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Carolyn DukeshireConch Key, FL — Carolyn “Seahag” Dukeshire, 62, was recently sentenced to a maximum of 30-years behind bars after pleading guilty to the shooting death of 64-year-old Martin Mazur last year when he refused to give her a beer.

Justified? Perhaps. If the beer in question was anything other than a Busch Light. Ick.

And no, I did not bestow the name Seahag upon this ravishing creature… it’s apparently a self-appointed moniker.

Anyway, back in July of last year, police say the Seahag approached Mazur, a neighbor/acquaintance she had previously done some sort of lobster-trap work for, and asked, “Do you have a cold beer for me?”

Mazur’s reply: “I have absolutely nothing for you.”

The displeased and presumably thirsty Seahag then shot the man. Five times – two to the abdomen, one to the wrist, and two to the back.

Overkill, much?

Mazur was pronounced very dead later that same day, and a grand jury handed down a first-degree murder charge against the Seahag in August.

Dukeshire pleaded guilty to second-degree murder Thursday and must now figure out how to make her own damn hooch. Which, by the way, would still be preferable to Busch Light.

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  • Sam

    Oh, how I hope “lobster trap work” is a literal description. I don’t think my poor brain could handle it if it was some sort of eufemism for sex involving this… this… I haven’t even got words.

  • newstarshipsmell

    She specialized in lobster traps, but all she’ll be catching now is crabs.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    I thought that was a picture of the victim Mr. Mazur. I even enlarged the photo and still didn’t see a Seahag.

  • guillotinegirl

    All this time I thought a hag was a woman.

  • midniteshadows

    This must be WTF day on Dreamin’ Demon. So far I’ve read about a Seahag, centaur, “postal” postal employee and Carrie. All before my second cup of coffee. Damn.

  • creamofflicka

    I heard there was not actual lobster trapping,.. she just smelled like low tide. Low tide and death.

  • slavesher

    Wait…..so thats NOT Nick Nolte?

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    I guess for “her,” crappy beer is serious business.

  • daMonBrooks

    I thought it was a man, but it ended up being a manatee, go figure

  • CT

    Note to self – Busch Light is NOT the fountain of youth elixir. Appears to have a backwards effect.

  • brandi

    THAT “THING” HAS A VAGINA?????

  • Buffettgirl

    Kill for a Guinness – without a doubt. Kill for a Busch (ew, bad brain, it just translated that into another form of ‘bush” ick!) Light – I’d kill ME first for even thinking about it!

  • Suzy Sears

    Am I nuts or does”she”have more facial than my third husband ?

  • JohnQknowitall

    Too bad she didn’t just want a Jolly Rancher.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Busch “Light,” huh? She obviously got pissed because her “Weight Watchers” partner had abandoned her while she was trying to get ready for “bikini season.”

  • G.I.R.L.

    Holy crap! I thought she was a man when i clicked article.

  • G.I.R.L.

    She’d have to be fucked with 15 layers of condom and a dorito bag sprayed with disinfectant. Oh, and a lobster shaped dildo because hell only knows how everything else is gonna look.

  • JGo555

    Dats a man, baby yeah!!!

  • GGMon

    That’s a fucking woman!?!?!? She looks like a man baby

  • wastintime

    Holy fuck! Its a crime against nature to allow that thing to live! I thought animals would eat the disfigured young at birth.

  • Kasie K

    Question for Jaded. If you were to give her a nickname…what would it be?

  • MerrittCM

    she was very nice back when I knew her. I always shared though.

  • Evangelos

    OMG, that looks like my old Alaskan Q.A. boss!