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Darlene HuntleyNorth Bend, OR — According to North Bend Police, a 45-year-old woman (45? Really?) called 911 to report she was locked inside a Dollar Tree store.

The call came in just after 3:00 Tuesday morning, police say.

When officers arrived at the store located in the Pony Village Mall, they say they found Darlene Huntley, yes… 45, locked inside.

No word on how she entered the store or why she didn’t just break a damn window to get out.

After a thorough investigation, Huntley was arrested and charged with second degree burglary and second degree criminal trespass, among other charges.

Huntley was transported to the Coos County Jail. No information on the bond/bail amount.

Even worse, they brought the ban hammer down. Hard. Huntley has been banned from the Pony Village Mall for LIFE! *insert echo here*

This, of course, brings to mind another Dollar Tree story we covered.

Back in 2011, we featured Shane Chavis – a man accused of holing up in the bathroom of an Arizona Dollar Tree. He was tweaking, nekkid and hoarding snacks. Oh, and there was Silly String involved. Nothing makes a story like Silly String.

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  • EveryVillainIsLemons

    She looks kind of like what would have happened if NIMH decided to kidnap Steve Perry back in the 90s and forced him to do meth for 20 years.

  • SayAunt

    She must have been standing near the troll dolls and blended right in when Dollar Tree locked up.

  • 18th40

    Without the makeup, Steve kinda looks like this anyway.

  • Buffettgirl

    Silly rabbit – Dollar Tree doesn’t sell meth… and won’t she make a STUNNING addition to the Faces of Meth roster?

  • Robbing a Dollar Tree? Not setting our sights too high, are we?

  • Sam

    Maybe she was trying to sell herself. A dollar sounds about right.

  • LeaveMeBe

    She makes me feel hot. As in, I feel hot, not that she makes me hot. Because I’m 41 and she’s 45.

  • Zazen

    if only the closing employees had been perceptive enough to notice the one troll doll with feathered hair…

  • Damn, she’s ugly.

  • doglover63

    That’s a WOMAN? Yikes.

  • lizard_spock

    She entered the store by burrowing through the earth’s core after escaping her fellow breathern, the Morlocks, and coming up through some loose floor boards in the storeroom.

  • JohnQknowitall

    Sad and pathetic although now she gets free room and board and medical care. Aside from the rough side of prison it sounds pretty good to me.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    Her dark hair labeled her as a freak among freaks… Pretty bad when the Morlocks have set you below their standards, and, you can’t even get one of them to make you their own.

  • JohnQknowitall

    A close relative?

  • Valerie

    You are shocked over the age? I am still unsure that that thing is female.

  • lizard_spock

    i wholeheartedly agree! But things were starting to look up for her. That was why she was running away- she heard TLC was casting for “Gypsy Sisters.”

  • Wildheart

    “Motor oil gives you an AWESOME tan!” The Jersey Shore meets Honey Boo Boo…..

  • Wildheart

    Shit this bitch is 4 years younger than me and she looks like she could be my grandmother!

    And you are hot btw. 😉

  • LeaveMeBe

    D’awwww! It’s the orange eyes, isn’t it? <3

  • come_and_see

    I knew somebody who use to work at a dollar store and he use to tell me people would steal stuff there all the time. Mouth wash, candy, pillows, etc. The mouth wash was to get the homeless people drunk. LOL

    He told me he wasn’t going to get killed over a pillow trying to chase people down.

  • brandi

    do they live in fantasy land? pony village mall, coos county jail.. not to mention she’s supposed to be 45…

  • brandi

    depends on how she looked before the meth…lol

  • lizard_spock

    My favorite clip is where the ‘girls’ say the wild one needs AAA – so when did the auto do interventions?

  • newstarshipsmell

    It’s too bad they didn’t pour salt in the wound, and charge her with calling 911 instead of the non-emergency line, for her non-emergency.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    I have zero idea what a Morlock is, but I’m 100% sure it’s an accurate comparison.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    I was just thinkin…. I’m fat. I know it. I can lose weight. This “45 year old woman” is forever stuck looking like a melted Troll doll.

  • Kasie K

    oh priceless.

  • Kasie K

    she looks like she can touch her tongue to her nose NO PROBLEM

  • Valerie

    For some reason, I imagine its voice would sound like Droopy Dog.

  • lizard_spock

    From HG Wells The Time Machine.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Yup. I was right that you were right.

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    No bloody idea of what trendoid show that is…

  • newstarshipsmell

    Holy shit that is an uncanny similarity.

  • I have relatives that live in Coos Bay and having been to the Pony Village mall, I think being banned for life from that place is probably doing this woman a favor.

  • Here’s a super high-def photo of the perpetrator if anybody here’s an eye masochist or just happens to be a fan of the circus.

  • kimbev69

    I love the dollar tree

  • midniteshadows

    LOL! There is no help for fugly and stupid.

  • midniteshadows

    Was thinking the same thing, but more along the lines of “Twilight Zone”.

  • alphatroll

    (psst – “priceless” doesn’t mean “free”. Otherwise I agree with you completely.) 😉

  • JGo555

    Dat’s a man, baby!

  • newstarshipsmell

    The facts that a) it’s a mall and b) contains a dollar store is enough to tell me this is no great punishment.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Me also. Great place for dog toys.

  • That’s better.

  • Think she looks bad now? This is before the meth and plastic surgery.

  • Ok, that’s better.

  • Simplyatomic

    This made my day.. here I was feeling old and ugly… open DD to discover I am a model compared to some people in this world.

  • Lisa

    Wednesday I will be 47. After seeing this I am feeling so much better about my birthday. Thank you!

  • captaingrumpy

    Happy Birthday Lisa.

  • Jack2

    Ah, love the comments on this site.

  • onlyme356

    She must be Squidward’s mom.

  • nena454

    I don’t know about you guys but I hope to look this good when I turn 45..