past year.

When he was pulled over Monday, he was clad in illegal body armor. Officers also found a metric shit ton of weapons in the crazy man’s vehicle including  three large knives, a stun gun, a .40 caliber handgun, 10 rounds of ammunition and brass knuckles.

Also found: a machete, baseball bat, pepper spray, a stick handle with a screw sticking out of it, arrowheads (the fuck?), a Kevlar helmet, cable restraints, wigs, a mask, a notebook that belongs to Anne Staton and his PFA paperwork.

*takes breath*

A Valentine’s Day card bearing the message “A Promise for My Wife,” a total of 39 “pieces of paper depicting various forms of violence and killing,” handcuffs, a black, stiletto-heeled shoe, duct tape, several boxes of gloves and a ski mask.

In addition, officers found computer equipment, camera equipment, a cellphone, binoculars, walkie-talkies and other materials in the car. And a partridge in a pear tree…

Heh. Sounds like my “toy box.”

When questioned about the items found in his vehicle, an uncooperative Staton gave no indication of what, exactly, he planned to do with ’em.

“I don’t know what his plans were, but based on the totality of the circumstances, this wasn’t a casual following,” said Sgt. Timothy Hoats.

“I think he’s dangerous,” Hoats said, describing Staton’s actions as an “unhealthy obsession.”

No. Shit.

Staton was ultimately charged with illegal possession of a gun and illegal body armor, two counts of stalking and three counts of harassment. His bail has been set at $1 million.

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