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“Seahag” Sentenced To 30 Years For Killing Man Over Busch Light

February 8, 2013 at 1:39 am by  

Seahag Sentenced To 30 Years For Killing Man Over Busch LightConch Key, FL – Carolyn “Seahag” Dukeshire, 62, was recently sentenced to a maximum of 30-years behind bars after pleading guilty to the shooting death of 64-year-old Martin Mazur last year when he refused to give her a beer.

Justified? Perhaps. If the beer in question was anything other than a Busch Light. Ick.

And no, I did not bestow the name Seahag upon this ravishing creature… it’s apparently a self-appointed moniker.

Anyway, back in July of last year, police say the Seahag approached Mazur, a neighbor/acquaintance she had previously done some sort of lobster-trap work for, and asked, “Do you have a cold beer for me?”

Mazur’s reply: “I have absolutely nothing for you.”

The displeased and presumably thirsty Seahag then shot the man. Five times – two to the abdomen, one to the wrist, and two to the back.

Overkill, much?

Mazur was pronounced very dead later that same day, and a grand jury handed down a first-degree murder charge against the Seahag in August.

Dukeshire pleaded guilty to second-degree murder Thursday and must now figure out how to make her own damn hooch. Which, by the way, would still be preferable to Busch Light.

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23 Comments

    Comments


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    • Sam

      Oh, how I hope “lobster trap work” is a literal description. I don’t think my poor brain could handle it if it was some sort of eufemism for sex involving this… this… I haven’t even got words.

    • newstarshipsmell

      She specialized in lobster traps, but all she’ll be catching now is crabs.

    • JustBrowsingLife

      I thought that was a picture of the victim Mr. Mazur. I even enlarged the photo and still didn’t see a Seahag.

    • guillotinegirl

      All this time I thought a hag was a woman.

    • midniteshadows

      This must be WTF day on Dreamin’ Demon. So far I’ve read about a Seahag, centaur, “postal” postal employee and Carrie. All before my second cup of coffee. Damn.

    • creamofflicka

      I heard there was not actual lobster trapping,.. she just smelled like low tide. Low tide and death.

    • slavesher

      Wait…..so thats NOT Nick Nolte?

    • EveryVillainIsLemons

      I guess for “her,” crappy beer is serious business.

    • daMonBrooks

      I thought it was a man, but it ended up being a manatee, go figure

    • CT

      Note to self – Busch Light is NOT the fountain of youth elixir. Appears to have a backwards effect.

    • brandi

      THAT “THING” HAS A VAGINA?????

    • Buffettgirl

      Kill for a Guinness – without a doubt. Kill for a Busch (ew, bad brain, it just translated that into another form of ‘bush” ick!) Light – I’d kill ME first for even thinking about it!

    • Suzy Sears

      Am I nuts or does”she”have more facial than my third husband ?

    • JohnQknowitall

      Too bad she didn’t just want a Jolly Rancher.

    • Wolf_of_Mars

      Busch “Light,” huh? She obviously got pissed because her “Weight Watchers” partner had abandoned her while she was trying to get ready for “bikini season.”

    • G.I.R.L.

      Holy crap! I thought she was a man when i clicked article.

    • G.I.R.L.

      She’d have to be fucked with 15 layers of condom and a dorito bag sprayed with disinfectant. Oh, and a lobster shaped dildo because hell only knows how everything else is gonna look.

    • JGo555

      Dats a man, baby yeah!!!

    • GGMon

      That’s a fucking woman!?!?!? She looks like a man baby

    • wastintime

      Holy fuck! Its a crime against nature to allow that thing to live! I thought animals would eat the disfigured young at birth.

    • Kasie K

      Question for Jaded. If you were to give her a nickname…what would it be?

    • MerrittCM

      she was very nice back when I knew her. I always shared though.

    • Evangelos

      OMG, that looks like my old Alaskan Q.A. boss!