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Admitted Horse Bugger Tells Police, I Was Trying To Make The Horse Have A BabyWharton County, TX — I’m a little late on this one, as usual, and I’m not exactly sure when the accused was actually accused of buggering a horse. Whatever… I like the police report.

The Smoking Gun recently released an undated statement drafted for the Wharton County Sheriff’s Department by 29-year-old Andrew Mendoza.

Mendoza had apparently been accused of screwing a neighbor’s horse, and after waiving his rights, laid it all out for police. And, apparently, the internet.

In his statement, Mendoza claims he had been waiting on a phone call from his girlfriend. He told himself that if she didn’t call at a particular time, he was just gonna go ahead and mosey on over to the neighbor’s house and “mess” with their horse.

The girlfriend apparently neglected to call within the allotted time frame, and Mendoza, obviously a man of his word, headed to the neighbor’s place.

He then proceeded to fuck their horse for about 5 or 10 minutes.

Mendoza wrote in the statement that he believed the horse liked it because it didn’t move or nothing, just stood there. A sure sign…

And now, my favorite part of the statement. Verbatim.

I was trying to make the horse have a baby. I was thinking it would have a horseman baby. I ain’t going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse. I then got off the bucket and put my clothes back on and left. I promise that I have not been back over to the horse since that time.

Horseman baby. As if….

Mendoza, who apparently boasted a rather impressive rap sheet, was subsequently found guilty of public lewdness and criminal trespass and sentenced to four months in jail.

Fortunately, Mendoza later hanged himself in a county jail cell, where he was being held on indecency with a child and trespassing charges.

And for that, Mr. Mendoza, we thank you.

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Comments


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  • newstarshipsmell

    Thank you, Mr. Mendoza!

  • newstarshipsmell

    The fact that he apparently believed human sperm and horse ovaries could produce a viable zygote seems to go rightly hand in hand with his apparent ignorance of the word “centaur,” coming up with “horseman” instead. But then, maybe he was fantasizing about some other type of human/horse hybrid. Of course, the article doesn’t specify the horse’s gender, so maybe he was even dumber than we suspect.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Give a new meaning to Gentlemen mount your horses. I know he did not succeed in the manhorse idea but did he suceed in the hanging as to sufficiently reduce the taxpayer burden?

  • Sam

    That mugshot. “Nah, man, i dinna fuck da horse. I made luuuuurve to her.”

  • guillotinegirl

    There’s a reason you don’t see centaurs every day walking down the street, and that would be because they don’t exist. Nice try though.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Whoa!!!

  • LeaveMeBe

    You lie. Just because you’ve never seen one doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Centaurs are real. :P

  • newstarshipsmell

    Hold your horses, LMB.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Centaur taxis would be awesome. I hope I am cryogenically frozen until such time as Science can make them a reality.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I wonder how the ex-girlfriend feels about her failure to call that evening, knowing now that it led ultimately to his suicide, via his cock inside some horse.

  • Sam

    I wonder how soon after the horse humping he got arrested, and if she ‘met up’ with him in that interim period…

  • Sam

    Oh wow, i missed the fact that he killed himself before. Just goes to show, men today have no problem making babies, but actually staying around and taking care of them – forget it. Typical.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I wonder if the horse “didn’t move or nothing, just stood there” due to the fact that it didn’t realize it had anything inside of it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1415881786 Tori Sheffer

    he died???….soooooo hell never hold his horseman baby….awwwwweeee

  • Sam

    I’d say that’s more than likely, i mean have you seen horse dicks? It’s actually quite surprising there was enough friction to enable him to get off. ‘Throwing a hotdog down the high street’ comes to mind…

  • daMonBrooks

    I will be a man, step up, and adopt this horsehuman child.
    Shame on you people for the jokes. (excuse me while I troll this thread)

  • daMonBrooks

    Not yet. my friend, not yet.

  • daMonBrooks

    Don’t Judge him!

  • daMonBrooks

    No worries, I will be there for the horseman baby,…..baby.

  • 18th40

    You two should be ashamed of horseselves.

  • 18th40

    Anything you want to tell us Sam ?

  • Sam

    Oh come on. Are you trying to tell me you’ve never clicked a porn link and got a face full of an unexpected sight? Then gagged and tried to find the mouse asap to GETITOFFMYSCREEN whilst still staring at it through the fingers of the hand across your face? Then when you’ve finally located said mouse you find yourself looking just a few seconds more before clicking it away, and leave yourself forever wondering why you didn’t close it straightaway? No? Right-o, carry on. *whistles out of tune whilst wandering off into the distance, eyes skyward*

  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    The Xanth novels are NOT biology books!

  • 18th40

    I once clicked on a porn link and got Joan River’s face photoshopped on to a dominatrix in an S&M scene, I think my therapist got a new boat out of that one.

  • Sam

    Are you sure it was photoshopped?

  • Valerie

    I once accidentally saw a Mr. Hands video. I clicked on an innocent looking link, and was immediately taken to a massive horse cock being rammed up where it shouldn’t go. I nearly puked.

  • 18th40

    That’s just cruel.

  • kimbev69

    so whose kid was he assaulting also?

  • brandi

    “and for that Mr.Mendoza, we thank you”
    tosh….. i love it !

  • brandi

    He probably started thinkning about exactly what it is that the horseman did, then he was like, OH HELL NAW! plus he had to think about all the back horsechild support he would accumulate while in jail…

  • brandi

    Strangely enough, i wonder how many times she had past this “time limit” before,and what else he might have done to relieve himself. maybe that’s why he was in jail for indecency with a child. i ALSO wonder, who in the fuck would wanna be that thing’s gf….

  • sweekymom

    He probably hanged himself after hearing the horse testify that she didn’t do anything because she didn’t feel anything. As a mare, she’s probably used to much bigger schlong, and his teeny schween didn’t rock her world. And when they all laughed at his desire to make a “horseman” baby with her, he realized his brain was even smaller than his tackle, so there was no reason to go on.

    Probably the best decision he’s ever made…

  • tkaz

    I’m so sick, I laughed out loud & then had to explain myself to my husband.

  • tkaz

    Did you read the book The Time Keeper? Do NOT get cryogenically frozen – (SPOILER) future humans will steal your memories while you’re a slug in a mason jar!!!!

  • tkaz

    Mmm…I love this logic. In mythology though I think centaurs are the rapey kind of creature. Careful….

  • newstarshipsmell

    I watched that video like, twenty times in a row, the first time I saw it, laughing my ass off uncontrollably. And yes, I knew at the time that the guy died from it.

  • newstarshipsmell

    But reading them all sure put me in good standing for commenting here.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Keep in mind, the article does not say that the horse was a mare.

  • Buffettgirl

    Kind of like the horse-rapin’ fool that wanted to create this modern day centaur? It must be heredity, the rapey part…

  • Buffettgirl

    I wonder if the horse said “Neigh”…

  • BehemothII

    Well Jaded I must admit that I misread the title and thought you spelled burglar wrong reading House Bugger at first then whilst reading the article I wish it was about a House Bugger.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Wonder why the girlfriend didn’t call this Prince Charming.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Nope. Centaurs are considered the warrior-class/intelligentsia of the mythological world. They are also called in as shock troops then the pixie dust hits the fan.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Maybe he was just looking for an oxy connection when he knew he was going to be sitting in jail for the kiddy diddling charge. Truly would have been a memorable conjugal visit, too…

  • Wildheart

    It says so on the internet…..they can’t put anything on the internet that isn’t true.

  • daMonBrooks

    I think it depends on what mythology you’re following. In Greek Myths, Cenaturs are known for only liking raw flesh, being usually drunk off ale or wine, being rough with women, and raping them when thy fancied

  • G.I.R.L.

    Yes, i am curious.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    The buzzer sounds!

    You’re confusing centaurs with satyrs. Satyrs were half man – half goat. They are the ones that had a preference for raw flesh, rape, and voluminous amounts of alcohol. They were companions of Dionysus ( God of Wine & drunkenness.) In fact, the real male medical condition wherein there is an extremely long-lasting & painful erection is called satyriasis.

    Centaurs were the half human – half horse teachers of the great heroes in Greek Mythology. Most notable was the first centaur, the Immortal Chiron, son of the elder god Chronos.

  • daMonBrooks

    I wasn’t confusing the two as I’m completely unaware of satyar History or behavior.
    Please remember were talking about Greek myth which by its nature, changes over time this is the version that i am familiar with. http://edweb.sdsu.edu/people/bdodge/scaffold/gg/centaur.html
    I’m completely unfamiliar with your egalitarian line of the myth save for Chiron. Though googling to make sure I wasn’t insane I found that there are two major cannons as to the linagage of centaurs and that is our disconnect.

  • JGo555

    I don’t make fun of Special Needs people.

  • JGo555

    Do you have any idea how expensive boarding a horse is!?

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    I don’t have as much of a problem with the “maicar” site, as I do with the uncited, poorly written tripe that some undergrad posted at San Diego State Univ.
    You might want to do a thorough re-read, of the “maicar” site, however. You’ll see what I mean…

  • LeaveMeBe

    “…then the pixie dust hits the fan.”
    LMFAO!

  • LeaveMeBe

    Y’all need to knock it off with all the serious shit. You’re messing up my fantasy. :P

  • LeaveMeBe

    Neigh! Never.

  • LeaveMeBe

    A horse is a horse of course, of course. Kinda like a hole is a hole ya know, ya know?

  • daMonBrooks

    . Help me understand your point of view. I’m starting to think you mean centaur in a fan fictony way which is totally cool. We are just coming from two point of views whereas I thought we were talking about Greek mythos.

  • wastintime

    Have you ever.seen Futurama? You get a robot as a best friend,a cyclops crush, an alien Dr AND make intergalactic deliveries. What’s not to love?

  • wastintime

    Ride ‘em cowboy!

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    “Fan fictony?” Just because you use an uncited website, and made an error in reading the other, there’s no basis for your inaccurate presumption concerning my understanding of Hellenic Mythos.

    If you read your own source (maicar) with some level of due care, you should have seen your error.

  • daMonBrooks
  • newstarshipsmell

    A hole is not a hole.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Shut up. This is like, the best conversation ever.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Quit being such a Neighgative Nancy! We don’t need your kind neighsaying us.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I do.

  • macro twentytwo

    k, Major Rant: It is never “fortunate” that someone kills themselves, or dies…. Seriously, WTF. I don’t care if the person was criminally dumb, had incredible mental illness, a gang member, kills people, molests children, a danger to society, Hitler, Albert Fish, whatever. It is unfortunate that as a society we make help inaccessible to these kinds of people while they are young and then they grow up with real bad mental/social problems. I wouldn’t even bother writing this if the guy hurt kids or killed people but all he really did was be uneducated (assuming this) and screw a horse…. and you’re happy he killed himself (wtf). I’m not sympathetic towards these “types” of people or their situations. However… let’s consider a 5 year old kid that (regardless of household) and has homicidal or predatory urges… starts with hitting his sister, lack of empathy, and hurting small animals. Then he turns 10 and is attracted to girls his age or a little younger; has behavior issues in school. Now, he turns 15, but still likes those 10 year old girls but not enough to act on them; starts taking his anger out on animals. So… should that kid go kill himself? Should we be happy he did? He probably won’t get help either because he can’t access it, no one forces him to b/c his problems don’t interfere with other things, of course he never tells people his dark thoughts, and b/c if he did ask for help he would be immediately be considered a danger to others (due to the age of girls he is attracted to not also growing with his age). Alright, so now he’s 20 or 25 or 30 or older, and finally does something and gets caught and kills himself. We might as well just killed off the 15 year old kid…. The argument of… he might grow out of it, he might have will power, it might not be as bad as we think, there’s no way to be sure how he’ll turn out… are all invalid if the kid is never even given a chance or help. I doubt that shit is something a person can deal with, especially when younger, on their own. It is always sad when someone dies… especially if they haven’t even been given the opportunity to truly live. Yes, there are psychopaths and people who don’t change and “evil” people but — either it happened by nature or nurture and as a society, we need to be responsible for this kind of shit, for each other…. if he was “evil” from day 1 (nature), he needed help from day 1 and we shouldn’t expect him to be different at age 25 with out an intervention. If it was a bad household environment (nurture), then as a society, we should have gotten him out and gotten him all the therapy he needed to adapt. WTF are people like that really supposed to do? Dunno. But no, it is never fortunate when someone commits suicide, it is a tragedy because I feel we, as a society, have failed that person in some way. Ever see the movie Idiocracy? That movie scares me to death because it’s happening…..

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    You said: “Cenaturs(sic) are known for only liking raw flesh, being usually drunk off
    ale or wine, being rough with women, and raping them when thy fancied.” From two of your own sources(the third doesn’t count), the only generalized term you’ve correctly identified is a fondness for alcohol. Only a couple have been ID’d as rapists, only one is known as having a taste for raw flesh.
    Though rowdy & somewhat wild in nature, they were still safer to be around than satyrs…

  • LeaveMeBe

    Don’t tell me to shut-up! *smacks you in the forehead*

  • LeaveMeBe

    Is to. :P

  • LoKi4778

    Ever see a baby pigeon?

  • LoKi4778

    Bear in mind (horse in mind?) that on top of the horse buggery charge that he was also sitting in jail on an Indecency with a Child charge. What constitutes that charge varies from state to state, but nonetheless it’s better that he’s gone…

  • daMonBrooks

    You’ve yet to cite a source, just dismissive of mine. I truely want to understand where you’re coming from as I’ve stated previously. There were only two cilivized centaurs Chiron and Pholus, Only one of which was a teacher, that is just literary history. I have no idea why wiki ( that links and cites to the original Greek myths) does not count. Please if you’re going to just say Im wrong And to re-read again without providing any outside proof of your claim, don’t bother. Your command of written English is impeccable, so I know that you are more capable than that

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    I was never dismissive of the “maicar/GML” site, nor the Wiki site, as they both gave proper citation. I was, and am, dismissive of the SDSU site, because it gives no citing and is poorly written. It matters not if I recycle your source(s). All I needed to do is get you to re-read your own source(s), as they back up most(however, not all) of my statements. I already have conceded the “drunkenness” point. IE: “…the only generalized term you’ve correctly identified is a fondness for alcohol.”

  • daMonBrooks

    Your claims of them being intelligentsia And Teachers? I admit I got thr raw meat wrong, but the stories show them as nothing but barbaric rough with women and going insane at the mere sent of wine.

  • daMonBrooks

    The Centaurs are best known for their fight with the Lapiths, caused by their attempt to carry off Hippodamia and the rest of the Lapith women, on the day of her marriage to Pirithous, king of the Lapithae, himself the son of Ixion. The strife among these cousins is a metaphor for the conflict between the lower appetites and civilized behavior in humankind. ………

    http://www.maicar.com/GML/CENTAURS.html

    The few that werent killed at the wedding trying to steal women, were killed trying to steal/molest/be rude to women on other accounts save for the ones killed by Hercules when he was getting his” drink on” and they smelled the wine and came running for it.

    Save for Chiron and Pholus.

    The horse is beaten dead though. Have a nice Sunday .

  • george is a horse of course

    Back to the story….”It didn’t move or nothing” so I just finished up nuttin…. Where is the rest of his family for the Springer episode?

  • Lucy Van Pelt

    Oh sure everyone goes with the centaur theory. No one even considered horsemanbaby could be like Hayagriva. Racists.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Come to think of it, no I haven’t. Huh. But thanks for proving my point.

  • LoKi4778

    That was my goal… you had a point and it needed a’provin’

  • LeaveMeBe

    I am now on a misson to find a baby pigeon. :)

  • LoKi4778

    Good luck… LetMeKnow, LeaveMeBe

  • Mia

    Poor horse, but I can’t help shivering with malicent pleasure over the fact that this -”horsemanbaby” making- POS did the world a gigantic favor by taking himself out!!!!

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