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Tammie Elaine JohnsonAthens, GA — An Athens woman was arrested Thursday night after allegedly beaning a neighbor in the dome with a jar of olives because he refused to give her money to buy crack.

Police were called to the Riverview apartments on a report of a fight that evening, and found the unidentified 44-year-old victim bleeding from a wound near his eye.

The man told police he and the suspect, 49-year-old Tammie Elaine Johnson, were at a neighbor’s home when an argument broke out. In addition to being upset she couldn’t get any money out of him to purchase crack, he said, “they were arguing because Tammie wanted to be with him but he was not interested in her.”

Johnson didn’t deny assaulting the man. In fact, she reportedly told police that after the neighbor had kicked ‘em out and they decided to resolve their differences in the parking lot, she stopped by her own apartment real quick like and armed herself with olives. She said she did so because she knew she couldn’t take him.

Silly crackhead! No martini for you!

“I felt that her intent was to use the jar as an offensive weapon,” the officer wrote in the arrest report. “So she was charged with aggravated assault.”

A bond/bail amount has not yet been made available.

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  • newstarshipsmell

    How much crack can you barter for with a jar of olives?

  • Wolf_of_Mars

    You’ve just got to love that look of: “I’m tired of this, why the fuck am I still here?”

  • LeaveMeBe

    I can’t imagine stopping by my house on the way to a throw down and grabbing a jar of green olives to use as a weapon. WTF was she thinking? I just looked in my pantry and I’d probably grab a can of NesQuick to throw in the other persons eyes to blind them then I’d whale on them with a mongo bottle of soy sauce.

  • Sam

    “Either you give me money for crack, or i’ll give you a crack!”

  • Sam

    “Tammie wanted to be with him but he wasn’t interested in her.”
    So this guy doesn’t want to buy drugs, isn’t interested in sex, doesn’t like olives… is this like the squarest guy ever?

  • Sam

    I can’t believe you’ve got me gaging which of my cans and bottles would be best in a fight in terms of weight, grip and centre of gravity on a Monday morning. *makes mental note to buy more glass jars of uncle ben’s curry sauce*

  • Sam

    And / or: “You can have a go in my crack if you give me money to buy some”

  • CT

    Wasting a perfectly good jar of martini fixings is APALLING.

  • Heather_Habilatory

    She went to her kitchen and the BEST weapon she came up with in that whole room was a jar of olives?

    Bitches be crazy.

  • LeaveMeBe

    I don’t like matinis. And I don’t like green olives. I know, I’m totally uncouth. I embarassed the hell out of myself the first time I had one. Thank Satian I was standing on a front porch and managed to turn my head and spit it over the hedge and out into the yard. Because I’m classy like that.

  • OutOfBubbleGum

    “I SAID NOW! MONEY FOR CRACK OR I’LL … I’LL … I’LL KILL YOU.”

    “Please, don’t. … I want to … ah … ah … live.”

  • LeaveMeBe

    I limited myself to the items in my pantry because I figured it would be more challenging. I literally stood there and eyeballed different food stuffs gauging their weapon worthiness. I went with the soy sauce because it was in a bottle so I could get a grip on the neck and have better leverage with a swing.

  • Sam

    :) I discarded the bottles because i figured there’d be too much weight about 5 inches in front of your hand to be able to keep a good grip on it whilst swinging it about. I went with the uncle ben’s because the jars are like an hourglass shape – comfy to hold in the middle with plenty of weight behind them. With the added bonus that if the jar breaks, you’ve got a whole pepper spray effect going on… :)

  • JGo555

    Well, I bet you this was the only thing she still had left that no one wanted to buy.

  • 18th40

    I hope both your husbands sleep lightly.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Huh. I’ve never seen the Uncle Ben’s jars. Those sounds pretty handy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/james.mil.37 James Miltenberger

    Crack is whack lol

  • Buffettgirl

    She just wanted to make a Dirty Martini…

  • brandi

    crack heads will do ANYTHING for their fix, i’m sure things went a lil like this: hey, say, say, hey! let me get a rock off you man, c’mon, you know i’m good for it man, i’ll suck your dick, no?…no? then what else can i do? i’ll be right back…hey! i got this jar of olives man, i just bought it with my food stamps like yesterday, no? c’mon man you know how it is out here…. no? … (smacks man with jar of olives, takes crack..)

  • Andyman

    Um, you did see her picture, right? Maybe he is a little more discriminating. Like he prefers BLACK olives. ;) And believe it or not, not all guys will fill a warm and agreeable hole just because it offered. I wouldn’t fuck that chick with Morbid’s dick and Jaded pushing.

  • http://www.krashthrills.wordpress.com/ Anthony Mandich

    Must really be a slow news day considering today’s offerings thus far. Olive assault, zip tied boy, and pillow fight with chicken….

    Perhaps I’m a bit jaded

  • TheAlphaSoup

    I know right. She should broken out the spaghetti. Then she shoulda cooked it. Then he woulda ate it, and then it would splashed all up in his sorry-ass face.

    MUAHAHAHAHAH it’s genious I tell you!!

  • onlyme356

    hmmm, I wonder why he didn’t want to be with her.

  • wastintime

    Best. Bedtime. Story. Ever!

  • Evangelos

    “Craig, Craaaaaig! Let me borrow your VCR right quick. I need to dub a tape” “Hell nah” *throws olives*

  • brandi

    your welcome! :)

  • Heather_Habilatory

    Or they could have just eaten some damn spaghetti together and gone to sleep.

  • Cory

    “Silly crackhead! No martini for you!” ahahahahhahahah

  • Wildheart

    > Thank Satian
    That gave me the giggles for quite a while….thanks. :)

  • LeaveMeBe

    ;)