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Naked Drunk Serenades Cops, Masturbates

January 30, 2013 at 4:36 am by  

Osmar HernandezGretna, LA — A 33-year-old New Orleans man is facing charges of obscenity and public intoxication after allegedly serenading police officers, while nude, and masturbating in their presence.

An obviously offended resident put in a call to 911 at about 9:30 Friday night to complain about a butt-nekkid pedestrian who appeared to be masturbating.

Officers caught up with the alleged wanker, identified as Osmar Hernandez,  in the 1500 block of Huey P. Long (tee-hee).

Police say Osmar was nekkid from the waist down and holding his shorts in his hand.

When asked if he would kindly re-clothe himself, Osmar reportedly ignored their commands. Instead, police say, he began singing and squeezin’ – his pud, that is.

Got my fingers crossed that the dash-cam video of this particular incident finds it’s way to national television.

Gretna Assistant Police Chief Anthony Christiana said officers did not recognize the tune.

Osmar eventually redressed and was promptly carted off to jail. Officers noted he had trouble keeping his balance and smelled of alcohol.

I wish the arresting officers had been able to pick up the tune… the curiosity is killing me.

Personally, I always sing this song while fappin’.

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Comments


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  • Sam

    So, he’s got a uniform fetish. What’s wrong with that?

  • 18th40

    Thanks Jaded, not even a sentence in and all I was thinking was, I wonder what fucking song he was singing to this ? Was it like a Gene Kelly Dancin in the Rain thing ? Mike Jackson doing a little Beat it ? Metallica ? I think we deserve to know this.

  • CT

    If you are going down, may as well go down big.

    Personally I would like to think he was singing ” Turning Japanese” by the Vapors (even though they deny it, I’m still believing its about spanking the monkey) since I’m an 80′s chick at heart.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    Will someone please call the circus and tell them that their side show act, “The Singing Bagpipe Player” is down at the jail?

  • creamofflicka

    Damn,.. it’s getting so a man can get drunk, sing, and masturbate naked in public anymore. I’m writing my congressman about this.

  • 18th40

    It took 10 years to get that song out of my head. And now you’ve ruined it.

  • 18th40

    This was an erection promise of his ?

  • brandi

    thanks for that mental…. little mexican man, little weiner, running, singing, turning japanese,turning japanese,turning japanese, fap fap fap …..

  • brandi

    aye yia yia yia, ooooooooo maria, AH HAHAHA…. I LIVE IN HOUSTON, THE LAND OF MEXICANS

  • Heather_Habilatory

    They can deny it all they want. Doesn’t make it not true.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    God, it’s NEVER the attractive ones who yank in public.

  • Gee

    When ever I see cops I feel like rubbing one out too

  • newstarshipsmell
  • CT

    Glad to help.

  • alphatroll

    Well shit, that’s perfectly normal behavior back home in New Orleans! If cops keep arresting people when they try to have a good time, is it any wonder nobody wants to leave come hell or high water?

  • alphatroll

    I presume you meant “can’t”?

    ‘Cause seriously, when are they going to start respecting the whole “pursuit of happiness” thing?

  • brandi

    i can only imagine what that link will take me too, there fore i think i’ll refrain…

  • LuluMontegut

    More stories like this to come, here in nola we are overrun with mardi gras and super bowl tourists already. Too many of them think its totally ok to whip your wang out just because the slutty women get away with flashin those titties for a pair of fifty cent beads.

  • Miss_Ann_thrope

    I thought this was how EVERYBODY serenaded men in uniform. No?

  • newstarshipsmell

    I “changed” the hyperlinked text, not the link itself.

  • Buffettgirl

    You said go down big – that’s just funny shit right there… Can you imagine anything but the waistline and that neck being big on this putz?

  • Buffettgirl

    My vote is for the Divinyls “I Touch Myself”…

  • Buffettgirl

    Right???

  • JohnQknowitall

    An original song serenading you by a naked stranger? Who says romance is dead?

  • Sam

    Correction, when the attractive ones yank in public nobody calls the police… :P

  • CT

    I’m here for you.

  • CT

    Eww, that was one mental imagine I hadn’t had or wanted. Pays me back for putting the song in 18th40′s head.

  • creamofflicka

    Corrected.

  • creamofflicka

    yea,.. as a pubic servant he really, petered out on that one. I should have voted vagetarian or democunt…

    (i’m so sorry,.. i couldn’t help it)

  • 18th40

    I completely understand.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I didn’t realize this was a crime. I’ve never been arrested for it. And Jaded, you’ve never been arrested for it. Maybe it’s not a crime in every state?

  • LeaveMeBe

    I’m crying and I can’t stop. And my daughter wants to know why.

  • LeaveMeBe

    TBH, I am not curious about your fappity time so I’ll also refrain from clicking that link.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I’m going to guess it was “I Want Your Sex” by George Michael.

  • newstarshipsmell

    You know that telling me that merely incites me to go over my “fappity time” with you in excruciating detail… so I’m going to just assume that you’re employing reverse-reverse-psychology and expecting me to mistake it for reverse-psychology, and thus tell you all about what I enjoy doing. So just to spite you, I’m not going to tell you about it.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I am so thankful you’re spiteful.

  • newstarshipsmell

    Well, first of all, I love wearing sissy panties. The more ruffles, the better.

  • 18th40

    and it’s Starship two lengths ahead just out of the gate and heading into the first turn…

  • newstarshipsmell

    Want to annoy the shit out of someone? Wait for them to step away from their computer for a second, then load that video like 5-10 times in a row in separate tabs, waiting a couple seconds between each new tab. And then walking away. But not so far you can’t enjoy the resulting cacophony and their reaction to it when they return.

    But don’t do this to @DDJaded:disqus – we don’t want to turn her into Gretchen Molannen.

  • 18th40

    Hey that’s good..damn..I’m impressed.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I am not going to try and catch him. Especially in his ruffly panties. Ewww. Just…no.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I still haven’t clicked your link to see what you originally posted but I did click on Gretchen Molannen. OMFG. I won’t complain about having migraines anymore. Ever. :/

  • LeaveMeBe

    I can’t imagine any of those matching your Darth Vader helmet. :P

  • newstarshipsmell

    How many times do I have to tell you people that I don’t own a Darth Vader helmet! It’s my friend’s. PAY ATTENTION.

  • newstarshipsmell

    “My” link? It’s Jaded’s link, not mine.

  • LeaveMeBe

    LOLOLOLOL! OK. I can’t imagine any of those matching YOUR FRIEND’S Darth Vader Helmet. Does he know you wear sissy panties (with ruffles) and fap while wearing it when you borrow it?

  • newstarshipsmell

    Why do you continue mentioning me in a Darth Vader helmet wearing frilly underwear? Are you trying to tell me something? What kind of sick fuck do you take me for!?

  • LeaveMeBe

    Well FFS. I misread that whole comment and thought it was yours. THAT’S why I avoided clicking it. But it sure led to some…uh-hem…revealing information. ;)

  • newstarshipsmell

    Fucking learn to read, already.

  • LeaveMeBe

    AH-hahahahaha! I think you have some ruffles up your butt.

  • brandi

    pay back’s a bitch!

  • Wildheart

    That’s the West Bank for ya! lol

  • Wildheart

    People never believed me when I said it’s never the locals that whip out their tits…..only tourists do that shit. We know not a single freaking pair of plastic beads is worth that headache! LOL!

  • JGo555

    This is how parties should end.

    How in the hell can someone fap while being in the presence of cops… unless he’s gay and likes the uniform.

  • http://www.dreamindemon.com Jaded

    Heh. Too late.

  • LeaveMeBe

    FINE. I’m going to go borrow my nephew’s Darth Vader helmet.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    My ding-a-ling. Unsure who the artist was. Great now that will be stuck on brain replay fir a while with imagery too boot.

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Makes me want to sing ” My Ding a Ling”

  • JustBrowsingLife

    Makes me think of the song My Ding A Ling.

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