Good day, sickos. I want to thank all of you for your calls and emails inquiring about my well-being and offering sex at various public parks. But fear not, I am just on a much-deserved, much-needed vacation. Although I am off this week, I will be writing up some stuff off and on while finally being able to focus on some DD house cleaning. I'll also have time to respond to some of you interested in writing. In the meantime, be sure to check out the forums for the latest in terrible news.


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GrumpyKansas City, MO — Prosecutors have charged a 93-year-old man with second-degree murder in the death of his 95-year-old wife in what investigators are calling a homicide and attempted suicide.

“Yes, I killed her and then killed myself,” Harry Irwin reportedly asked paramedics. “Why am I awake?

According to police, the couple’s daughter arrived at the home Wednesday morning and found the bloodied Mrs. in the bedroom, and a bloody and unconscious Harry sitting in his recliner with self-inflicted stab wounds to the chest.

Harry later told police that his wife Grace had been arguing and screaming all night and he just couldn’t take it anymore, so he finally just “did her in.” He said he tried to stab himself in the heart afterwards, but must have aimed too low and hit a rib instead.

Harry went on to say that he didn’t remember exactly how he killed her, he just knew that he did.

The couple’s daughter said Harry called her at about 6:30 that morning and requested that she come to the house at 9 a.m. She told police that her father indicated that her mother was dead. It has been reported that a suicide note was found at the scene.

Paramedics who responded to the scene confirmed they found blood on Grace’s head but would not say how she died.

Harry remains hospitalized, but has been charged with second-degree murder.

“Given the facts, a murder charge was warranted,” Jackson County Prosecutor Jean Peters Baker said. “No victim deserves someone else deciding when they will die.”

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  • Sam

    “Why am i still awake?”
    Well, Harry, it would seem your wife was right after all. You never finish a job properly.

  • Buffettgirl

    Dude, why’d you wait so long to free yourself?

  • Eliza Berntsen

    That sounds a lot like my next door neighbours from a few years ago- both in their late 80’s/ 90’s, slightly demented and immobile. Both would spend their days screaming at each other of how they wanted to kill each other; telling one another to fuck off, or they would get fucked up; calling each other cunts. That’s what 60+ years of riding the same genitals will do to you.

  • newstarshipsmell

    I don’t even see how this guy can really be punished for his crime, at that age. He’s already lived his whole damn life, nothing left to look forward to. Hell, he tried to end it. So basically, he’s just volunteered to let the taxpayers clothe, feed, and board him, as well as provide his (likely expensive) healthcare until he croaks. I almost wish someone would leave a noose in his jail cell…

  • glitterpuss

    Couldn’t he wait another week till they both died of natural causes?

  • lyssdexia

    I agree. In this case it would be a kindness.

  • G.I.R.L.

    I used to live there, the Northland. At that age, what’s the point? You better take the rest of your days as they come; makes no sense to jump to the ending when it’s possibly near.

  • tkaz

    So… this his normal? The daughter should be able to testify if this was out of the ordinary for him. My uncle had dementia & he got CRAZY MEAN.

  • tkaz

    I didn’t mean murder was his normal…LOL! I meant abusive. :P

  • CT

    Put him in a room with the biggest dude they can find and have him yell, “fucker, drop your drawers and spread em” – if his heart takes that – he deserves to stick around for a bit longer.

  • alphatroll

    “Why am I awake?”

    I ask myself that question every morning.

  • Frybread

    “Why am I still awake?” Ah, Harry, don’t you know the afterlife is hell? LOL!

  • Reen B

    “Your mother’s dead…but wait until 9 to come over”???

  • Califboy

    I wonder if Hallmark has a card for that occasion ?? Sorry I killed your mom, have a nice day, love Dad!

  • Califboy

    Nice work!!

  • Allie Capone

    I told my husband this will be so us if we get old

  • FrikkenFrak

    Jeez, if I lived to be 95 I’d probably WANT someone to kill me.

  • LeaveMeBe

    Me, too.

  • Savage Von Drachenberg

    Hahahahah he has no idea what’s going on